


Shedding Masks

by simplymoa



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drugs, M/M, Murder, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-02
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:29:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 94,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4851146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplymoa/pseuds/simplymoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tommy Joe Ratliff decided to move far away for college, he was trying to put his past behind him and get a fresh start. He didn't know what he was getting himself into. Now he's feeling far away from everything and everyone he knows...and feeling quite lonely. Then he meets the adorably awkward kid at the coffee shop...<br/>Adam Lambert let his parents talk him into attending their Alma Mater and now he's also having trouble adjusting to his new setting. Things are only further complicated when he finds himself attracted to the hot guy he seems to be running into everywhere he goes. If he only knew the attraction was mutual...<br/>Bad timing and unexpected obstacles seem to be conspiring to keep them apart. Can love win out in the end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will alternate point of view between Tommy and Adam.

**Chapter One - Tommy**

“Welcome to the University of New York.”

Tommy’s stomach dropped as he read the sign. Suddenly, everything felt more real. _You’re a long way from home, Tommy,_ he thought to himself, _about two thousand nine hundred and fourteen miles to be exact._ Home was Burbank, California, or at least it had been for sixteen of his last seventeen years. His new home was there at NYU in New York. A fresh start far away from his past had seemed like such a good idea last fall when he and his mom had visited the campus. Of course it had seemed like a good idea then! He had been on drugs at the time. What was he thinking?

He forced down his rising panic and tried to look at least somewhat excited to be there. He had to put his happy face on for his mom. Not that it mattered. Somehow she always knew how he really felt, no matter what. He glanced over at her, and she met his gaze for a moment before turning back to watch the road.

“It’s perfectly natural to be nervous,” she said.

“I’m not nervous,” Tommy protested. “It’s just weird knowing I’m so far away from home and everyone I know.”

“It was your choice,” she reminded him.

“I know.”

“You’ll make friends.”

“I know.”

“And if you don’t like it, you can always transfer to somewhere closer.”

“I know, Mom. We had this conversation before we left.”

She winked at him with a grin. “Where do we go first?”

“Um, the dorm?”

“Why don’t you check the letter they sent you?” Why did moms always have to be so sensible?

Feeling like a complete dunce, Tommy dug out the slightly crumpled letter he had received in the mail a few weeks ago and scanned it quickly. “Yeah. It says that we’re supposed to go to my dorm building and see the RA there. They’ll show me to my room.”

“And orientation starts tomorrow?”

“That’s what it says. At ten.”

“What’s the name of your dorm?”

He glanced down at the paper, checking again even though he already knew the answer. “Palladium Hall.”

While his mom navigated through the campus, following signs, Tommy began to fret about meeting his roommate. He had never shared a room with anyone before and he wasn’t looking forward to it. The letter the university had sent him also included the name and phone number for his roommate, Randall Woods. Tommy had called him, and they had talked for a total of five minutes, long enough for Tommy to realize they were hopelessly mismatched. Randall was a jock. Tommy hated sports. Randall spent four of the five minutes they talked telling Tommy about his girlfriend and her apparently generous breasts. Tommy was more interested in boys. Randall was rich. Tommy’s parents were really going out on a limb to send him to college. Randall liked to party. Well...they were bound to have something in common sooner or later. The difference was, and that was an important distinction, Tommy was a recovering addict. That meant parties were not the best option for him at the moment.

Tommy was not planning on outing himself to Randall right away. It was hard to judge how homophobic he may or may not be from their brief conversation, but Tommy figured it was safer to get to know him a bit first. He thought it was pretty safe to say Randall was straight as an arrow judging by the way he had gone on and on about his girlfriend and how she was as horny as he was. Tommy shuddered at the thought. He didn’t care what straight people did when they were alone, he just didn’t want to think about it. He still couldn’t believe Randall had actually told him he hoped Tommy didn’t mind if his girlfriend stayed over in their room often since she was going to NYU as well. Tommy hadn’t told anyone about that. When her mom had asked how their chat went, Tommy had just given her a noncommittal “okay”.

They pulled into a parking spot near the dorm and climbed out of the car. Tommy stretched his legs with a groan, grateful to be out of the cramped vehicle. They had been driving for hours.

“I guess we should wait to get your stuff until we see where your room is,” His mom said, looking up at the large stone and brick building that was Tommy’s new home. He had to admit it looked impressive.

They set off for the main door, his mom with a purposeful stride and Tommy dragging himself along gloomily behind her. The small lobby area just inside the door was furnished with a slightly beat-up desk directly inside and an institution-style chair and couch in a small conversation area off to one side. A television was mounted in the corner, but it was turned off at the moment. Behind the desk sat a blonde, thin girl with a tattoo sleeve on her right arm. She was talking to a much shorter, slightly plump red-haired girl about having her mattress replaced - apparently the girl thought hers looked a little unhealthy - so they stood by patiently until they were finished. When the red-haired girl was satisfied that cleaner bedding was on its way, the blonde turned her attention to them.

“Hi, I’m Megan. I’m the RA. Are you a freshman?”

Tommy thought that was a silly question considering only the freshmen were moving in that week. That was a special week of orientation designed to help them settle in and make new friends. Once again, Tommy had thought it sounded like a good idea at the time. Instead of saying any of that however, he just nodded his head.

“What’s your name?”

“Tommy Ratliff. Er, Thomas Ratliff.”

“Hi Tommy,” she said brightly, flashing him a glimpse of her pearly whites. She scanned down a clipboard on the desk in front of her then rummaged through a stack of envelopes, selecting one from the pile. “You’re on the third floor. Follow me and I’ll show you your room.” She stood up.

“The elevators are this way,” she said with a barely concealed smile. Tommy and his mom followed her onto the elevator. “Oh, and no, I’m not a punk and yes, my hair is naturally this color,” she said, finally breaking into a grin as the doors closed.

Tommy couldn’t help laughing. “I wasn’t going to ask.”

“Yeah, but I could read it in your eyes,” she said teasingly. “I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked one or both of those questions. So where are you from?”

“California.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “You’re a long way from home.”

“Yeah, I know.” _Don’t remind me._

She smiled sympathetically. “I think you’ll like it here.” The doors opened and they exited into a long hallway. She went to the left, down about four doors, and stopped in front of a door adorned with two paper stars bearing the names Thomas and Randall. She tapped the star with his name, “You can cross that out and write Tommy under it if you want.” She pulled a key from the envelope, unlocked the door and pushed it open. “There you go. Here’s your key.” She dropped the key into Tommy’s palm and stepped back. “Your roommate isn’t here yet so you get your choice of beds. If you need anything else, I’ll be at the desk downstairs.”

“Thanks,” Tommy called to her retreating back.

“She seemed nice,” His mom said, stepping into the room.

Tommy followed her in and looked around with slight horror. It looked more like a prison cell than a bedroom: cold white walls, small window, two bare twin beds, two dressers and two crappy looking desks. It was definitely less than welcoming. He kicked the bed and frowned.

“What were you expecting?” His mom said dryly. “The Ritz?”

“Let’s just bring my stuff in,” Tommy grumbled and started back out the door.

They rode the elevator back down in silence. “Are the accommodations to your liking, sir?” Megan called with a cheeky grin as they stepped out into the lobby.

“I think I’d like a refund,” Tommy told and her she laughed. Sure, she could laugh. She probably had a room to herself, being an RA.

It took several trips to load all the stuff Tommy had brought into the room. Besides his clothes, he also had a TV, his guitar, his laptop, and his entire music collection. His mom insisted on helping him make the bed before she left, but once that was done, the inevitable teary goodbye couldn’t be avoided any longer. To her credit, his mom didn’t make too big a production out of it. After she left, Tommy indulged in a few tears of his own as he put his stuff away. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help feeling a little abandoned. He had plenty of experience feeling alone so you’d think he would be used to it, but some things you just never get used to.

Thankfully, he had stopped sniveling by the time the door flew open with a bang, scaring the shit out of him. Tommy spun around to find a huge Neanderthal standing in the doorway holding a mini-refrigerator.

“Where should I put this?” he grunted.

Tommy pointed wordlessly to what he had decided would be Randall’s side of the room. The Neanderthal carried the fridge across the room and deposited it carefully next to the desk. Tommy was still staring at him with open-mouthed wonder and hoping fervently that that wasn’t Randall when they were joined by another arrival. That guy was slightly smaller than the appliance deliveryman, but looked like he was at about the same stage of evolution. His head was rather blockish and his face looked a little smashed in, as if he’d run into a brick wall and the brick wall had won. He was broad shouldered and stocky with a defined chest outlined by his tight t-shirt. His cut off sweatpants revealed muscular legs with a light dusting of dark hair. He dropped the cardboard box he was carrying onto the empty bed and ran a hand through his curly brown hair. He turned to face Tommy and looked him up and down as if examining a biology project.

“Are you Tommy?” he asked.

“Yeah. Randall?” Tommy hoped his voice didn’t reveal how nervous he was.

“That’s me,” he confirmed. “That’s Slug,” he added hooking a thumb in the direction of the Neanderthal. He grinned at Tommy and a chill ran down Tommy’s spine. He decided that he would continue to think of him as the Neanderthal and he would never speak the name “Slug” aloud. “We gotta go get the rest of my shit. Come on, Slug.”

Randall left, the Neanderthal trailing behind him like a trained Sasquatch. “That could have gone worse,” Tommy mumbled under his breath. He decided to vacate the room before they returned. It had gone better than he had feared and there was no point pressing his luck. He thought about taking the elevator, but decided to take the stairs instead. There were probably other people moving in and they needed the elevator more than he did. He took the stairs two at a time, jumping the last few and landing with a satisfying thud at the bottom.

He wanted to ask Megan where a good coffee shop could be found, but she was busy welcoming an androgynous Asian student and Tommy didn’t want to interrupt. Tommy gave her a little wave as he passed on his way out the door. He wandered around for a while, trying to remember where things were from his whirlwind tour last year. He managed to find the building that housed student dining - more by accident than design - and once inside, just followed the smell of food to the actual cafeteria. He asked the guy at the door if there was a café on campus and he gave Tommy directions to the campus bookstore. “It’s in the same building,” he told Tommy.

After getting only slightly lost trying to follow the directions he was given, Tommy found the bookstore and the café, which had been given the sickly-sweet name Cool Beanz, as if spelling it like that would lend it some sort of street cred. He almost turned around and walked away, but his caffeine withdrawal drew him in. Tommy had given up a lot of addictions but he could not give up that one.

“Give me the strongest thing you’ve got,” He said, feeling like a gunslinger entering a saloon in a cheesy old Western. The girl behind the counter flashed him a grin and turned to the espresso machine. He waited impatiently, shifting from one foot to the other, while she filled his order. He paid for his drink and walked to a table, inhaling the heavenly scent. He sat down and just cradled the elixir of the gods between his palms, content for the moment just to breathe in the intoxicating aroma.

“A fellow java aficionado, I see,” a voice said from the next table. Tommy glanced up to find a very pretty dark-haired girl smiling at him over the top of her cup of coffee.

He smiled back. “More like a caffeine junkie,” he said.

She laughed. “You got me there too. I was about to warn you about the brew here, but if all you’re interested in is the caffeine buzz you should be fine.”

“Warn me?”

“They’re not known for their high quality beans here.”

Tommy took a cautious sip and couldn’t keep his face from contorting in distaste. The bitter flavor sat on his tongue and mocked him. “Wow. You weren’t kidding.” He eyed her cup. “Why do you come here if you know it’s so bad?”

She lifted her cup as if to toast him. “Hot chocolate. They can pull that one off pretty well.”

“Where do you have to go to get a decent cup of coffee around here?”

“The Emporium is _the_ place to go around here. It’s over on Central Avenue.”

“I, uh, don’t know where that is. I’m new here.”

“Maybe I can show you sometime,” she said with a little smile, tucking a curly tendril of hair behind her ear and leaning towards him. “Where are you from?”

Tommy knew she was flirting, but he was having fun so he decided to play along. What harm could it do? “I’m from California, and I’d love it if you could show me this place sometime. The sooner the better - I don’t know how long I can survive on this swill.”

“California, huh? Cool! My name’s Debra, by the way, Debby for short.”

“Tommy.”

She crinkled her nose at him. “Cute.”

“What? Me or my name?” Tommy was flirting outrageously, but it was fun.

“Both.”

“Well, thanks”.

She glanced at her watch. “I’m meeting friends for a movie in a few minutes,” she said as she dug into her purse, pulling out a pen and a small notepad. “But here’s my number.” She scribbled on the pad and ripped off the page, handing it to Tommy along with the pad and pen. “And why don’t you give me yours?”

“I don’t know my phone number yet,” He told her.

“Just put your room number. I can find it out from that.”

Tommy obliged and handed the pad and pen back to her.

“Thanks, I’ll be in touch. We’ll do coffee.” She swept out of the café, leaving him with her number. _I just got a girl’s phone number,_ Tommy thought with amusement. _Maybe there really is a first time for everything!_ He glanced down at the cooling cup of brown sludge in his hand and his stomach immediately began launching a revolt. “Don’t worry,” He told it. “I won’t force that on you.” He stood up and dumped the cup into the trash can on his way out.

Tommy returned to his room to find that Randall and the Neanderthal had finished moving his belongings in, but the dynamic duo was not currently in residence. Just out of curiosity, he opened the fridge and found it packed with alcohol. Beer, vodka, rum...they practically had a fully stocked bar in there. Tommy briefly wondered how on earth they had managed to buy it all since he knew Randall was underage, but then he remembered Slug and realized that no one would ever have the nerve to card him. For the scantest second, the alcohol seemed to call to him. It had been almost a year since he had had any alcohol or drugs. He quickly put a cap on his temptation and shut the door. _Walk away._

He went to his desk and pulled his iPod out from the desk drawer he had placed it in earlier. He flipped quickly through the selection until he found what he was looking for. He settled on the bed and slipped his headphones on and pressed play. The distorted sounds of an electric guitar flowed over him, soon followed by Michael Monroe’s voice. Tommy could still see the bottles of booze wedged into the fridge. _Don’t think about it!_ He managed to distract himself long enough to drift off to sleep, still fully clothed and on top of the blankets.

Then next thing he knew, he was waking up the next morning, feeling utterly grungy and badly in need of a shower. He had been so worn out from his stressful day that he didn’t even wake up when Randall came back to the room. The proof that Randall had returned was evidenced by the lightly snoring lump under the blankets of his bed. Tommy glanced over at the clock and sat up with a jolt.

“Shit!” It was already nine-thirty and he was supposed to be at orientation in half an hour. He leaped out of bed and blindly grabbed some clothes from his drawers before running off to the shower. He started to wake Randall up, but decided he was a big boy and could worry about making it to orientation on his own. Tommy felt a little more human when he got out of the shower. He pulled on his jeans and finger-combed his wet hair. That would have to do for the moment. He ran a hand over his cheeks. He needed a shave, but he didn’t have time. He’d have to go for the scruffy look that day. He yanked his T-shirt over his head and took off.

Tommy was half-way across campus before he remembered he had no idea where he was going. He came to a sudden halt and looked around. He noticed he was close to the Administration Building. If anyone would know where he was supposed to be, they would. He ran up the stone steps and pulled open the large wooden doors. The lobby inside was cool and austere, rather like a mausoleum - not the warmest place he had ever been. He went to the table they had set up for new students and asked for directions. The lady there told Tommy how to find the lecture hall they were meeting in and he was once again on his way.

He burst out of the door, almost knocking some kid over. “Sorry,” Tommy said distractedly, giving him a quick smile. That boy didn’t even look old enough to be a student there.

Tommy rushed on to the auditorium and found that he had arrived just in time. It looked like the whole freshman class had shown up and they hadn’t quite chosen a large enough room. He took a look around while he waited for the show to begin. If he’d thought the Admin building was a tad ascetic, this room was downright tacky. It looked like it hadn’t been redecorated since the ‘70s. A strange avocado green tile covered the floor and shiny, gold drapes hung at the windows. Tommy took one of the few remaining seats and shifted in a vain attempt to get comfortable. Obviously, whoever had designed those seats had not had comfort in mind.

He was just about to abandon the seat for one of the poor guys standing in the back when a balding man in a dark gray suit and maroon tie walked to the front of the room and cleared his throat. He looked like a career bureaucrat - pasty complexion, a bit paunchy, and more than a bit nervous, as if he wasn’t used to addressing a large crowd. He began to drone on about the campus and what was expected of the students as the newest additions to the NYU family. Tommy stifled a yawn while scratching his chin and wishing he’d had time to shave that morning. Stubble was so itchy. The guy then started in about maintaining a good working relationship with the surrounding community. Translation: Don’t party too loudly and bother the neighbors.

Tommy had pretty much completely spaced out when several people near him raised their hands. He almost raised his too, but realized just in time that they were supposed to indicate their majors. Tommy hadn’t declared his yet since he still had no clue what he wanted to do. He was taking General Studies until he could make up his mind. Hopefully, that would be sometime before his senior year. He raised his hand at the appropriate time, then promptly zoned out again.

Finally, they were dismissed and Tommy joined the throng of kids moving towards the room’s only exit. _What a waste of a perfectly good hour_ , he thought to himself. He went back to his room only to find Randall and the Neanderthal already there. Apparently, they hadn’t even gone to orientation. They were huddled around Randall’s laptop drooling over some website that featured scantily clad women with surgically enhanced assets. They each had a can of beer in their hands and it wasn’t even noon yet. Tommy had a feeling it was going to be a long semester.

“Hey, Tommy,” Randall greeted him. At least he was friendly.

“Hi Randall,” Tommy responded.

“Want one?” he offered, raising his can of Natural Light in Tommy’s direction.

“No, thanks,” Tommy said as politely as he could manage. He’d get into the fact that he was in recovery at a later date.

“You gonna hang out for a while?”

“Uh, no, I, uh, have to go get my textbooks,” he said with a sudden burst of genius.

“Oh yeah, I need to do that too sometime,” Randall said, turning back to the laptop screen. Tommy had been dismissed. He got the impression that Randall had already forgotten he was even there. He found his list of required books and left the room. He wondered if he’d ever be able to just relax in his room without the dubious honor of their company. He suspected their combined IQ would be roughly equal to that of the average sea cucumber.

Tommy found his way back to the building that housed the bookstore and Cool Beanz. The bookstore was surprisingly large. Besides books, they also sold just about everything you could possibly imagine, emblazoned with the school logo and mascot, the NYU Roosters. When Tommy first heard what the mascot was, he thought it was pretty lame. After seeing the T-shirts they didn’t advertise on the website, however, he’d changed his mind. The general shirt featured a large cartoon of the red rooster with the caption, “How big is your...?” The first time Tommy saw one, it only took him a few seconds to get the joke. They had shirts for all the sports. For the rowing crew, there was a cartoon of the rooster rowing and the caption read, “Stroke...” For swimming, it was a dripping rooster and “Wet...” Tommy’s favorite, however, was for the equestrian team. Yep. A rooster on horseback... “Riding...” He wanted to buy one even though he had never been on a horse.

He tore himself away from the shirts and found the textbook section, but quickly realized he should have preordered his books. It seemed like everything he needed was already sold out. Or maybe he just didn’t know what the hell he was doing. Tommy couldn’t believe every single book was gone. He looked around but the only people who seemed to be working were behind the counter and they were busy with other customers. The place was crowded with freshmen, most of them with their parents who must have stayed until after orientation. Tommy decided to come back later in the afternoon when, hopefully, it wouldn’t be quite as hectic.

He wandered aimlessly around campus for a little while, familiarizing himself with the layout until his growling stomach reminded him that it was lunch time. He hadn’t eaten breakfast and he’d skipped dinner the night before too. He went to the cafeteria and the guy at the door swiped his meal card. Tommy grabbed a tray and wandered around checking out the various offers. The food didn’t look too bad, but he ended up with a couple slices of cheese pizza and a cup of coffee. He sat at a table by himself and took a wary sip of the coffee. Thankfully, it was more palatable than the crap from Cool Beanz, but still nothing special. At least it was drinkable. A few minutes later, Tommy was surprised when someone sat down next to him. He looked up to find Debby.

“Hi Tommy,” she said brightly.

“Hi Debby.”

“Do you mind if I join you for lunch?”

“Not at all.” He glanced down at her lunch, which consisted of a small cup of fruit salad and a bottle of spring water. “You call that lunch?”

She giggled and motioned to a tall, model thin blonde with prominent cheekbones and an outfit straight from the pages of a fashion magazine. “That’s my friend, Adrienne. You don’t mind if she sits with us, do you?”

What could he do except nod? He watched in fascination as the blonde made her way across the room towards them. He was afraid she’d throw a hip out before she got to the table she swung her hips so much. She looked like she was strutting down a runway. As she sat down across from him, Debby made introductions. They shook hands and Tommy noticed that Adrienne’s lunch was a tiny plate of lettuce with a small mound of cottage cheese in the center. How had he ended up at the anorexic table?

They made small talk while everyone ate, or while Tommy ate and they poked at their fruit and lettuce and pretended to eat. He learned that Debby and Adrienne were both from Schenectady and majoring in Elementary Education. For the life of him, Tommy couldn’t picture Adrienne in a classroom full of five year olds.

After they’d finished with their lunches, Adrienne and Debby announced that they were off to get manicures. “Why don’t I call you later and maybe I can show you how to find The Emporium?” Debby suggested before they left. Tommy agreed and watched the two of them swish their way towards the door.

“I need to make some guy friends and soon,” He muttered to himself, “preferably gay.” The university had a gay/straight alliance that met on campus, but meetings wouldn’t start for another few weeks. Despite Debby’s overtures, Tommy was feeling very lonely. He had no illusions about her interest in him. She thought he was hot and she wanted a trophy boyfriend. Once he came out to her, she seemed like the type that would drop him so fast like he was a dog turd.

With a sigh, Tommy gathered up the girls’ trash, which they’d considerately left sitting on the table, and threw it away with his. Now, how to spend the rest of the day? He decided to go check out some of the planned activities Baldy had talked about that morning.

Tommy managed to waste a few more hours playing mindless games before he figured he couldn’t take it anymore. He hadn’t met anyone he wanted to become friends with and he was getting sweaty. He decided to head back to the room and risk another encounter with Randall and his sidekick.

He opened the door hesitantly, but was immediately relieved to find it vacant. Two empty beer cans sat on Randall’s desk, a testament to their former occupancy. Tommy turned his laptop on and signed on to Instant Messenger. His friends names appeared in his buddy list and a pang of homesickness washed over him in a wave of longing. He chatted with his friends from home, telling them all about NYU and trying to make it sound like things were going better than they were. He talked for a couple of hours before everyone left to go eat. Tommy decided it was a good time for him to do the same, so he returned to the cafeteria. He ate alone this time and wasn’t all that bothered by the fact. When he got back to the room this time, Randall was there - alone for a change.

“Hey Tommy,” Randall welcomed him. “Want a beer? I was just getting ready to get one.”

“No thanks.”

“Want something harder? I’ve got Smirnoff, Bacardi, Jim Beam...”

“No, I’m fine,” Tommy said quickly, cutting him off. “Actually, I don’t drink.”

Randall blinked stupidly at him, as if Tommy had just told him he was an alien from Uranus. “You don’t drink?” he repeated.

“Nope.”

“At all?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you, like, religious or something?”

Tommy laughed. “No, nothing like that.”

“So you don’t mind if I drink?”

“As long as you don’t get us in trouble for having it in the room, I guess I don’t care.”

“But why don’t you drink?”

There was going to be no avoiding that one. Randall was as tenacious as a pit bull. “I’m a recovering addict,” Tommy told him bluntly.

Randall blinked at him again. “But you’re just a kid.”

“There’s an age limit on alcoholism?” Tommy asked, making an effort to keep his tone light. It wasn’t his fault he was a moron.

“I guess not.” Randall pondered that for a minute then said, “Wow, I guess that’s pretty cool that you stopped then. Are you sure it won’t bother you to have it in here?”

Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. Tommy smiled at him and tried not to remember the way the alcohol had called to him the night before. “No, it doesn’t bother me, but thanks for asking.”

He grabbed his notebook off his desk and settled onto the bed. It was the one he would write his lyrics in, and even though Tommy had nothing to write about at that moment, he thought anything was better than conversing with Randall. He was just reading through his writings when the phone rang, sending him about a foot into the air. Randall scooped up the receiver and grunted a greeting.

“It’s for you,” he said, holding the phone in Tommy’s direction.

Tommy took it from him and said hello.

“Hey Tommy, it’s Debby,” she chirped. “You still up for coffee?”

“I’m always up for coffee,” he told her, setting the notebook aside.

“Great! Meet me in front of the Admin building in like ten minutes.”

“Okay. See you in ten.” Tommy hung up and jumped off the bed.

“You got a hot date?” Randall asked with a grin.

“Something like that,” He said as he peeled off his shirt and pulled on a fresh one.

“She sounded hot on the phone,” Randall commented.

Tommy decided that was best left alone. He pulled on his Converses, said bye, and jogged down the stairs to meet Debby. She was waiting when he got there. She kept up a constant stream of chatter as they walked, most of which Tommy blocked out in the interest of his mental health. Luckily, The Emporium was only a few blocks off campus. It was a rather plain store front from the outside, large plate-glass windows set flush with the brick wall and a neon sign in the shape of a coffee mug hung above the door. Someone had made an effort to spruce it up a bit by adding awnings, but it was kind of like putting lipstick on a pig. A sign in one window declared this to be The Emporium. They pushed open the door and the rejuvenating scent of java hooked itself into Tommy’s nostrils, reeling him in like the catch-of-the-day. He almost forgot about Debby as he made a beeline for the counter. A petite blonde who looked to be in her late thirties was taking orders. Her name tag read “Marla.”

“I’ll have one of everything,” He gushed.

“That’s my kind of customer,” someone yelled from a semi-open door behind the counter.

Marla grinned. “That would be Max, the manager. Is this your first time here?”

“Yeah, I’m starting at NYU.”

“You should try the double cappuccino with whipped cream,” she suggested with a welcoming smile.

Before Tommy could say a word, Debby sidled up to the counter and eyed Marla disdainfully, placing her hand possessively on his arm. “We’ll have two espressos, but thanks for the recommendation,” she said condescendingly. Tommy flinched away from her touch, but she just dug her fingers in tighter.

Marla’s eyes narrowed, but she simply turned and prepared the drinks for them without comment. She handed them the cups and Debby led Tommy to a corner table closest to the front window.

“You didn’t have to be so rude to her,” Tommy said, as they sat. “She was just being nice.”

“She obviously saw us come in together and she still threw herself at you.” she said. “She wasn’t even subtle about it.”

 _Like you are_ , Tommy thought. “She didn’t throw herself at me. She made a recommendation. Besides, it’s not like we’re dating,” he said out loud.

“True,” she said with a little smirk. The word “yet” hung in the air as if she’d spoken it aloud. She batted her eyes and leaned forward, resting one elbow on the table and stretching her shirt tight across her breasts. _That ain’t gonna work on me, sister._

Tommy took a sip from the cup in his hand and almost groaned in delight. She’d been right about this place, at least. The espresso was perfect. He closed his eyes and savored the flavor.

“You really take your coffee seriously,” Debby said, interrupting his moment. She sounded a little peeved, probably because the espresso had taken her place as the center of his attention. This chick was merrily tap dancing on his last nerve.

Tommy opened his eyes and gave her a level look. “I gave up drugs and alcohol. This is my last bad habit. Let me enjoy this one in peace, huh?”

She pouted a bit, but allowed Tommy to finish his drink in relative silence. It was well after dark when they left the coffee shop. As they made our way back towards campus down the still busy street, Tommy thought about how romantic that walk would be with the right person. Unfortunately, Debby was not the right person, and she chose that moment to remind Tommy of that fact.

“This was a nice date,” she said suddenly. Tommy’s first thought was: _That was a date?_ It was followed quickly by: _And if so, was she on the same date I was?_

“It wasn’t a date,” he said sharply.

She batted her eyes at him again and Tommy considered clawing them out. “You mean you don’t want to date me?” What fantasy world was this girl living in?

“No, I really don’t,” he answered truthfully.

She spun around to face him and stopped walking. “Why not?” Now she sounded hurt.  
“I don’t think we’d be very compatible.” It’s very hard to enunciate while speaking through clenched teeth.

“Why not?”

“I just don’t.”

“But why not?”

“Because I’m gay!” he snapped.

Her eyes darkened with anger. “Look, if you don’t want to date me, just say so. You don’t have to make up some stupid story about being gay.”

Tommy almost laughed in her face. “I already said I didn’t want to date you.”

“Arg! I...you...Arg!” She spun on her heel and stormed away. He stood watching her for a moment, before continuing on his way. One good thing had come out of that little excursion -- He now knew where to find good coffee.

“That was fast,” Randall said as Tommy let himself back into the room. “Strike out?”

Tommy considered that for a moment. “No, I found a really good coffee shop.”

Randall looked confused at that, but just shook his head and went back to his laptop. Tommy changed for bed and crawled under the covers where he read himself to sleep.

He woke up the next morning and lay staring at the ceiling, wishing classes had started already. That would at least give him something with which to fill his time. He sat up and looked over to where Randall was still asleep. The sheets had twisted around his body while he slept and he was exposed from the waist up. _It could have been worse_ , Tommy thought to himself. _He’s not really my type, but he’s not that bad to look at either._

He climbed out of bed, picked out an outfit and took a leisurely shower. He actually had time to shave. It’s not like he had to be anywhere. The campus was eerily quiet. It was still pretty empty without any of the upper classmen, and the freshmen were still in bed for the most part. Tommy’s inner alarm clock never really allowed him to sleep in, so he was up long before most teenagers willingly chose to get up.

He was checking his email when his coffee craving kicked into high gear. He grabbed his wallet and headed towards The Emporium. It was actually around nine, so the morning rush at The Emporium was pretty much over. In fact, as Tommy pushed open the door, there was only one other person there, and he was working behind the counter. The guy looked up as Tommy entered and promptly dropped his cup of coffee on the floor.

“Excuse me,” he said and disappeared through the door behind the counter. He emerged a second later with a mop and began to clean up the spill. He looked vaguely familiar but Tommy couldn’t figure out why. He was cute actually. He was tall and a bit chubby. His blond hair was a bit long and he had freckles everywhere, even on his lips. He wore a tight fitting NYU shirt that showed off his toned upper body. Tommy would have pegged him for a high school student if not for the shirt.

Finally, he had the coffee cleaned up and he approached the counter. He was looking everywhere but at Tommy. That was one highly-strung kid. Maybe he’d been drinking too much of his own product. “So, uh, do I place my order with you?” Tommy asked after a moment. His blue eyes snapped to Tommy’s face and he blushed as Tommy smiled. Hmm, unless his gaydar detector was malfunctioning Tommy thought he might be picking up some signals there.

“Um, yeah,” he managed after a long pause.

“Someone recommended the double cappuccino with whipped cream last night. I’ll take one of those.”

He gulped visibly and turned away. He grabbed a glass mug which he promptly dropped _. Poor kid,_ Tommy thought; he was an absolute wreck. He fumbled with the cappuccino machine for a few seconds before he got it working. He capped it off with extra whipped cream and brought it back over to Tommy, still avoiding his eyes. He was looking quite pale.

“Um, you ok?” Tommy asked as the boy set the cup down and snatched his hands away like he thought Tommy was going to grab him.

“Yeah, um, sure,” he said, still not looking at Tommy.

“Cute.” Tommy pulled a five from his pocket to pay. The boy rang him up, sliding his change across the counter to avoid contact with Tommy’s hand.

Tommy took his drink and retreated to the same table he’d sat at the night before. He was not having good luck meeting new people so far. His roommate was a brainless hunk of jock-flesh, Debby had turned out to be a monster bitch, and the first gay guy he met was scared to even look at him. Or maybe he wasn’t even gay; maybe he was just super shy. Then again, if he was that shy, maybe a coffee shop wasn’t the best choice in jobs.

Tommy sat staring out the window while sipping his cappuccino - it was as good as promised, if not better - and feeling sorry for himself. The door burst open triggering a bell and interfering in Tommy’s pity party. Two women bustled in, one was Marla from last night and the other a much larger women with dark hair.

“Adam, you can go, we’re back,” the larger woman called. _So the kid is named Adam. Cute name. Cute kid._ Just then, the large woman noticed Tommy and flashed him a bright smile. The two women had reached the counter by then and were busily tying on aprons. Adam came out of the office looking like a timid wild animal that would run at the slightest provocation. “Adam, go on, get out of here!” the larger woman said.

“Sure you don’t need anything else done?” he asked.

“I’m married and you aren’t her type,” Marla quipped. The bigger woman swatted at her while they both cackled. They continued to talk, but in lowered voices now so Tommy couldn’t hear them. His thoughts slipped away again into the realm of self-pity. Watching Marla and her friend play around made him feel even more alone.

“Did it live up to the recommendation?” someone asked him, snapping him out of thoughts.

“Sorry?” he asked, looking up to find Adam standing in front of him looking as if he might bolt at any second.

“Your coffee; is it ok?” he asked, pointing to Tommy’s glass mug.

“Oh, yeah. It’s great. Much better than that place on campus. Bitter, bitter stuff over there,” Tommy said with a shiver.

“Ok, good. Well, see you.” He began to edge towards the door.

“Adam!” the large woman behind the counter called, and started giggling. The kid flushed bright red and turned around as if it pained him to do so. What the hell was going on? He slowly walked to a small table in the center of the room, snatched something off of it, turned his back to Tommy for a second then walked back to his table.

“Um, they are hiring here, if you’re interested,” he mumbled, handing Tommy a sheet of paper.

“Excuse me?” Tommy asked, not quite sure he was following. He glanced down at the paper and saw it was an application. Marla and the other woman were giggling behind the counter and Tommy realized what was going on. They’d set the kid up to give him an application. Adam was probably dying right now. Tommy looked up to find Adam had flushed an even deeper shade of crimson, if that was possible. “A job, huh? Thanks.” The words had barely left his mouth before Adam was out the door.

Tommy watched him go and thought about what a weird experience that had been. _Another day, another cute kid running away from me._ And Adam was awfully cute, in a shy, awkward way. Tommy looked back down at the application. He didn’t want a job at the moment, he wanted to settle into his classes first, but it might not be a bad idea later. He would probably need some spending money. He folded up the application and slipped it into his pocket. He finished off the last of his coffee and stood up. He left a tip on the table next to his mug and walked out.


	2. Chapter 2

  
**Chapter Two - Adam**

“It’ll be good for you,” his dad had said. “You’ll be independent,” he had said. “It’ll be such a great experience, all new things for you,” he had said. Well, so far -- not so different, Adam thought to himself as he wiped the countertop. He still worked in a freaking coffee shop -- not so different from the one he used to work in back home.

“Oh my god, I am so tired,” Max said as she came through the door. Max was the manager and she was always tired whether it was first thing in the morning or the middle of her day off. “Did you make any hot chocolate?”

“Yes, Max,” Adam replied. He had been working there for a week and he still thought it kind of funny that the manager didn’t drink coffee.

“What time is orientation?” she asked as she moved behind the counter. Marla was waiting on a customer and Mike was cleaning up behind the counter. At nine o’clock the biggest rush at The Emporium was over and drudgery would soon set in until shortly before noon.

“Ten, but I’ll leave about quarter to since I’ve never been there before,” Adam replied as he, too, headed behind the counter.

“That’s fine. Did you make me a copy of your schedule? Thanks.” She turned from him to accept a cup of hot chocolate from Marla. They were a study in contrasts. Marla was petite with long blond hair streaked with darker shades, and Max was a large woman with long chestnut curls who smiled frequently, especially when Mike worked, though he appeared to be oblivious.

“Right here.” Adam pulled the folded paper from his back pocket.

“Good. You’d have been in so much trouble if you forgot.” She grinned and walked away to the small office in the back. Mike and Adam finished wiping down tables and refilling coffee pots while Marla waited on the straggling customers. At nine-forty, Adam hung up his little red apron, tucked his shirt in, and waved to the rest of the crew at The Emporium before heading off to orientation.

University of New York was his destination. He had been told that New York was humid in the summertime, but today had a nice breeze going and actually wasn’t too bad. Adam strolled up Central Avenue, past a couple of bars that were closed and a couple of shops just opening up. Traffic was heavy and city buses groaned by, the sidewalks were covered in people bustling to and fro.

NYU had been his dad’s idea, and Adam thought it was great at first. He was away from home and away from his family for the first time in his life, on his own in a new city with all sorts of opportunities. After they showed up and found an apartment for Adam and got it all set up, it hadn’t taken him long to break down and call his parents and his brother, Neil. Adam had laughed at his mom when she bought the phone cards, but she laughed last.

Adam got a job in short order, and the coffee shop suited him very well considering all the experience he had at home. He seemed to fit in pretty well at the coffee shop too, despite not being out to anyone. No one questioned him, and that was probably not really the sort of thing to say when he was introduced to someone.

His parents graduated from NYU sometime in the Stone Age, and his dad thought it would be great for Adam to get his education where they did. Adam was beginning to think that was a really bad idea as he didn’t know anyone and he didn’t have anything to fall back on except for the little phone and the cards his mom gave him. But then again, he figured that if he wanted to be independent he couldn't call home every fifteen minutes.

Adam mounted the stone steps in front of the main NYU Administration building but just as he reached for the door, it opened. Adam stepped back as a fellow student rushed by him with a quick apology and a flash of a smile. Time seemed to slow for a second, allowing Adam a glimpse of blond locks framing a pretty face. His lips were rosy and full and his teeth barely showed when he smiled.

Then he disappeared around the corner. It took Adam a moment to realize that he was standing outside, holding the door open like the world’s dumbest doorman. He tried to stroll in as if nothing had happened, but his heart was pounding and his palms were sweating just a bit. He proceeded, unsteadily, to the table set up for assisting new students and inquired about the location of the orientation.

After crossing campus to the lecture hall, he looked around in vain for a seat. He had no idea that he was supposed to show up early to get a seat to a freshman orientation. He leaned up against a break in the humanity lining the wall and studied the room. It was an amphitheater style auditorium with a balding man in a charcoal suit and maroon tie speaking about random crap concerning the campus and surrounding community.

The room looked a little out of date. Shiny, mustard colored drapes hung over the tall windows, open to allow the summer light to drench the room and fall like a spotlight on the hot guy in the next to last row.

Holy shit! It was the guy from the admin building! He was a freshman too! Would it would be too much to ask that he be a music major as well? Maybe he’d need a private tutor? Adam needed a new hobby -- or a hobby. Every time he started to take in some aspect of the room, Adam's gaze returned to him, sunlight hitting his hair at the crown of his head, forming a silly little halo that shimmered every time he shifted in his chair, from boredom no doubt. The speaker could put a group of insomniacs to sleep!

The guy shifted in his chair again, and tilted his head to scratch just under his chin. The motion revealed the pale skin on his shoulders and neck, as he dug just under the collar for whatever was irritating him - beside the speaker of course. From what Adam could see, there wasn’t a blemish to be had.

“So, if I could have attendance here real quick, we are going to identify you all by major by a show of hands. Accounting?” the speaker broke into Adam's thoughts as he began counting hands. Adam paid attention as he moved through the majors, raising his hand at Music and watching in amusement as people made a sudden berth around those that raised their hands in response to Mortuary Science.

His guy raised his hand as General Studies were announced, a pale arm with very smooth skin, with tattoos here and there. Ok, that was definitely unhealthy, as his dad would say. If he let his imagination run from there they’d have him married with three kids, a mortgage, a second car and divorced before they left the lecture hall.

They were all dismissed finally and Adam left, having absorbed only that this guy had great skin and that he was in General Studies. Adam sincerely hoped that baldy hadn’t said anything important. He was swept outside by the rush of people, which was just as well since he’d probably just stand and stare at that guy while people poured around him, like water breaks on the pylons of a bridge.

His mom would laugh. Adam did that way too much. Well, not this time Mister Cute Fella! I am not falling for your charms! He marched resolutely to the bookstore to grab some extra notebooks and possibly a paperback for that evening as a distraction. He crossed the impossibly bright campus, down the brick walkways to the Student Union where the bookstore and other shops were located. He was about to walk in when he heard the distinct sound of video games for which he needed a twelve step.

The arcade was small. It just had a few out-of-date games, but Adam dropped some quarters in there, mindlessly succumbing to his addiction. He ran out of quarters a buck fifty later. He resisted the temptation to get more change, and headed back over to the bookstore. The store was smallish, with stacks of books in huge piles arranged by class number. He stepped in and came to a halt. Damn it! There he was! Browsing the books and holding a sheet of paper out in front of him as he compared numbers on his class schedule to the ones hanging from the stacks of books.

Adam froze like a squirrel on the road, his body twitching between going in the store and turning and running. His guy glanced about him in frustration, apparently not finding the book he wanted. A couple of people brushed past Adam and he drifted on into the store, moving slowly over to the fiction stock they kept. He wanted so badly to go over and help that guy find his stuff, but that was way too close to being a stalker for comfort. Well, watching him, unobserved was relatively creepy as well, but justifiable.

After all, that guy probably banged cheerleaders two at a time while chugging a pitcher of beer. God knows anyone who looked like that could not be a virgin -- unlike him. The guy looked around for help, but the girls behind the counter were busy ringing up purchases that mommies and daddies were putting on their charge cards. Adam hesitated, thinking how just a little while ago he was pumping himself up to not get caught up by that beautiful work of art -- and yet his feet were already moving.

He moved slowly across the floor, drawing ever closer to his guy as he appeared to be ready to give up his search. Then, quite suddenly he exited the shop in long strides that would have left Adam running to catch up to. Adam watched him go, as silent as he had been while watching from a distance. What was he supposed to say to catch that boy's attention? “Hey, unbelievably cute guy! Need some help to find your books?”

Adam walked back to the fiction section, paperback in hand and searched for where it belonged on the shelf. He settled on a music magazine and left the Student Union, bound for home.

It was only Thursday, so Adam had a few more days before class started on Monday. There would be no sleeping in. Max had made sure to tell him that he would be opening every day that he didn’t have an early class. Adam idly wondered if his newest crush liked coffee. The sun stayed high in the sky for a few more hours as he lay on his small couch reading from his magazine.

He and his mom had gone shopping when he got there, but the furniture was all used. She said that’s all part of the college experience, but Adam had to admit that hitting garage sales and stuff was kind of fun. All his furniture was used, dented and scratched, with the exception of the bed. His mom said that no matter what anyone said, she got the creeps buying a used mattress, so she’d sprung for a new one. It was full size -- plenty big enough for Adam -- and simple in design. The mattress was heaven, though, with a pillow top across the entire mattress.

Adam had a battered nineteen-inch TV which was on his list to upgrade when possible, but no cable or internet yet. For the moment, he had to go to the school to use the internet, but he hoped his parents might be planning to send him a new laptop for his birthday. At least, he hoped they read his not so subtle hints for one.

He rolled off the mattress and switched on the Nintendo, the one thing his mom let him take. Neil, his little brother, fought like a champ but Adam hid it in his suitcase. It didn’t take long for him to switch it off, though. Thoughts of that guy were still messing with him. Adam hated it when he got like that. Those temporary obsessions never worked out.

First there was Steven, who was gorgeous...and totally unavailable since he was so far up Jake’s ass you could see his nose coming out from between Jake’s lips. Then there was Joseph, who had so much baggage Adam was sure Samsonite was jealous. Andy followed, a little blond-haired angel with the devil’s own way of saying he wasn’t interested. The list went on, but it only got more depressing and Adam only dredged it up in order to remind himself that it’s okay to look, would be wonderful to touch but…he just had bad luck in matters of the heart. His latest was probably down at the local slut hangout having sex with at least five partners in the first half hour.

Eight o’clock approached, and Adam decided to go down to the shop and get something to drink -- maybe a little snack as well. He pulled on his shoes and stepped into the hallway. The light must have burnt out ‘cause it was too dark. Adam felt his way down the hall to the stairs and descended one by one until he made that awkward step at the bottom where you think there is one more step but there isn’t.

The evening was cool -- great walking weather -- and he strolled up the sidewalk lit with streetlights. People walked and milled about on the sidewalk, outside clubs, bars, and a video store called Deja View. Adam noticed a multi-colored gay pride flag in the window of the video store and decided he needed a membership there. He hummed to himself as he crossed the street and moved to the next block where the awning of The Emporium could be seen.

He stepped into the glow from the interior lights and froze. There his guy was, drinking coffee in the store...with a girl. Not only that, she was shamelessly flirting! Leaning on one elbow, making her shirt go taut against her breasts. He was leaning back in his chair with his legs spread, baggy jeans giving away nothing. She gave him a saucy grin, and Adam could practically hear her asking him to go back to her place and screw her one remaining brain cell out.

Adam’s appetite soured, he turned and began heading back to his apartment. He should have quit, he told himself. You know this shit never works out. But do you listen? No. Now you are disappointed again and now you’re bummed. He hated that little voice. If it had a neck Adam’d strangle it.

  
* * *

  
“If I have to deal with another customer, I’ll scream,” Marla snarled as she looked at Adam. Her previous customer had complained the coffee was too hot, and when Marla cheerfully put an ice cube in it to make it more palatable, the customer bitched that she was watering down the coffee. Was he for real? Adam merely nodded at her and took her place at the register while she stepped out back to pollute her lungs. She only smoked name-brand cigarettes, and Adam told her if she would smoke the cheaper stuff she could take the difference and save for an iron lung. She flipped him off before stepping out the back door.

Adam filled what seemed like an endless line of orders for coffee, bagels, and muffins. Someone didn’t like the cream cheese and another one said his bagel had been heated too much. Jesus, talk about spoiled people! Max showed up about nine-thirty and began working out next week’s schedule.

“I have this application, but listen to this,” she said during a quiet moment. “This lady comes in to fill this out, and she says to me that she wants to be honest. She says she was arrested for assault, but only because the guy was more hurt than she was, but that she’s all straightened out now as she is a Jehovah’s Witness. She wants to know if that will affect her ability to get a job, and I had to look her in the face and say no, of course it won’t!” She giggled, and Adam joined her.

“About as good as the champion spellers you get in here,” he said.

“Tell me about it! We work in a college neighborhood and these people can’t spell the name of the last place they worked.”

“Max, are you going to hire Tricia?” Mike asked as he returned from wiping down tables.

“I don’t work well with women,” she thought for a moment before adding, “Marla doesn’t count.”

“Why not?” Mike asked with a little petulance.

“Because, if I hire that bimbo you won’t do anything except try and get in her pants. I can’t fire her for not sleeping with you, and I can’t fire her ‘cause you want me to just so I can hire someone else for you to sleep with!” she told him, all the while trying to sound stern but failing with her grin in place.

“Allison was a one-time thing, a total mistake,” he grumbled and Marla laughed at him.

Mike left about twenty minutes later, and Max took Marla a few doors down to the Chinese place for lunch. Adam swept up the place and took care of a few odds and ends before pulling a coffee, light and sweet, for himself. He sat on the chair in the manager’s vestibule, the counter clearly visible to him.

He heard the bell go off as someone entered the store, and he stood to go to the counter. He intended to put his coffee on the side of the cash register…intended because it never made it. Brown eyes were approaching, clear but unfocused as they tried to adjust from the glare of the bright afternoon to the relative darkness of the store. Adam dropped his coffee cup as he approached the counter. He cussed under his breath as he jumped back in an attempt to avoid the coffee that would fountain out of the top of the cup. That little plastic top is never quite enough to stand up to the tidal wave of coffee if you drop the cup.

“Excuse me,” Adam said quickly. He grabbed the mop from the small closet door that was just inside the manager’s office. After mopping up his mess, he returned to the counter all flustered. Now he had to face his cheerleader-screwing champion. Of all the coffee places in the city for him to go to, he had to come there? Was this some kind of punishment?

“So, ah, do I place my order with you?” he asked with a small smile. Oh jeez, look at that, he has such cute dimples! His voice was nice too -- a little scratchy maybe, but nice. Why do I care? He’s straight! Oh shit, he means me!

“Um, yeah,” Adam responded after what must have been a delay of about a millennia. The guy ordered a double cappuccino with whipped cream, telling Adam it had been recommended to him. Adam didn’t think he could bear to see the boy with a whipped cream moustache! He tried to move efficiently behind the counter, but he had turned into a klutz in mere seconds. First he dropped the cup, but thankfully it didn’t break. Then he aimed three times -- three freaking times -- for the button to dispense the highly caffeinated drink before finally hitting the mark.

Straight boys just shouldn’t be allowed to be hot, it just wasn’t fair. Even knowing that that boy had probably bopped that bimbo last night didn’t change the enjoyment Adam took from his presence for a moment. He felt a momentary twinge of sadness at the reminder that the guy was straight, and felt a bit more lethargic than Adam had a moment ago.

He was afraid as he approached the machine that dispensed the whipped cream that it would explode when he got near it, coating him with whipped cream and completing his foolish appearance. He managed the cream without incident and moved carefully back to the counter where the guy stood with a bemused expression on his face.

“Um, you ok?” he asked.  
  
“Yeah, um, sure, everything’s peachy,” Adam said while he withdrew his hands from the cup before they could do any more damage.

“Cute,” the guy said as he handed Adam a five for which he made change.

The boy took his drink and sat at a corner table, sipping quietly while observing the street. He had a sad expression and, inexplicably, Adam suddenly felt sorry for him. He didn’t know why he cared, but he screwed up his courage and walked around the counter towards his table...then retreated behind the counter. Coffee first. I can act like I am taking a break. Be cool and nonchalant. Adam grabbed a cup and filled it with Columbian, added sugar and cream, of course, and headed towards his table again. His guy had a faraway expression on his face, and Adam was loath to interrupt his silence.

So he chickened out. He went back behind the counter and tried to forget that boy was there. He hid in the manager’s office praying the bell didn’t ring because if he had to go out there and attempt to be graceful he just knew it would end in someone’s death! Of course, the bell did ring and Adam looked out to see Max and Marla back from lunch.

“Adam, you can go. We’re back,” Max called out as she walked in the front door.

Adam didn’t want to walk past that guy. He’d probably fall on his ass right in front of him. He could hang out and talk, but they’d know something was wrong. Not because he never stayed to chat, but because he knew he must look like a moron right about then. Matter of fact, he felt like that was tattooed on his forehead.

“Adam, go on! Get out of here!” Max said with a giggle as she walked behind the counter. Marla merely smiled as Adam reluctantly took off his apron.

“Sure you don’t need anything else done?” He asked.

“I’m married and you aren’t her type,” Marla quipped. Max slapped her and they laughed while Adam looked at them both as if they were insane.

“I’ll take a little piece of that guy out there though,” Max commented. They were talking about his guy! Well, Max had a better chance than he did anyway.

“We still need someone, Max. Tell him to fill out an application,” Marla said.

“That would be way too obvious,” Max scoffed. “Adam, go give him an application.”

“What?” Adam gaped at her.

“Give him an application. You know, for a job?” Max said slowly, as if he were an idiot.

“Why me?” Adam croaked. He should have just taken his chances and left when she said it the first time. Max just laughed and retreated into her office. He cautiously slipped out from behind the counter and walked towards the guy that fascinated him so. He was still looking off into some faraway place with that air of sadness about him that suddenly made him less an object and more of a person. Adam sighed, sucker that he was, and walked over to him.

“Did it live up to the recommendation?” He asked.

“Sorry?” The boy asked as Adam’s words pulled him from that daze.

“Your coffee, is it OK?” Adam asked, pointing to his glass mug.

“Oh, yeah, it’s great. Much better than that other place on campus. Bitter, bitter stuff over there,” he gave a small shiver for emphasis.

“Ok, good, well, see you,” Adam said as he moved to the door.

“Adam!” Max hissed then deteriorated into a giggle. Adam turned red and knew what she wanted. He slowly walked to the kiosk with applications, mouthed to her that she owed him, and walked back to his table.

“Um, they are hiring here, if you’re interested,” Adam mumbled.

“Excuse me?” the guy said with a bemused expression. Adam felt his face flush and he heard Max and Marla laughing in the back as he suddenly understood.

“Job, huh? Thanks,” he said taking the blank form from Adam. Adam blushed even deeper and practically bolted out the door.

  
* * *

  
He climbed the stairs two at a time and entered his apartment, closing the door and leaning his back against it. Fuck, that was so not fair! The guy was straight, and he still acted like he was some star-struck little groupie. He should have gotten an autograph!

Adam pulled off his shirt and threw it across the room in frustration. Sometimes he could just kick his ass! He headed into the kitchenette and started to look around for something easy to make, and then decided against it. He was full of nervous energy and it was entirely depressing. He decided that of his limited options in coping, he would do what he did best -- whine to his mom.

“Hello?”

“Hi, mom, it’s Adam.”

“Babe, how’re things going?”

Adam sighed.

“Uh oh, what’s his name?” She said in a knowing tone of voice.

“I don’t even know,” he replied.

“Sweetie, that is just so wrong. Why do you do this to yourself?”

“I don’t know!” He walked around the room restlessly with the phone, “He’s just so cute, and I did just like you said, I told myself no, I really did.”

“So what part of no didn’t you make clear to yourself?”

“It’s not that! I walked away, I really did! I went and played video games, and then went to the bookstore to get something to read.” He sat on his couch for emphasis.

“So what happened then?”

“There he was -- big as life and totally hot,” He said mournfully. His mom sighed.

“Adam, please tell me you did not knock over a stack of books into a plate glass window or something?”

“No!” He replied, mentally sticking his tongue out at her.

“Well, what happened then?” she asked warily.

“I started to walk towards him and he just left. Just like that he was gone.” he replied.

“So why do I get the feeling there is more to the story?”

“Well, I saw him last night when I went down to get a cup of coffee, and he was with a girl,” he sighed.

“You sure can pick ‘em, Adam. If he’s a straight boy, don’t think it’ll be like some internet story where you turn him queer just for you, okay?” His mother begged. Ever since Adam tried to get into the dating scene she had been there to bail out his broken heart.

“I just act like a total nerd around him. I drop stuff and I can’t seem to focus.” he replied softly.

“Just take him off your list. He’s like people on TV, pretty to look at and that’s it. You can’t live your life hoping that a straight boy is going to notice you, baby.” Her voice was soothing, a balm for his frazzled nerves.

“I know. I guess I just needed my talk since you aren’t here to give it to me,” He sighed.

“It’ll be OK, honey, you’ll find someone. Here’s Neil,” she said.


	3. Chapter 3

>  
**Chapter Three - Tommy**

Tommy had decided not to get involved in any more of the juvenile activities the university had planned, but as he was walking across campus on his way back to his room, he was set upon by Megan and a cute guy who looked like Indians. Tommy barely spared a glance for Megan, except to see that she was wearing a pair of skimpy jogging shorts and a matching tank top, and that her freckles covered every exposed inch of skin...and probably the skin that wasn’t exposed. He didn’t waste his imagination envisioning it. He was much too busy picturing the boy with her without his clothes.

That boy was cute, about Tommy's height, maybe a little taller. Tommy could just picture him, running around with his shirt off, chest glistening with a fine sheen of sweat, patting the other players on their pert little butts...

Tommy shook his head to clear it of the tantalizing images and realized that Megan had been talking the whole time. He caught the last few words which was enough to figure out that she was inviting him to play some sort of game with them.

“...so we just need one more player from our building and we’ll have a team,” she was saying with a highly amused expression on her so-homely-it’s-cute face. “What do you say?”

Tommy didn’t really want to play any stupid games, but if it meant he got to spend more time with that cute guy, he’d do just about anything. “Yeah, uh, sure,” he agreed, still not knowing exactly was he was agreeing to.

“Great! It’ll be fun. By the way, Tommy, this is Anoop. Anoop, this is Tommy. He’s a resident in our dorm.”

Anoop held out a hand which Tommy managed to shake without moaning out loud.

“Let’s go! The scavenger hunt is about to begin,” Megan said as jogged away. At least now Tommy knew what it was they were playing. Anoop followed Megan, and he trotted along behind him, enjoying the view of his nicely shaped bottom moving under the silky material of his soccer shorts. He was so mesmerized by Anoop's bum he almost ran into him when he came to a stop. Tommy looked up to see they had joined a group of four other kids. They all moved to form a circle.

“Okay guys, this is our team and we’re gonna kick ass!” Megan enthused. “Quick introduction. We all live in the same building so we need to get to know each other and learn how to work as a team.” Tommy was beginning to see the point in the little exercise. She went around the circle introducing everyone. There was Allison, the red-hair from his first day here; Alex, a long-haired hemp hippie sporting a tie-dyed T-shirt and sparse facial hair; Lil, a cute black girl with short, dark hair and an athletic body; Toshi, the androgynous Asian whose name still didn’t help Tommy identify a gender; him and the cute Anoop. Tommy was impressed that she already knew all their names.

Megan quickly outlined the rules, finishing up just as a whistle blew signaling the start of the game. They spent the next hour running around the campus as if their very lives depended on the recovery of a napkin signed by the cafeteria lady with the huge mole on her cheek. It didn’t take Tommy long to realize that, besides forcing bonds between his fellow dorm residents, the game was designed to familiarize the freshmen with the campus. Since he’d already taken it upon himself to do that on his own, the game was even more pointless than it already was, but he played along happily since it turned out Anoop was the touchy-feely type. Tommy was a little disappointed to see that he was equally demonstrative with everyone, but it didn’t really lessen the excitement he felt when it was him Anoop grabbed in a victory hug as they found another object from the list.

Despite their best efforts, they came in second. Since there was no discernible prize, Tommy wasn’t all that disappointed. Unlike Anoop, who it seemed was the competitive type. He seemed absolutely crushed by their first loser status and Tommy wanted to be first in line to console him. He was about to offer his services when Megan made an announcement.

“We’re having our very first Palladium Hall activity night this evening at eight in front of the building,” she told them. “It’s a pizza party and I hope you’ll all be there. Be sure to tell everyone you see.”

“Are you going?” Tommy turned to Anoop and asked.

“I don’t have a choice,” Anoop said, almost blinding Tommy with a flash of his sparkling white teeth. _Good oral hygiene is always a plus_ , Tommy thought. Anoop's next words snuffed out any budding hope that Tommy might have a chance with him. “After all, it is my girlfriend throwing the party.”

“Oh. You and Megan...”

“Yep,” he said, blissfully unaware of Tommy's dashed dreams.

Just then, Megan broke away from the conversation she’d been having with Sir Alex of Cannabis and approached them. “So, will you be there tonight, Tommy?”

“No, I don’t think so,” he said flatly.

She looked genuinely disappointed. “Well, if you change your mind, feel free to come on down. The price is right. You can’t beat free pizza.”

“Thanks,” he said and started back towards the dorm. _You ass_ , he chided himself. _How are you going to make friends if all you do is mope in your room with Randall and the Neanderthal?_ He had a point. Besides, Megan and Anoop seemed like cool people even if they were straight. Tommy turned back and yelled, “Hey Megan, I changed my mind. I’ll see you tonight.”

She lit up like a Christmas tree and waved in acknowledgment.

Feeling much better about his situation, he changed direction and went to get lunch at the cafeteria instead. He helped himself to a plate of some sort of stir fry and picked an empty table. Debby and Adrienne walked by, pointedly ignoring him. He was wounded to the core...or maybe not. A few seconds later, Randall and Slug dropped into seats at his table.

“Dude, the food here rocks,” Randall said while Slug nodded in contented agreement. They both began to shovel huge bites of meat and pasta into their mouths  - complete with disgusting slurping sounds - and Tommy immediately lost his appetite.

“Yeah, uh, I was just finishing,” he said weakly.

“You gonna eat that?” Slug asked, pointing at Tommy's unfinished stir fry.

“Help yourself,” Tommy said, sliding the plate towards him and standing up. “See you back in the room.”

He spent the rest of the afternoon hiding in his room out of fear he’d be dragged into another team building game if he ventured outside. At eight, he went down for the pizza party and was surprised to find he actually enjoyed himself. It turned out that Megan had a wicked sense of humor and they hit it off famously. He really liked Anoop too, although he kept a little distance between him and Anoop. He still didn’t trust himself to be too close to Anoop without disgracing himself by humping Anoop's leg or something. Tommy finally learned that Toshi was a guy and, unless he was way off target, quite queer. He was almost positive Toshi was flirting with him. He was a pretty little thing with shoulder length hair and a feminine, heart-shaped face. There was a time when Tommy would have had that boy in his room before he had the chance to think twice. Not anymore, though. Tommy was trying to put his sluttish ways behind him. He hated the fact that he used to be like that, and his former ways were the main reason he’d chosen to go to a college so far from home.

A good number of people showed up for the party. Megan had slipped flyers under everyone’s door and apparently a lot of people respond positively to free pizza. The party began to dissolve into smaller gatherings as the evening wore on. Some left to watch a movie in someone’s room, while others broke off to play games or chat in more intimate settings. They weren’t the only party on or off campus that night and some moved on to other pastures. It was dwindling down to just Tommy, Megan, Anoop, Toshi, and a few other stragglers when Tommy excused himself to go up to his room.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Megan asked as he stood up.

“Sure,” Tommy agreed guardedly.

She walked away from the remaining group and Tommy followed her. Once they were out of hearing range, she turned and faced him. “Okay, this is probably none of my business, but are you gay?”

He was caught off-guard for a second, and her question left him uncharacteristically speechless. He was comfortable with who he was, however, and make it practice to never deny it when asked directly. “Yeah, I am,” he said somewhat defiantly.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong,” she said quickly. “I’m perfectly cool with it. I was just wondering.” She broke into a broad grin. “I figured you were from the look on your face when you saw Anoop for the first time.”

He couldn’t help but blush, which was not his usual style. “Yeah, well, he’s a yummy piece of eye candy,” he admitted.

“That he is. But he’s also a lot smarter than most people give him credit for. He’s here on an academic scholarship.”

He couldn’t help smiling at her fierce defense. “Well, brains or brawn, you don’t have to worry about me trying to steal him away. Maybe once upon a time I would have pulled something like that, but not anymore.”

She laughed. “That’s not why I asked. It’s just good to know these things as your RA. That way I can watch out for potential problems.”

He frowned. “Do you expect any?”

“Problems? No, not really. NYU is a pretty liberal campus, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few rotten assholes in every barrel. I just like to be prepared. In other words, don’t worry. I’ve got your back.”

He had a sudden impulse to give her a hug, so he did. “Thanks.”

She grinned at him again. “Keep that up and it’s Anoop who’ll be jealous.”

He giggled. “Tell him not to worry. You’re completely safe with me.”

She wriggled her eyebrows. “Yes, but are you safe with me?”

They linked arms and walked back to the group giggling like school girls. Anoop raised an eyebrow, but took their sudden bonding in stride. Tommy said his goodnights once again and went up to his room.

He opened the door to find the Neanderthal laying across his bed, arms folded behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. Randall was not in the room.

“Uh, hi...” Tommy took a deep breath and forced himself to say it, “...Slug.”

He rolled his big dark eyes in Tommy's direction - managing to look remarkably like a horse - and gave Tommy a crooked smile. “Hi Timmy.”

“It’s Tommy.”

Slug looked at him blankly.

“My name is Tommy, not Timmy,” he explained.

“Oh. Sorry. Hi Tommy.”

“Where’s Randall?”

“Dunno.”

“So, uh, how did you get in the room?”

“Randall gave me a key.”

“He did, did he?” Tommy was going to have to have a talk with Randall about that. The Missing Link had given no indication that he was planning to remove his person from Tommy's bed.

“Yeah, um, did you know that’s my bed?” Tommy asked as politely as he could.

“Oh, did you want to get here?” The idea seemed to catch him by surprise.

“Please?” It felt odd to requesting the use of his own bed, but it seemed the saner course of action when dealing with someone named Slug.

He laboriously worked himself to a sitting position, and with a few false tries, managed to get to his feet, where he stood swaying like a scrawny sapling in a stiff wind. It became all too apparent that Slug was drunk off his ass.

With an inward groan, Tommy shut the door and steered Slug towards Randall’s bed. He’d let Randall deal with it whenever he dragged himself in for the night. Slug stood next to Randall’s bed and stared at it without comprehension. Either that guy was dumber than Tommy had given him credit for or he was a lot farther gone than he looked. Tommy gave him a little push in the direction of the bed and watched in horrified fascination as he slowly collapsed onto the bed, looking amazingly like a toppling redwood. He bounced once upon hitting the mattress - testing its weight endurance to the limit, no doubt - and proceeded to pass out. Tommy was tempted to applaud the performance, but instead, he just turned and changed into his bed clothes. He was worn out and it wasn’t even that late. One bad thing about being an early riser is that you get tired earlier too. When he was in full party mode it didn’t really faze him, but it had been a long time since he’d been in full party mode.

He was just about to fall asleep when Slug started snoring. No, snoring didn’t quite capture the unearthly noises that were emitting from his body. It started off sounding like a sty full of pigs fighting over the last choice bit of slop. It wasn’t before he’d worked up a full head of steam, however, and the noise was more like a 747 landing in the room with Tommy while sucking a whole herd terrified cows into its engines - maybe with a bagpipe thrown in for good measure.

At first, Tommy thought he’d wait it out. If it started suddenly, it stood to reason that it might stop just as suddenly. Twenty minutes later that theory wasn’t holding water, and he was seriously considering holding a pillow over his big meaty head until the cacophony ended.

A couple hours later, he was near tears when Randall finally came back, fumbling in the dark and cursing under his breath.

“You might as well turn the light on,” Tommy told him, causing him to squeak in surprise. “I’m awake and I don’t think anything short of a nuclear blast would wake up your drunken friend right now.”

The light came on to reveal Randall staring fuzzily at his bed and its occupant. “Whatsh he doin’ here?” he slurred. Great. Now Tommy had two intoxicated idiots on his hands.

“Don’t ask me. You gave him the key.”

“Ish he makin’ all that noise?”

“Apparently.”

“Where’m I s’posed to sleep?”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Tommy exclaimed. He leapt out of bed and grabbed his key. “Take my bed, but I swear, if you piss in it, I’ll kill you.”

“Where’re you goin’?”

“Somewhere I can get some sleep.”

Tommy stormed out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. He took it down to the first floor where an RA he hadn’t met yet was on duty.

“Do you know what room Megan is in?” Tommy asked the guy. He gave Tommy her room number and he quickly sought it out. He knocked softly on her door. When she didn’t answer, he knocked louder. After a few minutes, a very sleepy looking Anoop opened the door in just his boxers. Tommy felt his jaw drop.

“Tommy?” he asked with a great deal of confusion. “What time is it?”

“I, uh, I don’t know. I just...I was going to ask Megan if I could sleep here, but I’ll, uh, I’ll go somewhere else.” He was incredibly embarrassed and he knew his face had to be beet red. Anoop looked even better without his shirt than Tommy had imagined. If he stood there another second, he’d be boned up. Tommy began his retreat, but Anoop called after him.

“Why can’t you stay in your room?”

“It’s, uh, occupied.” As annoyed as he was with Randall and Slug, he didn’t want to get them in trouble. At least not until after he tried talking to them.

“So where are you going?”

Tommy shrugged. “I...don’t know.”

“Then come on.”

“No, really, it’s okay...”

“No, come on. You can have the futon. It’s not very comfortable but it’s better than nothing.”

Tommy wasn’t sure about that, but there was no way to turn Anoop down without being rude - not to mention obvious. Tommy trudged back to him, feeling like he was going to his own execution.

He stepped into Megan’s room and his first thought was that it was a lot homier than his - and bigger. A carpet covered the floor, a metal-framed futon faced a TV, and a chair sat off to one side to create a conversation area. Beyond that, her desk had been situated in such a way to separate the sitting area from her bed. Framed posters and photographs adorned the walls.

Megan sat up in bed and stared at him as if trying to figure out why he was standing in her room at something o’clock in the morning.

“He got evicted from his room,” Anoop said simply.

She nodded sleepily and lay back down.

“Pull up some futon,” Anoop offered. He helped Tommy convert it into bed mode and offered him a pillow, which Tommy didn’t accept since they only had two and both were already in use. He dropped to the lumpy mattress and squeezed his eyes closed. A few seconds later, the light turned off and Tommy heard Anoop climbing back into bed with Megan. His eyes immediately popped open. Sleeping in the same room as Anoop was going to be worse torture than staying in his room with Randall and Slug.

He couldn't know how long he laid there awake, staring at the wall and desperately trying to pretend that Anoop wasn’t sleeping practically naked mere feet from him. He finally drifted off to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, his inner clock didn't really give a damn what time he had fallen asleep. It awoke him bright and early first thing Saturday morning. Tommy sat up and rubbed his aching eyes. He was definitely going to need my caffeine fix that morning. He got up and put the futon back in its sofa form, being as quiet as possible to avoid waking Anoop and Megan. He let himself out of her room and took the elevator back up to his.

He opened my door to be greeted by the symphony from hell that was still emanating from Slug. He didn’t look like he’d moved since Tommy had dumped him onto Randall’s bed. Randall, meanwhile, had somehow managed to fall asleep amidst the unbelievable racket and was still sleeping peacefully in Tommy's bed. He’d slobbered on Tommy's pillow. Tommy was not happy. He slammed the door but neither of them even flinched.

With a low growl, he yanked some clothes out of his dresser and exited the room, slamming his door again on the way out. It made him feel better even if didn’t really accomplish anything. He showered, dressed and shaved, then returned to the room. Neither of the two amoeba brains had so much as rolled over. He wanted to leap on Randall’s back and beat him with his fists until he woke up, but he restrained himself with some effort and decided to go get some coffee before he hurt someone - namely himself.

He glanced at the clock on his way out. It was almost nine, about the same time he’d gone to The Emporium the day before. Tommy wondered if that cute spazzy kid would be working again that morning. _What was his name? Ah yes, Adam._

He walked down to the coffee shop and pushed open the door. It was pretty much the way he’d found it the day before - practically deserted. Adam was behind the counter again but he was distracted by the shop’s sole customer, a crotchety looking geezer with more hair coming out of his ears than on top of his shiny head. The old guy was complaining that the coffee was too hot, a complaint Tommy found to be absurd. _If you want cold coffee, go to Starbucks and get a frappaccino._ Adam was handling the situation very professionally. Tommy was impressed. He didn’t seem like the same person at all. He acted like that happened all the time, and for all Tommy knew, it did.

They finally seemed to reach some sort satisfactory compromise and the old man shuffled off. Tommy approached the counter and Adam looked his way. His eyes widened for a second, but then he pasted a professional smile across his face and the momentary look of panic was gone. Tommy almost thought he might have imagined it.

“Hi,” he said cheerfully. “You’re getting to be a regular here.”

“What can I say? I like the company,” Tommy said with a big smile. Nope, he hadn’t imagined the panicked look. It was back again.

Adam laughed nervously and twisted his hands into his apron. “So, uh, what can I get you?”

“Well, I’ve had the espresso and the double cappuccino with whipped cream. What would you suggest I try now? It can be anything as long as it has lots of caffeine. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“I, uh...we have some really good specialty blends,” Adam stammered, his face flushing.

“What’s your favorite?” Tommy was flirting just to watch Adam squirm at that point. He couldn’t decide if Adam was uncomfortable because he’s gay or because he’s straight, but either way it was too much fun to pass up.

“Hazelnut, heavy on the cream, and a touch of honey,” he responded without hesitation.

“Sounds perfect. I’ll have that.”

“The, uh, pots are over there,” Adam said, pointing at a bank of coffee pots against one wall. He rang Tommy up and handed him a ceramic mug emblazed with their logo, a coffee mug on wheels with speed lines coming from it.

After paying, Tommy poured himself a cup of hazelnut coffee and prepared it just the way Adam had suggested, heavy on the cream, and with a touch of honey. He took a sip and turned to see that Adam was watching him closely for his reaction.

He made a face and exclaimed, “That’s horrible! How can you drink this stuff?”

Adam looked shocked for a minute, before his expression turned to horror. He quickly started apologizing. “I’m so sorry. You don’t have to drink it. Do you want something else? It’ll be on the house.”

Tommy laughed. “Adam, calm down. I was just kidding. It’s really good.”

Adam jerked when Tommy said his name as if someone had goosed him. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. “So you do like it?” he asked.

“Yeah, I really do.”

His face lit up with a smile that completely transformed him from cutie to hottie in under a second. Tommy felt his breath catch in his throat and all he could think about was making Adam smile like that again.

“Can I get you anything else?” Adam asked and he realized that he was standing at the counter staring at Adam.

His brain was screaming at him to ask Adam out, but instead, Tommy smiled and said, “No thanks. This is good.” He turned away and walked to what he thought of as his table. _I don’t even know if he’s gay_ , he reasoned with himself in a vain attempt to justify his cowardice. What was wrong with him? He’d never hesitated to ask a cute guy out before, even if he knew for a fact he was straight. “You never know” had always been Tommy's motto.

If he was honest with himself, though, he knew exactly why he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t seriously dated anyone since rehab. He’d gone on a few dates, but they’d all pursued him and he hadn’t let them get close. None of them had progressed past the second date. Why? The answer was simple - He was afraid. If he got too close to someone, he’d have to tell them about his past and he was too scared to do that. He didn’t want to have to face their reaction. His drinking and partying were only a small part of his shameful history.

He risked a look in Adam's direction and found that Adam was still watching him. Their eyes locked for a second before they both looked away - Adam pretending to clean behind the counter, Tommy suddenly finding something infinitely captivating out the window. _This is ridiculous. He obviously likes you so stop being a wuss. It doesn’t mean you have to tell him anything. It’s only one date._

He stood up with a sudden resolve and marched to the counter. His intentions were good, his timing was off. Adam looked up at Tommy's approach just as he was wiping up a small spill from a fresh carafe of coffee. He jerked back, his cleaning rag caught on the coffee pot handle, and it all went crashing to the floor, splashing Adam’s legs with scalding hot liquid and making a huge mess. He yelped in pain and bit down hard on his lower lip.

“Are you okay?” Tommy asked with concern. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t,” Adam said between clenched teeth.

“Let me help clean it up,” Tommy offered.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll get it.”

Tommy ignored him and slipped behind the counter. Adam was still standing stiffly, gripping the rag tightly in his hand. “Did you burn yourself?” Tommy squatted in front of Adam and reached for his pant-leg. Adam snatched his leg away. “I just want to make sure you didn’t get burned.” This time, Adam let him lift the cuff of his pants far enough to see his skin. It was slightly reddened, but it didn’t look too bad. “Well, my official diagnosis would be that you didn’t get burned, at least not too badly.”

“Thanks,” Adam said in a rather breathless voice.

Tommy looked around. “That’s the good news. The bad news is the floor’s a mess. Do you have a trash can for all this glass?”

Adam produced one from under the counter and crouched down next to Tommy as he began picking up the larger shards of glass.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said softly.

Tommy looked over at him, catching his eye. “I know. I want to.”

Adam looked away. “Don’t cut yourself.” They worked in silence for a few seconds, then Adam asked, “How’d you know my name?”

“That lady called you by name when she came in yesterday - Adam.”

“Oh.” Was it his imagination or did Adam sound a little disappointed? “That’s Max. She’s the manager here.”

“My name’s Tommy,” he told him.

Adam gave him a smile and Tommy almost sliced his hand with a particularly wicked splinter of glass. “Hi Tommy.”

Tommy grinned back at him. “Hi Adam. I’d offer to shake your hand, but...” He held up his hand, which was dripping with coffee, and Adam giggled.

Tommy took a deep breath and tried to summon his courage. _Just ask him_ , his inner voice hissed.

“So, uh, would you like to...” He was interrupted by the bell that signaled the front door opening. Adam shot to his feet so quickly you would have thought a jolt of electricity had zapped him in the ass.

“What were you doing on the floor?” the woman Tommy now knew as Max asked.

Adam opened and closed his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Tommy stood up too and her face became a comical mask of confusion. She looked back and forth between Adam and Tommy, trying to put the puzzle together without the box top.

Before Tommy could explain, Adam bolted through the office door, leaving Tommy standing there looking guilty as hell. Max’s face was growing redder by the second. It looked like he was going to have to talk his way out of that one - and judging by the color of Max’s face, he’d better talk fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wonderful beta is away, visiting London and Adam, so this chapter is not polished much. I'm sorry about that. Also, sorry for the late update on this story. There's too much on my mind. ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four - Adam**   


He didn't understand why so many people felt the need to get coffee _there_  in the morning. He knew he was not all that freaking happy to see them, so it could not be his cheery personality. He had dragged his sorry ass in at six o’clock and tried to mainline just caffeine - _screw the cream and sugar and whipped_ _toppings, just give me go-go juice_. All the bureaucratic shit heads who worked up at the area in their lame suits and conservative twill skirts showed up there. Thing was, no one was nice in the morning unless they were on medication. So why in God’s name did he pick a place to work where he'd have to not only be a grouch but serve more bitchy people that he ever dreamed existed?

At least Saturday’s were quieter, though it certainly didn’t allow him to go out Friday night. Who was he kidding? Where was he going on Friday night? Maybe he could go down to the park and hang out with the winos.

That old grouch shuffled in and made his way to the counter. He was a chronic bitcher. Every day he would come in and complain about something.  One day the cups were too thin. Another day the tops weren’t the right size for his cup. They called him the talking rug, because he had the world’s worst hairpiece and the hair on top of his head was white midway down his skull.  
He wasn’t fooling anyone.  
  
Adam struggled to keep a straight face as the old man approached the counter. He had forgotten his hairpiece that morning and his bald pate glowed dully from the lights overhead. Wax on, wax off.

  
“Small coffee, please,” the old man said. Adam filled his order quickly, charging the man the princely sum of one dollar and eighteen cents. After depositing the money, the guy began to turn away from me and Adam foolishly began to think that  
he would get away with no struggle from him today. He was such a dumb ass.

“What do you guys do to this coffee? It’s hot enough to melt my teeth!” If he wanted iced coffee, why didn’t he ask?

“The ice won’t fit with how far you filled this cup. You have to pour this into a bigger cup first, and then add some. I don’t want less coffee than I paid for. Why does it have to be so hot?”

Adam took his cup while mentally counting down from ten so that he didn’t coat the oldster with his java. He poured it into a larger cup, added some ice, and handed it back to the old man with a smile. The guy turned and slowly made his way to the door without so much as a thank you.

Oh shit! _He_  was back! Why was he back? The guy from campus, the one his mom had said…Oh yeah, the really hot _straight_ guy  
from campus. Adam didn’t think the hot guy caught on that his blood pressure was a little elevated.

“Hi,” Adam said with as much cheer as he could muster. “You’re getting to be a regular here.”

_Smooth, Adam, be so cool and smooth that he never gets a clue. He’s bigger than you. He could kick your ass if he wanted to._

“What can I say? I like the company.” His smile was so good it was criminal. Adam's pulse raced again and his nerves twitched involuntarily.

“So, uh, what can I get you?” Adam managed to say without too much stuttering, though he still played with the loose ends of his apron strings.

“Well, I’ve had the espresso and the double cappuccino with whipped cream. What would you suggest I try now? It can be anything as long as it has lots of caffeine. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

 _I’ll just bet you didn’t, probably balled that chick until she screamed for mercy._ Of course, that image came to Adam's mind and he pictured the hot guy's sweat slicked body caught in the throes of passion. His skin shone and his cheeks were flushed with the exertion of pleasuring his partner. The small groans and the short bursts of breath as a small droplet of sweat hung from  
his nipple….

“I, uh...we have some really good specialty blends,” Adam said to him as he tried to regain his composure. He didn’t think it was working, He felt like such a total dork!

“What’s your favorite?” the hot guy asked him, adding in a crooked grin that made Adam very, very nervous. He continued to wrap the loose ends of his apron tie in his fingers in order to keep them busy.

“Hazelnut, heavy on the cream, and a touch of honey,” Adam replied without hesitation. Something he could say with out any form of thought involved!

“Sounds perfect. I’ll have that.”

Adam rang up his purchase while directing him to the self serve pots. He handed back the guy change, noting the soft feel of his palm as his fingers grazed his skin. Adam gave him a large mug, though he had only paid for a small. Ok, so he  
undercharged him. Satisfied? Adam watched him as he went to make the coffee, pouring then adding a generous dollop of cream. His fingers were clenched tightly, bunching his apron into so much mangled cloth. The guy added the dollop of honey and used a swizzle stick to get it all mixed together. He took a sip and turned to face Adam slowly, his face contorting.

“That’s horrible! How can you drink this stuff?”

 _Oh God! He hated it! Oh no, now what do I do?_ “I’m so sorry. You don’t have to drink it. Do you want something else? It’ll be on the house.” Adam blubbered like an idiot -- and he hated himself for it.

“Adam, calm down. I was just kidding. It’s really good.” He laughed at Adam's frantic state and Adam felt even dumber than he had to begin with.

“So, you do like it?” Adam asked as he felt his cheeks redden at being caught in the guy's farce. _Wait a second! Hold on! He said my name! He knows who I am!_

“Yeah, I really do.” He replied with a smile. Adam returned that smile and felt tremendous. He had done something the hot guy liked! He approached Adam slowly, coffee in hand and Adam began to shuffle his feet under his gaze. What was he doing? He  
walked all the way up to the counter and was only a few feet away from Adam by the time he spoke.

“Can I get you anything else?” Adam made a mental wish list of the things he could happily provide to him.

“No thanks. This is good.” He said to Adam and turned, walking away and dashing that little bit of hope that had taken hold in Adam. Adam watched him as he moved back to the table in the corner -- the only one Adam had ever seen him sit at -- and sat down with his coffee.

Adam watched him. This fascinating blond guy had him head over heels. And why? Adam didn’t know a thing about him. He could be a booger flicker. Or maybe he ate chocolate covered grasshoppers. Adam was sure he’d look nice eating them, sitting shirtless while he opened his mouth, spreading those lips and extending his tongue towards….

Oh shit! The cute guy looked his way! Adam turned his head and began to scrub the counter into submission. How much more of an imbecile could he be -- flirting and fantasizing over a straight boy who was screwing with his head? So he had ‘gay  
boy that wants you’ tattooed on his head? He didn’t even know the boy's name for crying out loud! He had a fresh pot of regular coffee going and he noticed a small spill. He pounced on it just as he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.

Adam looked up to see the guy only feet away again. He jumped, his hand jerking a little, and his cleaning rag caught on the handle of the pot, sending it -- and its hot contents -- crashing to the floor in spectacular fashion. _Ow! That was hot!_

Adam stood looking at the guy, trying to be stoic about the burning sensation on his legs, biting his lower lip so he didn’t scream bloody blue blazes.

“Are you okay?” The guy asked with some degree of concern. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t,” Adam said between clenched teeth. His macho act was getting easier as the burning started to settle down a bit.

“Let me help clean it up,” He offered.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll get it.” Adam replied hurriedly. Max would kill him and he didn’t think the cute guy being so close to him was a good idea. Why couldn't he be a normal guy and just rejected Adam and the fact that he existed? That would be so much easier to get over. He was stepping behind the counter! The counter was Adam's domain, his bulwark against the teeming unwashed masses of the general public.

“Did you burn yourself?” He asked while kneeling down and reaching for the cuff of Adam's pants. Adam jerked away in surprise. What? Was he thinking of being a doctor? Maybe a veterinarian?

“I just want to make sure you didn’t get burned.” He said with a trace more of compassion. Adam stood still while he lifted his pant leg a bit, feeling woefully inadequate in the leg department at the moment.

“Well, my official diagnosis would be that you didn’t get burned, at least not too badly.” He said, and Adam said thank you. Well, he tried but he was too keyed up with the cute guy close enough to touch, and kneeling in front of him to boot. If he had touched his leg Adam would have fallen over. Was that what an aneurysm felt like?

“That’s the good news. The bad news is the floor’s a mess. Do you have a trash can for all this glass?” Adam nodded dumbly and grabbed one from the dispenser under the counter. He bent down with the opened bag and began to help grab the large pieces of the broken carafe. He couldn't figure out why that guy was still back there. He hadn't caused the mess. Adam's dorky self did that. But it was nice.

“You don’t have to do this,” Adam whispered.

He caught Adam's gaze. “I know. I want to.”

Oh God. His eyes were so beautiful! Adam looked away quickly, feeling a blush coming on. “Don’t cut yourself.” he told the guy, for lack of something better to say. He screwed up his courage to try and make some better conversation with him.

“How’d you know my name?” Adam asked. His imagination was running full gallop. The guy was a computer hacker and had stolen his files from the school! No, he had come in and complimented Adam to Max or Marla, being vague enough that they  
offered candidate’s names for whoever had served him so well. He had found out Adam's name so he could ask him out!

“That lady called you by name when she came in yesterday -- Adam.”

All those little pipe dreams fell to pieces. “Oh, that’s Max. She’s the manager here.”

“My name’s Tommy,” he said with a smile.

He was smiling innocently so Adam smiled shyly in return, “Hi Tommy.”

“Hi Adam.” He continued to smile at Adam, “I’d shake your hand but...” he held out his coffee drenched hand and Adam giggled.

“So, ah, would you...” he began, but the question was left unasked as the bell chimed to announce a customer. Adam bolted to a standing position only to come face-to-face with Max, who was rapidly closing the distance to the counter.

“What were you doing on the floor?” She asked. Oh god! He was behind the counter with a customer who happened to be the hottest guy he could think of and his manager walked in. He was so fired! She was going to write him up and fire him!

Tommy stood up next to Adam and Max’s eyes darted back and forth as she waited for an answer. Adam responded by darting into the office and out the back door of the shop, leaving Tommy to face Max alone.

He leaned up against the wall, hot tears of panic welling up in his eyes. He had barely gotten that job two weeks ago and now he had customers behind the counter? Where was he going to get a job, especially with his limited skills? He knew how to pour coffee and wipe counters for crying out loud! What would his father say? Neil would tell him he was an idiot. Oh shit.

He slid down the wall with tears tracking down his face. He wallowed in his self inflicted misery. He debated if he should just toss his apron on the ground and start walking home or not when the back door opened and Max stepped through.

“Why are you crying?” she asked mildly.

“Cause you’re going to fire me,” Adam said with a fresh tear racing down his face.

“Adam, breathe. Where am I going to find someone with your experience? I mean, yeah, you can’t have someone behind the counter, even if he _is_ a cutie,” she smiled and Adam blushed a bit.

“You aren’t going to fire me?”

“I don’t fire people. Besides, you’re adorable.”

Adam laughed a little through his tears, which he tried to wipe off his face. He felt silly again. He slowly stood up.

“If I was over my ex, I’d go after that guy. _Oh my God_ ,” Max fanned herself with one hand.

“Yeah, he is hot,” Adam said. He looked up in surprise as he realized he had outed himself, but he wasn’t sure if she’d caught it or not. She sighed.

“Marla wins. She said you were gay. She spotted it, but I said you were straight,” she laughed and Adam relaxed. “So is that cutie gay too?”

“No,” Adam said with a sigh. “He was in here with some bimbo the other night. I don’t have a chance in hell.”

“Well, let’s go inside. I think Marla cleaned up your mess,” she snickered.

“Is he gone yet? I don’t want to see him. I turn into an idiot if he’s around,” He told Max.

“Yeah, I do the same thing if my ex is around.” She sighed and poked her head in the door.

“Hey, Mar. Is cutie-patootie gone yet?” she giggled.

“Yeah,” Marla laughed. “It’s safe to come out now.”

They reentered the shop and Marla was sipping a coffee. Max handed her a one dollar bill and told her she’d won. Adam blushed and Marla giggled.

“Oh, poor Adam!” she said while she patted him on the back. “Did Max force it out of you?”

“No, slip of the tongue,” he admitted.

“Oh well, we can look at cute guys together,” she laughed and Adam giggled a little with her.

“Oh, you should have seen when Scott worked here.” She rooted through her desk. “I think I have a picture in here somewhere.”

  
* * *

  


Adam walked home after work with his iPod hooked into his ears and playing the soundtrack from Hair. He passed the video store and a few small junk shops, singing the song under his breath as he walked.

He was doing his best to put Tommy out of his head, nice as he had been. He just didn't get beautiful people. Didn’t they know what kind of effect they had on mere mortals? It would be so much easier if he had been an asshole - all wrapped up in himself and not even realizing Adam existed. But no, he has to be nice and considerate and give him a stupid little burst of hope. Of course,  
being nice to someone didn’t mean that you are interested in them. In fact, Adam was nice to a great many people everyday and he wouldn’t mind a couple of them getting hit by city busses.

He headed up the stairs to his apartment and heard a door open and close as he hit the second floor. A guy was locking his door and he turned to look at him, He was pretty short with dark hair and beautiful brown eyes that glittered. He smiled and walked past  
Adam, heading for the stairs. Jeez, he didn’t know he had a neighbor - let alone a hot one. He opened his door and tossed his shirt into the hamper near the door. Since it was only him, he figured it was fine to have the dirty clothes hamper where it was convenient to drag out the front door.

He took a quick shower to get all of the coffee smells off of him, and then got himself into a pair of jeans and a NYU sweatshirt. His father had nearly cleaned the campus store out of official NYU gear he was so eager and happy to have his son there. Adam smiled in remembrance of how proud he was.

He grabbed some bus fare and his wallet before heading out the door again. His neighbor was coming up the stairs with a few bags of groceries, and Adam stopped to help him out.

“Need a hand?” he asked.

“If you start clapping I’ll beat you senseless with a bag of Cheetos,” he laughed as he handed Adam a couple of the plastic bags.  
  
“No clapping, got it,” Adam replied with a grin. He used his free hand to unlock and open the door; leaving it open for Adam to trail in his wake. His place was clean, well ordered, and a mirror image of Adam's floor plan.  
  
“You can set that right on the counter over here,” he said indicating the countertop in his kitchenette area. After releasing Adam's hold, he stuck his hand out to shake, giving Adam a warm, sure grip. His hand felt soft. Adam liked that.  
  
“I’m Brad Bell,” he said with a toothy smile.  
  
“Adam Lambert,” he replied returning Brad's smile and handshake.  
  
“AL, gotcha,” he grinned as he released Adam's hand. “We’re having a party tonight. Stop in if you like or tell us if we’re too loud, dude.”  
  
“Uh, sure, thanks Brad. I’ll see you later,” Adam stammered as he headed back out the door. Brad just smiled and Adam closed the door behind him.  
  
Well, that was interesting! He headed out the door with his mood buoyed considerably, and headed for the bus stop. The bus system out there was fairly decent. The seats sucked on most of them, like most city busses, but they were fairly reliable as far as being on time.  
  
He took the bus out to the mall, a huge shrine built to pay homage to the gods of fashion, a shopping nirvana. Yeah, Adam liked to shop.  
  
The ride took about twenty minutes and he got off in front of Lord & Taylor. The two-level mall had all sorts of places to go, and he browsed before heading into T.J. Maxx to hit the underwear section. Neil thought it was funny to take most of them out of his suitcases before he left, and though his mom had promised to send them, he was notorious for forgetting packages.

Adam strolled through the aisles, looking at the jeans and the name brand shirts that he usually couldn’t afford. The socks and underwear section was at the back of the store in the far right corner. One display rack held tee shirts and separate racks held socks and underwear. He perused the underwear, checking out the prices before making a selection. He liked to shop, but he didn’t have enough money to blow. But one day...one day he was going to become rich and famous, and shop like he had never shopped before. Yeah...one day!

He pawed through the rest of the Hanes, before turning the corner and freezing. The Tommy Hilfiger brand caught his eyes. Tommy! Huh! Was that meant as some kind of cosmic joke? Everywhere he went there was a Tommy, even down to underwear! That was too much. He pawed through and found two packages of his size. He figured that was the only way Tommy was getting in his pants, anyway. He felt stupid walking to the counter, as if the clerk would see his reason for buying _that_ brand and call him for it on the intercom.

“Attention shoppers! Adam Lambert has just brought two packages of Tommy Hilfiger's boxer briefs to the counter because he has a ridiculous crush on someone named Tommy! Can we have someone from security here?”

But of course, that didn’t happen and he walked out with his new underwear safely in a bag. He had lost his zest for the mall, and headed home with his new purchases, wondering what was wrong with him. The bus let him off on Central Avenue. He walked up the street, hearing the strains of Pitbull coming from his house. Must be the party, he thought to himself.

He climbed the stairs in the dark, reminding himself he would have to speak to the landlord since that was somewhat dangerous, especially if he thought of Tommy and tripped. Tommy would be an accessory to his accident, owing to him being so good looking and charming.

The door to his neighbor’s apartment muffled the music and the murmur of conversation, laughter punctuating the hum of voices at regular intervals. Adam opened his door and walked into his bedroom, dropping the bag with its incriminating evidence. He debated going to the party, surely his face wouldn’t give away his infatuation completely, right?  
  
He combed his hair once more, adding a little dry wax to get the front to flip up in the front, and then headed next door. He stood outside for a moment to gather his courage, and knocked. Brad answered.  
  
“Adam! Come on in, meet everyone….”  



	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five -** **Tommy**

“I can explain everything, just don’t fire Adam,” Tommy said, holding out his hands in the universal sign for “Don’t hurt me.”  
  
Max burst into laughter, and he belatedly realized that her reddening face had only been a sign of impending mirth and not anger. His face flushed. He stood awkwardly while she laughed herself out and the blonde Marla gave him a measuring look.  
  
“Nobody is getting fired, least of all Adam,” she said when her laughter had died down. “Funny, though, how I don’t remember hiring you, so maybe you could explain why you’re behind my counter.”  
  
“Well, um, I startled Adam and he knocked over a pot of coffee and I didn’t know if he’d burned himself so I came back to check and then I was helping him clean up the mess...”  
  
“Take a breath, kid,” she said, cutting him off. “Aren’t you just a good little Samaritan?” She peered over the counter and raised an eyebrow at the mess. “Well, that was mighty sweet of you, but we’ll take care of it now. So unless you want to tie on an apron, I suggest you get out from behind my counter.”  
  
He quickly and gratefully made his escape as Marla and Max slipped past him.“I’ll take care of this. You go check on Adam,” Marla said to Max. Max left through the back door and Marla turned her thoughtful gaze on him. Tommy had a feeling she wasn’t going to let him off as easily as Max had, so he grabbed his coffee and nodded in her direction as he practically ran for the door.  
  
_That was real smooth, Tommy_ , he thought as he walked back to campus. He had never botched a pick-up quite that badly before, and he’d had some real doozies. Like the time he got shot down by a guy at a club only to find out the guy was his teacher a few days later when school started. That had been awkward, but this was different. He always shook off his other failures, but this one deeply disappointed him. It wasn’t just that it was embarrassing - he’d have to see Adam again if he wanted to keep getting coffee there. And it wasn’t just that Adam was adorable - although, that smile! Tommy had been shot down by hotter guys and walked away without a second thought. So what was different? He really wanted to get to know Adam. Adam fascinated him. Maybe it was Adam’s innocence. There was a certain naiveté about him that Tommy found very attractive.  
  
_What am I thinking? I don’t even know if he’s gay!_  
  
Things had been going well though, at least before Max and Marla had returned. Tommy was pretty sure he was getting positive signals from Adam. He sighed. It was possible he’d never know now. He wouldn’t blame Adam if he ran the next time he saw Tommy coming. What had he been thinking going behind the counter like that? He could have gotten Adam fired.  
  
_Even if he is gay, he probably won’t be interested in you if he finds out about your past,_  a nasty little voice whispered inside Tommy’s head. Maybe that was what made this different. Tommy’s attraction to Adam was deeper than just his looks. Deep inside, he knew he wanted more than a one-night stand and that terrified him. He didn’t know if he was ready to be honest with someone about the things he’d done. He could always keep it a secret but if things developed then he’d have to tell Adam eventually. It would only be worse then, because Tommy would have hidden it from him. He sighed. These thoughts were going nowhere fast. He didn’t even know if Adam was gay.  
  
As he passed the student union, he remembered that he still needed to buy his books, so he decided to try again. If nothing else, it would be a welcome distraction from his thoughts of Adam. If they didn’t have them this time, Tommy didn’t know what he would do.  
  
Luckily, the bookstore wasn’t as busy that day. Tommy pulled the list out of his wallet, where he’d tucked it away for safe keeping, and started looking up numbers. They must have restocked the shelves since the last time he was there because it didn’t take him long to find all but one of his textbooks. He took his stack up to the cash register and asked about the final book. The guy behind the counter said they didn’t have any more in stock, and probably wouldn’t for another week. He quickly rang up Tommy’s other purchases and Tommy almost fell over when the guy told him the total. The cashier gave him a sympathetic smile.  
  
“It gets worse,” the guy said. “Just wait until book buy-back. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t even cracked it open, you’ll only get a tiny fraction back. Then they’ll turn around and resell it next semester for a huge profit. It’s all a big racket.”  
  
“And it’s legal,” Tommy said as he reluctantly handed over his credit card. His mom would pay the bill, but it still annoyed him to pay that much for a few books.  
  
He lugged his small fortune worth of books back to his dorm, where he tried to juggle them while unlocking his door. In the process, he banged the door several times with the stack of books. He just about had it unlocked when much to his surprise it swung open, throwing him off balance. He stumbled into the room, dropping his books everywhere, and careened into what felt like a brick wall but turned out to be - who else? - Slug. Slug caught him in a bone-crushing hug and looked down at him as if Tommy had somehow lost his mind.  
  
“Don’t you have a room?” Tommy snapped as he struggled to disentangle himself from the giant.  
  
“Yeah, but my roommate doesn’t like me,” he said matter-of-factly.  
  
“I can’t imagine why not,” Tommy’s voice was soaked in sarcasm but the neanderthal didn’t seem to notice.  
  
 “I don’t know either. I’m always polite.”  
  
Tommy stifled a roar of frustration as he turned away to pick up his books. He stacked them on his desk, then decided to get it over with. “Where is Randall?” he asked, even though he knew it was an exercise in futility.  
  
Slug shrugged - an act that sent ripples across his chest. “Dunno.”  
  
 “Why am I not surprised?”  
  
Slug sat on Randall’s bed and stared dumbly at him. Tommy fought the urge to scream at the big doofus, reminding himself that he couldn’t help being the dimmest bulb on the Christmas tree. Besides, he knew what was really bothering him was fact that he’d screwed things up with Adam. There was no point taking that out on Slug.  
  
He flopped backwards onto his bed with a sigh.  
  
 “Are you okay?” Slug asked.  
  
 “It’s a long story,” he said, waving his hand dismissively.  
  
 “I have time.”  
  
 “Thanks, but...I don’t really feel like talking about it.”  
  
“Oh. Okay.”  
  
Was it Tommy’s imagination or did Slug sound a little disappointed? He took pity on the guy and decided to attempt conversation.  
  
“So you’re friends with Randall?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
This might be more difficult than he’d first thought. “How do you know each other?”  
  
“We went to the same high school.”  
  
“Where was that?”  
  
“Canton.”  
  
“Is that in New York?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“I’ve never heard of it.”  
  
“It’s upstate.”  
  
Tommy was getting worn out from the effort of extracting information. He decided to take a breather and let a silence settle between them. He jumped a little when Slug suddenly started talking.  
  
“We’ve been friends since like kindergarten. We’re both really good at sports. Randall plays lacrosse and I play football. Randall used to play football too before he got into lacrosse. We used to be best friends, but when he started playing lacrosse he didn’t talk to me as much. When he found out that I was going here too, he suddenly became my friend again. Everybody always thinks I’m really stupid, and maybe I’m not the smartest guy, but I’m not as dumb as people think either. Randall thinks I’m dumb, but he’s not any smarter than me. I got better grades than he did. Sometimes I don’t think he really even likes me all that much. I think he’s just my friend because I’m the only person he knows here.”  
  
Tommy stared at Slug with a new respect. As he’d admitted, he might not be the brightest guy but he was obviously smarter than he looked to have figured all that out on his own.  
  
“What’s your real name?” Tommy asked.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Your name isn’t really Slug, is it?”  
  
He shook his head. “It’s Roy. I hate Slug.”  
  
“Then why does Randall call you that?”  
  
“Everybody back home called me that. When I was seven, somebody dared me to eat a slug.”  
  
“And you did?”  
  
He nodded.  
  
“Ah.” Tommy suddenly found himself actually liking the big lug...at least a little. He felt bad for Roy. There was a certain sadness about him that made Tommy wonder what was going on inside that big empty head of his. “Well, Roy,” he said, reaching for his book. “I think I’m going to read for a little while.”  
  
When Tommy said his name, Roy got a big goofy grin on his face. “Sure, Timmy. Don’t let me bother you.”  
  
“It’s, uh, Tommy,” he reminded Roy and he nodded cheerfully. He’d probably forgotten already. Tommy shrugged and started reading.  
  
He looked up a while later, surprised to see Roy still sitting there grinning happily. Maybe there wasn’t as much going on inside his head as Tommy had credited him with.

  
* * *

He put his book down a couple of hours later and looked over at Roy. He was still sitting on Randall’s bed. He’d turned on the TV after asking if it would bother Tommy and ever since, he’d been contentedly watching the _Cartoon Network_.

“I’m going to lunch,” Tommy told him.

“Can I come?”

Tommy had a sudden sinking feeling that Roy had now latched onto him. Would Roy now start following him around like a big dopey puppy? The thought was rather chilling, but he couldn’t very well tell Roy he couldn’t eat lunch. “Uh, yeah, sure,” he said.

Roy plodded along after him as they walked to the cafeteria. He got a cold-cut sub while Roy filled several plates with enough food to feed a small third world country. At least Tommy now knew how Roy maintained his size.

The rest of the afternoon was spent much like the morning. Tommy read and messed around online while Roy watched TV, chuckling occasionally over the antics of whatever animated character he happened to be watching at the time. Randall didn’t make an appearance until just before dinner. He burst into the room wearing a cat-that-ate-the-canary grin.

“Dude, I’ve had the best day!” he gushed.

Tommy wasn’t sure if Randall was talking to him or Roy and decided not to comment on the off-chance Randall wasn’t talking to him. Apparently, he didn’t need the encouragement anyway, since he continued without hesitation.

“I met some mad cool people and they invited me to this totally happening party tonight! You guys have to come too. It’s like  _the_  place to be.”

“What decade are you from?” Tommy asked.

If Randall heard him, he gave no indication. “Everybody is going to be there and it’s off campus at this guy’s apartment.”

“He must have a big apartment if everybody is going to be there.”

“I managed an invite because one of the guys on the team is friends with the guy who’s throwing the bash. He told me to bring some friends and you guys are like the only people I know.”

“Wow, what an invitation. I’ve never felt so special.”

“So you guys are coming, right?”

Tommy stared at him and wondered if anything ever sank into that thick skull of his.

“Are you going?” Roy asked him.

“I don’t think so.” There would no doubt be lots of drinking and, more likely than not, drugs. Tommy really didn’t need to put himself in that position.

“Oh, come on. You have to go!” Randall whined. “I can’t show up alone and my girlfriend hasn’t gotten here yet.”

“Why do I have to go? You guys can go without me.”

“I don’t wanna go either,” Roy announced.

Randall stared at him in utter disbelief. “Dude, you love parties!”

He shrugged. “I don’t wanna go.”

Faced with the idea of spending the entire day  _and_  night alone in his room with Roy gave Tommy a new perspective on the party. He would just avoid the alcohol and drugs.

“Okay, I’ll go,” he said quickly, hoping he wouldn’t regret it later.

“Me too,” Roy added immediately.

Randall gave him a funny look, but seemed satisfied that they were both now going to the party with him. “Great! It starts around nine. Meet me here by like ten. I don’t want to be the first people there.” With that, he spun around and was gone as quickly as he’d appeared.

Soon after that, Tommy went to dinner, Roy once again trailing after him. Megan and Anoop were already there when he arrived and they waved him over to their table. The three of them kept up a constant stream of chatter as they ate, while Roy silently inhaled his food. After dinner, Roy surprised Tommy by announcing that he was going back to his room to change. He welcomed the respite.

“So what’s up with Andre the Giant?” Megan asked after he’d left.

“He’s my roommate’s friend from high school,” he told them, “but apparently now he’s adopted me as his new buddy.”

Megan giggled. “Well, you won’t have to worry about getting mugged with him following you around.”

Anoop laughed. “At least he’s quiet. He reminds me of the guy Andre the Giant played in  _The Princess Bride_.”

“Fezzik!” Megan squealed.

“Anybody want a peanut?” Anoop howled.

“Um, I’ve never seen  _The Princess Bride_ ,” Tommy admitted.

Anoop and Megan abruptly stopped laughing and stared at him with twin expressions of horror. “You’re kidding,” Megan said, sounding as if he’d just announced that he’d never bathed before.

“Nope. Quite serious.”

“Inconceivable! You have to come watch it right now. I have it in my room.”

He laughed and shrugged. “Why not? I have a few hours to kill before I have to get ready for this stupid party my idiot roommate talked me into attending.”

“Where’s it at?” Megan asked as they stood up to throw their trash away.

“I don’t even know. Off campus somewhere.”

She made a face. “Be careful. Some of those off campus parties get pretty wild.”

They walked back to Megan’s room while Anoop and Megan threw lines from the movie back and forth. Tommy wouldn’t need to see it after they finished quoting the entire script. Once in her room, she popped in the DVD and they settled onto the futon while Tommy took the chair. The movie turned out to be surprisingly good, and he could definitely see the resemblance between Roy and Fezzick.

After the movie ended, they sat around and just talked for a while. Megan and Anoop were quickly becoming his closest friends there. Tommy liked both of them, and he’d found it was possible to sit in Anoop’s presence without drooling. Around nine-thirty, he excused himself to go get changed for the party. He wasn’t exactly thrilled about going, but if he had to go he’d at least look his best.

He somehow wasn’t surprised to find Roy in his room when he opened the door. Roy had changed into a pair of nice jeans and a button-down shirt. Tommy had to admit it was an improvement over his usual uniform of shorts and T-shirt. He took a few minutes to pick out an outfit, finally settling on nice tight jeans and a sexy, form-fitting short-sleeved shirt. He debated going into the bathroom to change, but decided that was just silly. Still, he felt weird getting undressed in front of Roy. He changed as quickly as possible, feeling as if Roy was watching him, even though Roy probably didn’t even notice. Spongebob was on, and it seemed to have captured his full attention. Once dressed, Tommy ran his fingers through his hair, added a necklace, and sprayed on some of his favorite cologne.

“You look nice,” Roy said suddenly, startling him.

“Uh, thanks,” Tommy said, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. If Roy turned out to be gay and had a crush on him, Tommy was moving home. Screw college.

They didn’t have to wait long before Randall showed up again. “You guys ready?” he asked. Tommy thought he caught a whiff of alcohol on Randall’s breath but wasn’t positive. Surely, he hadn’t been pre-gaming, had he? Then again, knowing Randall, that’s probably exactly what he’d been doing.

“As I’ll ever be,” Tommy answered with a sigh. He had a sinking feeling about this party.

“You could sound a little more excited,” Randall said, poking his lower lip out in a pout.

“Let’s just go. You do know where we’re going, right?”

“I have directions.”

Somehow, Tommy wasn’t reassured.

They followed Randall downstairs, and he set off in the direction of The Morning Brew. As they passed the coffee house, Tommy glanced in, but Adam wasn’t in sight. Max was working with a sulky-looking guy he had never seen before. They passed a video store that he noticed had a rainbow flag in their window. He made note to come back sometime when he was alone. He was beginning to suspect Randall was lost when they arrived at a slightly rundown apartment building with a sign in the window that read “College Rentals".

“I think this is it,” Randall said, pushing open the front door. They followed him in as he started up a flight of steps taking two at a time. When the door closed behind them, they were suddenly thrown into pitch-black darkness. Tommy came to sudden halt and Roy slammed into him full force from behind, knocking him down with a clatter and a yelp.

“What the fuck?” Randall exclaimed.

“I think Roy just broke my leg,” Tommy groaned.

“Why is it so dark?” Roy asked.

“Who the fuck is Roy?” Randall asked in confusion.

“I’m Roy,” he responded. “Did I really break your leg?”

“No, it’s not broken. You just knocked me down.” Tommy pulled himself to his feet using the wall for support.

“His name is Slug!” Randall bleated in the darkness.

“I don’t like Slug. My name is Roy.”

“Since when?”

“My mom named me that when I was born.”

“Could someone just open the door?” Tommy yelled just as a light appeared at the top of the stairs and music flooded into the stairwell.

“I thought I heard some voices,” a guy said from the second floor. He was backlit so Tommy couldn’t make out his face clearly, but he looked to be short height and was quite delicate from what he could see. “I’m assuming you’re here for the party. Sorry about the light being out. The landlord hasn’t replaced it yet. Come on up.”

They made it to the second floor landing without further incident and Tommy got his first real look at their host for the evening. He was quite good looking with dark hair and gorgeous eyes. He held out a hand and they all shook it in turn, introducing themselves as they went. His name was Brad Bell, and his handshake was surprisingly firm. Tommy thought he saw something in his eyes as Brad’s hand lingered in his just a little too long. Jeez, he was beginning to think that everyone was gay. First it was Adam, then Toshi, and now this guy. He had even wondered briefly about Roy. Was he that desperate for some queer companionship or was this college just full of fags?

Brad escorted them into his apartment which was surprisingly large and already pretty much filled to capacity. As Tommy had suspected, there was plenty of alcohol flowing already, although at that stage, everyone was still more or less sober. Music was playing, but it was at background volume and didn’t really interfere with the conversations that were going on all around the room.

“Can I get you a drink?” Brad offered, playing the perfect host.

“Just point me towards the hard stuff,” Randall said. His eyes were already scanning the room like a predator seeking prey.

“I’ll just have a beer, thanks,” Roy said politely.

Brad pointed Randall in the direction of the liquor, then grabbed a bottled beer out of a nearby cooler and handed it to Roy. Then he turned to Tommy. “What can I get you?”

“Do you have Coke?”

“Rum and Coke?”

“Hold the rum.”

“Just a Coke?”

“Please?”

“No problem.” He ducked into the kitchen area and returned quickly with a glass of Coke. Tommy took a cautious sip just to be safe. “I didn’t spike it,” Brad said with a smile.

He smiled back. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply you did. It’s just that I don’t drink.”

“At all?” Brad asked with surprise.

“Not anymore.”

“Oh, okay. I get you. That’s cool.”

They chatted for a few minutes before the sound of shattering glass came from the kitchen. Brad flinched and gave him an apologetic grimace.

“I guess you’d better go check on that,” Tommy said.

“Yeah,” Brad agreed and headed off in the direction of the crash.

Tommy decided to make a circuit of the room. As he went, he looked for familiar faces but didn’t see any. The party had spilled into the bedroom, where a group of people were watching something on the TV. It turned out to be that movie with the guy from Dawson’s Creek as the drug dealer,  _Rules of Attraction_. He stayed and watched for a while, especially enjoying the scene where some cute dark haired guy kissed him, but after that, he quickly lost interest and wandered on again. He ended up back in the living room, leaning against the wall. Parties just weren’t as much fun if you couldn’t drink - especially when you didn’t know anyone.

He gave the room another once over hoping someone he knew had arrived while he’d been in the back, but all he came up with was Roy and Randall. Randall was already looking hammered.  _No wonder_ , he thought when he noticed the glass of amber liquid in Randall’s hand. He was knocking back the hard stuff straight-up. He was busy hitting on a brunette chick who looked extremely disinterested. Roy was standing a few feet away from Tommy with his arms crossed over his chest while scanning the crowd. Every few seconds he’d glance over to make sure Tommy was still nearby. Roy had been following him around all night and Tommy was beginning to feel like he had a bodyguard. If there was anyone there who might be interested in him, they’d probably be too intimidated to approach him.

Just then, he was proven wrong as someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to find a painfully thin girl with stringy blonde hair. “You look really familiar,” she said. Her voice was steady but her eyes were slightly unfocused. It was a look Tommy had seen many times before. She’d been into something besides alcohol tonight. “Are you from around here?”

“Uh, no. I’m from out of state.” As Tommy said that, he realized that she did actually look vaguely familiar. His brain raced, trying to figure out where he might know her from. It would be just his luck if she was someone from his past.

“Really? Me too. I swear I’ve seen you before. Have you ever been to Texas?”

Tommy took a closer look at her. Shit. He’d lived in Texas for a year with his mom. He’d been quite the party boy while there. He drank heavily and he’d gotten into drugs, a habit that followed him back to California and almost cost him his life. He didn’t know where he’d met that girl before, but he was sure he didn’t want her to remember. Not there. He’d done a lot of things he wasn’t proud of then. “Nope,” he lied. “You must have me confused with someone else.”

He quickly moved away, Roy tagging along a few feet behind. Something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye and he turned to see some guy dancing by himself on the other side of the room.  _Another drunk kid_ , he thought. Then he turned and Tommy saw his face. His breath caught in his throat. It was Adam. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes were squeezed shut as he danced, his body moving without any inhibitions.  _He’s even beautiful when he’s drunk. I bet it’s the first time he’s ever been drunk._ Adam was dressed very differently than he did for work. He was wearing a pair of tight leather pants and a very tight T-shirt. His shirt had risen above his navel, giving a tantalizing glimpse of his tummy. Tommy couldn’t tear his eyes off him. Other people were noticing Adam, too. The blonde chick from Texas had even started dancing with him.

“Hey! Look at the little fag dance!” someone yelled. Tommy searched out the heckler and somehow wasn’t surprised to see it was Randall. He had figured Randal would be a homophobe. He was definitely a lot drunker than he’d been when they arrived.

Adam stopped dancing and stood swaying slightly while he sought out the voice. He stared defiantly at Randall.

“Go on, fag. Dance till you puke,” Randall taunted and several people laughed.

Tommy didn’t like the look in Adam’s eyes. He pushed away from the wall where he’d been leaning and started across the room in Adam’s direction. Before he’d taken more than a couple steps, Brad caught Randall’s arm and said something to him quietly. Randall shook him off angrily and gave him a slight push. Suddenly, Adam launched himself into Randall’s chest and caught him by surprise. They went down with a crash, Adam pummeling Randall’s face before they hit the floor. Tommy had to give him this much, he was a tough gorgeous moron. He couldn’t keep this up forever though; Randall would cream him the first chance he got.

Tommy tried to move faster through the crowd, but Brad was closer. He grabbed Adam and started pulling him off of Randall. Randall used the golden opportunity to take a sucker punch. One shot and Adam was out like a light.

Tommy felt a growl in his throat, but suddenly, the crowd was parted before him as Roy cut through them like a bulldozer. He reached Randall and lifted him off the floor as if he was nothing more than a rag doll.

“That was mean,” he snarled.

“Are you sticking up for fags now, Slug?” Randall spat the name like an insult.

Tommy seriously thought those might have been Randall’s last words if he hadn’t been there. Roy tensed up and Tommy saw his hand clench into a fist. He laid a hand on Roy’s arm and he immediately felt the tension drain out of him.

“He’s drunk, Roy,” Tommy said quietly. “Why don’t you take him back to our room before he causes more trouble?”

“What about the kid?” he asked.

Tommy looked over at Adam, whose head was being cradled in Brad’s lap. He was just starting to come to, so it didn’t appear to be anything too serious. “I’ll take care of him.”

“Okay, Tommy,” Roy agreed. Tommy took a second to note that Roy had finally gotten his name right. He dragged a loudly protesting Randall out the door.

Once they were gone, Tommy turned his attention to Adam and Brad. He knelt down next to them. “Hey, Adam,” he said softly. “You okay?”

Adam tried to focus on him, but his eyes refused to cooperate. “Tommy?”

“Yeah.”

“There’re two of you.”

“It’s okay. Just relax.”

“I take it you two know each other?” Brad asked.

“Yeah, we’ve met.”

“I just met him today. He lives next door. I had no idea he was such a wild man.”

“I get the impression he isn’t usually.”

“Hey, I’m in the room, people,” Adam slurred. “Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”

“Sorry, Adam. Hey Brad, Randall is my roommate so I feel a little responsible here. Why don’t I take care of getting Adam here back to his room so you can get back to your party?”

“Sounds like a plan. That okay with you, Adam?”

“Hm? Yeah, whatever Tommy-poo says.”

“Tommy-poo?” Brad asked with a raised eyebrow. Tommy shrugged. He was as confused as Brad was.

Between the two of them, they managed to get him more or less to his feet. Adam was leaning heavily against him, but Tommy couldn’t say he minded it all that much.  _Do not take advantage of this situation_ , he told himself sternly. They moved slowly towards the door, the other partiers considerately moving out of the way as they progressed. Brad let them out and they finally reached the hallway.

“Sorry about all this,” Tommy said and Brad laughed.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. “You’re probably the only sober one involved. If you hadn’t stepped in, we’d probably have a dead body on our hands. That big guy looked like he could do some damage. It was nice meeting you, though. Hey, maybe we can get together some other time under better circumstances.” Brad gave him a dazzling smile, and Tommy definitely knew Brad was flirting this time.

“Er, uh, yeah, sure,” Tommy stammered.

Brad smiled again. “You sure you can handle him?” He pointed to Adam, who had wrapped his arms around Tommy’s neck and laid his head on Tommy’s shoulder.

“Yeah. Taken care of.”

“Okay then. Just let me know if you need any help.”

“Thanks.”

Brad shut the door, leaving Adam and Tommy alone in the hall.

“Okay, Adam,” Tommy said to the dead weight at his side. “Let’s get you into bed.”

Adam giggled. “Are you hitting on me?”

Tommy couldn’t help but laugh, too. “You wish.”

“Mmm,” was Adam’s ambiguous reply.

“Where’s your key?”

“Pocket.”

He made no move to get it, so with a sigh Tommy fumbled his hand into Adam’s pocket.

Adam giggled again and squirmed against Tommy. This was causing a blood flow directly to Tommy’s crotch. “You’re making this hard,” he mumbled, and added under his breath, “No pun intended.” Tommy managed to find the key and slid his hand out of Adam’s pants. Tommy propped him against the door and held Adam up with one arm while he unlocked his door. Adam stumbled backwards as the door swung open. Tommy caught him and pulled Adam’s body against him as he struggled to keep his balance. Adam’s arms went around Tommy’s neck, their faces only inches from one another.

Tommy felt his face flush as he sincerely hoped Adam was too drunk to remember any of it in the morning. “Bedroom,” he croaked.

Adam pointed vaguely towards the back of the apartment. Tommy looked around and realized it was a mirror image of Brad’s apartment. He figured Adam’s bedroom would be in the same place Brad’s was, so he steered Adam in that direction after shutting the door with his foot.

They reached the door which he maneuvered open. He reached inside and found the light switch. Sure enough, it was the bedroom. Adam had a double bed; the impression of his body could still be seen in its sheets. He shuffled Adam towards the bed until they’d reached its side.

“Okay, into bed,” he said.

“Okay,” Adam agreed with a giggle and fell back, pulling Tommy with him. They tumbled into Adam’s bed, his arms still around Tommy.

“Adam, I should go,” Tommy said, his voice uneven and his breath ragged.

“Stay,” he whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

  
**Adam**  


The music had toned down some. People of every description were scattered around the large living room milling about in clusters, talking, drinking, and laughing. He felt a bit out of place, not sure how he should conduct himself at what appeared to be a straight gathering. Suddenly, he felt a little conspicuous in his sartorial choices.

“Come on, Adam, let’s get you a drink!” Brad said as he took Adam by the hand and pulled him through the crowd. Good thing he did too, because Adam would have lost him very fast in that crowd. He glanced at his surroundings, which wasn’t much since there was a ginormous guy blocking most of his view past a couple of feet. He was like a pillar of solid flesh. He turned in profile and Adam saw a low, heavy forehead that resembled a bulwark, complete with unibrow. His muscles rippled as he stretched his gargantuan body.

The man-mountain shifted and there was Tommy, turned three-quarters away from him and holding a glass of soda. His chest was outlined in a tight fitting shirt. Tommy’s head began to turn lazily in his direction, but Brad started moving again at that point, and Adam was tugged back into the sea of people.

“Screwdriver?” Brad asked as they reached the alcohol.

“I’m not all that mechanical,” Adam replied. Brad smiled and mouthed  _smart ass_  at him before pouring him a drink. He handed it to Adam with a flourish and Adam sipped it carefully. ‘ _Hey! This isn’t bad!’_  He began to drink it a bit more quickly while he and Brad exchanged basic information about each other - small talk really.

Suddenly, Adam was on his third - or was it his fourth? - drink, something called a Long Island Iced Tea, and boy, was that good too! He felt confused, and realized that Brad wasn’t near him. He wondered if he bored Brad or something.

He turned, and his vision swam. Some guy with a face that looked like a jackhammer had run riot on him was laughing in front of him. His mouth looked amazingly huge, as if it could swallow planetary systems or something. Adam began to giggle, which made him lose his balance somewhat. He placed a hand on the counter in front of him to steady himself. He spotted Tommy through a break in the sea of people. Tommy was leaning against a wall, looking bored. Adam decided to go say hello to him and tried to walk.  _Wait... This might be more difficult than I thought._

He wobbled a bit, then stopped altogether to get his bearings.  _Wow, those drinks hit me fast. Who would have thought? It was just four...or was it six drinks?_  He looked up and watched Tommy from across the room, his arms crossed over his chest and that hulking figure from earlier staying no more than two feet from him. Adam suddenly got the image of that guy on a leash moving in a precise two-foot radius around Tommy like the world’s largest stray puppy. He began to giggle again and inhaled deeply as he tried to catch his breath, but Tommy slowly straightened up as some blond girl stopped to talk to him. The Hulk hovered just at the edge of his invisible leash.

The girl was looking intently at Tommy and speaking to him. Adam hated that. Seeing him there was almost like some divine plan peeking through for a moment. Then there’s some girl to ruin it all and remind him that Tommy was straight.  _God, I came here to forget him!_

The stereo volume bumped up a couple of notches and a vaguely familiar song came on. Bump, bump, bump, then some words...Fly by Sugar Ray!  _Okay, I can get in to this!_  He began to dance a bit on his own, and old jackhammer face noticed and started to laugh. Adam ignored him and danced, singing along with the jacked-up radio volume.

He mumbled the lyrics to himself, as much as he remembered of them. He was sure they were almost all wrong anyway. He spun on his own, oblivious to his surroundings. He felt fluid on the floor, twirling and feeling the air as it flowed across his skin. He twisted and turned, feeling his shirt ride up his stomach a tad. The song started to wind down into a quiet part, but he danced all the more. The blond chick that had been talking to Tommy was now moving with him...well, in his general area anyway.

“Look at the little fag dance!” a voice rang out loud enough to be heard over the music. Adam followed the eyes of so many in the room that led back to Jackhammer Face. He looked at the guy and he grinned at Adam drunkenly. “Go on, fag. Dance till you puke.”

Adam felt an overwhelming need to hit something. People were laughing. It occurred to him later that they could have been laughing at that guy showing what a moron he really was, but right then it felt as though they were all laughing at him - and it was all that jerk’s fault. Brad had his arm and was trying to talk to him, but he was having none of it. He was getting loud with Brad, and shoved him hard away from him.

Adam couldn’t really administer a beatdown too often, but he was drunk and the guy didn’t look so big anymore. In fact, Adam was sure the guy had shrunk since he began to drink. Adam charged the guy and was only a foot or two away when the giant noticed him. Adam jumped on him. As they fell to the ground, Adam tried to continue the jackhammer’s work on his face.

He dropped five or six good shots on the giant while he struggled to extend his arms to hit Adam. Adam knew he needed to stay close on the guy or he was dead meat. His fists felt as if they were moving with Matrix-like speed, so he was quite surprised when he began moving away from good ol’ Jack.

Someone grabbed him from behind and tried to pull him away.  _No! If I could just get the right distance...._

* * *

He dreamed of Tommy - and Adam knew it was a dream because the girl he was probably banging right about then was nowhere to be seen. He was dressed as he had been at the party, and he told Brad he would take him home. Adam dreamed he leaned on Tommy, feeling Tommy’s body under his grip as he latched his hands around Tommy’s neck and laid his head on Tommy’s shoulder. They went into the hallway and Brad flirted with Tommy. He might have bared his teeth at Brad, but he wasn’t sure.

Tommy took him to his room and asked for his key. All he had to do was ask, but Adam just giggled at him. At some point, he asked if Tommy was flirting with him, but he couldn’t remember what Tommy said. He reached into Adam’s pocket, and it felt so  _real_. Adam squirmed under Tommy’s touch and ground into him. It was amazing how real it felt, from the firmness of Tommy’s body to the smoothness of the skin on his neck. Even the clean, fresh smell of his bare skin where Adam’s nose met his neck was perfect.

They got into his apartment and Tommy asked him where his bedroom was. Adam pointed, not wanting to relinquish his hold on the other guy. That dream had to be followed to fruition. They lurched into the bedroom; Tommy flipped the light on and told him to get into bed. Adam happily complied, dragging Tommy down with him. Tommy looked in his eyes and seemed to be breathing heavily.

“Adam, I should go,” he said.

“Stay,” he replied. He looked up at Adam, his dream already fading as exhaustion claimed him. He looked into Tommy’s beautiful eyes. They were clear and kind. He began to sing to Tommy, very softly.

“I have lost love. I have found love, in a world of broken dreams.” He had probably tried to kiss Tommy then, but things got fuzzy there. He must have fallen into a deeper sleep, because if he had kissed Tommy he desperately wanted to remember.

* * *

He was completely wrung out and his head felt like there were seventy-six trombones playing inside.  _Oh God, I’ll never be able to watch ‘The Music Man’ again._  He rolled out of bed and instantly regretted it. He crawled to the bathroom and hung his head in the time-honored tradition of hung-over people everywhere. He had to admit, he felt better after emptying any remaining contents from his stomach.

After showering, he did feel somewhat near human. He walked out to his room to dress. The clock reported it was now twelve thirty-six and his stomach rolled over. He needed coffee, and maybe a small scone. He dressed in sweats and a tee-shirt with a red rooster on the front. He was doing something obnoxious. All the shirts had something suggestive on them, which was funny sometimes, but not at the moment.

He locked his door and decided to ask Brad to go for coffee too, the least he could do for knocking out one of his guests. He knocked on Brad’s door, which elicited a muffled response that sounded like an annoyed, “What?”

The door opened and Adam stood there, trying not to laugh at Brad who was sporting some very aggressive bed head. His eyes were somewhat bleary, and it was obvious he had been asleep.

“Um, hi, Brad. I stopped to see if I could buy you a cup of coffee?” Adam asked while schooling his features to neutrality.

“Coffee? That sounds good,” Brad mumbled. “C’mon in.” Adam walked into a true mess, cups, bottles and empty beer cans were abandoned hither and yon. A sheet was laying in the doorway from the bedroom to the living room. He tried to stifle a giggle but failed, which drew a sour look from Brad.

“Let me just grab a quick shower,” Brad said while dragging the sheet back into the bedroom. Adam walked over to the kitchenette and found a box of garbage bags. Opening one, he began to pick up some of the detritus that was strewn about, courtesy of his guests. By the time Brad got back into the living room in sweats and a lacrosse sports top, Adam had picked up much of the used container population.

“Oh, thanks man. This place just needs to be hosed out!” he chuckled.

“Yeah, looks like it was a hopping good time,” Adam commented.

“Well, it did calm down after you beat on that guy a little.” He chuckled at the thought. “I never would have pictured it, but I think if I hadn’t pulled you off him, you might have inflicted some serious damage.”

“Oh, I am so sorry. That is so embarrassing, I usually don’t drink,” Adam replied with his cheeks afire.

Brad smirked. “Yeah, your friend, Tommy-poo thought that was the case.”

“I didn’t say that, did I?” Adam looked at him in dismay.

“Yep, you sure did.” He smiled back.

“He didn’t hear me, did he?”

“Well, I think he might have heard since you were on the floor and he was trying to help you stand at the time.” Brad grinned.

He squeaked.

“It didn’t seem to bother him. I think he just figured you were drunk, you know? I mean, he still walked you back to your apartment last night.”

Adam gaped at him in growing horror.  _Oh my God! Tommy had been in my apartment? It wasn’t just a dream? Had he seen my deranged underwear purchases? Had he really been pulled into bed with me?_

“Adam, you all right? You don’t look very good.”

“I...oh my God.” He put his hands over his face as he pictured how uncomfortable a straight guy must have felt to have him, this raging queer, make a drunken pass at him.

“Adam, seriously, he didn’t seem to mind. He seemed to think you were an okay guy. I mean, he took you home, right?”

“That’s not the part that worries me,” he whined.

“I think he was kind of sweet on you. I mean, not just anyone will look out for a guy. You know?”

“What?”

“I think he’s gay. Does that freak you out? ‘Cause if it does we aren’t going to get along as neighbors.” Brad looked at him grimly.

“You’re gay?” Adam asked.

“Do you even have to ask?” Brad laughed, a cold sound that held no amusement. His eyes searched Adam’s face.

Adam sighed in relief, and then looked at him with a squint. “Did you hit on Tommy last night, when he was carrying me out the door?”

“I flirted,” Brad admitted. “You can’t blame me. He’s cute and he seems to be a decent guy. Like I said, he wanted to make sure you were okay, and it didn’t sound like you guys had known each other for too long. So, good looking and good people...what’s wrong with flirting?” Brad smiled at him and he couldn’t fault Brad’s logic. “It would be different if you were dating, then I wouldn’t, except in fun, you know? Is Tommy your boy?”

“Hold everything. Who said anything about me being gay?” Adam asked. Brad had not asked directly. He was assuming. Adam was not ashamed of who he was. If people asked, he would tell them, but if they assumed? They better had some proof!

“Well, I put two and two together. Like Tommy-poo, and the way you snuggled your head into his shoulder. Plus, when I flirted you bared your teeth at me.” Brad replied, ticking off the reasons on his fingers. Okay, so Brad had him. “So, is Tommy your boy?”

“I wish, but after last night….Wait a second, he’s straight!” he exclaimed.

“Oh no, friend of mine, he’s bi at least. Can we go get coffee now?”

“Yeah, sure,” Adam said as they exited Brad’s apartment. “But how can you be so sure?”

“He was flirting back a little. He blushed when I flirted, so he knew the score there. You have to watch people, Adam.” Brad threw his arm around him and they walked down the stairs and over to The Morning Rush. Mike was working that Sunday and he was bored out of his skull.

“Jesus, I’m glad to see someone!” he said. “This place is so fucking boring.” He poured the coffees and, since Brad was with him, they were on the house. They talked to Mike, who was an okay guy but nothing to write home about. Adam definitely didn’t see the attraction Max had to him, except that he was uninterested in her. Adam thought she was into the impossible relationships - then she couldn’t get hurt.

Was he into that, too? Picking a straight guy? Or, according to Brad, a  _bi_  guy. They sat at the table, lost in their own thoughts and just allowing the afternoon to pass by.

“So what are you going to do?” Brad asked.

“About Tommy you mean?”

“No, the crisis in the Middle East! Of course Tommy!” He laughed at Adam.

“I’d rather solve the crisis in the Middle East, thanks.”

Brad gave him an impatient look.

“I don’t know. I mean, let’s assume that he is bi, at least. I don’t even know if he likes me,” he replied.

“Well, he must be able to tolerate you. He took you home, after all,” Brad reasoned.

“That’s another thing. I am  _so_  embarrassed about the way I acted last night. I don’t fight! On top of that...I am pretty sure I was a romantic drunk,” he sighed.

“You made a pass at him?”

“I don’t remember. I’m pretty sure I said something silly. I know I was hanging off him like some lovestruck groupie and...I think I tried to kiss him.”

“You tried to kiss him?” Adam nodded. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Did you suck his tonsils out? What do you mean ‘what’?”

“I…I don’t know. I mean, I really would like to remember if I did….kiss him.”

“You can’t remember if you kissed a hot guy or not? That’s it, Shirley Temples for you from now on!” Brad laughed at him and Adam flipped him the bird.

“Okay, so let’s say that he is interested. What then?” Brad seemed to enjoy playing devil’s advocate.

“That is so unlikely. Besides how am I supposed to look at him after acting like that? If he was interested before, now he’ll run screaming from the freaky kid that drinks too much.” he sighed.

“You don’t know that, and I think it’s safe to say from the looks he gave you that he might forgive you.”

“I don’t know.”

They walked back towards their apartment in relative silence, mulling over the sordid events of last night. Adam still felt foolish. They stopped in the video store, which displayed a pride flag in the window. They had a section of gay-themed movies so Adam filled out the necessary forms for a card.

Once they got home he went in and helped Brad get his apartment cleaned up before going home. Adam reached out to put the key in the lock when he saw a note tucked into the jamb of the door. He looked at it curiously, rent wasn’t due and he couldn’t think of a reason for there to be a note there. He opened it and scanned the hasty scrawls on the scrap of a receipt.

_ Adam, _

_ I just stopped to see if you were okay, you were a little drunk last night.  _

_ Tommy _

A little drunk? Was Tommy paying attention? He thought enough to stop and see if Adam was okay, though. Maybe Tommy just wanted to be sure he hadn’t choked on his own puke, maybe it would make him responsible somehow. Adam opened his door and pulled off his shirt, tossing it on the back of the couch. He sat on the couch looking at the note. Tommy had stopped to see if he was okay.

Well maybe Tommy wanted to check, just to cover his ass on liability. Things had never worked out for Adam, the one who always picked the guy that was taken or just wasn’t interested. He stared at the note, the lines of the letters, and began to crumple it, only to stop and sigh in frustration. Tommy cared enough to make sure he wasn’t dead. He put the note in his pocket, not sure exactly why; maybe as a solid reminder that there might be more to this than he thought.

He stayed home and read for the evening, just sprawled in bed. Classes started the next day, so he went to sleep fairly early. Plus, he was tired from his antics the night before and his churning thoughts from the day. As crazy as it sounded, Brad had given him a little spark of hope, this stupid little flame that made him think of Tommy long after the lights went out. He wondered if his daydreams could ever be a reality. Time would tell, as his father would say.


	7. Chapter 7

  
**Tommy**

He looked into Adam’s blue eyes and fought for breath. His heart felt like it was trying to pound its way out of his chest. Had Adam just asked him to stay? At that moment, Tommy wanted to do that more than anything. It felt so right just lying there in Adam’s arms, but he reminded himself that Adam was drunk. He didn’t know what he was saying.

Tommy opened his mouth to tell Adam he couldn’t stay, but Adam cut him off when he suddenly started to sing. “I have lost love. I have found love, in a world of broken dreams.” The words made Tommy’s heart skip a beat. Did Adam know what he was saying? Before Tommy could react, Adam leaned forward in a clumsy attempt to kiss him. For one brief second of pure, startled perfection, his lips brushed against Tommy’s then he dropped back onto the bed. He was out cold.

Tommy just laid there next to him for a few minutes, watching Adam sleep. Any lingering doubts he’d had about Adam’s sexuality had been neatly cleared up with that kiss. He had learned from experience that no matter how drunk a guy was, he would not kiss another guy unless he wanted to. Tommy knew he should leave, but he just couldn’t stop looking at Adam. He was so beautiful. Tommy wanted to touch him so badly, just run his fingers across the soft skin of Adam’s cheek. He wanted to kiss his eminently kissable lips.

 _I’m falling for him_ , Tommy realized with a lurch. He jumped up from the bed. That couldn’t be happening. He barely knew the guy. He couldn’t be falling for him. He backed out of the bedroom, pulling the door closed quietly behind him. He leaned his forehead against the coolness of the painted wood. _What am I doing? I can’t fall for this kid. We’re so different. He’s so innocent and pure. And I’m...not._

He turned around and looked around Adam’s apartment. It may have been laid out like Brad’s, but the similarities ended there. Brad’s apartment had been furnished with slick modern pieces that looked like they must have cost a fortune. It was attractive, but hadn’t felt comfortable to Tommy. In contrast, Adam’s apartment was filled with obviously second-hand pieces, but it felt much more like a home. He noticed one odd note. For some reason he couldn’t quite fathom, it seemed Adam kept his dirty clothes hamper next to the front door. A shirt hung half-out where’d he probably carelessly thrown it after coming in from work. The thought of Adam walking around without a shirt sent shivers down Tommy’s spine and he decided it was definitely time to leave. He let himself out of Adam’s apartment and carefully locked the door before pulling it closed.

He walked slowly back to his building, thinking about Adam and his feelings for him. It occurred to him that Adam had been taking up an inordinate amount of his thoughts lately. What was he going to do? Was it worth the risk of rejection? He didn’t know if he could stand to see Adam’s face filled with disgust for him. Maybe it would just be easier to avoid Adam altogether. His thoughts careened wildly around and around his head, but he’d come to no conclusions by the time he reached his dorm.

He could hear Randall as soon as he stepped off the elevator on his floor. He paused and listened outside the door. From the sound of things, Randall was still very unhappy. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Roy and Randall both turned to face Tommy as he stepped in. Randall’s posture was aggressive, but Roy didn’t seem too intimidated.

Randall immediately launched a verbal attack. “What the fuck were you doing?” he snarled at Tommy. “I can’t believe you two stuck up for that little fag.”

Tommy wasn’t in the mood to put up with his mouth. “Oh, give me a break, Randall,” he shot back. “You’re twice his size.”

“Hey, the fag started it! He jumped me.”

“No, you started it when you opened your big mouth.”

Roy was watching their exchange with an impassive expression, his big head swiveling back and forth as if he was watching a tennis game.

“What are you trying to say?” Randall demanded.

“I’m trying to say you acted like an ignorant bully.”

“The fag deserved...”

“Stop using that word.”

“What word? Fag? Why? Are you some kind of fag lover?”

“Shut up, Randall. We’re not having this conversation. You’re an idiot when you’re sober and you’re even worse when you’re drunk.”

An ugly look passed across Randall’s face, and Tommy was suddenly very glad Roy was in the room. “Maybe you’re a fag yourself,” Randall sneered. Tommy ignored him and started getting ready for bed. Randall wasn’t finished yet. “Is that it? My roommate’s a fag?” Tommy felt Randall come up behind him and stiffened. Roy moved closer as Randall grabbed Tommy’s arm and spun him around, shoving Tommy against his desk. “Are you a fag, Tommy?”

“Randall, stop,” Roy rumbled, but Randall was too far gone to notice.

“Are you?”

Something inside Tommy snapped. He looked Randall right in the eye and said, “Yes.”

Randall’s fist drew back so fast Tommy didn’t have time to do more than flinch, but the blow never landed. Roy moved to intervene with a speed Tommy had never suspected he possessed. His knuckles connected solidly with Randall’s face, actually sending him flying a short distance through the air before hitting the floor with a heavy thud. He didn’t move. Tommy stared down at him for a few seconds before glancing over at Roy. He was looking at Randall with a sad expression on his face.

“I didn’t want to hit him,” he said.

“I know, but I’m sure glad you did.”

Roy looked over at him. “Randall always gets mean when he gets drunk.”

Tommy couldn’t argue with that so he just nodded. Roy picked Randall up and laid him on his bed. “I don’t think I should sleep in here tonight, just in case he wakes up and is still mad,” Tommy said.

He nodded. “Where will you go?”

“I can probably stay on Megan’s futon again.” Roy blinked at him without comprehension. “I can stay with a friend.” He nodded again.

Tommy pulled out some clothes from his dresser and stuffed them into his backpack. He didn’t want to have to face Randall in the morning...or ever again, for that matter.

“Are you?” Roy asked suddenly.

Tommy stopped what he was doing and looked over at him. Roy was studying him closely, as if trying to figure something out.

“Am I what?”

“What Randall said?”

“A fag?”

“I didn’t want to use that word after you yelled at Randall for saying it.”

“You want to know if I’m gay?”

He nodded.

Tommy eyed his huge frame and thought about the damage Roy could do to him if he didn’t like the answer. So far, Roy had been a gentle giant when it came to his interaction with him, but Tommy had just watched him knock a big guy like Randall halfway across the room with a single punch. What could Roy do to him? “Does it matter?”

He shrugged. “Not really. You’re still my friend no matter what. You’re nice to me.”

Tommy felt a pang of guilt at his words. He really hadn’t been very nice to Roy. The fact that Roy thought he had been, spoke volumes about the kind of treatment he must be used to. Tommy decided he at least owed him the truth.

“Yeah, I’m gay.”

Roy smiled as if Tommy had confirmed something he’d suspected. “I thought so. You’re sweet on that little boy, aren’t you?”

Tommy felt a flush creeping up his cheeks. “Adam?”

“Is he the one Randall punched at the party?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s the one. You like him, don’t ya?”

“Yeah, I do,” Tommy said and giggled as the surrealistic quality of this conversation struck him. The first person he told about his crush was an enormous straight simpleton.

Roy’s smile grew. “Does he like you?”

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You should ask.”

“It’s not quite that easy, Roy.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not the same for guys like me as it is for you. You can just walk up to a girl that you like and ask her out. I can get beat up or even killed if I ask the wrong person.”

Roy thought about it a second then slowly bobbed his head once. “Maybe if the guy is someone like Randall, but Adam couldn’t beat up a third grader.”

Tommy laughed. “He took Randall down.”

“Only cuz he was drunk and didn’t expect the guy to jump him.”

Tommy looked over at Randall. The area around his eye where Roy at hit him was swelling slightly and already starting to turn dark. He was going to have quite a shiner when he woke up.

“I should probably go before he comes to,” Tommy said with a sigh. “I don’t look forward to sharing a room with him in the future.”

“You’ll have to be careful now,” Roy said. “I’ll watch out for you when I’m around.”

Tommy grinned. Just earlier tonight he’d thought Roy felt like his bodyguard, and now he really was. That annoying Whitney Houston song from _The Bodyguard_ suddenly popped into his head.

Roy frowned. “Your guy will need watching out for more than you, though.”

“You think Randall will mess with him?”

“He’s gonna be mad. He made him look bad in front of all those people.”

Tommy hadn’t even thought about that. Great. Just what he needed - something else to worry about.

“I’ll watch out for him, too.”

Tommy smiled at Roy. He really wasn’t such a bad guy. Tommy picked up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. “So yeah, I guess I’ll go see if I can stay with Megan.”

“Okay. Do you care if I stay here tonight? I’ll keep an eye on Randall.”

“That’s not a bad idea. You can just take my bed.”

“Take it where?”

Tommy laughed, then realized Roy wasn’t making a joke. “Um, you can sleep in my bed.”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

He smiled at Roy again. “No, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being a friend.”

Roy looked surprised. “We’re friends?”

“Hell yeah. You saved my neck tonight.”

A huge grin spread across his face. “Cool.”

“G’night, Roy.”

“’Night, Tommy.”

Tommy slipped out of the room and went to see if Megan’s futon was available. It was, and Megan, who was alone this time and still awake when he knocked on her door, was thrilled to have him spend the night again. “It’ll be like a slumber party,” she squealed. They stayed up for a while, just talking and getting to know each other better. He even told her about the situation with Randall - she recommended Tommy apply for a room change - and his crush on Adam, which she thought was adorable. Finally, they both grew too tired to keep their eyes open and they fell asleep.

Tommy was a little disoriented when he awoke the next morning. He sat up and remembered where he was, but Megan was nowhere to be seen. He found his watch and checked the time. It was after ten! That was sleeping in late for him. He got up and found a note from Megan on his backpack.

 

_Gone out for breakfast with Anoop. Help yourself to the shower._

_See you later,  
Megan_

He took her up on her offer and jumped in the shower. She still wasn’t back by the time he got dressed, so he left her a quick note thanking her for letting him stay, then went to get some coffee. He was secretly hoping to see Adam, but coffee was a good excuse.

He pushed open the door and was disappointed to see no sign of Adam. Max and the dark-haired guy he’d seen last night were working behind the counter. Max grinned as soon as she saw him.

“Well, if it isn’t the Good Samaritan. Helped any old ladies across the street today?”

Max was a joker. He knew her type and he knew just how to play up to them. “No. Why? Did you need to cross the street?” He quipped with a wink.

Max threw her head back and let out a guffaw. “Oh yeah,” she said, wiping at her eyes. “I definitely like you, kid.”

“Call me Tommy.”

“There’re a lot of things I’d like to call you, but none I can say in front of Mike here.” She leaned over the counter and added in a stage whisper, “Virgin ears...”

He glanced over at Mike who looked quite bored with the whole exchange. He wasn’t exactly Mr. Personality.

“So what can I get you?” Max asked.

“A double shot of espresso, please.”

“Coming right up.”

She made his drink and he paid her for it. As she was getting his change, she looked up slyly. “So, have you given any thought to applying for a job here? We’re still hiring.”

He accepted his change and receipt while he pretended to think about her question. “I’ll let you know when I get that desperate.”

She stuck out her tongue at me and he was surprised to see she had a tongue stud. “I’ll be sure to let Adam know you dropped in to see him,” she added with a smirk.

He must have looked startled because she started chortling again with the satisfied expression of one who has taken a shot in the dark and hit the bull’s eye. He let her have the last word and left with his coffee. It seemed he may have underestimated Max.

Was he really that transparent? If it was so obvious that Roy could see it, he probably was. He walked back to campus and decided to risk going back to his room. He listened at the door but didn’t hear anything inside. He went in to find the room empty. It was the first time in days he’d opened his door without finding Roy inside. It was strangely empty without his presence.

He turned on his computer and signed online. He was chatting with friends from home when the door opened behind him. He jumped up as Randall walked in. He spotted Tommy and a range of emotions flickered over his face, finally settling on sheepish. He was sporting a huge black eye, courtesy of Roy.

“Hey, Tommy,” he said softly.

“Um, hi, Randall.”

“Look, I owe you a huge apology for last night. I was way out of line. I have a really bad temper when I’m drunk.”

Tommy didn’t know quite how to take that. What had happened last night was more than just a bad temper. “I, uh...it’s nice of you to apologize but it still doesn’t excuse what happened.”

“Yeah. You’re right. It’s just that I’ve never known any gay people before.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “So that makes it okay?”

“No, that’s not what I’m trying to say. It’s just that... Okay, listen. When I get drunk, I get kind of...what’s the word? Belli...belligernt?”

“Belligerent?”

“Yeah, that. My dad always said I get a big mouth. I didn’t really mean to start a fight with that...uh, punk. It wasn’t really anything against him, you know? I just ran off at the mouth. I didn’t expect him to just jump me like that.”

“You just expected him to take it?”

Randall shrugged and had the grace to look a little ashamed.

“So what happened when I got back to the room? You tried to attack me too.”

He shifted his weight uncomfortably. “I’m real sorry about that, Tommy. I guess I was just mad and was taking it out on you.”

“I don’t think this rooming arrangement is going to work.”

“Huh? Why? I said I’m sorry.”

“How do I know you won’t decide to take it out on me again? Besides, you clearly showed that you’re homophobic last night. I wouldn’t think you’d want a _fag_ for a roommate.” He flinched as Tommy used the word “fag”.

“I promise I won’t take it out on you again. That was really stupid. And as far as sharing a room with...with you, like I said, I’ve never known any gay people before. You seem like a good guy, though. You haven’t, like, hit on me or anything.”

“Trust me. I won’t.”

“So yeah, I don’t care if you stay.”

“Well, gee, Randall. I really appreciate you letting me stay and all, but that still doesn’t guarantee me that the next time you get drunk, I won’t end up as your punching bag.”

“I said I promise...”

“Randall, I used to drink. I know how long promises last when you get drunk. As long as you plan to continue to get drunk, you can’t promise me anything.”

“I’m not gonna stop drinking. I mean, that’s great that you did and all, but I don’t have a problem.”

“You don’t think that making homophobic comments, starting fights, and almost punching your roommate is a problem?”

“Hey, I told you I didn’t start that fight!”

“Randall, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.”

“Why are you being such a prick? I said I was sorry, didn’t I?”

“Apologizing isn’t always enough. It’s a start, but it has to be followed up by action or it becomes meaningless.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you say you’re sorry, then turn around and do the same thing over again, what’s the point? How many times will you say you’re sorry? And how many times am I supposed to accept your apology?”

“You’re not even giving me a chance. So far, I’ve only asked you accept my apology once because I’ve only screwed up once.”

_Okay, the dummy has a point._

“Yeah, okay,” Tommy conceded. “I’ll give you another chance. But if you screw up again, I’m out of here and I’ll report you to campus police. Your attempted assault on me last night was on campus and I doubt they’ll be very tolerant.”

Roy blanched. “My dad will kill me if I get kicked out.”

“Then I suggest you don’t screw up.”

Tommy tried to go back to his chats, but he was too distracted now. He needed to get out of the room. He said goodbye to everyone, shut down his computer, and decided to take a walk. “I’ll be back later,” He said as he let himself out.

He started off walking aimlessly, but soon found himself standing in front of Adam’s apartment building. _I really should check on him_ , he told himself. He let himself in and felt his way up the dark staircase. He knocked on Adam’s door, but didn’t get an answer. He tried knocking on Brad’s door with the same result. Now he was a little worried. Adam hadn’t been in great shape last night. Maybe he shouldn’t have left. He felt in his pocket for something to write a note on. He found his receipt from The Morning Rush and a pen and jotted down a quick note letting Adam know he’d stopped by to check on him. He tucked it into the door jamb and left.

He still didn’t want to go back to his room, so he went into the video store and filled out a membership application. They had a great gay-themed movie selection, including - much to his delight - his all-time favorite movie, _Beautiful Thing_. He snatched it off the shelf and rented it.

He walked back to Megan’s room and knocked on the door. She answered it right away.

“Hey,” she said with a bright smile as she let him in. “What are you up to?”

“Not much. I got a movie for us to watch if you’re not doing anything.”

“Oh really? Is this payback for _The Princess Bride_?”

He laughed. “Only in a good way. I actually liked it. This is one of my favorite movies. It’s called _Beautiful Thing_.”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“I’m not surprised. It’s a British movie. So, are you busy?”

“Nope. Should I call Anoop and see if he can come watch it with us?”

“Sure. The more the merrier.”

“Cool. Let’s make it a ‘last afternoon before classes start’ party then.”

He laughed. “Sounds like fun.”

She called Anoop, then left saying she’d be back in a few minutes. Tommy put the disc into the DVD player and got it ready while he waited. She was back before long, with Toshi, Lil, and Alex in tow. They’d each brought cookies or chips, and when Anoop arrived, carrying sodas, it really began to feel like a party. After Megan popped some microwave popcorn, she announced that it was time for the show to begin. Tommy decided it might be a good idea to warn everybody about the movie’s gay content before they started watching it.

“Um, before we start watching the movie,” he began, “I guess I’d better warn you. Some of you may know this, but some of you may not. I’m gay and the movie is a gay romance.” Everyone sat staring expectantly at him as if waiting for him to continue. “Yeah. That’s it.”

“So?” Lil was the first to respond. “That’s no big deal.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed. “I’m cool.”

“What’s the movie called? I’ve probably seen it,” Toshi chipped in.

“Uh, _Beautiful Thing_.” He was not sure what kind of reaction he’d expected, but that wasn’t it.

“Cool. That’s a new one to me. Have you ever seen _But I’m a Cheerleader_?”

“Oh my God! I love that movie!” Lil cried. “What about _Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss_?”

“Yes! Sean Hayes is fantastic!”

“Okay,” Megan interrupted. “We can discuss the merits of other gay movies after we watch this one. Everybody shut up.” She started the movie and everyone settled down to watch. They had to pause it a few times while Tommy translated the heavy Brit accents and slang, but when it was over, the verdict was unanimous. Everyone loved it.

Everyone started discussing gay movies again and it turned out that Lil, a sophomore, was active in the GSA there. She wasn’t gay, but her best friend in high school had come out to her and she’d been a gay rights advocate ever since. She invited Toshi, who told them he was bisexual, and Tommy to go to a meeting with her once they started up. Megan and Anoop hadn’t seen many gay-themed movies, except for the big ones like _The Birdcage_ and _In & Out_, but they were both very open-minded, as Tommy had already had the opportunity to find out. Alex just seemed to go with the flow. Tommy got the impression that he would go along with pretty much anything. He had mastered that laid-back stoner attitude.

The party broke up fairly early since classes started the next day. When Tommy got back to his room, Randall was gone again, which suited him fine. He got ready for bed, set his alarm just in case he overslept again, and fell asleep quickly. He woke up when Randall came in a few hours later, but he was quiet, and Tommy was able to fall back asleep with no problem.

He awoke the next morning before his alarm went off, so he turned it off before going to take his shower. Once he was dressed, he grabbed the books he needed for the morning, and set out for coffee. He glanced in the window before going in and saw Adam wiping down the tables. By the time he opened the door, all he saw was Adam’s tail end disappearing into the back room. Mike and Marla were behind the counter waiting on customers. Marla caught his eye and gave him a look Tommy couldn’t interpret. _What the hell was going on?_ he wondered. _Maybe I should just find another coffee shop._

He ordered his coffee and Marla handed him a cup while Mike rang him up. He poured himself some java and sat down at a table to wait for Adam to reappear. Eventually, his coffee was gone, and it became obvious that Adam wasn’t going to come out as long as he was there. For all Tommy knew, Adam had ducked out the back door. Either way, he couldn’t sit around waiting all day. His first class was starting soon and he wanted to leave himself plenty of time to find it.

His first class was English Lit. He thought it would turn out to be pretty interesting. The professor was a short, wiry man with energy to spare. He bounced around the front of the room, guaranteeing that he would keep things lively, if nothing else. He ended the class by giving them a list of required reading. Tommy took his list to the library to see if he could find any of them there. He managed to find several of them, but he only checked out two. He figured that was all he could reasonably read in the next few weeks between homework and a social life. Plus, the other class members would need some books, too.

By the time he left the library, it was just about lunch time, so he headed for the cafeteria. The lunch special was chicken strips and fries, so he helped himself and looked for a table. He spotted Roy eating alone off to one side and decided to join him. Roy looked up and smiled as he approached.

“Hey, Tommy,” Roy greeted him.

“Hey, Roy.”

“I didn’t know if we’d still be friends today.”

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I thought maybe you were just being nice last night because I hit Randall for you.”

Tommy managed not to laugh. “No, that’s not the only reason we’re friends.”

“Cool.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Roy suddenly grunted. “Hey, isn’t that your boy?” he asked.

Tommy looked up in time to see Adam dropping his tray off at a trash can and practically running from the cafeteria. “What was that about?” he wondered aloud.

“I dunno. He saw us and took off,” Roy noted.

Tommy sighed. _So that’s the story, huh? He’s avoiding me._ “He’s probably embarrassed about the other night,” he said.

Roy shrugged. “Why should he be embarrassed? He got a couple good shots in before Randall clobbered him. He shouldn’t be embarrassed that he went down with one punch.”

“There’s more to it than that, but I really can’t go into it.”

Roy gave him a grin. “Oh. Gay stuff.”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, gay stuff.”

They finished eating and Roy left for his next class. Tommy sat at the table for a few more minutes wondering what to do about Adam. Adam had given him the perfect reason not to pursue him. He could walk away now and no one could ever blame him. He would never have to tell Adam about his past.

Presented with that out, however, Tommy found he didn’t want it. With a sudden, surprising clarity, he realized he wanted to be with Adam. He wanted to hold Adam in his arms and feel Adam’s lips against his again. His breathing quickened just thinking about it. The idea of telling Adam about his past still terrified him, but he knew now that he couldn’t just let Adam walk away. He was going to pursue Adam. If Adam wanted to tell him to get lost, that’s what he’d have to do, but Adam had have to tell him to his face.

Decision made, Tommy left for his next class with a bounce in his step and a smile on his face. The chase was on.


	8. Chapter 8

  
**Adam**

He got to the store at five-thirty in the morning to find Max had not arrived yet. He stood outside in the brisk first light. It wasn’t quite cold enough for his breath to plume, but it wasn’t off by much. He had dreamed of Tommy last night. He had been home when Tommy stopped to check on him, and they had sat on the couch and talked and talked. Tommy kept saying what a nerd Adam was, and how he shouldn’t drink so much.  


  
“I am _so_ tired!” Max said as she approached. He smiled and she rolled her eyes while grinning. She was always cheerfully complaining, just as she was perennially tired. “I hate being up this early. Who really needs coffee this early?”

  
“I know. How can anyone be cheerful this time of day?” They got inside and Max headed for the office while Adam hung up his coat. The coffee pots were all clean and ready to go. He broke open the coffee packets to start that morning’s brew.

  
“Don’t forget the hot chocolate!” Max called out. She poked her head out of the office. “Oh, Adam! Oh my God! Let me tell you what happened. My sister is _such_ a whore.” He burst out laughing. “I’m serious,” she continued. “I was on the phone with her last night and she was telling me about her new boyfriend, right? So I asked her what her boyfriend does for a job. She said, ‘doing me _is_ his job’. How much of a pig can she be? After I got a good look at him, all I could think was that he’d be on the unemployment line soon ‘cause honey, there is not enough down there to keep her happy very long!” He laughed so hard tears were rolling down his cheeks.

  
“Max, that is just wrong.” He choked.

  
Marla walked in just then. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  
So Max told her the story. She had to - he was laughing too hard to say anything. Mike walked in to complete the morning crew and caught them all laughing like idiots.

  
“What’s so funny?” he asked.

  
“Max’s sister is a slut,” He said and burst out laughing.

  
“No, worse! She’s a whore!” Max said and they were all laughing again.

  
Customers began to filter in and they were soon filling orders at a rapid pace. His first class was at nine o’clock and before he knew it, it was eight-fifteen. He went out to wipe down tables before leaving when he saw Tommy through the window. He scampered back to the manager’s office like a scared rabbit.

  
“What are you doing?” Max asked from her chair. She was doing payroll on the computer and also had the phone in her hand.

“Um, first day. I’m not sure where the classroom is. Can I go ahead and go now?” he asked as he grabbed his coat from the hook and replaced it with his apron. He grabbed his book bag and smiled at Max while she nodded her head distractedly. He glanced out to where Tommy stood with his coffee, before ducking out the back door. Adam couldn't bear to face him right then.

  
He went down the alleyway and paused at the corner of the building. He could see Tommy in the front window with his coffee cup, peering towards the back of the store. Adam turned quickly and darted up the sidewalk, heading to his first class.

  
Basic English was probably one of the most boring subjects known to Man. He could speak and write English pretty well, but he couldn’t analyse a sentence to save his life. He was so bored with the droning that he spent most of his class time looking around and studying his classmates. After that double session of English, and receiving his homework assignment, he had an hour break for lunch. He headed over to the cafeteria and had his meal card swiped at the entryway. He walked through slowly and checked out his lunch options.

  
He settled on a cheeseburger with some fries, and a coke to round it all out. He started into the dining room and immediately ducked behind a pillar. Tommy was eating with the Incredible Hulk from the party. What was he, his bodyguard? Adam set his tray down on top of the garbage can and grabbed its contents, darting for the door. He looked over his shoulder once and wondered if he had been spotted when he darted out.

  
He sat in the hallway and ate as he waited for the appointed hour for Western Civilization.  As he was sitting there, the SS Mountain of Flesh cruised into view. Adam was a little surprised. He thought that guy might need directions from Tommy just to breathe. He looked down at the front of his notebook, and Adam imagined he had a list from Tommy on the front: _Inhale. Exhale. Repeat._  


  
He sat quietly, schooling his face to neutrality and pretending to read so he didn’t get stomped in the hallway. The guy passed the window set in the wall opposite Adam and blocked out the sun. Well, at least he was good for shade. After a moment, Adam realized that he was still in shade. He looked up from his book to find the bodyguard was staring down at him with what could almost be called a thoughtful expression on his unlovely face.

  
“You hit Randall at the party the other night,” he grunted. _Oh shit! He was friends with the guy I went after!_  


  
“I really don’t remember,” Adam said quietly.

  
“He deserved it,” he rumbled while shrugging his shoulders.

  
_Atlas shrugged_ , Adam thought crazily. “I don’t usually fight,” he replied.

  
The giant continued to look at him in silence, and Adam grew uncomfortable with his gaze on him. “Is there something I can do for you?” he asked.

  
“Nope.”

  
“Um, OK.” Adam tried to look away, feeling as though a spotlight were on him.

  
“You’re Tommy’s friend?” the giant asked. Adam jumped and looked up at him sharply.

  
“Not really. He buys coffee at the place where I work.” _Why would he ask about that?_  


  
“Tommy’s a good guy. He’s nice to me. Maybe I’m not smart, but I know good people.”

  
“Um, why are you telling me this?” Adam asked, trying not to be nervous. It wasn't easy. Atlas was intimidating just standing there, and Adam certainly didn't want to piss him off.

  
“I don’t know. Tommy’s my friend and he helped you the other night, so I guess he’s yours, too.”

  
The door to the room Adam was waiting for opened up, and people poured out as their class ended. He stood up and nodded to the big guy before heading in to find a seat. He took a seat near the back so he could observe everyone else. The seat next to him creaked and he looked to see The Hulk settling into it. _Oh no! We have the same class and he’s sitting next to me! I think he likes me._  


  
He was distracted as the class began. Their professor was a man who truly loved his work, and Adam found himself drawn into the class quite easily. The professor assigned reading and chapter questions due back for Wednesday’s class, which Adam noted, and they were dismissed.

  
“You work in a coffee place?” Mountain Man asked him.

  
“Yeah,” Adam replied. _Oh god, please tell me he isn’t a caffeine freak._  


  
“Working tonight?” he asked.

  
“No,” Adam said with some relief. “Two days off.”

  
“Oh, enjoy them.” Atlas said with a smile that showed large square teeth that looked made for crushing gravel. Adam smiled weakly as he levered himself from the seat and ambled out the door. Adam headed to his last class of the day, Basic Algebra, which he hated with a passion.

  
He decided not to chance the cafeteria in case Tommy was eating. He headed for home, stopping on the way to get some take-out from a Chinese place. He let himself into his apartment building, near-total darkness enveloping him as soon as the door closed behind him. A door opened on his landing, letting some light filter in.

  
“You talk to Tommy today?” Brad asked from his doorway. He was silhouetted in the light from inside his apartment.

  
“No,” he replied.

  
“Chicken. I don’t want to hear Cher and that song for the broken hearted shit coming from your side of the wall,” he laughed. “Did you bring me some dinner too?” he asked. “Where’s mine?”

  
“I left it across the street, about a block up. Chinese place,” Adam replied with a grin at him.

  
“That smells good. I’m going to go get some.” Brad ducked back into his apartment and Adam headed into his. He put his food on the counter and pulled his shirt off, tossing it in the hamper. He sat on the couch with his food, picked up one of his books, and began to study while he ate. About an hour and a half later the phone rang and he answered it.

  
“Hello?” he waited as silence met his enquiry. He tried again, but got no answer and hung up. _Assholes_.

  
The phone rang again and he picked it up. “Hello?” Once more there was no answer, and he muttered something about people with nothing better to do as he hung up. When the phone rang for the third time, he was ready to scream. He picked up the phone and growled into it.

  
“If you don’t stop, whoever you are, I am going to get a caller ID box and file a complaint against you with the police!”

  
“Um, Adam?”

  
His cheeks lit up, and he gasped, “Neil?”

  
“Yeah,” he giggled. “What was that all about?”

  
“Nothing, Neil. What’s up? I didn’t expect to hear from you,” Adam said, changing the subject.      

  
“I was just wondering how you were doing for underwear, since mom still has the box sitting on her desk to send you.”

  
“Gee, thanks, Neil. If you left them in my bag to start with, I wouldn’t have gone out to get more yesterday.”

  
He giggled. “So are you still hung up on the straight guy?”

  
“Why do I like you again?” Adam asked and Neil laughed again.

  
“So, are you?”

  
“Well, I...yeah, I am,” he admitted.

  
“That sucks, Adam. Why are you still hanging on? Usually you get over these things pretty fast once you find out what the deal is.”

“Well, Neil, it’s like this. The guy is so cute. And he’s so freaking nice to me. He even helped me last night after I had too much to drink,” he said.

  
“You were drinking?” Neil asked in a stage whisper. Obviously one of their parents was somewhere in the vicinity.

  
“Yeah,” he admitted, “and I paid for it yesterday.”

  
“Did you get a hangover?” Neil asked with curiosity.

  
“Yeah, a bad one. Threw up and everything, just like dad said I would.”

  
Neil giggled. “What does that have to do with this guy?” he asked.

  
“Well, I had the right to remain silent, but I didn’t have the ability.”

  
“Oh my God! What did you say?”

  
“I think I tried to kiss him.”

  
“Holy shit! Can this get any worse?”

  
“Yeah, I’m afraid so. He had this huge guy who is like a stunt double for Arnold Schwarzenegger standing around him all night. Well, he came to talk to me today.”

  
“Why is that bad?”

  
“Let’s just say he has a glorious lack of sophistication.”

  
“Well, he could have other qualities that make him cool,” Neil suggested through his giggles.

  
“Yeah, he probably bites the heads off live chickens - very cosmopolitan.”

  
“Is he friends with the straight guy?”

  
“Tommy. His name is Tommy, and yes, he does seem to be his friend.”

  
“Well, unless Tommy had really bad taste in people, then this guy is probably okay, right? I mean, I would be more worried about his judgment if he liked you.” Neil laughed at him, an unending stream of giggles and snorts, until Adam told him goodbye and hung up on him. Why couldn’t their parents do the world a favor and stop having kids after him?

  
The phone rang again and he grabbed the phone in a fury, “Neil, why don’t you wait until I get home to make fun of me, you asshole?” he said loudly.

  
Silence greeted him and he growled in frustration as he hung up. He stalked over to Brad’s apartment as his phone began ringing again. _Jerks_.

  
Adam knocked on Brad’s door and he answered, looking at him in a bewildered fashion. “I’m sick of phone calls, and I’m sick of studying. You want to go to a movie or something?” Adam asked.

  
“Um, sure. Do you want to take a minute and get dressed first?” he asked with a smirk. Adam looked down to see he was still shirtless.

  
“Oh, uh, yeah.” he started back towards his room when Brad giggled and called out to him.

  
“If you showed up on Tommy’s doorstep like that, you might get his feelings sorted out.” He laughed out loud, and Adam fixed him with a glare.

  
“Maybe I should stay in and just unplug the phone.”

  
“Hurry up,” Brad smirked and ducked into his apartment. Adam grabbed a shirt and met Brad in the hallway. “Let’s go get your mind off Tommy.”

  
_Oh God!_  


  
* * *

  
Over the next two days, he repeatedly ran into The Hulk, or Roy as Adam later learned his name to be. He was everywhere Adam went. He became a constant shadow in the few basic classes Adam had with him. He seemed to be quite comfortable, though Adam wondered what his purpose was exactly. Eventually, he discovered at least one reason Roy was hanging around him.

  
One afternoon, Adam saw Jackhammer Face looking at him from a bench, glaring, with one eye all purple and black. _Wow! Did I do that?_ He didn’t even have a mark on him. He tried to remember the jerk’s name. Roy had mentioned it the first day they talked, but it wouldn’t come to him. The jerk glared until Roy glowered at him and then he found something interesting elsewhere.

  
“So, are you my bodyguard now?” Adam asked him.

  
“He’s mean. You’re not,” he said, as if that explained the universe in general.

  
Adam ducked Tommy all week, including one day when he had nothing more between him and Tommy than Roy, who was waving and calling to Tommy from across the quad. Adam could fade away behind Roy and no one was going to see him for about a million miles.

  
Thursday morning had Adam waiting in front of the Morning Rush bright and early, and unhappy at being awake. An assignment had kept him up half the night, basically because the text was so dry it practically self-combusted near any form of light. He stood with a cup of hot coffee in his hand while he tried to keep his eyes open.

  
“You look bright-eyed this morning,” Marla commented as she approached the front door, keys in hand.

  
“Homework,” Adam replied. She gave him a knowing nod. She unlocked the door, and they set about getting the store ready to open. He was pleased to see Brad come in to get his morning coffee.

  
“Mornin’, Adam,” he mumbled. Adam smiled at him. He was cute when he was sleepy.

  
“Morning, Brad. How are you?” he replied in as chipper a voice as he could manage. Brad eyed him evilly and ordered his coffee. After Brad left, they got a busy rush of people. Adam’s first class was at eleven on Thursdays, so he and Marla would be working together all morning. As things fell off a little after nine, she ducked out back for a cancer stick while he wiped down the counters. He saw Roy’s shadow before he actually made an appearance. When Adam saw that Tommy traveled with Roy, he practically sprinted to the back door before Tommy could see him. He popped outside to find a surprised Marla.

  
“What?” she asked.

  
“Tommy just walked in there,” he gave her pleading eyes.

  
“Is he the cutie-patootie we’ve been talking about?” She smiled, and he nodded his head in fear.

  
“You are too funny,” she said

  
She went inside to deal with their new customers while he put his head between his knees and tried not to be sick. He was thankful that Max wasn’t the one working with him. He figured he was pushing his luck with him. It was about all he was grateful for right then, the stress of avoiding Tommy was getting just a bit ridiculous. Maybe he just had to stop worrying about him. It was not like Tommy knew Adam was interested in him anyway.

  
His shoulders slumped as he wistfully thought of being with Tommy, hand in hand somewhere private where he would hold Tommy while the sun set behind them. Ocean waves would roll on the beach, and sand would scrunch beneath their bare feet. His arms wrapped around Tommy and the shadow of a palm tree would cover them.

  
Wait! He wasn’t imagining that shadow.


	9. Chapter 9

  
**Tommy**

Homework on the first day of college…that was so wrong! Tommy sat at his desk that night writing a paper for Philosophy. He was undecided about that class. His first assignment seemed a little daffy. The professor, a frumpy middle-aged woman with thinning hair and a lazy eye, gave them three lines that sounded like the beginning of a bad joke:

_“Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!”_

_“I don’t believe there is, sir.”_

_“I’m sorry, but I know there is.”_

Their assignment was to explain what the diner meant when he said, “I know there is” and then explain the difference between belief and knowledge. It was about as exciting as it sounded. Tommy had gotten a huge cup of coffee from the cafeteria at dinner which he’d been nursing ever since, warming it in the microwave when it cooled off. The caffeine was the only thing keeping him from slipping into a coma.

When he heard a key in the lock, he welcomed the distraction even if it meant dealing with Randall. He was relieved to see Roy poke his head around the corner. Roy smiled when he saw Tommy.

“I was hoping you’d be here,” he said. “Are you busy?”

“I’m working on a Philosophy paper, but I could use a break. What’s up?”

Roy came into the room and dropped onto Randall’s bed. “Adam has the next two days off.”

“Um...okay. How exactly do you know that?”

“He told me.”

“He...told you? Did he just walk up to you and volunteer that information?”

“I asked him.”

“You asked him? Why?”

“I was trying to find out for you.”

“For me? But...you...I...” Tommy sputtered. “You didn’t tell him that did you?”

Roy shook his head. “‘Course not.”

Tommy sighed with relief. “So what does knowing his work schedule do for me anyway?”

Roy looked at him as if Tommy was missing the obvious. It was a treat for him to be on that side of the look for a change. “He won’t be at the coffee shop so you’ll have to look for him at home.”

“How do you know I want to look for him?” Tommy asked, a tad defensively.

Roy rolled his eyes. “Why are you pretending you don’t like him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“And I’m too dumb to understand?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“But it’s what you mean.”

“No, it isn’t. Okay, I’ll try to explain, but I don’t really understand it completely myself. I’ve never had any problem finding dates, but Adam is different. I really like him. He’s sweet and innocent.”

“So?”

“And I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“Sweet and innocent.”

“You’re really nice. You’re nice to me and you helped Adam when Randall punched him.”

“That’s not the same thing. Look, Roy, I did some really horrible stuff when I was younger - stuff that I don’t necessarily want people here to know about, especially Adam.”

“Then don’t tell him.”

“That’s just it. I don’t want to lie to him either.”

“It’s not lying if you don’t say anything about it.”

“It’s lying by omission.”

Roy frowned. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I can’t understand this.”

Tommy sighed. “I’d be lying simply by not telling the truth. I don’t want to start a relationship with someone based on a lie.”

“So tell him the truth.”

“What if he can’t stand the truth and decides he doesn’t want to see me anymore?”

Roy shrugged. “What if he doesn’t care? Maybe he’ll just like you for you, and not what you did before.”

Tommy blinked. Was that wisdom flowing from the tongue of his massive friend?

“I think you should call him,” Roy said.

“I don’t have his number.”

Roy frowned. “Can you get it?”

“I wouldn’t know how.”

“I’ll get it for you.”

“No! That’s okay, Roy. Besides, what would I say if I did call him?”

Roy shrugged again. “You could ask him out or something.”

“I guess I could just say I’m checking in to see how he is. I haven’t seen him since the party.”

Roy brightened up. “That’s a good idea.”

“But how do I get his number?”

“I dunno. You could ask someone.”

“But who?” Tommy thought a moment and a possibility occurred to him. “Hang on, I have an idea. I’ll be right back.”

He ran down to the first floor. Megan was on duty that night so that meant she would be in the lobby sitting at her shabby little desk, probably watching TV. Sure enough, that was where he found her.

“I need a favor,” he said.

“Yes, you can have my kidney,” she said without looking away from the TV.

“Great. I appreciate it. Now, do you think you can get a phone number for me?”

She glanced over at him. “Would this be the phone number of a certain coffee shop barista?”

He grinned. “Got it on the first guess.”

“What dorm is he in?”

“He lives off campus.”

She frowned. “Sorry. That’s outside my jurisdiction. You’ll have to lobby a higher court.”

“Oh, come on, Megan.”

“No, really. I can’t get the numbers of people off campus. The office would have it, but they won’t give it to me without a good reason.”

“What would be a good reason?”

“I don’t know, Tommy. It’s never come up.”

“Don’t you know anyone in the office?”

She thought a minute. “Maybe. Let me call my friend Diana. She might be able to help me.” She picked up the phone and dialed. She asked for Diana then quickly explained what she needed. They talked for a few seconds, then she put her hand over the mouthpiece and turned to him. “She’ll help. What’s his name?”

“Adam...Shit! I don’t know his last name!”

Megan rolled her eyes. “Never mind, Diana.”

“No wait!” he said. “I have another idea. Ask her to look up Brad Bell. That’s his neighbor.”

“You know his neighbor’s full name but not his? What kind of stalker are you?”

“Just ask!”

Megan relayed the name and waited a few seconds before jotting down a number on a notepad. “Thanks, Diana. I owe you.” She hung up, ripped off the sheet of paper, and handed it to him. “There you go. You owe me.”

He gave her a big hug and ran back up to his room.

“Did you get it?” Roy asked.

“Not exactly, but hang on.” Tommy picked up the phone and dialed the number Megan had given him. It rang twice and then Brad answered.

“Hey, Brad. This is Tommy.”

“Hey, Tommy. What’s up?”

It occurred to Tommy that he couldn’t very well just ask for Adam’s phone number and hang up. He’d better at least attempt to make conversation. “Not much. How about you?”

“Not much here, either. Just finishing up some school work.”

“Bummer. I know what you mean. I’m swamped already and it’s only the first day.” Brad laughed. “So how’d the party go after I left?”

“Well, it was certainly less entertaining without Randall and Adam there.”

“Yeah, uh, I was calling about Adam actually.”

“Oh really?”

“I was, um, just wondering if you have Adam’s phone number. I wanted to check in on him ‘cos I haven’t seen him since the party.”

He thought heard a chuckle, but he wasn’t sure. “Yeah, hang on. I think I might have it around here somewhere. I’m pretty sure the landlord made some sort of phone tree in case of emergencies. Ah, here it is. Adam Lambert.” He rattled off the phone number, which Tommy scribbled on the same sheet of paper as Brad’s number.

“Thanks, Brad.” They said goodbye and Tommy hung up, then quickly dialed Adam’s number before he could lose his nerve.

It only rang once before Tommy heard him pick up. “Neil, why don’t you wait until I get home to make fun of me, you asshole?” he screamed into the phone. Tommy jerked the phone away from his ear. Apparently, he’d caught Adam at a bad time. He was trying to think of something say when the phone suddenly slammed down in his ear. He hung up.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Roy asked.

“I think it was a bad time.”

“You should call back later.”

“Maybe I will,” he said, but doubting he would. He tucked the numbers away in the desk drawer. He wondered who Neil was. Could he be a boyfriend? Maybe they were having a fight. He shook his head. There was no point speculating. “I guess I’ll get back to work on that paper,” he told Roy.

Roy nodded. “Okay, Tommy. I’ll leave you alone. Good night.”

He ruffled Tommy’s hair, making him feel like he was five again, then let himself out. Tommy turned back to his paper. What was the difference between knowing and believing? He believed he was falling for Adam, but he didn’t know if Adam even liked him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next few days were spent settling into his new routine, figuring out his classes, and trying to catch up to Adam. The kid really should consider signing up for the CIA. Adam would make a great spy with his uncanny ability to give him the slip. Tommy even tried knocking on his door a few more times, but either he never caught Adam home or he just didn’t answer the door. Since Adam had a few days off, Tommy couldn’t even corner him at work - not until Thursday anyway.

First thing Thursday morning, he headed down to The Morning Rush for his daily caffeine fix. He ran into Roy as he came out of his dorm and Roy decided to accompany him. As they entered the coffee shop, Tommy saw the familiar view of Adam’s backside slipping out the door.

“This is getting ridiculous,” he sighed.

“What is?” Roy asked.

“He’s avoiding me. Every time he sees me he takes off running. Maybe it’s time I just face the fact that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“He’s embarrassed,” someone said. Tommy looked up to find Marla coming through the door.

“Huh?” he responded wittily.

“Adam. He’s embarrassed about the other night. That’s why he’s avoiding you.”

Tommy was surprised that Adam had confided in her, and even more surprised that she would tell him this. “Oh.”

“Look,” she said, leaning across the counter on one elbow. “I’ve been watching you two and it’s starting to drive me crazy. I’ve seen the way you look at him and it’s obvious to everybody but Adam that you’re crazy about him. I think this whole cat and mouse game is starting to get to him, so why don’t you just go out there and talk to him?”

“I...Are you sure?”

Marla rolled her eyes and grinned. “Yes. Go on out the back door. You’ve been behind the counter before and Max isn’t around to catch you this time.”

Suddenly, Tommy wasn’t so sure he wanted to do this. If he confronted Adam, something would have to happen between them. Either Adam would reject him flat out, or they’d take a step towards one another. If it was the latter, then he’d have to make a decision about what to tell Adam about his past.

When he didn’t move right away, Roy gave him a not-so-gentle push towards the counter. Tommy stumbled forward a few steps and glared back at him. Roy responded with a huge gap-toothed grin. He’d gotten Tommy started though, and now that he was moving, Tommy was able to keep going. He slid past Marla, who gave him an encouraging smile, and went through the door. It opened into a small office area, which in turn had a door that led into the back alley behind the coffee shop. Tommy opened that door to find Adam sitting on the ground, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head buried in his arms.

“Adam?”

Adam’s head snapped up and his eyes grew huge. He scrambled to his feet, and for a second Tommy thought Adam was going to run away.

“Adam, wait! I just want to talk to you. Stop avoiding me!”

Adam stood still, but eyed him warily. Tommy had the feeling that the kid would still take off at the slightest provocation. “How’d you get back here?” he asked.

“Marla told me to come talk to you.”

Adam shot a murderous glance in the direction of the door.

“She also said that you were embarrassed about the other night.”

“Oh, for God’s sake! I’ll never tell her anything again!”

“Actually, I’m glad she did. I was about to give up on trying to talk to you. You’ve been avoiding me all week. I thought maybe you just didn’t like me.”

Adam looked down as two spots of red began to grow on his cheeks.

“Hey, you have no reason to be embarrassed.”

“Oh, right. I only got drunk, acted like an idiot, started a fight with that big guy, got knocked out, then pulled you into...” He broke off as his face burst into a full blaze of red.

Tommy shrugged. “It happens to everybody.”

Adam gave a derisive snort. “Right.”

“Okay, well, maybe not the exact same thing, but everybody who has ever gotten drunk has embarrassed themselves at one point or another. It comes with the territory. I could tell you some real horror stories, trust me. That’s the whole reason I don’t drink anymore.”

Adam looked at him skeptically. “I can’t believe you’ve ever done anything stupid.”

 _If you only knew,_ Tommy thought as he looked away with shame. “You don’t know me very well, Adam. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, things I deeply regret now - things that make what you did look like nothing.”

Adam had a curious expression on his face now. “Like what?”

Tommy gulped. He’d set himself up for that. He searched for a fairly innocuous anecdote. “Okay, um, one time I hit on this guy at a club. He shot me down, and a few days later, on the first day of school, I found out he was one of my teachers.”

Adam’s mouth dropped open, then a giggle escaped. Tommy was encouraged, so he tried another one.

“Another time, I was at a party at someone’s house and managed to lock myself in the bathroom. They had to take the doorknob off to get me out.”

Adam laughed out loud.

“Once I was so drunk, I climbed up on top of a coffee table and did a striptease. Someone stole all my clothes and I had to wear a blanket home.”

Adam was leaning against the wall laughing by then. “Okay, you win,” he giggled. “No wonder you stopped drinking.”

Tommy smiled, but his thoughts turned dark all of a sudden as he thought about the real reason he’d gone into rehab. Waking up after an almost fatal overdose with a gun in your hand and a dead body on the bed is enough to scare anybody sober.

Adam noticed the change in his expression. “What?”

Tommy shook his head and pasted the smile back on. “It’s nothing. Will you quit running away from me now?”

Adam nodded and gave him a shy smile, and Tommy’s heart beat a little faster. He suddenly felt self-conscious and awkward.

He glanced down at his watch. “I’d, uh, better hurry up and get my coffee if I’m going to get to class on time.”

Adam nodded and indicated the door. “After you.”

They were the center of attention as they came back into the coffee shop. Roy and Marla were watching them with curious expressions.

“Everything okay?” Marla asked.

“Yes, Ms. Busybody, everything is okay,” Adam replied with an affectionate grin.

Marla grinned back. “Good. Now get back to work. If you think I’m going to pick up your slack all day you’ve got another thing coming.” She turned to Tommy. “And you had better get out from behind the counter before Max decides to pop in. It might be her day off, but she can’t stay away from this place.”

Tommy quickly scuttled out from behind the counter and placed his order. Adam fixed it for him and handed it over with a smile. Tommy smiled back and congratulated himself on breaking the ice between them - with Marla’s help and a little push from Roy, of course.

“So, did you ask him out?” Roy asked as they left the shop.

Tommy spun around to make sure the door was shut and Adam hadn’t heard. It was, but Adam was watching them from behind the counter. He gave a little wave, and Tommy waved back.

“No, I didn’t ask him out.”

“Why not?”

“It wasn’t the right time. I just cleared the air between us so he’ll stop avoiding me.”

“You were scared.”

He shrugged. “That too.”

 

 

* * *

Tommy only had two morning classes on Friday, so he used the afternoon to catch up on some assignments. You can only stay in your room for so long, though. He got fidgety by mid-afternoon and gave up trying to read the boring Philosophy text book. He went down to see what Megan was doing. He ran into Roy in the hall.

“Hey, Tommy,” he said.

“Hey, Roy. What’s up?”

“Not much. I have a class soon but I wanted to ask you something.”

“Ask away.”

“There’s a block party at the park tonight. I wanted to see if you wanted to go with me. Some band is playing, and I thought it sounded like fun.”

Tommy fluttered his eyelashes at him. “Why Roy, are you asking me on a date?”

“I...huh? No!” Roy looked very flustered. “I’m not gay. I just...”

“It’s okay, Roy,” Tommy interrupted with a laugh. “I was just kidding. What time?” Not that it mattered - he didn’t have any plans anyway.

Roy told him the details and they made plans to meet and walk over together.

Roy left to go to his last class, and Tommy went to find Megan. He hung out with her and Anoop until she had to go on duty. He invited Anoop to go to the block party, but he begged off, saying he wanted to keep Megan company. Tommy went up to his room and found it empty. Randall was spending less and less time in the room since his girlfriend had arrived. Tommy still hadn’t met her yet, but he liked her already - just for keeping Randall out of his hair. Since he had the room to himself, he decided to get ready early so he wouldn’t have to dress in front of Roy again. He pulled out a pair of dark jeans and chose a black short-sleeved shirt that laced up at the neck. He tended to wear a lot of black because he’d been told it suited him a lot. _Ah, vanity, thy name is gay boy_... He giggled as it occurred to him that he was getting dressed up to go out with Roy. “Always look your best” was a creed he lived by. You never know who you’ll run into.

Once he was ready, he read some more of his Philosophy book until Roy knocked on the door. He let himself in as Tommy stood up.

“You look nice,” Roy told him. Tommy still wasn’t used to receiving compliments on his appearance from that behemoth.

“Um, thanks Roy. You, uh...look good too.” Actually, Roy did look good - for him anyway. He was wearing a polo shirt that stretched tight across his massive chest showing off his considerable muscles, and a pair of khakis. “Maybe you’ll meet a girl at the concert.”

Roy grinned. “Ya think?”

“Never know. Stranger things have happened. You could meet a nice Viking girl or an Amazon woman.”

His brow furrowed with confusion. “Huh?”

Tommy patted him on the arm. “Never mind. Should we head for the park?”

“Okay.”

Since Tommy didn’t have the slightest clue where the park was, he let Roy lead. Roy seemed to know his way around pretty well. The walk there didn’t take too long, and Tommy could hear music before it actually came into sight. When he did get his first glimpse of the area, he was surprised by the size of the crowd. It was a huge turnout considering he hadn’t even heard about that shindig until Roy told him. The majority of the people he saw were college age, but many from the neighboring communities had shown up as well.

They waded into the masses, edging their way towards the stage area. The band hadn’t taken to the stage yet. The music he’d heard was just being pumped through the system. After Roy, who was busy scanning the crowd as if he were looking for someone, almost ran over the third vertically-challenged person, Tommy caught his arm and dragged him to a stop.

“Are you expecting someone?” Tommy asked him.

“Huh? Um, no.”

He raised an eyebrow. Roy was a lousy liar. “Do you have something up your sleeve?”

Roy looked at him blankly, and Tommy decided he was giving the poor guy way too much credit. Roy turned towards the stage and laughed suddenly.

“Look, Tommy. You’re famous!”

Tommy followed his pointing finger to see a banner stretched across the back of the stage. Written on in two-foot-tall red letters was his name. “That must be the name of the band,” Tommy mused.

Roy pushed his way toward the stage with renewed vigor, leaving him to endure the disgruntled frowns of the people Roy bumped out of his way as Tommy scrambled along in his wake.

They found a spot to Roy’s liking just as the band members took the stage. The band was made up of four dark-haired guys, and one of them wore glasses. The guy with the glasses took the lead microphone while the other guys settled in with their instruments.

“Hey everybody!” He yelled. He received a tepid response from the crowd. “Come on! You can do better than that! Make us feel welcome!” The crowd responded a little more enthusiastically. “We’re _Tommy_ and we’re gonna have fun tonight, right?” The crowd cheered. “Right?” The cheering grew a little louder. “Come on! Let me hear you! Right?” A roar rose up from the crowd, and he finally seemed appeased. “Tomorrow I Might Go!” he screamed and the crowd roared again as they broke into a funky beat and he began to sing.

“Hey, they’re pretty good!” Tommy said with a little surprise. He didn’t know what he had been expecting but it wasn’t that. When that song ended they launched into a much more mellow song.

“That song was a big hit for us a while ago,” the vocalist said as it ended. “It’s called ‘ _4000 Years_. Let’s rock out a little now.”

They did a couple of faster numbers, then eased into a funky song that caught Tommy’s attention. The words made him think of Adam and his own fears so strongly he felt tears well up in his eyes.

 

_In the morning we rise to the sound of the birds_  
In the silence I pray for the wisdom of words  
When I told you I knew you had already heard  
By the water 

_Now I’m watching the sun as it sets behind the hill_  
The wind is breathless and the wild child of the ocean is still  
You sing softly behind my memories of you  
And when I’m drifting… 

_You were worthy of something that I couldn’t give_

_And I know it’s not the same_  
Couldn’t take you away from your pain  
Though I thought a lot about it I couldn’t change  
You were worthy 

_When you’re dancing you still hold yourself just the same_  
To see you shining so golden just fills me with pain  
And I knew you by touch but you knew me by name  
Maybe one day my memories won’t carry any shame 

_In the night sky distant fireworks fire beyond the shore_  
And the scent of the wood smoke brings me back to where I was before  
You were talking to someone about something, then so soon  
It was broken; I noticed that you’d left the room 

_You were worthy_

He was lost in the music when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned to find himself looking into Adam’s beautiful blue eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Tommy" band actually exists. Well, the name is now changed to "Tommy and the Fallen Horses", but still...the same band; and the song used in the chapter is called "Worthy". You can give it a listen [here](http://tommyandthefallenhorses.com/?wpsc_product_category=isolation-is-the-new-party-default-group). 


	10. Chapter 10

**Adam**

 

Friday afternoon had the promise of freedom in the air, and every ass wiggled in its seat as they waited for the last class to end. Okay, maybe he was the only one wiggling, but just looking outside would make anyone want to be out of school. Economics had to be the most boring thing on the face of the earth. Picking out socks excited him more. Why did he need that for a music degree anyway?

Finally, the teacher warden, err, teacher dismissed them. Naturally they were saddled with more reading from that ponderous tome they jokingly called a textbook. He headed out of the building at a pretty quick pace. Brad broke from a crowd of people and flagged him down.

“Adam! What are you doing tonight?” he asked as he closed the distance.

Adam shrugged. “Avoiding my Economics book, mostly,” he replied.

“There’s a free concert in the park, and some of us are going. Let’s hang out tonight.”

Adam looked over at Brad's group of friends, many in lacrosse jerseys, and thought about how his last chat with someone from the Lacrosse team had gone.

“You know, I think I’ll pass,” he told Brad.

“Adam, you have to go.”

“Why?”

“See that guy with the black hair and the killer grin? No, the one on the left?” Brad asked as he tried to not be conspicuous.

“What about him?”

“His name is Steve, and he is totally hot!” Brad made a moony expression in Steve’s general direction.

“What does that have to do with me?” Adam asked.

“I need you to chaperone, you know, in case he turns out to be a dick.” Brad looked at him as if Adam should have known that.

“What am I supposed to do?” Adam asked uncomfortably. After all, he’d never done this before.

“If I give you the signal, you go into a fake epileptic seizure or something.” Brad burst out laughing at Adam's expression. “Kidding! You just remind me we have some place to be, and it gives me an out.”

“Um,” Adam said while Brad gave him his best puppy dog eyes.

“Please, Adam? I’ll go tell Tommy you like him if you don’t help me.” He looked at Adam with a serious face.

“That is so not fair! In fact, it’s blackmail.”

“You are making me be bad, Adam,” Brad said, and then laughed at him.

“Would you really tell him that?”

“Only if you asked me to.”

“I’d feel better about things in general if I had some kind of sign about Tommy. I just can’t shake him from my thoughts.”

“Research.” Brad grinned.

“Huh?”

“Do some research and see what you can find out about your guy. Might give you a clue about whether or not you want to chance getting over your shy little self.”

“You’re funny. Not.” Adam replied.

“Seriously, man, go find out which building he lives in and then talk to his RA. They might know something.”

A shadow crossed the sun, and Adam felt the gravitational pull of Roy as he stepped out from behind them. Roy joined them moments later, flashing a welcoming grin. It seemed he too would rather be outside than in class, clad in shorts and a tee shirt that showed he indeed was as solid as he appeared, and not a trace of learning to be seen. No books, no pens or notebooks. Just the planet Roy, settling into orbit.

“Hi, Adam.”

“Hi, Roy, do you know Brad?” Adam asked.

“Yeah, you were with the drunken loud-mouthed guy at the party last week, right?” Brad asked.

“Yeah, but he’s usually not that bad; only when he drinks.”

“Okay, no more for your buddy then. Adam, I’ll see you about eight, and thanks.” Brad flashed Adam a grin and took off. He was perfectly nice, good looking and sane. Why wasn’t Adam attracted to him like he was to Tommy?

“Going out tonight?” Roy asked him.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” Roy gave him a look and Adam felt guilty. “I’m sorry, Roy. We’re just going to the park. Brad says there’s a free concert there. Do you want to go?” he asked. Roy’s face lit up and Adam felt very good about himself. Roy's face went from being enlightened to what might pass for thoughtful, or maybe he just had gas.

“Maybe I’ll meet you there. Would it be ok if Tommy comes too?” he asked.

Oh no, how did he get himself into this? Stupid, stupid, stupid! All Adam needed was to act like a freaking goofball with Tommy in a place with tons of people.

“Uh, well, I guess I’d have to ask Brad if it was okay,” he responded weakly. Roy looked at him with what might be termed a thoughtful expression. It was kind of interesting to see that huge lug working something out in his mind. Adam imagined his thought processes required much the same effort moving boulders would.

“Why don’t you like Tommy?”

“Is that what he thinks?"

“I dunno.” Roy shrugged. “Tommy’s smarter than me. I don’t know what he thinks. But you get…different when I talk about him.”

“Well,” Adam said as he shifted from foot to foot, “I was pretty embarrassed about the way I left things with him.” Damn, he was talking out his feelings with a Neolithic Dr. Ruth.

“I don’t understand.” Adam looked at Roy and wondered exactly what went on in his head.

“Don’t worry about it. I am going to go home and get changed. I’ll see you there, okay?” He felt very weird as he left Roy. He wondered how much Tommy confided in Roy, the immovable object. He wandered home, idly thinking about Tommy and his sidekick. Roy seemed more and more like a faithful dog - maybe not the brightest dog, but loyal nonetheless.

He wandered into his apartment, pulling off his shirt and dropping it in the laundry hamper. He would need to do laundry that weekend. He grabbed a fresh pair of his underwear and took a shower so he’d look presentable for the concert. After combing and styling his hair, he flipped on his radio and lay down on the couch.

The radio was playing back-to-back songs by the same artist. Cher’s “Dark Lady” floated through the air and he sighed. He knew he would have to get dressed soon. He stretched, enjoying the feel of his mostly bare skin on the couch. The song changed, and the second Cher tune came on, “Song for the Broken Hearted”. He sighed deeply again.

“Adam!” His door handle jiggled and the door popped open. “I told you about….Oops!” Brad laughed and covered his eyes, then cracked his fingers to get a look at Adam. Adam was horrified as he scuttled to his bedroom to the sounds of Brad's laughter.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Brad gasped as he laughed at Adam and Adam glared at his closed bedroom door.

“Don’t you knock?” He yelled at Brad. He pulled on some cargo shorts and grabbed a shirt, then grabbed his shoes and socks before going back into the living room to find a grinning Brad.

“I really am sorry to have embarrassed you, Adam. I heard Cher, and I told you, no moping over Tommy if you don’t have the ‘nuts slash cojones’ to go after him!” Brad emphasized that by pantomiming carrying objects roughly the size of bowling balls near his crotch.

“Whether or not I go after Tommy is no one’s business but my own. Besides, he could go after me too, you know.”

“Well, don’t get your panties in a twist, although I admit those boxer briefs looked damn fine on you.” Brad licked his upper lip and Adam threw his balled-up socks at him.

“You’re not going dressed like that, are you?” Brad asked as Adam searched for the armhole in his shirt.

“What’s wrong with it?” He asked. Brad looked at him critically.

“Come with me, my young Padawan. What if Tommy is there?” Brad clucked at him and headed for Adam's bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

“Adam, can I be honest here?” Brad asked while looking at him, then continued without waiting for a reply. “You have a nice body, and I think Tommy appreciates that. But what if you dressed to take his breath away tonight, huh? Let’s just try to blow him away. I mean, let’s look in your closet and see what we have to work with, okay?” Brad rifled through his hanging clothes while Adam stared at him.

“Brad, I don’t even know if Tommy likes me.”

“Of course he does. Why else would he call me for your number?”

“ _He called you for my number?_ ”

Brad appeared to be in deep thought then handed Adam a black shirt. It had a shimmer to it that wasn’t silk, but it looked nice.

“Let’s see how this looks on you,” he said.

“Brad, he called you for my phone number?”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

“He didn’t call me though.”

“Will you put on the damn shirt?”

Adam took the shirt from Brad's outstretched hand and slipped it on. The material was cool as it slid across his skin. He turned to face Brad once he had it buttoned.

“Okay, take off the shorts.”

Adam stood looking at him.

“Okay, fine. I’ll look for pants while you take ‘em off, jeez!” Brad grinned and, taking his eyes away from Adam's waist, began going through the closet again. Adam took off the shorts, then cleared his throat.

“What?” Brad said, popping his head out of the closet; Adam blushed as Brad's eyes dropped to his legs before speaking.

“Pants are in the dresser, second drawer.”

“Huh? Oh, right.” He crossed the room and opened the dresser, rooting around for a proper choice. He straightened up with a pair of dark colored jeans. “We need to iron these. You stay here. I’ll iron, I don’t need any distractions or I’ll burn your pants,” he joked.

Adam felt good that Brad was paying him this attention, but when did Tommy get the phone number? More importantly, why hadn’t he called? Why did he get the phone number if he wasn’t going to use it? His pants flew through the doorway and landed on his head.

“Cover yourself, you pervert!” Brad laughed. Adam pulled on the pants and walked into the living room where Brad was waiting.

“Damn, Adam!” Brad whistled at him, and Adam blushed again. “If Steve’s a dick, I’m jumping you tonight!”

“Brad, when did Tommy ask you for my number?”

“Monday I think….yeah, Monday.” Brad tossed him the socks Adam had thrown at him, and, as Adam slipped them on, he thought about Monday. The phone rang several times, a bunch of no answers and then Neil called….Oh damn! Could he have yelled at Tommy on the phone after Neil had pissed him off? Wait a minute.

“Why did Tommy call you for my number?”

“I don’t know, He didn’t say.”

He sighed. “So do I look okay?”

Brad gave him a critical eye, told him to turn around and Adam complied, feeling silly. Once he had completed his turn, Brad looked at him as though thinking deeply. His eyes met Adam's and he waved his hand in a circular manner.

“Do that again?”

* * *

Adam made his way over to the campus and headed for the first dorm, Weinstein, where he walked up to the beat-up desk in the lobby. His mission there was simple - follow Brad’s advice and get some information on his crush.

“Can I help you?” a girl with brown hair and a skin problem asked him.

“I’m looking for Tommy….Uh...” It dawned on him he didn’t know Tommy's last name. Oh shit! Now he looked like an idiot! The door behind him opened and a blonde, thin girl with a tattoo sleeve on her right arm walked to the desk with a sheaf of papers.

“Hi Kate, I have the weekly memos,” she said while handing pages to the now identified Kate.

“Thanks Megan.” Kate returned her gaze to him. “We don’t have any Tommys.”

“Right, thanks,” Adam said, feeling he got off easy.

“Are you looking for Tommy Ratliff?” the blonde girl asked.

“I’m really not sure what his last name is.” Adam looked at her. How could she know Tommy? He hoped she wasn’t his girlfriend.

“Blond hair, pretty smile and beautiful brown eyes?” Adam blushed with each description she added. That was Tommy all right! “So that would then make you Adam, the coffee boy?”

His jaw dropped.

“Yep, must be you.” She smiled at him. “Tommy lives in Palladium Hall, room number 503. Come on, I’ll show you where it is.”

Adam followed her in a daze. How did she know who he was?

“So you’re the strong silent type, huh?” she asked.

“Um, how do you know me?” he blurted out.

“You mean Tommy didn’t mention me?”

“Well...” he began.

“Don’t worry. I’ll get even with him. You guys going out tonight?” she asked as they approached a building with metal letters bolted to the side of the wall, naming this building Palladium.

“Well, I don’t think....” he was cut off again.

“You guys will look so cute together,” she went through the door and Adam stopped. If she thought they were going out and that they’d look good together, then Tommy must be gay. And she knew how he was, so that meant that Tommy must have talked about him. Cute together? That girl was one of Tommy’s confidantes! She just told him Tommy likes him. Tommy’s interested! In him!

Adam turned from the building and walked back to his apartment with a grin plastered on his face. Tommy liked him! Tommy Ratliff really liked him! She thought they’d look cute together, so Tommy was gay and he liked him!

Adam took the stairs to his floor two at a time and burst into Brad’s unlocked apartment. He heard the shower running and poked his head into the bathroom.

“Tommy likes me! Tommy Ratliff likes me!” He danced out of the room and he heard laughter from the bathroom as the shower shut off. He twirled around the living room with a grin plastered to his face. Maybe this time he had a chance! Brad came out wrapped in just a towel and Adam hopped off the couch and hugged him.

“Tommy likes me!”

“Yeah, I figured that out when you said it a minute ago!” Brad laughed. Adam let him go and gave him a huge smile. “How did you find out?”

“I took your advice and went to the dorms. This girl he talks to, she gave it away. She said we’d look good together and asked me if we were going out tonight. Tommy told her he was interested in me! I might actually have a chance with him!”

“That’s awesome, Adam!” They slap-bumped knuckles and Brad went to get changed. Adam went to his apartment floating on Cloud Nine.

He walked around his apartment straightening knickknacks and moving small things so that they were arranged just so. He whistled as he did so, checked his watch and danced a little from spot to spot in his living room. He was hoping to see Tommy at the concert that night. That single thought ruled his mind. He checked his watch again before straightening some books. He sat down, checked his watch, and then stood back up. The nervous energy in his body wouldn’t allow him to rest. He finally locked his apartment and walked next door, checking his watch once again and realizing dimly only twelve minutes had passed. He went back to his apartment and forced himself to wait ten more minutes before going next door. He entered Brad’s apartment with a quick rap on the door.

“So? How do I look?” he turned for Adam. Brad had chosen a tight brown t-shirt, a cream colored vest and khaki cargo pants completed the outfit. His chest was hinted at, and the pants were enough to make you interested in what they actually concealed.

Adam placed his hand on his chin, appearing to be in thought. “I dunno, turn again?

“Ass! Let’s go!”

***

The park was in downtown, located just a few blocks away from their apartment. Brad explained that the park was significant because it was the gay section of the city. Each year they held the fest there which was like a block party with rides and food. The free concert was part of an effort to revitalize downtown and, by association, the park.

They chatted idly, people swarmed around them to catch buses home or rushing to their cars. Posters dotted the lamp posts on the way to the park, advertising the food, beer and live music. A banner stretched across an intersection, again advertising the event.

They crossed the street at the intersection and walked up a couple of more blocks before turning left onto the boulevard. The park stretched out before them. The stage loomed in the distance as they headed towards the east side of the park.

“Steve said we could meet by the middle of the park on the east side. I guess his apartment is just off the park.” Brad scanned the crowd for his date, unconsciously wiping his hands on his pants as he did so. It was kind of funny to see someone like Brad nervous, someone normally so confident and outgoing.

“Brad!” Steve waved to them and Brad smiled widely in reply. He waved back and called a greeting as they closed the distance. Steve had a couple of people with him. Adam had to admit he was pretty darn attractive. Couldn’t hold a candle to Tommy, of course, but, all in all, he wasn’t bad.

Adam quickly faded to the edges of the group, introduced and forgotten. Steve was turning out to be quite the gentleman and, since it seemed that Brad didn’t need him to do anything drastic, he decided to look around. The astute observer could think he was just looking for Tommy. Well that would be completely true. He wandered into the crowd, stopping to get a soda from a vendor.

He turned, soda in hand, and spotted the banner for the night’s band. _Tommy_. Well, if he was looking for a sign, he couldn't get one more to the point than that, now could he? The guy who seemed to be the lead singer attempted to get the crowd warmed up before launching into their first set. They rocked out a nice sound, strong lyrics and a driving beat.

Adam spotted Roy in the crowd, easy to identify with his stiff movements, making him look like a creature made of stone and brought to life. His head swiveled mechanically; Adam imagined small ball bearings and a grease fitting at the nape of his neck to keep it all in working order. Roy waded through the sea of mingling, dancing bodies. Didn’t he know you were supposed to dance while on the dance floor? Adam headed towards him as the band broke into another song. The concert-goers separated, allowing him to see Tommy next to Roy. Tommy was in profile to him, the setting sun in the west glowing like a corona round him. The sunset paled in comparison to his Tommy, for Adam knew for once in his life that he had a chance, that it wasn’t just some idiotic fantasy.

The sweetness of the lyrics rang true. He steeled his nerves as he walked to Tommy while the last verse of the song hung in the evening air.

_In the night sky distant fireworks fire beyond the shore_  
And the scent of the wood smoke brings me back to where I was before  
You were talking to someone about something, then so soon  
It was broken; I noticed that you’d left the room 

_You were worthy_

Adam watched Tommy as he approached, framed by the sunburst behind him, and all Adam could think was that, of all the things made by nature, this was the most beautiful. Of all the boys he had seen, Tommy was the sweetest by far. Of all the times his heart had swelled....this time it was real, this time he wouldn’t have to cry himself to sleep.

As he closed the distance, he began to raise his arm and finally placed it on Tommy's bare forearm. The skin was as smooth and warm as he had imagined it would be, but somehow even more so. Tommy turned to face him, his eyes so shiny and shimmering with unshed tears. Adam's heart broke for the lost expression on Tommy's face, a look that declared he was adrift in a sea of emotions. Adam felt their eyes lock, and his body was frozen in place as the song trailed off. Cheers went up in the crowd and a new song started, some of the moment broken, but not all of it - not by a long shot.

“Hi,” Adam said to him. Tommy blinked, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Hi.”

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, um, better now.” His face broke into a smile that showed the love Mother Nature put into making this boy.

“That’s good.” Adam returned his smile, feeling so lucky to have him there.

“Definitely.”

Adam stared into Tommy's eyes, mesmerized by his presence and feeling his reserves faltering. His mind was screaming to ask Tommy out, but what if he was wrong? What if Tommy said no? Adam noted his face, his beautiful face and realized that he was tongue tied as well. What if he said yes? What then?

“So, um, Tommy would you like to go get….um, something to eat….with me?” Adam looked up at Tommy with his stomach having more than butterflies - maybe more like birds. Or Pterodactyls.

“That sounds….um, great.” Tommy smiled at him, and Adam felt his joints weaken a bit. He smiled at Tommy, and his heart soared. He said yes!

Tommy said yes!


	11. Chapter 11

**Tommy**

“Hi,” Adam said. 

  
“Hi,” Tommy responded wittily. Adam had caught him off guard. He hadn’t expected to see Adam, and there he was with his hand still on Tommy’s arm. Adam’s touch was surprisingly warm and tingly, as if energy was flowing from Adam’s body into his. Tommy stared down at Adam’s hand, unable to believe that Adam was actually touching him.

  
“You okay?” Adam asked.

  
Tommy snapped out of it and grinned. “Yeah, um, better now.” 

  
“That’s good.” Adam smiled back at him, and Tommy forgot they were standing in the middle of a crowd of people. For that moment, they were alone.

  
“Definitely,” he agreed.

  
Adam shifted nervously. “So, um, Tommy would you like to go get….something to eat….with me?” He was so cute. As if Tommy could say no to him!  

  
“That sounds great.”

  
Adam looked surprised that he’d agreed. “Uh, where should we go?”

  
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t really know anywhere except The Morning Rush.”

  
Adam made a face. “Ew. No, definitely not.”

  
“We can just wander until we see something we like,” he suggested.

  
“Sounds like a plan.”

  
They’d started walking away before Tommy remembered Roy. He turned back to find him trailing along behind them with a proud smile on his face. Great! Just what he needed for his first date with Adam, a three-hundred-pound chaperone.

Before he could decide what to do about Roy, he heard someone calling his name and turned to see an arm waving above the crowd. He followed the arm down to find Megan grinning at him, with Anoop at her side. He stifled a sigh and pasted a friendly smile on his face. Why was this happening now? He just wanted to be alone with Adam.

  
Megan and Anoop were pushing through the mob towards them, and he noticed Toshi following in their wake. _Great! The more the merrier._  


  
“Hey!” Megan shouted to be heard over the music and crowd as she approached. “I was hoping we’d run into you. Anoop said you invited him so we decided to come check it out.”

  
“I thought you were working.”

  
“I was, but then one of the other RA’s asked if I would switch with him and work tomorrow morning. I said yes so he took over -” She broke off as she seemed to notice Adam for the first time. “Hey, Adam! I see you found him all right. I didn’t know where you’d disappeared to earlier. One minute you were right behind me and then, poof, you’re gone.”

  
Tommy felt his eyes grow wide. Adam and Megan had met already? He looked to Adam, who was blushing and looking very guilty. He turned his gaze to Megan. She hadn’t missed his expression and was now trying her best to look innocent. She didn’t fool anyone.

  
“Okay, what happened?” he asked.

  
“Nothing,” Adam and Megan chorused.

  
He gave them my best skeptical look, but let it slide - for the moment. He’d be sure to bring it back up later.

  
“Isn’t this band great?” Anoop asked in an attempt to change the subject.

  
“They really are,” Toshi agreed. “And they have the same name as you, Tommy! How cool!”

  
Just then, the band went into a slow number.

  
“Oh! I want to slow dance!” Toshi cooed. “Anoop, dance with me!”

  
Anoop blinked in surprise.

  
“Hey, watch it, buster. Anoop is mine,” Megan teased.

  
“I promise to bring him back unmolested,” Toshi replied with a serious face.

  
Megan pretended to think about it for a second. “I guess it’s okay then. Go ahead.”

  
“Hey! Don’t I get a say in this?” Anoop protested, but he was grinning.

  
“No!” Toshi and Megan said together as Toshi began to drag Anoop off towards the area where everyone was dancing.

  
Megan watched them go with a wickedly amused gleam in her eye.

  
“You’re enjoying that way too much,” Tommy joked.

  
She laughed and turned to eye the rest of them. “Well, I’m not going to just stand here like a wallflower. Come on, Roy, we’re going to go dance.”

  
“Uh, me?” Roy asked, his voice filled with something akin to fear. “I don’t know how to dance.”

  
“Don’t worry. I’ll teach you,” Megan said as she grabbed his arm and started pulling him away. Megan looked back at Tommy with a meaningful glance, then flicked her eyes in Adam’s direction. Roy looked back in panic.

  
Once they were gone, he turned to Adam, who was looking at him with an anxious expression. He wasn’t sure if Adam was nervous that he’d ask him to dance, scared that he wouldn’t, or a mixture of both. The opportunity was too good to pass up, however.

  
“So, can I have this dance?” He asked as he held his hand out to Adam. Adam looked down at it like it was a snake about to bite him. The panic was clear on his face. _Crap!_ Tommy had moved too fast. With Adam, he felt a bit like someone trying to coax a wild animal to eat from their hand. He had to avoid making any sudden moves or he might spook him. “Never mind, -” He started to say, but Adam surprised Tommy by interrupting with his soft voice.

  
“Okay.”

  
Adam took Tommy’s hand and started towards the dance area, towing Tommy along in shock. Tommy barely had time to register that Adam was holding his hand before they reached the edge of the dancing couples. Adam turned to look at him, his face clearly saying “What now?”

  
Tommy gave him a reassuring smile and stepped closer to Adam, sliding his arms gently around the other boy’s waist. He heard Adam suck in a breath. Tommy knew how he felt. His heart was hammering and he could barely remember how to dance. Adam slowly lifted his arms and placed them around Tommy’s neck. His face was flushed and he looked like he might pass out at any second. They began to move to the music, awkwardly at first, but gradually finding the rhythm of the music and one another’s bodies.

  
Tommy couldn’t tell if people were watching them or not. All he could think about was the way it felt to be in Adam’s arms again. It was better than he remembered it. Adam wasn’t drunk this time; he knew exactly what he was doing. His eyes were locked on Tommy’s, and what Tommy saw there, filled him with a strange jumble of hope and fear - hope that he might have something real and deep with Adam, but fear that Adam wouldn’t accept him if he knew the truth.

  
Adam leaned into him and rested his head against the other boy’s shoulder. Tommy closed his eyes and just enjoyed having Adam's body touch his. “I’ve never danced with a guy before,” Adam said.

  
“I have...but never like this,” he said.

  
The song ended too soon, and the band jumped into another fast song. Tommy reluctantly released his hold on Adam and he stepped away. He thought Adam looked a little disappointed as well, but maybe he was only seeing what he wanted to see. Now, more than ever, he just wanted to be alone with Adam. He had to get rid of Megan and the gang - but how? Then he remembered where they were going when they ran into the gang in the first place.

  
Megan, Anoop, Toshi and Roy made their way over to them, Megan beaming her approval of Adam and him.

  
“See, didn’t I say you’d make a cute couple?” she said to Adam.

  
“Okay, explain this now, please,” Tommy said. “When did you two meet?”

  
“Well...” Megan looked to Adam.

  
Adam sighed. “I kind of went looking for you earlier today.”

  
He blinked. “You did?”

  
“Yeah, um...I didn’t know what building you were in so I was just asking around. Megan just happened to come in and overhear me asking and she figured out who I was.” He shrugged.

  
“So I offered to show him your room, and one minute he’s behind me and the next he’s gone,” Megan added.

  
“You probably scared him off,” Tommy said dryly and everyone laughed. “Well, it’s great that you two are already acquainted and all, and I’m sure we’ll have more to discuss about that later,” he gave Megan a dirty look, “but Adam and I were just about to go find somewhere to eat before we ran into you.”

  
“Hey, that’s great!” Toshi jumped in. “I’m starving and Anoop was just saying how hungry he is in between whispering sweet nothings into my ear.”

  
“Ha! You wish!” Anoop laughed. “Oh, and Megan, let’s just say he did not return me unmolested. That boy has wandering hands!” Toshi leered in Anoop’s direction and they all laughed again.

  
“There’s a great place near here,” Megan said. “It’s called Quintessence and it’s on the south side of the park. We can walk there from here. You guys will love it,” she added to Adam and Tommy.

  
He wanted to say that what he would really love was some alone time with Adam, but that idea had obviously been steamrolled by their well-meaning friends. Just then, Brad walked up with a tall, dark and handsome guy by his side. The party just kept getting bigger and bigger.

  
“Hey, Tommy! Hey, Adam!” he said. “What’s up?”

  
“We were just getting ready to go to Quintessence,” Adam said.

  
“Cool! Mind if we tag along?”

  
“The more the merrier,” Megan said, echoing Tommy's sarcastic thought from earlier. “Since these guys seem to have forgotten their manners, hi, I’m Megan and this is my boyfriend, Anoop. The one with the drool running down his chin is Toshi, and the strong, silent type in the back is Roy. I take you already know Tommy and Adam.”

  
“Hi, Megan! I’m Brad and this is Steve. I live next door to Adam and I met Tommy at a party last weekend. Actually, I met Roy then, too.”

  
“Adam punched Randall,” Roy added helpfully.

  
Megan raised her eyebrows as she took in Adam’s frame and Adam blushed furiously. “Wish I could’ve seen that.”

  
“It was quite a sight,” Brad said.

  
“How about you give us all the gory details at the restaurant?” she suggested.

  
“How about we don’t?” Adam put in.

  
“Oh, come on, it was pretty impressive,” Brad kidded. “You should be proud.”

  
“Right. It was my proudest moment.”

  
“Can we argue about this while we walk?” Toshi asked. “My stomach is about to eat itself, I’m so hungry.”

  
The group started to move and Megan naturally took the lead. She was a born leader and seemed to feel most comfortable when she was in charge. Everyone argued good-naturedly, joking and trading mock-insults as they walked. Tommy was trying not to pout, but it was a losing battle. Adam finally made a move and the moment got ruined. The old saying “two’s company but three’s a crowd” was so true - and if three was a crowd, what did that make eight? His sulking was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Megan at his side. While he pouted, she had slowly moved to the back of the group. He was surprised that she’d give up her lead-dog position to come to the back of the pack.

  
“So what’s eating you?” she asked softly.

  
“Nothing,” he said unconvincingly.

  
“Uh huh, and I’m Mrs. Claus. Ho! Ho! Ho!”

  
“I think it’s Mr. Claus that says that.”

  
“Come on, Tommy. What’s wrong? Are you mad at me for telling Adam you’d make a cute couple?”

  
“What? Oh. No. Well, maybe a little. But not really.”

  
“Clear as mud. Then what’s up?”

  
“I guess...”

  
“Spit it out already!”

  
“I guess I’d just like to be alone with Adam,” he admitted.

  
“Oh. Oh! And we’re cramping your style. Duh!” She slapped her forehead. “Sometimes I can be so dense. I’m so sorry, Tommy!”

  
“It’s okay. It’s just...you know, I really don’t know how to do this.”

  
“Do what?”

  
“Date someone normal. I’ve never been in a real relationship. I’ve never done the whole dating thing. I mean, I’ve been with a lot of guys, but never anyone like Adam. I’m so afraid I’m going to do something wrong and hurt him or scare him away.”

  
“Trust me, sweetie, I don’t think you could scare him away if you tried. I’ve seen the way his face lights up when he talks about you or the look in his eye when he stares at you.”

  
“Really?” he asked hopefully.

  
“Really.”

  
“He stares at me?”

  
“Yep.”

  
He sighed. “Yeah, but you don’t know the whole story...”

  
“Then why don’t you tell me?”

  
The funny thing was he wanted to. He wanted to tell her the whole sordid story. Something told him she wouldn’t pull away. Maybe she wouldn’t understand - how could she? - but she’d at least try to. But now was not the time.

  
“Hey, what are you two doing back there?” Anoop yelled back suddenly.

  
“Maybe I’ll tell you some other time,” he said quietly to Megan, then yelled back to Anoop, “We’re talking about how fine your ass is!”

  
A series of cat-calls from the assorted gay guys present took the attention off him and Megan as they rejoined the group. He caught Adam giving him a thoughtful look, and Tommy was sure Adam suspected they’d been talking about him. He gave Adam what he thought to be a reassuring smile and was rewarded with another adorable blush.

  
They arrived at the restaurant and managed to get seated together. As he sat down next to Adam, he leaned in close to him and whispered, “Is everything okay?”

  
“Yeah, why?” he asked innocently.

  
“You just looked like you were upset back there.”

  
“Everything’s great. I’m here with you, aren’t I?” Adam blushed again and Tommy couldn’t help giggling. It was almost becoming a game - make Adam blush.

  
They ordered their food and sat around shooting the breeze while they waited. He watched Adam as he relaxed and opened up, and Tommy realized that maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to have everyone else along after all. Adam definitely seemed more comfortable with Brad there. He felt a twinge of envy, but that was just silly. Brad was with that guy, Steve. He and Adam were just friends. No matter how many times he told himself that, though, the jealousy was still there.

  
Man, he had it bad. He hadn’t felt like that about a guy since he was fourteen. It made him feel like a dumb kid again - which was weird, but not entirely a bad thing. That was the last time he’d felt even close to innocent. His whole life had been ripped to shreds about that time, and he was still trying to piece it together four years later.

  
“Tommy?” Adam asked.

  
He blinked and realized Adam had been talking to him while he was lost in his thoughts. “Sorry,” he said with a rather shaky smile. “I guess I zoned out there for a minute.”

  
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Adam's voice was filled with so much concern Tommy almost fell apart right there.

  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He didn’t even convince himself. He could see his strained face reflected in Adam's worry-filled eyes.

  
“Tommy...” he started.

  
“I’ll be right back,” Tommy said suddenly as he stood up. He had to cut Adam off before he said another word. If he hadn’t, he would have started crying. _What the fuck was happening to me?_  


  
He rushed to bathroom and tried to pull himself together. He was splashing water on his face when Roy came through the door. “Tommy?” he asked.

  
“Hey, Roy,” he mumbled through the rough paper toweling he was using to dry his face.

  
“Are you sick?”

  
“No, I’m okay.” he was getting very tired of saying that, especially when he so obviously wasn’t okay.

  
“Then why’d you run out like that?”

  
“I just needed to get away for a minute.”

  
“Did Adam say something to make you upset?”

  
“No! I just...I started thinking about something that happened a long time ago and it...I guess it still upsets me. I’m ready to go back out now. Let’s go.”

  
They walked back to the table, where everyone was carefully trying to pretend like nothing had happened. Only Adam was acting any differently. He had pulled back into himself and was sitting quietly with a haunted look on his face.

  
Tommy slid back into his seat and turned to Adam. “I’m sorry.”

  
“Was it something I said?” he asked.

  
“No! I promise. It’s just...I’ll explain later, okay?”

  
Adam nodded, but his cheery mood from earlier was gone now. Tommy felt like an ass for ruining the night for him. Adam remained quiet while they ate. Tommy tried to draw Adam into the conversation again, but he had withdrawn completely.

  
Tommy was feeling like a complete and total jerk when Megan slipped around to his side of table and leaned down to whisper in his ear, “I’ll fix it. Just follow my lead.”

  
“Huh?”

  
“Hey guys,” she said brightly. “Have you guys ever been down to the Corning Preserve after dark?”

  
“Yeah,” Anoop said, receiving a dirty look from his girlfriend for his effort.

  
“I don’t even know what it is,” Tommy replied, hoping he was following her lead. He wasn’t quite sure what that meant.

  
“It’s this cool park in the middle of the city, right on the river. Want to go?”

  
Maybe that was the part where he was supposed to play along. Did that involve saying yes or no? Was she trying to get all of them to that preserve place or was he supposed to say no and they’d go, leaving Adam and him alone. He liked the idea of that last scenario the best and since they’d been talking earlier about how he wanted to be alone with Adam, he decided to try that one.

  
“Not really...” he started, but a sharp glance from Megan quickly let him know he’d chosen the wrong door. “...er...I mean, sure.”

  
“Great! There’s a bus that stops there. We can go as soon as we settle the bill.”

  
“I think Steve and I are gonna duck out if you don’t mind,” Brad said, staring deep into Steve’s eyes. Tommy had a feeling he knew where they would end up before the night was over. He waited for Megan to argue with him, but she just smiled and nodded. They probably weren’t essential for her plan.

  
“I think I’m gonna skip out too,” Adam said softly, and Tommy spun around with dismay.

  
“Come on, Adam,” Megan said. “It’ll be fun.”

  
“No thanks,” he said.

  
“Please?” Tommy whispered. Adam's eyes met his and he stared into them, as if trying to read Tommy's intentions. He gave Adam his best puppy dog look and he could see him giving in.

  
“Okay,” he said with a sigh.

  
Tommy gave him a big smile. He didn’t know what Megan’s plan was, but as long as Adam was along for the ride, it couldn’t be all that bad.

  
After they settled the bill, they said goodbye to Brad and Steve, and then caught the bus towards the Corning Preserve. Adam was quiet the whole way there. When they arrived, Toshi looked around with a little.

  
“So why are we here again?” he asked as they walked down the footpath towards the river.

  
“I just thought it would be nice,” Megan said defensively.

  
“It is nice,” Anoop placated, as he slid his arm around her waist. “You know what would be even nicer? If we walked down to see that World War II Navy destroyer they keep here,” he enthused.

  
“How entertaining!” she said in mock-testiness. “Not everyone wants to see some big boat. Right, Tommy?”

  
“Huh? Uh, right.” If he was being honest, he couldn’t care less about a boat right then. He couldn’t take his eyes off Adam. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight, standing at the railing overlooking the river. From the looks of things, he wasn’t paying any attention to the conversation.

  
“But if you want to see it, we’ll walk down there,” Megan continued. “Come on, Roy and Toshi. You can walk with us.”

  
“I’ll stay here,” Toshi said.

  
“No, walk with us,” Megan insisted.

  
“I don’t really want...” Toshi started.

  
“Yes. You. Do,” Megan informed him firmly, as Roy caught Toshi’s arm and started tugging him along in the direction Anoop was heading.

  
Tommy turned to find Adam still leaning against the rail. He wondered if Adam even knew the others had left. He seemed to be in his own little world. Tommy walked up and stood next to him.

  
“Hey, you okay?” he said softly.

  
Adam looked up and gave him a little smile. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

  
“You’ve been really quiet since the restaurant.”

  
Adam shrugged and looked back out over the water. “I’m sorry if I said or did something wrong.”

  
“Huh?”

  
“In the restaurant, I’m sorry if I said or did something to upset you.”

  
“You didn’t, Adam. Honest!”

  
“Then what happened? One minute we’re talking and everything is fine, then you get this funny look on your face, and the next thing I know you’re running from the room.”

  
“It’s...complicated.” he wasn’t ready to go into details, but Adam's disappointed expression made him realize he had to tell Adam something. “Okay.” he took a deep breath. “Adam, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

  
Adam rolled his eyes. “Duh. There’s a lot you don’t know about me too.”

  
“No, I mean there’s a _lot_ you don’t know about me. I have a pretty...unpleasant past. I guess you could say I come with a lot of baggage. When we were sitting in the restaurant, I was actually thinking about how much I like you.”

  
Adam's eyes grew round. “Really?”

  
“Yeah,” he said as he began to blush.

  
Adam grinned ear to ear. “I guess it’s safe to tell you that I like you too.” Suddenly, he frowned. “But that doesn’t explain why you ran away like that.”

  
“Well, that’s where my past comes in.” It was Tommy's turn to face the river to avoid eye contact. “I haven’t felt like this about someone for a long time - since I was a kid. Some really bad things happened to me then and as one of my counselors put it, I disassociated my emotions so I wouldn’t get hurt like that again. I haven’t really let myself feel things for a long time so this is all very new to me. Feeling this way about you made me remember the last time I felt like this, which made me think about the bad things that happened around the same time.”

  
“What...what bad things?” Adam asked tentatively.

  
Tommy tried to suppress a shudder but failed. “I’d rather not talk it,” he whispered. “Not yet.”

  
Adam nodded.

  
He cleared my throat. “I do want to get to know you better, though,” he told Adam as he faced him once more. “I really do like you.”

  
Adam smiled. “What do you want to know? I’m pretty much an open book.”

  
Tommy was relieved that Adam was so willing to let the subject drop and move on. “Everything!” he said with a grin. “Start at the beginning.”

  
Adam giggled. “Well, I grew up in San Diego, California. I'm a theater kid, but singing is my main passion. I was friends with almost all the popular girls in school, but I can't say the same about guys; and apart from our art teacher, most of the other teachers pretty much ignored me as often as they could. I don't think they saw any potential in me, and then one day, this new teacher came to our school. His name was Mr. Walker and he was a really nice guy. Like I said, I wasn't very popular among the teachers, and I didn't have a lot of guy friends, so I kind of latched onto him. I followed him around school and probably pretty much made a nuisance of myself, but he was too nice to say so. He believed in me while pretty much no one else did. He was the one that convinced me that I could one day be on a Broadway show if I wanted to. So, after high school, I decided that I wanted to move to New York. My mom and dad went to college here, and they really wanted me to come here, too,” he went on when Tommy didn’t say anything. “So here I am. It’s really far from home and I miss them and my little brother, Neil, but I guess it’s good for me. There. I don’t think I left anything out.”

  
Adam was starting to babble so Tommy thought he’d better say something before Adam started telling him what kind of underwear he wore. “Neil!” he said latching on to the name.

  
Adam blinked at him. “What about him?”

  
“When I called you one time, you yelled at me and called me Neil. I wondered who Neil was. So he’s your little brother?”

  
Adam flushed a fetching shade of scarlet. “Yeah, um, he’s my brother. I’m, uh, really sorry about that. Neil had been teasing me...” He trailed off with a sudden look of horror.

  
“Teasing you about what?” Tommy couldn’t resist asking, although he thought he had an idea from Adam's expression.

  
“N-nothing,” he stuttered.

  
“Come on, tell me,” Tommy teased.

  
“He was, uh, teasing me about you,” he said and his face blazed even brighter, if possible.

  
Tommy grinned. “Oh really?”

  
Adam stuck out his tongue at him. “Yes, really. And don’t try to pretend that you weren’t talking about me. Megan knew who I was before I even told her my name.”

  
It was Tommy's turn to blush. “Yeah, well...”

  
Adam grinned and Tommy looked into his eyes. He saw something there that brought him to a decision. He wasn’t ready to tell Adam all the details, but he wanted Adam to know what he was getting into. Without thinking, Tommy reached out and took his hand. “Let’s go for a walk,” he said softly. Adam fell into step beside him as they began to walk along the river. He kept looking down at their hands as if trying to reassure himself that it was really happening. Tommy knew how he felt. He took a deep breath.

  
“When I was fourteen, a gay guy came to my school. He was a couple of years older than me, so I didn’t really have any interaction with him, but I watched him from a distance. He seemed so proud of who he was, even though he pretty much had no friends. I wanted to be that open but I’d never even seen an openly gay person before, so I guess you could say I didn’t have any role models. I was from a religious family and coming out had never even occurred to me.” The story was coming out as if he was talking about someone else. He’d only talked about it with his therapists, so it felt strange to be telling it to Adam.

  
“I was just working up enough nerve to talk to the gay guy when he was murdered. This other guy in our school was stabbed at the same time. It was a really big deal at our school. It was all anyone talked about for weeks. Then the guy who was stabbed started dating my sister, or that’s what I thought at the time. I had a huge crush on this guy, his name was Eric. He was so hot. I guess I was kind of flirty - well, okay, I was a huge flirt. It turned out that Eric was gay too, and just dating my sister as a cover. We started getting closer and I really liked him a lot. Just when I was really getting my hopes up about me and Eric, he decided that he liked another guy more. So I kind of got my heart broken. That happens to everybody and wouldn’t have been a big deal - Eric and I are even friends now - except for what happened next. Someone else was killed at a Halloween party at our house. The police investigated and nothing seemed to happen. Then about a month later, all hell broke loose.”

  
He paused in his narrative while he tried to figure out how to tell the next part. Adam misunderstood his hesitation and spoke up. “Tommy, you don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want,” he said, concern filling his voice.

  
Tommy shook my head. “No. I want to tell you. It was my brother.”

  
Adam looked at with a mix of confusion and horror. “Your brother was killed?”

  
“No. Well...I mean my older brother was the murderer.” He was surprised at how calm he sounded, almost clinical. “I found out when he tried to kill me. He killed my whole family...well, except my mom.”

  
“Oh my God...”

  
“I would be dead if it wasn't for Eric. He shot my brother and saved my life.”

  
“Oh...Tommy...I...”

  
He was on a roll now though and couldn’t stop, the story just kept rolling from his tongue. “My family was gone in one night. It was just me and mom left. She decided to get out of the city, so we moved across the country.”

  
“I can’t imagine what that must have been like.”

  
“It gets worse. I started using.”

  
“Using?”

  
“Drugs, alcohol...sex... You name it, I used it.”

  
“I...wow...” Adam abruptly stopped walking and his hand went limp in his. Tommy turned to face him and saw the stunned look on his face.

  
It suddenly struck him how this all must sound to Adam. He was so innocent, so pure. What must be going through his mind right now? It didn’t take a psychic to figure it out. “I know,” he said, his voice tight with bitterness. “You’re probably disgusted. I don’t do any of that anymore, but...I’ve seen and done some horrible things. I don’t even know why I thought this would work. I’m sorry...” He dropped Adam's hand, turned, and started walking away. He’d only taken a few steps when he felt Adam's hand slide around his wrist. He stopped and turned back around, but refused to look Adam in the eye. He didn’t want to see emptiness and pain where moments before there’d been such warmth and maybe even love.

  
“Look at me,” Adam commanded in a gentle voice. Tommy slowly lifted his gaze to meet his. There was pain in Adam's eyes, but not like what he had expected. It was empathy for his pain, and it was softened by compassion. “I’m not disgusted. I’m...shocked. I...I don’t know what I would have done if I was in your place. I don’t even know if I could have survived it. What happened to you was horrible. But...I’m glad you told me. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to talk about it. It means a lot that you’d trust me that much. I... I like you, Tommy. A lot. I want to try and make this work...whatever _this_ is.”

  
His fingers slipped from Tommy's wrist to intertwine with his. The sincerity in Adam's eyes told Tommy that he meant every word. A sense of relief washed over Tommy that made him want to whoop with joy, but he somehow restrained himself. He couldn’t restrain the grin that spread across his face.

  
“You really mean that?” He asked, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing.

  
“Yep,” Adam said with a smile of his own.

  
“I really want this to work too.” Tommy wanted to kiss him so bad, but his instincts told him it was too soon. He settled for a quick hug instead. “We should probably get back to the others,” he said, even though what he really wanted was more time alone with this incredible guy. He fell a little more for Adam with every passing second.

  
They walked back towards the bus stop in a comfortable silence, still hand-in-hand. The others were waiting for them when they got back. Megan took in their hand-holding and gave Tommy a wink. Judging by her smug expression, she was quite pleased with the success of her plan. Tommy was sure he’d hear all about it as soon as they were alone.

  
The camaraderie from earlier was back in full force on the bus ride back to campus. Once there, Tommy insisted on walking Adam back to his apartment. They all said goodnight and went their separate ways. Adam and Tommy walked as slowly as possible in order to drag out their time together. At Adam's door, Tommy once again found himself fighting to keep from giving Adam a good-night kiss. A slight hesitation on Adam’s part is all that kept him from going for it. It would wait, and it would be all the sweeter for the wait. Somehow, Tommy was sure Adam was worth it.  



	12. Chapter 12

**Adam**

He walked in and darted over to the window overlooking the street. Tommy was on the sidewalk, looking up at the building. Adam smiled at him, but Tommy didn’t see him, as he turned and started walking up the street. Adam watched Tommy go, his slender frame in the spotlight of a streetlamp. His hair sparkled in the soft glow of the streetlight, and still glimmered a bit when he left its glare. Adam sighed as Tommy disappeared from view. _I should have asked him to stay. How can I possibly sleep tonight knowing he’s out there?_  


  
He grinned to himself and walked back towards his hamper, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. He and Tommy had a few things in common, like their love for music. Adam knew there was something Tommy wasn’t saying though, but he could wait. Tommy had told him more than he had to already, enough to show he wanted something to happen. That started a little gnawing of nerves in the back of Adam's mind, but he relished the fact that he had a golden opportunity for something real. He grabbed a soda from the fridge and went back to the window to stare at the spot where Tommy had been only moments before. His eyes and thoughts drifted up the street to where the streetlamp’s glow had made Tommy stand out in grand fashion. Funny, he looked so natural in a spotlight.

  
After a while, Adam moved to the couch, still running their conversation over and over in his head. He and Tommy really did have a lot in common, like not finding someone to whom they really felt connected. He blushed as he recalled how he’d neglected to fill Tommy in about how he’d been watching him from the first time he saw him that day coming out of the admin building, let alone orientation or the bookstore. No sense making a complete fool of himself!

He put the unfinished soda in his fridge, and decided he should at least try to sleep before getting up for work. He took one more glance out of the window, hoping to see Tommy coming back, like it always happened in the movies where they always stand under the window and toss small stones to get the person’s attention. Then they say sweet things, and maybe they run off together. Finally, he went to bed, still thinking of Tommy and feeling as though he couldn’t be happier than to know Tommy was interested in him, even if all they did was talk all night -- especially after they had talked all night.

  
* * *

  
He and Max opened Saturday morning, and Mike wandered in a few minutes after they arrived. Adam got the initial round of coffee pots going, and Mike set up cups for easy reach. Max sipped her hot chocolate and stared at Mike’s ass whenever he wasn’t looking. Adam wondered if he did that with Tommy. He didn’t think he had ever stared at Tommy's ass. _Now that I think about it, I wonder exactly what his ass is like._ He made a mental note to check it out the next chance he got.

  
People began to wander in and soon they were balls to the wall busy. “Assholes and elbows” his dad used to say, so many people it was positively chaotic. Tommy showed up just after the initial rush. He hadn’t taken the time to check himself in the mirror so he looked all rumpled and cute. Adam made him a coffee before he got to the counter. Max bumped Adam and told him to take his break, so he brought the coffee out to Tommy, meeting him halfway across the store.

  
“You look like you need this,” Adam said to him. He was unable to hide the smirk as one eyebrow went up.

  
“You trying to tell me I don’t look good in the morning?”

  
“I think you look kinda cute, all wrinkled and half awake.” He smiled back at Tommy as they sat at a table. The tide of people had slacked off and Adam felt comfortable in speaking that way to him in public. Tommy placed his hands on the sides of the cup, inhaling the scent, and looking as if the smell of coffee was the best thing that had ever entered his nostrils. Adam had a flash in his head of years from then, taking pleasure in making Tommy's coffee in the morning, breakfast in bed for his birthday or their anniversary. He thought he could spend a lot of time waking up to that expression.

  
“What?”

  
He realized Tommy had opened his eyes and seen him staring at him while he was lost in all these silly, domestic thoughts.

  
“Nothing, Tommy. How’s your coffee?” he asked.

  
“Perfect. Just what I needed.” He took a sip and smiled at him.

  
“So what are you doing today?”

  
“Laundry. I’m almost out of clothes.”

  
_That would be a tragedy,_ Adam thought with a smirk.

  
“What are you doing today?”

  
“Laundry, too. There’s a place a couple doors down from my building. I may have to pry Brad out of his apartment too.” He winked at Tommy. “Steve left sometime early this morning.”

  
“How do you know?”

  
“I heard him fall down the stairs.”

  
“You what?”

  
“I heard this crash, and it woke me up, so I poked my head into the hallway, and there was Brad rushing down to help Steve. I guess too much sex makes you unsteady on your feet.” He sniggered at the remembered sight of Steve and Brad.

  
“Are you speaking from experience?” Tommy asked with a smirk.

  
“I’m not that kind of boy,” He said flippantly, but he knew his cheeks were showing his embarrassment.

  
“What kind of boy are you?” Tommy asked suggestively. _I guess the coffee had hit the part of his brain that picked on me._  


  
“The kind that doesn’t kiss on the first date.”

  
“How many dates do I have to go before that happens?”

  
“Well, I haven’t even been asked out for the first time,” Adam said looking up at the ceiling, feigning being cool and collected while his heart pounded in his chest. He was amazed Tommy couldn’t hear it.

  
“What? That cozy, intimate dinner for eight wasn’t enough?” Tommy laughed.

  
“Nope,” he giggled. “Dinner for two would qualify though.”

  
“Well, I don’t have a place for us to go and I don’t really know any restaurants, but wherever you want to go is fine with me.”

  
“Well, I know this little second floor walk up with a pretty decent cook,” He said. He couldn’t believe he was being so forward! He was sure his cheeks were crimson, but damn it, he wanted to see Tommy again.

  
“Adam, are you asking me out?” Tommy teased.

  
“No,” he replied as he stood up to go back to work, “I’m telling you dinner is at seven. Be there if you’re hungry.”

  
“What’s on the menu?” Tommy called as Adam walked away.

  
“You want to know, be there at seven!” He called back. His mother would kill him if she saw how he was acting, but Tommy was coming to dinner at his place that night and that was all that mattered! Now, the only thing left to do was figure out what he was going to cook...and how to make it!

  
* * *

  
“So let me get this straight, you were flirting with him, and it got out of control, and now you don’t know what to make him for dinner?”

  
“Your words, not mine,” Adam said while loading the washing machine. He just knew asking Brad for help would come at a price, but his ribbing had already worn thin.

  
“Wow. I mean, I’ve done some things to get in guys’ pants before, but I always had a plan!” He chuckled and Adam glared at him.

  
“I’m not trying to get in his pants, just so you know,” he muttered as he fed quarters into the slot and started the machine on its first cycle.

  
“Why not? Tommy is pretty fine if you ask me. If you weren’t interested, and I wasn’t with Steve, I’d be trying.”

  
“Because, I want more than a one-night stand!”

  
“Down, Simba! I was just saying that he’s hot. I guess I don’t understand why you aren’t interested in what he’s packing.”

  
“It’s not that I’m not interested, it’s just…” Adam sighed before sitting down. “I want something real for my….for my first time. Okay, I said it. Are you happy now? I am a virgin - a fucking sexual loser. All right?”

  
“Whoa, calm down, man! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize all that. I just assumed someone that’s as hot as you had some experience, that’s all. I didn’t mean anything!” Brad soothed and Adam sat still, embarrassed.

  
“I just don’t want to mess this up. I mean, I don’t know if it’ll work out or not, but Tommy likes me and I like him, and I want something more than a night of sex. I really want something…romantic.” He trailed off into a whisper.

  
“Adam, that’s cool man. There is nothing wrong with that. Listen, let me tell you something about me. I was in love with a Tommy once too, so I know how they can twist you up in knots.” Brad smiled as Adam looked into his face.

  
Adam waited in silence for him to continue. Brad took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair before starting.

  
“My Tommy was awesome, funny and smart, and he really loved me. He still does, and I love him too, but he loves Greg more and I had to let him go. I went through a phase after Tommy and I broke up, after I came here for my freshman year. I gave a new meaning to the term bedspread!” Adam's eyes became wide and Brad laughed at his expression before continuing. “I think I’ve really found something with Steve though. We sat up all night and talked, drank coffee, and actually slept together without any bodily fluids changing addresses. The strange thing was I woke up and felt good about that. I felt good like the last time I slept with my Tommy. So I guess what I am trying to say is I respect what you’re feeling with Tommy, and what you want to try and build. But if you want a recipe, you came to the wrong guy. I screw up mac and cheese!”

  
Adam chuckled at him and went to the soda machine for something to do. He felt nervous, but he was always embarrassed if his lack of sexual experience came up. It wasn’t something one would be proud of unless you were a True Love Waits fanatic. He walked back to his seat next to Brad and plopped down with his soda.

  
“Seriously, Adam, I think it’s cool you want the right guy. I hope Tommy is it. I know my Tommy was the right guy for me, and I don’t regret anything. I know other people that just gave it up while they were drunk, and they did regret it. You can’t get that first time back. So stick to your guns, man.”

  
Adam hadn’t expected Brad to agree with him, and he chewed on that for a minute. He really wanted to make the right choice. He wanted to follow his heart and not just his loins. He wanted mind, body and soul...as well as head. He felt a flash of guilt at that, but there it was. He _did_ want to have sex, but he was determined after having so many romantic misadventures that he would do this right. Still, for all his thinking, he was pleased Brad backed him up, a little moral support if you will.

  
After his last load of laundry was done, he headed upstairs to get his stuff put away and make an embarrassing phone call. He dragged out putting the socks away and folding his underwear. He hung his shirts and put the pants away before hunting up his phone and dialing home.

  
“Hello?”

  
“Hi, Mom. It’s Adam.”

  
“Hey baby! How’s everything in the great northeast?”

  
“Going pretty well. Classes are okay, all except Economics, which is so boring I can’t even tell you.”

  
“Yeah, I know. Boring stuff. You’ll have to buckle down to pass that one, Son.”

  
“Yeah, I know. I’m calling for a reason this time, though. I need a little help, Mom.”

  
“What’s up?”

  
He felt his cheeks reddening already, but he was committed now and plunged ahead.

  
“I have a date tonight and I need to know how to cook something impressive but not too hard.”

  
“Oh, I see. You’re cooking dinner?”

  
“Yeah, I am.”

  
“Who is this guy?”

  
“It’s Tommy, the one I told you about the first week of school.”

  
“Oh, Adam, you can’t be serious?”

  
“It’s not what you think, Mom. It turns out he’s gay, and he’s interested. We met up at this free concert last night, and we walked in the park together and talked, and he’s really nice, Mom, and he said he liked me too.” He felt like a small child, almost afraid his mom would forbid this guy to come into the house, his apartment, three thousand miles away.

  
“Well, you’re on your own now, Adam. I can’t tell you what to do,” She sighed. “I hope it works out this time.”

  
“I hope so too, Mom. He’s been really sweet so far, and we have some stuff in common.”

  
 “Like what?”

  
 “Jeez, I dunno,” He thought to himself, “Neither of us is into the drinking or party scene really. We like the same music, sort of. The band at the park played a really good song. I wonder if that would be, like, our song?”

  
“So! Did he kiss you yet?” He wondered to himself if his mom was a little uncomfortable with him and Tommy. Well, of course she was, she couldn't be there if something went wrong.

  
“Mom!”

  
“Okay, I guess not. That’s good, means he didn’t do anything else either.”

  
“Mom! That is so not funny,” He grumbled at her.

  
“Well, I guess you’re trying to get to his heart through his stomach, huh?”

  
“No, I’m trying to get a date since I told him I don’t kiss on the first date!” He felt as if the embarrassment clearly showing in his cheeks could have lit the room - and then some.

  
“So we _are_ trying for a first kiss?” She chuckled.

  
“Yes, Mom, we are. I want to kiss him, and then I want to take him to the couch and kiss him some more, and then I want to get the bottle of lube and the condoms I stashed in the coffee table drawer, and -”

  
“Adam!”

  
“Well, you make it sound so dirty!”

  
“I do not. I was just curious. You go so wholeheartedly into these things. I just don’t want him to take advantage of you. I can’t stop it from happening though, so I hope you are right about this boy.”

  
“I am, but I need a recipe, Mom! I’m supposed to cook dinner tonight!”

  
“Okay, alright. Let’s see...You have a pen and paper? Copy this down then.”

  
* * *

  
Adam got off the bus and walked into Price Chopper. The place was crowded, but he darted in and out of aisles with the list his mom had given him. He was making Coq Au Vin, a French chicken dish with a cream sauce. He had borrowed a bottle of dry red wine from Brad, who was plainly happy to be rid of it.

  
He grabbed some garlic and onions, chicken and a few spices before catching the bus home. He started working quickly, following the directions as best he could and praying he didn’t do anything majorly wrong. The chicken was browning and he started cutting up the big ass onions. _Holy shit!_ His eyes were watering like crazy. He’d always thought that was some kind of old joke. He washed his hands and his eyes began to clear once out of range of those venomous onions.

  
_Oh shit!_ The chicken was only supposed to get browned, not deep fried! _Oh, damn it!_ Things were looking more and more as though he’d have to order a pizza. After rescuing the chicken, which maybe wasn’t as bad as he’d thought, he put it and its sauce in the oven. As he started to fry the onions, knuckles rapped on his front door, and Brad popped in.

  
“Damn, something smells good in here! Can I come over too?” He smiled as he walked over to Adam.

  
“I am not slaving over a hot stove to get my first kiss from you, boy!” Adam said as he tried to make light of his situation.

  
“For just one piece of that chicken, I’ll clean your tonsils, Adam!” Brad chuckled and made a mock attempt to kiss him. Adam just laughed and pushed him away.

  
“No, this is for Tommy. Make your own dinner.”

  
“But I can’t cook, Emeril!” Brad whined while sitting down at the small kitchen table.

  
“What, I look like a chef here? Bam!” Adam laughed as he slammed the frozen veggies on the counter to break them up from their icy slumber.

  
“Well, it smells good, whatever it is.”

  
“I am so nervous. In Home Ec, I once made these muffins that smelled so good...until you actually tried to eat one.” He shot Brad a meaningful glance before continuing, “I put in salt instead of sugar. They tasted like a big, fluffy salt lick.”

  
Brad howled with laughter and Adam smiled at him. The story was true enough, what he hadn’t told Brad was that after he knew how bad they were, he gave one to his math teacher. He’d hated that bastard.

  
They chatted aimlessly while Adam cooked, then he asked Brad to watch the stove while he took a shower. As he was leaving, Brad asked if he should pick Adam's clothes out for him again. Adam stuck his tongue out at him for his efforts.

  
After showering, however, Adam really did wonder if he shouldn’t get Brad to pick something for him. He settled on a tight black button up and jeans that were somewhat snug in the back. He put on his Tommy Hilfiger underwear - for good luck. He didn’t plan on Tommy ever seeing them, not that night anyway.

  
He walked out in his stockinged feet to the kitchen where Brad was putting the lid on the vegetables. The rice was simmering and everything was just about set. Adam grabbed some nice plates from the cabinet. Once, they might have been part of a big set, but those two orphans were all that was left at the Goodwill store. He put some paper towels down as napkins and a battered butter tray with chipped salt and pepper shakers. He grabbed two bowls and two thin tapered candles from the top of the fridge and his catch-all drawer respectively.

  
He lit each one, dripping candle wax in the bowl and then seating the candles on the hot wax. After blowing them out, he left them to cool in place.

  
“Do you think he’ll notice that all this stuff doesn’t match with just the candlelight?” He asked Brad worriedly. He slowly adjusted the tablecloth as he realized there were more threads than he remembered dangling at the fringes. He readjusted the setting once the offending strings were hidden on his side of the table.

  
“I’d be surprised if he notices anything after he sees you, Adam.” Brad smiled at him. “I saw the looks he was flashing you. I think you are pretty safe in getting noticed tonight.”

  
“Flattery will get you nowhere. Okay, get out! Tommy will be here soon and I need to finish things up here.”

  
“Okay, good luck,” Brad said. He paused and pecked Adam on the cheek. “Tommy’s lucky, don’t you forget it.” Then he was gone. Adam tried to settle his nerves and finish getting things done around the apartment, like picking up dishes from the living room, empty chip packets off the coffee table and his shoes from in front of the couch.

  
He had this old lamp that was red fading to white with gold leaves glued to it. It was interesting because it had two bulbs, one on the top where the main source of light was, and one on the inside of it where you could have a nightlight type of glow. He set the lamp on its dim setting and eyed the room critically. Well, it looked better draped in shadows, more as if things went together.

He went back into the kitchen and waited for the chicken to finish. He also checked the rice and veggies, deciding he should put them in bowls for the table. He was so nervous. Why was he so nervous? They had talked already, he knew Tommy liked him! There was no reason to be acting like a ninny!

  
He put the veggies on the table, and as he turned to get the rice it occurred to him that the veggies would get cold if Tommy wasn’t on time. He couldn’t serve a cold dinner to Tommy, but what was he supposed to do with it in the meantime? _Shit!_ Why was this so complicated? He really shouldn’t have to go through all that to get one kiss from the guy who already told him he liked him. Maybe he should just lay one on Tommy as he came through the door and get it over with! Maybe then his nerves would settle down!

  
He grabbed a pot lid and placed it over the veggies, then proceeded to do the same with the rice. He glanced at the clock and noted it was five after seven. What if Tommy didn’t show? _Oh my god, that would be disaster!_ Tommy wouldn’t do that, would he? Maybe he had been too forward that afternoon. Maybe Tommy didn’t like that. Adam was consumed by a paralyzing fear of Tommy not coming for dinner, and had a nasty image of giving the whole thing to Brad. Just at that moment, when his panic was turning to despair, there was a knock at his door. _So help me god, if it’s Brad he’s going back to his apartment in a body bag!_  


  
He quickly lit the candles and dashed to the door, pausing at the mirror to check and see if his hair was still okay. He grabbed the door handle and took a deep breath before trying his best to open the door smoothly. There was Tommy wearing a dark-gray button-up shirt with the top few buttons undone. His hair hung down to caress left side of his face, and his black jeans gave him a rock star look.

  
“Adam? Helloo?” He waved his hand in front of Adam's face and Adam started suddenly as he was brought back to the real world.

  
“Hi Tommy, sorry, you just…you look...really nice,” Adam said. He swallowed all the other terms that came to mind, in case they were too forward. He was almost certain ‘edible’ would be considered too forward.

  
“Thanks, you look pretty nice yourself,” Tommy smiled and stepped into the apartment. Adam noted a small curl at the edge of his mouth as he took in the room.

  
“You really set a romantic mood, Adam.”

  
Adam almost said it was to cover the mismatched furniture, but he then realized that having a romantic atmosphere was better for getting his first kiss.

  
“Glad you like it. Dinner is ready, if you are.” Adam ushered Tommy into his little kitchen and pulled out a chair for him. Tommy grinned at him and sat down in the proffered chair. Adam put a trivet on the table and opened the stove up to get the chicken out.

“Mmm, Adam, looks good. I mean, smells good!”

  
Adam realized he was bent over in front of Tommy as he removed the chicken. Thank God he didn’t drop it out of shock! He set the chicken on the stove and half-turned to look at Tommy. He seemed quite amused by all of Adam's preparations, a cute smile sitting on his face. Well, that was all right with Adam, as long as Tommy was pleased. He put the chicken on the serving plate and brought it to the table.

  
He served Tommy his chicken on a bed of rice, and added some of the sauce from the pan. Tommy still had a slightly amused look on his face. Adam was shooting for something more than amusement. Adam really hoped that wasn’t _all_ just for his amusement. Maybe he just needed to try a little harder.

  
Tommy murmured his thanks as Adam set the main course down on the trivet and spooned him some veggies. He then took his seat across from Tommy and put some food on his plate - but not too much! He didn’t want Tommy to think he was a pig. _Am I over-thinking this? Maybe._  


  
“So…dig in,” he said with a smile. Tommy grinned and forked a piece of chicken, which was tender enough to break away from the bone easily, and popped it in his mouth. Adam waited for his response, praying it was good, and also praying he wouldn’t pull that horrible routine he did when Adam suggested he try his favorite coffee.

  
“Hey, this is good!” Tommy said. Adam smiled in relief, finally able to eat a bit himself.

  
“I called my mom this afternoon for a recipe,” he admitted. “I realized after I got home I didn’t know what I would make for you.”

  
“Take out would have been fine with me. This is more than I expected.”

  
Adam just smiled and watched him eat, extremely pleased with himself that he had made a good impression. Tommy wasn’t his yet, he knew that, but he also knew that Tommy was his to lose. He just needed to keep showing Tommy he had some value, and then he would have a chance to keep Tommy - maybe for a long time.

  
“What are you smiling at?” Tommy asked.

  
“I was thinking about you…in ten years.” Adam grinned at him as Tommy's jaw dropped open a bit. It was over the top, but it was worth it to catch him by surprise. Adam laughed at him.

  
“Ten years, huh? What did I look like?” Tommy grinned, rising to the bait.

  
“Handsome...and well fed.” Adam laughed again.

  
“You trying to say I got fat?” he pouted.

  
“No, you get plenty of regular exercise.” Adam flashed an appraising look at Tommy. His mother would _kill_ him if she could hear him. In fact, he was beginning to embarrass himself. Better change the subject. “So is life at college everything you thought it would be?” he asked.

  
“It’s starting to look better,” Tommy said, giving him a meaningful look, “but it didn’t start out that way. I wanted a fresh start, new place and all, and I got that, but I was a little lonely at first. Then this chick Debby tried to pick me up the first few days I was here. She turned out to be a real piece of work. She was really persistent and eventually I had to turn her down, but she showed me where the Morning Rush is, so in a way I guess she did something good.”

  
“Oh, so that was the girl I saw you with,” Adam commented without thinking.

  
“When did you see me with her? She only took me there once and I don’t remember seeing you.” Tommy sat looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Adam began to squirm in his seat.

  
“Do I have to answer that?” he asked sheepishly.

  
“Well, no...” Tommy toyed with his food. “...but I think you should.”

  
_Oh, this sucked._ He had to open his big mouth. Tommy was slowly finding out he had been watching him for a long time, completely smitten. Tommy would think he’d stalked him if he told him how often he saw him and just stopped in his tracks. Wouldn’t he? Better to be honest though, than try to hide things from him.

  
“Okay, I was walking down to the shop, and you two were up front by the window. She was flirting, tight shirt and no bra, and you were sitting there with your...” He choked on the words. Tommy simply raised an eyebrow and he muttered out the rest. “...with your legs spread in tight jeans.” He _knew_ he was cherry red. He could be Rudolph the Red-Faced Fag for Halloween! He’d never been so embarrassed!

  
“I had…I had no idea.” Tommy said quietly. Adam couldn’t bring himself to look at Tommy. “So, when did you first see me, actually?” Tommy asked. Adam looked up at him, not sure what he was getting at.

  
“The day we had orientation,” Adam confessed. Tommy gave him a quizzical look and Adam sighed. _May as well finish filling in the blanks._ “You came running out the door from the admin building, and I was opening the door as you were coming out.”

Tommy appeared to be in thought and Adam started to forget he was supposed to be embarrassed.

  
“I first remember you behind the counter at Morning Rush, but I kind of remember almost mowing someone down on my way to orientation. That was you?” He asked. Adam merely nodded in response, feeling dumb for having said anything.

  
“I think…” Tommy appeared to be in thought again, and then smiled what could be called shyly at Adam before continuing. “I think I really noticed you the day I tried your favorite way of making coffee. You have a beautiful smile.”

  
Now Adam _knew_ he was as bright as a red beacon, but he also had a very, very large smile on his face.

  
“See? There’s the proof,” Tommy chuckled.

  
“Eat. Your food is getting cold,” Adam replied, still smiling at him.

  
“Yes, Mom,” he laughed and resumed his meal.

  
They finished eating with comfortable conversation. They discovered neither of them liked sports, and that Tommy had a passing interest in video games. Tommy told him more about his best friend, Eric, and how they met. Adam could tell their bond was deep. Tommy smiled the whole time he talked about Eric.

  
Adam could feel the pain Tommy still felt when he spoke of Eric as his first love, and he had to admit he was the tiniest bit jealous, but Tommy was pretty firm about there being no future outside their extremely close friendship. Adam was suddenly ashamed of himself and thankful for Eric. He was Tommy’s most loyal friend and confidant, and he had a feeling that if someone didn’t measure up in Eric’s view as an appropriate match for Tommy…Well, he hoped he would make the cut.

  
Tommy asked for more details about his family, and Adam filled him in on his parents and Neil. Adam told him how Neil had been asking about whether he was going to ask Tommy out or not, and Tommy just smiled. Adam wondered if he’d had a similar discussion with Eric. His curiosity was killing him on that. Who did Tommy confide in? Then he realized that Roy seemed to know an awful lot. What did that mean? Where did Roy fit into all that anyway?

  
“So, um,” he began. “I know this is probably none of my business, but I am guessing Roy is your confidant here, since you have no access to Eric?”

  
Tommy chuckled before replying, "I don't know if I'd say confidant. Roy's just always there these days, so I talk to him. Sometimes it's almost like talking to myself. He's an okay guy though. I wish I could talk to Eric more, but he's really busy right now."

  
“Oh, I guess that must be tough on you since you guys are so close,” Adam said. He felt sympathetic, but he also wondered how close they really were. Or maybe he just didn’t rate a call to the best friend. He _hated_ when he did that to himself. Self doubt seemed to be something he stored in bulk, for just such an occasion.

  
“That’s the great thing about us; we don’t have to see each other all the time to know the other cares. We can not talk for a long time, but when we see each other it’s like no time has passed at all. You’d like Eric, I think.”

  
“I hope I get to meet him, especially if he’s so important to you,” Adam replied with a smile.

  
“You know what’s funny? I think he’d say the same thing about you.”

  
Adam was feeling pretty damn good right then, and could anyone blame him? He had a gorgeous guy in his house, he had not burnt dinner, and they were getting to know each other. But the best part was...he liked Tommy. He liked spending time with him, not just staring at him and wondering what he looked like under his clothes. Tommy could make him laugh, carry on a good conversation, and they seemed to have some real chemistry.

  
_Life was good._  


  
He noticed Tommy's glass was empty. “More Coke?”

  
“Please.”

  
Adam stood to get Tommy's drink and felt a small tug near his waist. Too late he realized it was because the tablecloth was stuck to his belt buckle, caught by loose threads. The same loose threads he had carefully put on his side of the table so Tommy wouldn’t see them. He turned quickly and reached for the main dish as it toppled past his grasping fingers, followed quickly by damn near everything on the table.

  
So there they were in the kitchen, Tommy at the table, fork in hand, and the rest of the meal on the floor at Adam's feet.

  
_Life sucked._  


  
Adam sadly bent down to pick up the remnants of what had been a great evening when he noted Tommy bending down next to him. As they picked up the dinner, Tommy started giggling a bit. After a few seconds, Adam was unable to resist joining him.

  
“You know,” Tommy said as he wiped up the chicken sauce, “this seems familiar.”

  
“Yeah, you and me cleaning up my messes.”

  
“I was going to ask you out that day.”

  
Adam stopped and stared at him. “You were?”

  
“Yeah. That’s the day you smiled at me the first time.”

  
They were both kneeling on the floor, the mess between them, their eyes locked. Strangely, for Adam, he held Tommy's gaze without becoming embarrassed. It must have looked silly, dinner on the floor and them staring into each other’s eyes. Tommy smiled at him, and Adam returned it. He began to lean forward hesitantly. _It’s about to happen!_ Tommy was getting closer, his face less than a foot from his. Adam leaned in slightly, his lips parted. Suddenly, Tommy lurched forward, crashing into him. The next thing Adam knew, he was looking up into Tommy's face in surprise, on his back with Tommy's chest on his.

  
Tommy started to giggle. Adam joined him and soon they were laughing loudly, lying on Adam's kitchen floor in the remains of dinner. Adam looked up into Tommy's face and the laughter slowly faded away. He leaned in slowly, resting his lips on Tommy's, soft, warm and fitting perfectly against his own. He kept his gaze on Tommy. He wanted to remember every detail. Tommy began to lift away, a cloud of self doubt in his eyes. Adam slid one arm behind him and placed his other hand on Tommy's neck. He gently pulled Tommy towards him. The feel of Tommy's warm, smooth skin registered in his mind as Tommy's hair brushed across his face, tickling his cheek.

  
Tommy's lips met his once again with a renewed sense of purpose. There they were, entwined, Adam's first kiss on the kitchen floor, holding a boy he was sure he was falling head over heels in love with, lying in the mess of his cooling dinner. He knew he’d never forget his first kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

**Tommy**  
  
His first kiss with Adam wasn’t quite the way he’d imagined it, but it was better than anything he could have ever dreamed. Sure, they were lying in a splattered mess of chicken, sauce, rice, and vegetables in the middle of the kitchen floor, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the feel of Adam's lips against his, the feel of his body pressed against Adam's. He didn’t want the moment to end, but, of course, like all good things, it had to eventually.

He gently broke the kiss and pushed himself up on his elbows so he could look into Adam's beautiful face again. Adam's eyes were shining, his lips wet, his cheeks rosy - he was the most beautiful thing Tommy had ever seen. And then he spoke.

“The sauce is soaking through my underwear.”

Tommy snorted and started giggling again.

“No, seriously!” he protested. “It’s kind of sticky and...well, wet. It feels really nasty.”

Tommy kissed him lightly on the nose and used the table to pull himself up off Adam, then extended his hand to pull him to his feet. They were both a royal mess. He had food on the knees of his brand-new black jeans and down the sleeves of both arms. Adam was even worse. When he turned around, Tommy saw he was coated from the center of his back to below his ass. He twisted around to get a look at the mess and grimaced. Tommy had to bite his lip to keep from laughing again.

“Great,” Adam muttered. He looked back down at the floor and he appeared as if he might cry at any second. “I’m so sorry. Everything is ruined -”

“No,” Tommy said quickly, cutting him off. “Nothing is ruined. We had a great dinner - well, most of it anyway - and great conversation, and I found out that you’re a great kisser.” Adam blushed scarlet and ducked his head to hide a pleased smile. “And the night is far from over.” Adam looked up with a surprised expression.

“But we’re a mess...”

“So we change,” Tommy said with a shrug.

“Come on then, I’ll help you.” Adam grabbed Tommy's shirt tail and tugged it up. Tommy laughed and spun away with a squeal. Adam chased him around the table, almost slipping on the sauce again. He grabbed Tommy around the waist from behind and swung him around. His shirt bunched up in the process and Tommy couldn’t help but look down and take a peek at Adam’s underwear, which was sticking out above the waist of his jeans in a way that Tommy found ever-so-sexy. He did a double-take.

“Is it my imagination, or is my name on your underwear?” Tommy asked with a teasing grin.

Adam’s mouth and eyes flew open in abject horror. “I...it’s...they...” he spluttered.

Tommy squeezed him even tighter and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “It’s okay. Your name is on my boxers as well.”

Adam blinked. “Really?”

Tommy laughed. “No, but I think it’s sexy as hell that my name is on yours.”

Adam flushed red again and tickled Tommy’s sides so he let go of Adam with a yelp.

“This sauce is getting cold now and it’s even grosser,” Adam said with as much dignity as he could muster. “I’ve got to go change. What are you going to do?”

Tommy started to answer flippantly with “ _Watch_ ,” but realized that might be pushing things a bit too far. While Adam certainly seemed to catch on quick when it came to the whole flirting business, Tommy had to keep reminding himself that Adam was really innocent and inexperienced. How inexperienced he wasn’t sure, but it was obvious that this was all new to Adam. He was so adorably awkward, yet so very earnest. “Maybe I should go see if Brad has something I can wear,” Tommy suggested. “We are probably the same size.”

Adam pulled a face. “Great. I’ll never hear the end of this from him. Can you tell him that we had an earthquake or something and he just missed it?”

Tommy laughed. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t give you a hard time.”

Adam rolled his eyes, but turned towards his bedroom without a word. Tommy wanted to follow him, but he made himself turn around and walk to the door. He knocked on Brad’s door and waited. The sauce really was starting to get cold. It was quite uncomfortable.

Brad swung open the door and looked surprised to find Tommy standing there. “Uh, hey. Aren’t you supposed to be having dinner with Adam?”

“I am. Or I was. But then we had a little incident.”

“Oh shit, man! Is everything all right?”

“Oh, yeah. I just...could I borrow some clothes?”

“What?” He looked utterly confused. He took a step back to allow more light by, and took a closer look at Tommy. “Dude! What happened?”

“Long story.”

“You can’t have my clothes unless I get the story.”

“Fine, just let me get out of these. The sauce is getting cold and let me tell you, it does not feel good.”

Brad stepped back a little more to let him walk in. He took a better look at Tommy after he shut the door.

“You know, I’ve heard some crazy shit, but this is really kinky.”

Tommy laughed. “Clothes, Brad.”

“Story, Tommy.”

“I knocked the food off the table and then slipped in it, okay?” Brad gave him a skeptical look. “Ask Adam!” Tommy insisted. He’d have to be sure to tell Adam what the new story was, just in case Brad did ask - which Tommy was sure he would. “Clothes?”

He shrugged. “Jeans okay?”

“That’s fine.”

Brad disappeared into the bedroom and Tommy quickly toed off his shoes, peeled off the soiled jeans, and started unbuttoning his shirt.

A sharp wolf whistle announced Brad’s reappearance. “Damn, Tommy,” he said appreciatively. He stood in the doorway and ogled Tommy’s body.

“Five bucks a minute, Bell. Cash only. Keep staring, I need the money.”

Brad shook his head and grinned as he tossed him the jeans. Tommy pulled them on, then looked at Brad expectantly.

“What?” he asked.

“Shirt?”

“Oh, yeah. You sure you need it? I’m sure Adam would like it better without one...”

“Shirt, please?”

He grinned and disappeared into his bedroom again. He came back out a minute later and handed Tommy a black pullover.

Tommy pulled it over his head and ran his hands down the soft material. It fit snugly. “I like this,” he said.

“Keep it. It’s a little too big on me.”

“Really?” Brad nodded. “Thanks!” He put his shoes back on, and bent to pick up the dirty clothes.

“Leave them. I’ll wash them and get them back to you.” Tommy looked up with surprise. “Hey, consider it my part in helping this little love affair along. Now, get back to your boy. I know how hard he worked to make this night perfect. Try not to mess it up, huh?”

Tommy quickly crossed the room and gave Brad a brief hug before heading back to Adam’s apartment. He gave a brief rap before walking in. Adam was on his knees on the floor cleaning up the mess. Like Tommy, he’d changed into another pair of jeans, but his shirt was a smoky blue-gray that reflected the color of his eyes perfectly. He looked up as Tommy approached and gave him a crooked grin.

“How about if you stay where you are?” he quipped. “I think we’d all be safer that way...and besides, I can look at you better from here.”

Tommy smiled and did a little pirouette. “Like what you see?”

“Oh yeah. Don’t tell him I said this, but Brad’s clothes look better on you than they do on him.”

Tommy laughed. “By the way, in case he asks, the story is that I knocked the food off the table and then fell in it.”

“But that’s not what happened!”

“I know that, and you know that, but Brad doesn’t.”

“You didn’t have to do that!”

“I know, but this way he won’t ride you about it.” He edged closer to where Adam was kneeling.

“Tommy...”

“Adam, it’s not a big deal. I feel stupid just standing here watching you clean up. Isn’t there something I can do?”

“I’m almost done. You can hold the trash bag so I can throw all this crap in there. Just don’t get too close. I don’t want you to slip again.”

“I’m a little more prepared now.” Tommy picked up the trash bag and held it open while Adam tossed in the food and paper towels he’d used to clean up.

“So much for dinner,” he said with a sigh.

“It was really good, Adam. I can’t believe you cooked it yourself. I can’t wait to see what’s for dessert.”

Adam’s face registered dismay. “I forgot dessert!”

Tommy tried not to laugh at Adam’s pitiful expression. “It’s okay,” he soothed. “In fact, it’s good.”

“Good? How can it be good? I forgot dessert! Everybody knows that’s like the most important part of dinner. God! What else can I mess up?”

“This is my chance to thank you for dinner. Now I get to take you out for dessert. Where should we go?”

“I don’t know.” He was still visibly upset, so Tommy squatted down next to him.

“Adam, we could have had Big Macs and apple pies from Mickey D’s and this night would have still been perfect. I don’t care if dinner ended up on the floor and you forgot dessert. So what if things didn’t go exactly as you planned? We got to spend time together and that’s what matters. Right?”

A smile slowly spread across Adam’s face, transforming him into one of Raphael’s angels. “Right.”

Tommy couldn’t resist any longer. He bounced to his feet, pulling Adam up with him. He drew Adam into him as he snaked his arms around Adam’s neck. Adam wrapped his arms around Tommy’s waist and they met halfway. The kiss was amazing. It lasted several minutes and Tommy thought his knees would buckle. There was no doubt about it; Adam was a quick study. They broke reluctantly apart, both of them panting. He felt Adam’s erection pressing into his body. Boy! Adam was talented down _there_! “Or we could just skip dessert and stay here,” Tommy said in a husky voice.

Adam pretended to pout. “I wanted chocolate cake.” Tommy raised an eyebrow and he grinned. “But I think I can live without it.”

Adam stepped back, sliding his hands down Tommy’s arms and slipping them into his hands. Tommy pulled Adam towards the couch and uttered the time-worn but never unwelcome words, “Let’s get more comfortable.”

Adam was ready to do whatever Tommy said, anything to taste his lips again. Adam let Tommy lead him across the apartment and onto the couch, where their bodies slid together like two pieces of a puzzle, a perfect fit. For a few moments, Tommy just lightly traced the outlines of Adam’s face with his finger tips. He was so beautiful, so pure...and he wanted him. The idea blew his mind, made Tommy deliriously happy and unspeakably terrified at the same time. Would Adam still want him if Tommy told him everything? Adam had surprised him over and over so far, but how much was too much?

Adam saw the uncertainty in his eyes, and gently reached up and stroked Tommy’s cheek. “Don’t be scared,” he said in a barely audible voice. “I won’t hurt you.”

Tommy’s breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t look away from Adam’s eyes. He was lost in their smoky depths. He wasn’t sure how long they stared into each other’s souls, but the spell was suddenly broken when the phone rang. Adam shot an exasperated look in the direction of the ringing instrument. Tommy was surprised it didn’t melt into a pool of molten plastic from the intensity of his stare alone.

“I’m not answering it,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Why not?”

“Because I just know it’s Mom or Neil.”

They watched the phone as it rang about ten times then finally fell silent. Adam turned back to Tommy with a smug smile. He opened his mouth to say something just as it started up again.

“Arg!” he yelled.

“You better get it,” Tommy said, rolling off of him. “It could be an emergency.”

“Emergency, my ass,” Adam grumbled as he got up and stomped over to the phone. “Hello?” _If I’d been on the other end of the phone when he answered in that tone of voice_ , Tommy thought, _I would have promptly apologized and hung up_. Whoever it was had a stronger constitution than him, however. Adam listened for a few seconds then rolled his eyes.

“Dinner was fine, Mom. Thanks ever so much for calling to check.” Pause. “Yes, it was delicious...until I dumped it on the floor.” Pause. “I’ll tell you later.” Pause. “Yes, he’s still here.” Pause. “No, you can’t talk to him.” Pause. “ _Mom!_  I have to go. I’ll call you later. No, wait. Tomorrow. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He hastily hung up and turned to face Tommy, red-faced and tight-lipped. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” Tommy said. “That’s parents for you.” He held his arms out to Adam and he came towards him with a small smile. Tommy pulled him down onto the couch and snuggled into him. 

“I can’t believe she called,” Adam groused. “It’s like she doesn’t trust me or something.”

“Maybe it’s me she doesn’t trust,” Tommy said with a snicker.

“It’s not like I’m some dumb little kid.”

“Well, from what I felt a few minute ago, boy you are anything but _little_.”

Adam punched him in the arm.

“Hey, watch it with that thing. I’ve seen your fists of fury in action.” That got a laugh out of Adam. “Calm down, Adam. So your mom called to check up on you. What’s the big deal? It just shows how much she loves you. I mean, you’re the oldest, right?”

“Yeah,” Adam admitted slowly, as if he knew where Tommy was going and he didn’t like it. He wasn’t ready to give up on his pout just yet.

“So, this is the first time your mom has gone through all this. It can’t be easy having you leave and move across the country. She probably misses you, and she probably feels like she’s missing out on important things in your life.”

Adam sighed. “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am. You’ll quickly learn that I’m always right.” Adam rolled his eyes. “Hey! Don’t roll your eyes at me, Mister!” Tommy started tickling him and soon had him squirming and laughing hysterically.

“Okay!” he cried breathlessly. “Okay, you win! I give up.”

Tommy stopped tickling him and sat back, watching Adam gasp out a few residual giggles.

He sat up. “How about dessert now? I’m hungry.”

“You should be. You didn’t eat much before you tossed it all on the floor.”

Adam stuck out his tongue at him.

“Don’t stick that thing out unless you plan on using it,” Tommy warned.

“Oh, I plan on using it.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.” Adam slowly started to lean in towards Tommy, lowering his eyelids and licking his lips seductively. Tommy’s heart started racing and he leaned in towards Adam, eager to pick up where they’d left off earlier. Just before their lips met, Adam suddenly licked the tip of Tommy’s nose and jumped up. “Come on, I’m hungry.”

* * *

Tommy didn’t get back to his dorm until fairly late that evening. After he and Adam left Adam’s apartment, they found a little ice cream shop. They got a large chocolate fudge sundae to share and fed it to each other. After that, they went back to Adam’s apartment and made out for a while. It was heavenly. Tommy would have stayed the night if Adam had asked, but he sensed Adam wasn’t quite ready for that yet. Eventually, Tommy knew he’d better leave before things went further. He didn’t want Adam to regret anything about that evening when he thought about it later. So Tommy had reluctantly pulled away and told Adam he needed to go because he had some work to do for class the next morning. They made it as far as the door where the kiss good night got a little out of hand, and it was at least another five minutes before he actually left.

He used the walk back to his room to cool down and think about what had happened between them. They’d certainly gotten the first kiss out of the way. Not to mention numbers two through ninety-nine. Even when they weren’t kissing, though, they’d had a real connection. They could talk to each other about real things, but they could tease each other, too. Tommy knew he’d have to tell Adam his whole story soon—just not yet.

He unlocked his door and started into his room when he was stopped in his tracks at the sound of grunting and a bed squeaking. He stifled a moan and hastily backed out of the room. Just what he needed to walk in and see: Randall screwing his girlfriend, white ass in the air. Tommy shuddered and desperately tried to clear that image from his mind. He decided to go down and see what Megan was up to.

He knocked on her door and waited. He could hear sounds of movement from inside, but there was no answer. He sighed and walked away. She was probably busy with Anoop. Everybody was getting some but him. Well, it was probably a safe bet that Roy was alone, but Tommy didn’t even know where his room was. Roy was always in his.

Tommy decided to head down to the Coop and see what was going on down there. Someone had come up with the bright idea of naming the campus hangout after a chicken coop. The sign by the door showed a proud rooster standing guard in front of his henhouse, but thankfully, they’d drawn the line at decorating. The restaurant looked like any other campus diner, with red-upholstered booths and a scattering of round tables. They had a small menu of mostly junk-food-type items, but nobody really went there for the food. Tommy stepped in and scanned the assembled students. It was fairly crowded for that late on a Sunday night. He heard a donkey bray of a laugh and turned to see a flash of blonde hair. What was Megan doing there?

He made his way across the room to stand at her elbow. She was talking animatedly to a dark-haired girl he’d never seen before. It took Megan a few seconds to notice him, and when she did, she let out an ear-piercing squeal.

“Tommy! I’m so glad to see you! I’ve been dying to hear about your date. I tried staking out your room but your charming roommate came back with his skanky girlfriend, and they looked like they might be a while so I gave up and came here.”

“Yeah, well, I walked in on Randall and his skanky girlfriend, as you put it, while they were, uh, engaged in activity. I made a speedy exit. Actually, I went to your room, and I could have sworn I heard someone moving around in there. I figured you and Anoop were, uh, busy as well.”

She laughed. “I wish. Anoop is in my room alright, and he’s busy, but not with me. Busy puking his guts up is more like it.” He made a face. “Yeah, tell me about it. I stayed for a while and tried to be the supportive maternal type, but let’s face it, that’s not me. Finally, I told him to stay as long as he needed to but I just couldn’t hang around anymore listening to him vomit and wiping his forehead. Nurse Nightingale, I’m not.”

“Can’t say I’d want you for my nurse.”  

She laughed. “Oh, Tommy, this is Kristin. She’s an RA in Cayuga. Kristin this is my friend, Tommy.”

They exchanged pleasantries, and then Kristin said she needed to go.

“I hope I didn’t chase her off,” He said after she’d left.

Megan rolled her eyes. “If you did I should thank you. She’s so god-awful boring. I mean, get a personality already.”

“You have enough personality for the both of you.”

“True. So...tell me everything. What was it like? What was he wearing? What did he cook for you? Was it any good? I love a man who can cook. Did you guys do it?”

“Slow down! I can only answer one question at a time. Adam was wearing jeans and a shirt.”

“Oh come on, you gotta give me more than that.”

“Okay,” Tommy giggled. “He was wearing these jeans that just hugged him everywhere and this sexy tight black button-up shirt, but the best part was that his underwear has my name on them.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Yeah, it’s Tommy Hilfiger. It was wild.”

“And just how did you discover that fact?” she asked suggestively.

“Not the way you’re thinking. See, while we were eating...”

“Oh! What did he cook?”

“Something French - chicken with this sauce. It was really good but I don’t remember the name, if he even mentioned it. Anyway, as I was saying, while we were eating, he stood up to get me something to drink, and somehow, the tablecloth snagged on his belt - or it was tucked into his pants, I don’t know. Either way, he yanked the whole thing off the table and all the food hit the floor.”

“Oh  _no_!”

“Oh yes. I thought he was going to start crying right there. I felt so bad for him. He was trying to clean it up, so I went to help him, and I somehow slipped and fell on top of him. We were both covered in food, so we had to change. I saw his underwear then, but just the band.”

“You changed together but you only saw the band of his underwear?”

“We didn’t change together. I changed at Brad’s apartment.”

“How disappointing! Other than that little mishap, how was it?”

“It was really amazing. Megan, he’s so incredible. When I got there, it was so cute. He had the lights all turned down low and candles lit on the table. It was obvious he’d worked so hard, and he was so nervous. But then we got talking and he relaxed. It was just so...wow.”

Megan giggled. “It sounds like somebody has got it bad.”

“I do.”

“So, did you guys get it on?”

“No, actually we didn’t.”

“Oh God, please tell me you at  _least_  kissed him.”

“We did do that.”

“Whew. You were about to shatter all my stereotypes about guys in general, and gay guys in particular. I mean, I can only handle so much virtuousness. Is he a good kisser?”

“The best.”

“Aww! How cute! Hyperbole. And after only your second date.”

“Shut up. I really like him, Megan. And that scares the shit out of me.”

“Okay, that’s the second time you’ve said something like that. Why are you so scared? You’re sweet, smart, funny, and God knows you’re cute as hell. So what do you have to be scared of?”

“My past.”

“Right. So you were like a government assassin? You chopped the heads off babies? You kill and eat your mates? What could be so bad?”

He was filled with indecision. He wanted to tell her, but at the same time, he was afraid of her reaction too. He took a deep breath and decided to take the plunge. “I used to do drugs and drink...a lot.”

“Oh no!” she gasped in mock horror. “I don’t know if I can ever speak to you again!”

“That’s not all. While I was addicted to drugs, I got involved with a man, an older man. He was very powerful, a drug dealer, or a drug smuggler to be more exact. He provided me drugs...in exchange for...”

“Oh, Tommy,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know...”

“It gets worse. Not only was I pretty much a whore, but I was a whore to this guy who was a very bad person. He hurt people, a lot of people. He was a murderer, and I don’t just mean in the drug-dealer sense. I mean he actually killed people. Then it came back to bite him in the ass. He was murdered while I was at his house. I don’t remember anything since I was busy overdosing at the time. I was found unconscious with a gun in my hand and a dead body in the room with me. Naturally, I was suspect numero uno.”

“Oh my God!”

“I’d probably be in jail except for my best friend’s father. He’s a private investigator and he found the real killer. I owe them my life, several times over by now. So there you have it, my story in a nutshell, minus all the sordid details. I was a whore and a druggie.”

“But...you overcame all that! Tommy, you should be proud of who you are, not ashamed for what you did in your past. I mean, you don’t do drugs anymore, right?”

“No, I don’t even drink. I’ve been clean for about a year.”

“See! You’re a survivor, a fighter! You conquered demons that kill most people.”

He blinked away a sudden onslaught of tears. “I guess I never thought about it like that.”

“I think you should trust Adam enough to tell him the truth.”

“But he’s so pure and innocent!”

“And I’m not?” she said with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but...”

She swatted at him playfully. “Trust him, Tommy. You can’t keep something like that hidden. It’s a part of who you are. If he cares about you as much as I think he does, he won’t care about your past, only the man you are today. Keeping it a secret could do more harm in the long run than just being honest.”

“I know you’re right. I’m just so scared.”

“Tell him.”

“I will, when the time is right.”

She smiled and slipped out of her seat and slid into his side of the booth to give him a hug. “Thank you for trusting me with the truth,” she whispered into his ear.

He held her close and squeezed his eyes shut in silent gratitude. He was so glad to have made such a good friend there.

“Well, well,” a caustic voice snarled, interrupting their moment. He turned to find a very angry Debby standing next to their booth, eyes narrowed and hands on her hips. “Why don’t you introduce me to your girlfriend, Tommy?”

He rolled his eyes. That chick was really getting on his nerves. He started to tell her that Megan was just a friend, but then he realized that he didn’t owe her any explanations. “This is Megan,” he said simply.

“I see,” she spat. “So you’re only gay when you want to get rid of somebody, is that it? I knew you weren’t gay when you fed me that load of crap. Nobody who looks like you could be gay.”

“And you’re an expert on what gay people look like?”

“Oh please. I can’t believe you’d rather be with this Amazon freak than me.”

Up till that moment, Megan had been following their exchange with mild amusement, but then she drew herself up straight and narrowed her eyes menacingly. “Excuse me?”

“Was I talking to you?”

“When you talk to my man, you talk to me,” Megan responded acidly as she placed her arm possessively around Tommy’s shoulders. He was tempted to let the cat-fight play out, but pretty much everyone in the Coop was watching, and he thought he’d better put an end to things before they got out of hand.

“Debby, Megan isn’t my girlfriend,” he said as he shrugged out from under Megan’s arm. “She’s my friend. I am gay, and I have a boyfriend.” At least, he hoped he did. “But even if Megan was my girlfriend it wouldn’t be any of your business. I wouldn’t date you even if I  _was_ straight and you were the last girl on campus. I have standards.”

Debby’s mouth dropped open in shock as Megan snorted and scattered applause broke out around the room.

“So, if you’ll excuse us,” he continued, “we were in the middle of a private conversation before you so rudely interrupted.”

“Oh! I...you... _son of a bitch_!” she sputtered. “You little  _fag_! I’ll....I’ll...”

“Thank you for proving my point. Buh-bye.” he waved and deliberately turned his back to her.

“You’re gonna be sorry, Tommy. I’ll make you sorry.”

He glanced over his shoulder with studied casualness. “I’m already sorry - sorry we ever met.”

“ _Oh!_ ” She spun on her heel and stormed away.

He started laughing as soon as she was out of sight. “Damn, that felt good,” he said between giggles.

“Bravo!” Megan said with a grin. “I’m impressed. Remind me never to get on your bad side.”

He chucked her gently under the chin and winked. “You could never get on my bad side, kiddo.”

She laughed. “Lord, aren’t we full of ourselves? Don’t get too cocky. You know what they say about a woman scorned.”

He shrugged dismissively. “Debby? I’m not worried about her.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

If only Tommy had listened to her advice.


	14. Chapter 14

**Adam**

  


Morning sunlight streamed through the curtains and across Adam’s face. Specifically, over his eyes, and his eyelids weren’t doing a great job of blocking the light and letting him go back to sleep. He groaned. Damn, he needed thicker curtains. An insistent rapping came from the living room and he pulled his pillow over his face. If possible, the rapping got worse. He rolled out of bed and stomped to the front door and to the source of his irritation. He then had a thought. What if it was Tommy? He couldn’t open the door looking like that!

He darted back to the bathroom and quickly dampened his hair, running a comb through it while the rapping grew more intense. He squirted toothpaste on the brush and made a few quick swipes before rinsing. He couldn’t give Tommy dragon breath for his first kiss of the day.

Adam headed back for the door, realized he was clad only in boxer-briefs, and decided to go with it. Who knew, maybe he could make Tommy’s jaw drop again. He opened the door to find a smiling Brad, with two cups of coffee.

“Damn, I am bringing you coffee more often!”

“Fuck, Brad - I thought you were Tommy!” he said, turning away from Brad as he felt the hot flush of embarrassment spread across his face like wildfire. He headed to his bedroom for pants.

“I don’t care if you call me Phyllis so long as you answer the door like that. Want to be my houseboy?”

“Ha, ha, very funny, Brad.” Adam emerged from the bedroom with a pair of jeans and the shirt from the night before. Brad smirked at him and handed him a coffee cup.

“You’re grumpy in the morning,” Brad observed as he sat on the couch.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night,” Adam mumbled while he sipped his coffee. Brad’s eyebrows shot up, and Adam mentally scolded himself for his choice of words.

“Wow! Tommy moves fast. You guys knocking boots already?”

“Brad, you can be so sweet. Why do you  _choose_  to be an asshole?” Adam glared at him over his coffee cup.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry. I just thought…”

“No, that’s not what happened.” Adam sipped his coffee while Brad waited, properly chastised. He knew now Brad would wait until he spoke, if nothing else because he didn’t want to piss him off anymore. Adam took a few sips and savored the hot liquid before meeting Brad’s gaze.

“The suspense is killing me,” he muttered before sipping his coffee.

“Why? You’ve been kissed before, what’s the big deal?”

“Because, dude! It’s your first time! It’s the kiss all others will be judged by, and somehow found lacking! It’s total magic.” He was almost whining. Adam giggled.

“It wasn’t magic at all. I’ve imagined kissing plenty of other guys, Tommy among them of course. But I really wasn’t prepared for this.” He furrowed his brow. “I don’t think anything really could have prepared me.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded as he thought back to ‘the kiss’ as it would forever be known in his head. Some people describe such things as ‘electric’ or some equally clumsy term. Magic didn’t really cover it either. Adam wasn’t sure anything could describe  the way Tommy’s kiss made him feel and the heights it took him to.

“Brad, he was so gentle and loving…I was so worried I wouldn’t do it right…Brad, I’m in love.”

“Love? Are you sure about that? You haven’t known Tommy all that long.” Brad’s face was set in a slight frown.

“I feel so wonderful when I’m around him. He makes colors seem brighter and jokes funnier.” He gave Brad a meaningful look. “There is nothing on this earth sexier than Tommy Joe Ratliff.”

“Wow. I guess red is his color?”

“I couldn’t sleep last night.” He got up and went to the window looking down on the sparse foot traffic below. “How could I? Not after he was here, not after he has become this…beautiful thing in my life. No, I couldn’t sleep. I studied the street in case he changed his mind. I don’t know if I am ready for everything, but I know when it happens…no magic could ever match it.”

“That was…almost poetry.”

He looked at Brad. “That’s what he does to me. Damn! I am so sappy! How am I supposed to do  _anything_  knowing Tommy is out there? Do you have any idea how hard it was to let him leave? I wanted him to stay. I really did. I was still a little bit scared...I don’t know what to do in bed. I’m still afraid I’ll disappoint him somehow.”

“I think you’d have to work really hard to disappoint Tommy at all.”

“I’m still scared.”

“Yeah, love will do that to you. My Tommy was like that, but I’m thankful he still loves me anyway.”

“Oh God,” Adam moaned while he stretched and decided it was time to change the subject. “What’ve you got planned today?”

“I was thinking of inviting Steve to dinner. I would like you to stay here though, since you and Tommy seem to think of dinner as fashion rather than food.”

“Remind me again why I like you?” Brad just smiled and sipped his coffee.

* * *

  
Adam put it off as long as he reasonably could. He put away the laundry from the day before, which he had carefully hidden in the bedroom closet. He cleaned the kitchen, erasing any remaining evidence of their tryst in chicken sauce. Dishes dried and put away, threadbare carpet vacuumed…he just couldn’t avoid it any longer. He was honestly surprised they hadn’t called yet.

He imagined Neil bugging out and his mom restraining herself from calling to set a good example for Neil. He smiled a bit at that. It really was a cute picture of a caring family. He fished out his phone card and called home.

“Hello?” Mom answered.

“Hi, mom.”

“Oh, hi, baby. I was just about to call you. Tell me all about the date and Mr. Wonderful.”

“First, his name is Tommy, and that’s not to imply he’s not wonderful ‘cause he is.”

“Okay, well, does Tommy have a last name?”

“Yeah, it’s Ratliff. Tommy Joe Ratliff. Sounds like he’d fit right in, doesn’t he?”

“Cute. Tell me more about him and your date.”

“Well, Tommy is about four inches shorter than I am...”

“Isn’t everyone?” She snorted.

“You want to hear this or not?”

“Can’t I brag about my gorgeous, tall son?”

“ _Mom_!”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Go on, please.”

He made her wait a second or two before he started again. “He has brown eyes, really gorgeous brown eyes. His hair is blond, some lighter streaks where the sun bleached it a little. It’s not really long, but it does fall in his eyes sometimes…”

“Okay! I get the picture. He’s a beauty. How was dinner?”

“Um, it all tasted good. I followed the cooking instructions just fine,” he dissembled.

“So what happened? Did he like it?”

“Yeah! He thought it was really good.” She remained silent for a few moments, and he imagined he could hear the wheels turning in her head.

“There is something here you aren’t saying. I just know it. Something you mentioned last night…” She sounded as if she was trying to remember something.

“Well, no, not really.”

“Adam…”

“Okay, alright. I dumped dinner on the kitchen floor.”

“How…” she chuckled, “How did you manage that?”

He sighed deeply. This would be a story told at family gatherings for the rest of his life, he was sure.

“The tablecloth snagged on my belt, and I pulled it all clean off the table. Made a total mess.”

“Oh, Adam…I’m sorry, baby. It sounded like it was going really well up to then.” He was somewhat mollified that she had stopped giggling and turned serious.

“It kind of worked out,” he said with a smile.

“How’s that?”

“Well, I was cleaning it up and he came over to help and slipped in the sauce and…sort of fell on me.”

“Fell…on you?”

“Yeah, like, whole body kind of thing. We were giggling and then….we kissed.”

“On the kitchen floor?”

“Uh huh.”

“Lying on the remains of dinner?”

“Yep. Right there.”

“And?”

“It was beautiful. In fact, I’d say it was perfect.”

“Adam, that’s great. He better be good to you ‘cause I’ll get on a plane and, -” She started to gear up but Adam jumped in to defend Tommy.

“Mom, Tommy isn’t like that. He’s really sensitive and…well, I kind of feel like I’m the one with the strength, you know?”

“You have a ton of strength. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am. He’s made me so, so happy.”

“I’m glad. Neil was really worried things wouldn’t work out, but if you dumped dinner and ruined his clothes and still got a kiss out of it, I guess it all worked out.”

“Yeah, it sure did.” He smiled at the thought.

“So, did you stay in your ruined clothes all night?” She asked lightly. Adam’s senses, however, were on high alert. She was fishing for something, and if he wasn’t careful he’d be in a ton of shit.

“No, we changed…” he said slowly.

“Where?” she asked in a leading tone.

“In a phone booth, just like Superman, Mom.”

“There’s no need to get snooty.”

“Mom, I got kissed, not laid,” he sighed.

“Okay, fine, blame your mom for caring!”

“Yeah, my dear  _old_  mom!” he giggled.

“Oh, you’ll pay for that one. I guess I can take this laptop right back to the store.”

“No, no! Don’t do that! I could really use it for school!” He turned from giggly to whiny in under a second.

“I’ll try to remember that, if my Alzheimer’s isn’t too bad. Who are you again?”

“Mom!”

“Love you, boy. Danielle is here. She wants to talk to you.”

The phone rustled as it changed hands and Danielle burst on the line. She’d obviously been right next to the phone listening.

“He kissed you?” she asked excitedly.

“Yeah, he really did.” Adam smiled to himself at his best friend’s enthusiasm.

“Aww! Yes! That’s awesome! Was it worth it all, Adam? All that stressing and worrying?”

“Totally, Dani. He’s so sweet. He doesn’t mind that I turn into a klutz around him. You should see him in red. He looks good in blue, but red makes him so,  _so_  sexy!”

“If he can take you being klutzy, you are all set. Grab onto him and never let go!”

“I have absolutely no intention of letting him go anywhere!”

“What’s this about dropping dinner on the floor?” Adam rolled his eyes and retold the story for Danielle, which ended not in her giggles but in a heartfelt sigh. “Adam, that is just about the most romantic thing ever. Things like that never happen for real. He’s really special.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been trying to tell you guys that since school started.” he laughed.

“Does he live on campus?”

“Yeah, the Palladium Hall. His friend, Megan is the RA there. She’s pretty cool too.”

“What’s his phone number?”

“I don’t know. Why do you want his number?”

“So I can make sure he’ll be good to you, of course!”

“Even if I had it, forget it!”

“Adam, how am I supposed to protect you if you won’t tell me what I need to know? Okay, fine, be that way.” She sighed. “So listen, I want a picture.”

“Dani, I don’t have a camera.”

“So?”

“They take pictures, remember?”

“Go to the mall. They have those cheesy things that take three for five bucks. I just want some pictures!”

“Why is this so important?” He was starting to like the idea, though. He wouldn’t mind having some pictures himself.

“I want to rub it in Drake’s face that you got someone better! Plus, I want to know what my brother-in-law looks like.”

“Dani, I don’t think you need to rub it in Drake’s face,” He scolded her.

“Yes I do. That was fuckin’ wrong what he did.”

Adam sighed. Drake was the last time he got shot down big time. Drake had dark hair and was kind of small, like a woodland elf. Adam adored him, did anything he asked, right down to providing space for Drake’s first solo painting exhibition. He needed a venue for that, so Adam told him to see his mom. Above everything else, she was a soft touch when it came to him or Neil. She knew Adam really wanted Drake, but she also knew there was no way to tell him that Drake was in love with someone else, so she agreed.

Things were going well. Drake looked wonderful, and Adam was hoping to have a really good talk with him after the exhibition and tell Drake how he felt. What he didn’t realize was that everyone could see how he felt, and Drake decided to tell everyone that he didn’t love him like Adam did him - in front of the whole place, right before the exhibition. Adam wasn’t there for the exhibition. He was upstairs with his heart breaking. He thought at the time it was all over.

Drake broke his heart and embarrassed him. Some people snickered the next day, which only added to him feeling like a loser. He couldn’t bring himself to face Drake after that, though Neil and Danielle were pretty vocal on his behalf and had a couple of unexplained cuts and bruises shortly thereafter. Some big brother and friend he was. They went and defended whatever honor he had.

Adam felt differently now, of course. Tommy had validated him and made him feel as though he could find some happiness, could fall in love and not be afraid. He understood what Drake thought he was doing, but he still couldn’t forgive the way Drake did it, or the looks he got afterward. Sometimes, when he was at his lowest points, Adam felt like he was worth no more than those looks implied he was. In Tommy’s arms, Fort Knox couldn’t match what he was worth.

“I’m gonna get going, Dani. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

* * *

  
Adam avoided work that day. He knew they would be itching to hear about every detail but for now, he just wanted to see Tommy. He walked up the street, kicking himself for not having gotten Tommy’s number. If Tommy kept it on the tip of his tongue, or in his tonsils, Adam would have found it! He weaved through the foot traffic and crossed the street to avoid the Morning Rush’s windows. He walked on to the quiet campus where some students milled about and others walked along on errands.

He approached Palladium dormitory with a spring in his step and a smile curling his mouth as he thought of seeing Tommy. He opened the door to see a squat girl with black hair sitting on the corner of the on-duty desk. She was talking to Roy, who was looking…shy? What was he up to?

“Hi, Roy.” Adam waved to him as he walked towards the elevator.

“Hi, Adam,” Roy said distractedly, his full attention on the girl in front of him.

“Excuse me, are you a resident here?” the girl questioned.

“He’s okay, Jen. He’s Tommy’s boyfriend.” Adam started slightly at Roy’s rumbling explanation.

“Oh, you mean the Tommy Megan’s always talking about?” She smiled. Adam tried to smile back, but he felt weird.  _Roy_  was explaining to someone his status, one that Tommy hadn’t really said he had achieved yet. What if Tommy just wanted to be friends? What if he didn’t want to date him, like, be a boyfriend? Suddenly Adam was filled with self doubt, and loathed it.

“You’re OK with gays, Roy?” Jen asked him.

“Um, yeah. Tommy’s a good guy. He’s my friend. He likes Adam, so he’s my friend, too.” Amazing. He made things sound so simple.

“Points in your favor, Roy.” She smiled at him. Would the elevator ever get there?

“Yeah?” Roy smiled. The doors slid open as she smiled at him. From the looks of things, Roy had made another friend. Adam just hoped for his sake she wasn’t a lesbian.

The elevator creaked and groaned to the third floor, and Adam was happy to be out of it. Next time he was taking the stairs. He found Tommy’s room. Two stars on the door read ‘Tommy Joe’ and ‘Randall’. Adam wondered if Tommy had a cute roommate. He’d never mentioned what his roommate was like. Adam felt a stab of jealousy. Some other guy was sharing a room with Tommy - his Tommy.

He knocked on the door and waited, letting his jealousy evaporate under the glare of his self doubt. Tommy had never said they were a couple. If he had something going on with that guy then Adam could just butt out. No need to be the boy on the side or anything. The door swung open to reveal Jackhammer Face from the party. He didn’t look pleased in his boxers and tee shirt, which showed that he was indeed a strapping, if ugly, specimen. At least all thoughts of Tommy fooling with him left Adam’s head, replaced by thoughts of his imminent death.

“What?” he grumbled.

Okay. So it didn’t look like the guy recognized him.

“Um, is Tommy here?”Adam managed. His heart beat violently and thoughts of flight filled his head.

“You his…boyfriend?” The word hung in the air - not quite soiled, but not quite clean either.

“Yeah, that’s him, Randall,” Tommy’s voice sounded from Adam’s right.

Adam turned towards the sound of Tommy’s voice to see his smiling face, fresh from a shower it would seem, from the damp hair. That wasn’t the only thing Adam noted. Tommy’s dark eyes were sparkling, contrasting against his skin - a lot of skin. Adam was only wearing shower sandals and jeans, with a towel draped over his arm. Droplets of water beaded here and there on his taut skin, smooth flesh that seemed flawless in Adam’s eyes. His stomach was flat and thoroughly inviting, sending Adam’s mind off in a million naughty flights of fancy. A small line of hair marched rigidly down from his belly button only to disappear under the waistline of his jeans.

“Adam?” Tommy waved a hand in front of him, breaking into Adam’s thoughts of grabbing onto him and pressing himself against Tommy’s warm flesh, just to know what it would feel like.

“You’re….yeah...hi...good morning...” Adam stammered, blushing to his roots but unable to tear his eyes from their feast. He looked up into Tommy’s face to see a blushing grin and resisted once more the urge to step into his embrace.

“Jesus,” Randall muttered as he turned away from the door.

“Just let me get some clothes on. Come on in.” Tommy smiled at Adam and turned his smooth back to him. Shoulders tapered down into a trim waist with small blond hairs dotting the skin. Adam followed blindly.

“You guys aren’t going to make out or anything, are you?” Randall grumbled.

“After the eyeful I got last night, Randall, we could do a lot more and still not be anywhere near as gross as you two were,” Tommy snapped. Obviously, there was a bone of contention there. Randall declined to argue the point, simply rolling his ugly frame back into bed and pulling the covers up over his head.

Adam tried not to watch Tommy as he dug for a shirt in his closet. Instead, he glanced about the room. Tommy’s side was fairly neat, with a few books and CDs on shelves, a guitar in the corner and a computer on his desk. Randall’s side had empty beer bottles and his computer was on with a screen saver of some big-tittied broad. Adam’s mind kept wandering back to Tommy, however, completely entranced by the physical side of Tommy that he had never seen - but hoped to see more of. What would it feel like to touch Tommy’s skin? Would it be as soft and smooth as it looked? Would it yield slightly to the touch, warm and supple?

Tommy shrugged on a shirt and Adam watched as the skin of his upper body disappeared from view, one agonizing button at a time. Tommy favored him with another smile before digging for socks in a drawer. Adam felt silly, standing and watching Tommy dress, but then he could also see himself years from now doing the same thing and enjoying it just as much. Damn, he was so weird!

They stepped into the hallway a few minutes later, Tommy regrettably dressed and Adam’s heartbeat returning to normal - or as close to it as he ever got with Tommy around.  
  
“I’m so glad you came over. I slept really late today. I never sleep this late,” Tommy said as they walked to the elevator.  
  
“I couldn’t sleep last night either.” Adam avoided his gaze. Tommy probably thought he sat up with a hard-on all night, considering the way he kept staring at Tommy that morning.  
  
“Well, I got back here and got an eyeful of Randall pounding his girlfriend.” Tommy shivered to accentuate the horror of the situation. Wow! He walked in on that and lived to tell the tale? And to think, he had been worried Tommy might have a thing going with his roommate!  
  
“So what did you do?”

“I went down to the club on campus and ran into Megan. She thinks you’re cute.” Tommy smiled at him. The elevator reached the lobby, and they stepped out where Roy was still trying to make conversation with Jen. Adam tried to sneak, but Tommy blew that out of the water by calling out hello to Roy.

Adam felt sorry for Roy. The look on his face was lost. Adam assumed Jen had discovered Roy wasn’t much of a conversationalist. As bad as he felt, Adam wanted time with Tommy and willed him to keep moving for the door. But well, Tommy couldn’t hear him.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, Roy?” Tommy said to him.      

“Oh, yeah, this is Jen. Jen, this is my friend, Tommy, the gay guy.” Adam winced inside as Roy made introductions. Jen looked over at him, practically a wallflower at this point.

“Looks like you found him. I can see why you were looking.” Jen smiled at Tommy. Everyone thought Tommy was cute. Adam just hoped Tommy would keep thinking he was. He merely nodded at her and they engaged in a brief conversation, mostly about Megan and the bragging she did about her friends this term. Megan really cared for Tommy, Adam realized, since she seemed to mention him to others so often.

At last, Adam was able to take Tommy by the hand and lead him from the building before Roy invited himself along. Adam thought he had seen Jen looking wistfully at them as they left.

“Adam, what’s your rush?” Tommy asked playfully.

“Ulterior motives, of course! I want you all to myself.”

“Okay, well, you got it, mister.” Tommy grinned at him. “What do you want to do?”

 _Ask if I’m your boyfriend,_  Adam thought. Unfortunately, like the lion, he lacked the courage.

“We could go to the mall? Take the bus?”

“Sounds good. You know which bus to take?”

“Yep,” Adam replied confidently.

“Well, sounds like you got it planned out. How about some coffee first?”

“Sure, there’s a Dunkin’ Donuts up the street.”

“But I wanted to go to the Morning Rush.” Tommy pouted a bit.

“Well…If it’s what you want.” Adam knew they would tease him there and he wanted to enjoy his time with Tommy without that, but if it was what Tommy wanted, then they’d do it.

“Is there a reason you...don’t want me in there?”

“No. Why?”

“Adam, you are the world’s worst liar, you know that?” Tommy laughed at him, a nervous sound.

“Okay, okay. They will make fun of me, tease me ‘cause we’re...together. They’ll ask me if we’re boyfriends and all that. That’s all.”  _That and I don’t know what we are, exactly._

“So? Tell them yeah, he’s my boyfriend, hands off!” He laughed again, heartily, confidently.

“So...we’re boyfriends?” Adam asked. That was too good to be true. He just had to ask and make sure he’d heard what Tommy said correctly.

“Well, unless...you don’t want to,” Tommy said, stopping in mid-stride to look at him. Was he actually worried that  _Adam_ would say no to  _him_?

“Of course I want to,” Adam whispered. “I just didn’t know if you...if you wanted to. I mean if you wanted  _me_  to be...um...”

Tommy leaned in and put his forehead against Adam’s chest and smiled up at him. “You worry too much. You’re really cute when you do it, but you worry too much. It’s not just my choice what we are or what we do. If we’re going to do this, it’s together, fifty-fifty. Okay?”

Adam nodded dumbly, feeling like a moron.

“So do you want to be my boyfriend?” Tommy asked softly.

“Yeah, more than anything,” Adam muttered, unable to meet Tommy’s eyes.

“I want that, too. Now that we’ve settled that, weren’t we on our way somewhere?” Tommy grinned at him again and Adam’s worries evaporated. He needed his head examined.

“I have to get a picture of you!” Tommy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “It’s for my best friend, not that I don’t want one too, but she wants to see what you look like.” Adam decided he could tell Tommy about Drake at a later date - much later.

“Can I have my coffee first?” Tommy flashed him those beautiful eyes.

“Okay, but if they make fun of me, you’ll pay for it.” Adam took Tommy’s hand and dragged him forward.

They entered the shop and found the place deserted. No customers, no workers - it was like a ghost town.

“Hello?” Adam said. He walked in a little farther and looked towards the managers’ office. The chair was empty. He walked to the back door and poked his head out, still seeing no one.

“Where is everyone?” Tommy wondered aloud and Adam shrugged his shoulders in response. Having no one in the store was freaky and somewhat disturbing.

The storage room door suddenly opened and Max stepped out, flushed and breathing heavily. She brushed her hair from her face, and Adam figured she was rearranging stock. Then he heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper going up, floating from the closing door. 

Max blushed very hard, covered her mouth with one hand, and giggled as she moved towards the counter. Adam looked at her in amazement and she giggled again.

“Did you need something, Adam?” she asked.

“I just stopped in to get Tommy some coffee,” he said, nodding towards the aforementioned Tommy. She nodded, handed him a cup, and shooed him away from the counter, all the while acting as if nothing had happened. He handed the cup to Tommy, who went about filling it quickly.

“Hey, Max, are you coming back?” Mike asked as he poked his head out of the store room. Adam burst out laughing and Max pushed them toward the door.  _This is unbelievable_!

“Go! You can’t talk about this! Go!” she hissed, but as Adam looked at her face, he could only see the tongue stud popping in and out on her tongue, and he laughed all the more while she pushed him out the front door. Marla was just outside, coming back from her break, he’d assume.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Max giggled.

“Are you gonna finish this?” Mike called out.

_Oh God, I think I’m gonna pee my pants!_

* * *

They climbed aboard the bus, but not until after they stood outside laughing like they were stoned or something. Mike wasn’t attractive, at least not to Adam, and he didn’t like thinking about what straight people did in their bedrooms (or _not_ in their bedrooms in that case), but that was just too much.

The bus trundled towards the mall. Tommy had happily consumed his coffee and was more awake. They sat towards the back, side by side with Adam’s hand covering Tommy’s. The bus wasn’t very crowded so there was no real worry about anyone giving them a hard time, but the affection brought a special closeness to the ride.

Tommy told him more about his home town and his friends like Eric and Eric’s ex-boyfriend, Matt. Eric sounded like quite the guy. Adam was beginning to wonder how he could possibly measure up to that.

“So, you and Eric were never a couple?” he asked.

“No. I wanted to be, but then I left for California with my mom. When we moved back, I was still hoping ‘cause he was my first love, and that’s always special, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Eric was my first kiss, my first make out…he was a lot of firsts for me.”

“Do you still love him?”

“Of course I do. I’ll always love him. He’s my best friend.” Tommy chuckled. “Don’t you still love your first?”

Adam squirmed a bit in his seat. “Well, um, yeah, you could say that.”

“Well, come on! I just told you all these details about me! Give!” Tommy poked him in the ribs and Adam squirmed some more.

“Cut it out! Nerd,” he muttered.

“Adam, come on. Who was your first? What was his name?”

“His name?” Adam looked down at his hands.

“Yeah, who was he? How do I stack up?”

“Well...” he fidgeted.

“What?” Tommy was waiting for him to grade his own kissing versus Adam’s first. Fuck, he felt like such a loser.

“Last night was my first kiss, Tommy.” Adam sighed and looked up into Tommy’s eyes, those gorgeous eyes. “I’m a total...virgin. Okay?” He looked back down at his hands. One of Tommy’s hands crossed into his field of vision and fell gently over Adam’s folded hands.

“So I guess no matter what happens between you and me, you’ll always remember me then, huh?” His words were quiet, almost solemn.

“Nope, I don’t want to even think about that.” Adam couldn’t yet voice his concern that he wouldn’t be enough to hold onto Tommy. The last thing Tommy would want was some clingy drama queen.

“I feel so good though, that you chose me to be your first!” Tommy said as he squeezed Adam’s hands.

“Why? You’ve probably kissed a lot of guys.”

Tommy grew quiet, his hand slowly tightening until Adam forced himself to break Tommy’s grasp. He didn’t seem to notice. His eyes looked faraway, deep in contemplation, before returning to Adam suddenly.

“Yeah, I’ve kissed a lot of guys. I…” He hesitated and then placed his hand back over Adam’s. “I felt a lot for Eric when we kissed. Your first is like that.” He sighed.

“I’m not Eric.”

“I know that. I’m not trying to compare you, kissing you is nothing like kissing him. His kiss was special because it was the first one. Yours was special because of how...how strongly I feel for you.”

“You do?” Could it really be that Adam could keep this one?

“Yeah! I have been interested plenty of times, and sometimes I got shot down like that teacher I told you about. Sometimes, like with Eric there was timing and...other factors. But you, I just want to...I really want this to work. You’re interested, so am I, and I...I don’t want to mess it up.”

Adam decided they needed a little levity, this was entirely too serious, even though his heart swelled at Tommy’s statement.

“Want to hear something funny?” Tommy smiled at him and nodded. “When I went to your room and saw you shared with someone, I got all jealous that they were with you. I wondered if you might, you know, have a cute roommate, and maybe had something going there.”

“With  _Randall?_ ” Tommy’s jaw dropped, and Adam smiled, nodding. Tommy tried to hold it back, but the laughter poured out of him, and Adam joined him, giggling mindlessly at his silly jealous streak.

“I know. Silly, right?”

“What? You mean you don’t think I’m cute enough to get Randall?”

“I think...I think you’re cute enough for me to worry about it!”

“Hmm...” Tommy rolled his eyes to the roof of the bus, appearing to think it over. “Randall isn’t really my type.”

“No?” Adam asked, giggling.

“No, definitely not. And I don’t think he could make a decent cup of coffee anyway.”

“The truth comes out!” Adam threw his arms up dramatically. “You only want me for my coffee.”

“Am I that transparent?” Tommy asked in a stage whisper.

It was on the tip of Adam’s tongue to say ‘I love you’, and it was a near thing. But after just a few days? Tommy would think he was crazy - a clinger. No, he’d be patient. He just smiled instead and took Tommy’s hand for the remainder of the ride.

* * *

Shopping with Tommy was so much fun Adam didn’t want it to end. They went from store to store and tried on all sorts of clothes. They even tried on suits, and they looked good, if he did say so himself. They went to Old Navy, JC Penney and Macy’s. They tried stuff on at Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, as well as Filene’s. Adam was made for fine clothes. They just accentuated his beauty. Tommy liked silk on him best, and made a mental note to purchase some for him for Christmas. It would be the kind of gift for Adam that was also for himself.

They tried on shoes, and walked through house wares, looking at cooking stuff. Adam looked at this electronic wedding register where people could make a record of what they needed as a wedding gift. He wondered if they’d ever have need of such a thing. Tommy sidled up to him, and Adam kept him from seeing the machine as they walked away from the store and back into the mall. He wouldn’t want Tommy to clue in on his silly thoughts, but it stayed in the back of his mind.

They went into the pet store and looked at the puppies and small furry creatures. Adam told him he’d always liked dogs, and about the beagle they had at home. Tommy asked more about Adam’s family and they sat down to have an Orange Julius while Adam filled him in on Neil and his girlfriends.

“You know, that stuff doesn’t really matter,” Tommy said.

“What stuff?”

“Like how fast you lose your virginity. Everyone is different. Everyone develops in their own way and in their own time.”

“I know. I just wanted some of that feeling, you know? I always made bad choices. Like Drake.” Adam sighed.

“Who’s Drake?”

Adam filled him on the whole sordid story of Drake and how his piss-poor-self-esteem took another hit. He hadn’t put himself out there for anyone after Drake. He was too afraid.

“So why did you take the risk on me? Did I look easy?” Tommy smiled at him.

“No!” Adam stuck his tongue out at him. “Just too fucking cute for words, asshole.”

“Well, you’re the cutest coffee boy I’ve ever seen.”

“Stop.”

“What? I can’t tell my boyfriend he’s cute but he can tell me?”

“Tommy,  _everyone_  thinks you’re cute - straights, gays, stray animals. Damn! I think I saw a Honda get boned up in the parking lot!”

Adam, that’s so not fair. I can’t control what anyone else thinks, but you are damn cute, and I know I’m not the only one that thinks so. Besides, maybe the Honda wanted you.”

“No, you.”

“No, I’ll bet it was you.”

“I don’t think so, Cute Boy.”

“I do, Coffee Boy.”

Adam looked into Tommy’s eyes, his smiling face, and just smiled back.  _I am so lucky._  They walked the mall some more, checking out music and movies in one store, and then Adam spent forever in the makeup store. He knew he was wearing Tommy thin then, but lately he had become so fascinated with makeup. Tommy tolerated it with a smile, but Adam figured he had to be pushing his luck at that point. He spotted one of those booths where you put in a dollar or two and it turns out a couple of pictures, so Adam grabbed Tommy’s arm and pulled him towards the machine.

“You really want to do this? It’s kind of corny.”

“Come on! Quit trying to be so masculine. Besides, my best friend wants a picture of you.”

“Couldn’t you just describe me?” Tommy continued as Adam fished in his pocket for cash.

“I did, that’s why she wants the picture.” Tommy just laughed. Adam knew Tommy had to know he looked good, but he wondered if Tommy knew just  _how_  good? Or maybe it was just him.

They climbed into the booth and it started to talk to them, corny stuff mostly, but they mugged for the camera and saw their pictures on the screen in front of them. It waited for them to approve the shot before printing it. The last one was one of them kissing, and Adam could swear it was all Tommy’s doing. They were having so much fun, he fed the machine more money and they did it again.

* * *

On the way home, they decided to get some food, and stopped at the Chinese place Adam had gone to a few nights before. They chatted idly, with small touches clearly showing affection to anyone who wasn’t blind. Adam supposed they looked like any new couple, come to think of it. There it was again - that ‘L’ word. He kept finding it creeping into his thoughts when it came to Tommy, but did he really know what that was?

They carried their food back to Adam’s apartment, stopping for a movie at Deja View before stepping into the dark lobby of Adam’s building.

“Don’t you pay enough in a month to allow for a new light bulb?”

“More importantly, why isn’t my boyfriend trying to grope me in the dark?” Adam quipped back. He heard Tommy speed up like he was chasing him and then Tommy’s fingers dug into one of Adam’s sides as he ran up the stairs, giggling, with Tommy right behind him. Music poured out of Brad’s apartment, and he told Tommy about Brad having Steve over for dinner and not wanting them anywhere near.

After getting settled on the couch and finding something to drink, they put the DVD in and relaxed with their food. A funny thing happened though, something Adam hadn’t expected because it was so…domestic. Once the food was gone and they were leaning back on the couch, his arm slipped over Tommy’s shoulders. Tommy leaned into him, curling his legs up onto the couch and lying on Adam’s shoulder. Their sides were touching, and Adam stroked Tommy’s back lightly while they watched the movie. It seemed to be so completely natural that it never occurred to Adam until much later that it was a comfortably intimate act that he could willingly repeat for the rest of his life.

Adam was dozing happily, the crappy movie long forgotten in his utter hedonistic enjoyment of Tommy’s warmth, when he stretched next to him.

“I guess I better get back to the dorm. I have classes tomorrow.” Tommy yawned.

“Can’t you stay?” Adam asked slowly.

“Oh...” Tommy looked slightly embarrassed and Adam felt silly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot,” Adam said as he sat up. Tommy grabbed his shoulder and gave Adam a quick kiss before drawing away to look him in the eye.

“You didn’t. It’s just, I want to do things right and not rush into...you know.”

“I didn’t mean stay for sex,” Adam said quietly, while looking down at his hands.

“Adam, listen to me, please?” Adam glanced up at him and found he couldn’t look away from Tommy.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes. You don’t know everything there is to know and I just - I want to take it slow. I want you. Fuck! I do. I like that we have so much more than sex in common. It feels kind of like when Eric and I first met, and we still love each other, you know? I want us to last and...I’m just afraid of making a mistake.”

“I want you, too,” Adam whispered. “I just want you to stay with me. We spent all day together without having sex. Can’t we sleep and do that too?”

“I dunno.” Tommy smiled. “You’re a lot to resist.”

“I just felt so comfortable here on the couch with you...I guess I’m just being dumb.”

Tommy took a deep breath. “No, you’re not. I’m just afraid, okay?”

“Okay,” he sighed.

Adam walked Tommy to the door, where they lingered in a kiss. Well, they lingered in several kisses truth be told, and then...Adam was closing the door behind Tommy. He sighed deeply and laid his head against the wood of the door, heart racing and his breathing shallow. He knew realistically that waiting a little while was the right thing to do. He was still afraid he’d do something wrong in the bedroom, something so comical he’d never live it down. But Tommy was the first boy he ever kissed, and right then, he knew he wanted Tommy to be the last boy he ever kissed.


	15. Chapter 15

  
**Tommy**

He awoke the next morning to the sound of the phone ringing.  _Who could be calling this early?_  he wondered groggily. He felt blindly for the phone—which was kept on a stand between his bed and Randall’s - until his hand brushed it. He scooped it up.

“Hullo,” He bleated into it, his voice groggy from sleep.

“Tommy?”

“Mom?”

“Did I wake you up?”

“Um, yeah, actually...”

“Are you sick?”

“Huh? No.”

“Then why are you still in bed?”

“Still in bed?” He sat up and focused his bleary eyes on the clock radio, only to find it blank. “Huh? The clock isn’t working. What time is it?” He picked up the clock and frowned at the swinging cord. It had somehow gotten unplugged.

“It’s ten-thirty,” His mom said.

“Ten-thirty! I should be in class. I can’t believe I slept that late!”

“Did you have a late night last night?”

“Well, kind of, but not  _that_  late!”

“Tommy, is something wrong?”

“What? No, nothing is wrong. Why?”

“I don’t know. I woke up this morning and something felt wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong, mom. In fact, things have never been better.”

“So school is going well?”

He laughed. “Yes, Mom, school is going great. I’m doing well in all my classes, even the unbelievably boring ones.”

“Are you getting along with your roommate?”

He looked down at the unplugged end of the clock. He had suspicions about how that had happened. “Well, I wouldn’t say we’re friends or anything, but we’re tolerating each other.”

“Are you making friends?”

“Yes. I’ve met some really nice people. One of which is an RA for my building, I think you met her the first day. The blonde with tattoos on her arm? Her name is Megan. She’s really great. And several other people as well.”

“Anyone in particular?”

“Mom, I’m fine. Really.”

“So there is someone special!”

There was no point trying to fool his mother. She was as tenacious as a bulldog, and her psychic abilities didn’t hurt. “Yes, there is someone special,” he admitted.

“Are you going to tell me about him? You can’t leave your poor mother hanging like this.”

“Well, it’s all kind of new yet so I don’t want to jinx it...”

“Tommy,” she said warningly.

He laughed. “His name is Adam and he’s totally unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. He’s so sweet and...innocent. It’s almost like he’s been sheltered from the real world or something, but at the same time, he’s really smart. He’s so cute! He has dark hair and these amazing blue eyes. And he’s so tall!”

“Slow down,” she chuckled. “How’d you meet him?”

“Apparently, I ran into him the first day on campus, but I don’t really remember that. The first time I remember seeing him was at this great coffee shop off-campus.”

“You and your coffee...”

“Yeah, anyway, he works there. I thought he was really cute, but I didn’t know if he was gay or what. So we didn’t really talk for quite a while, except for small talk at the café. Then one night we were both at the same party.”

“It wasn’t a wild party, was it?”

“Mom, I’m doing great. I didn’t drink at all.”

“But other people were drinking?”

“I’m sure they were all over twenty-one.”

“Right, and I’m the Easter Bunny. So what happened?”

“Well, Adam had a little much to drink - ”

“Is Adam over twenty-one?”

“Are you going to let me tell the story or not?”

“Well, you just said - ”

“No, he’s not over twenty-one, but it was the first time he’d ever really drank alcohol so he got drunk fast. _Anyway_...so he drank too much, and Randall, my roommate, started picking on him, calling him a fag and stuff.”

“Your roommate is homophobic?” He could hear the PFLAG mom coming out.

“I took care of it, Mom. Everything has been worked out. Don’t get all activist on me. So, Randall was calling him names and Adam, being well dosed with liquid courage, jumped him. Randall is huge, and one punch pretty much laid the poor kid out cold.”

“It was a wild party!”

“That was the only wild part. Anyway, Roy, another friend of mine who’s even bigger than Randall, took Randall back to our room, and I helped Adam back to his. After that, Adam was really embarrassed by how he’d acted at the party, so he avoided me for a few days before I finally cornered him at the café and we cleared the air. Then Friday night, we both ended up at this concert in the park.”

“Was there drinking there?”

“Mom, it was a public concert. I don’t know if there was drinking or not. I didn’t monitor the whole crowd. No one I was with was drinking. Can I continue now?”

“I’m your mother. I worry. Go on.”

“We ran into each other at the park, although I think maybe Roy had a hand in that, and we ended up spending the evening together. We even danced. Then he cooked dinner for me Saturday night, and we spent all day together yesterday.”

“It sounds like it’s going well so far. So when do I get to meet him?”

“Right after the wedding.”

“Tommy Joe Ratliff!”

“We just started dating, Mom. Do you think I can give him a little while before I introduce him to my mother?”

“I guess that’s okay,” she teased.

“Gee, thanks.”

“Do you have a good feeling about him, Tommy?”

“About Adam? Yeah, I really do. I haven’t felt like this about someone in a long time. Not since Eric, really.”

“Do you love him?”

He paused. “I think...I’m falling in love with him.”

“Then he must be something special.”

“He is. I even told him a little about my past, and he still likes me - not everything, though. I’m not quite ready for all that yet.”

“Just don’t get hurt, Baby.”

“Mom, I’m growing up now. You can’t protect me forever.”

She gave a short, bitter laugh. “It’s not like I’ve done a very good job of protecting you in the past.”

He felt a sharp stab in the heart. “Nothing that happened was your fault. You’ve done the best you could for me. I made those decisions for myself.”

“I know. We’ve been through all the counseling. In my head, I know that. Sometimes, though, I just feel like if I’d only paid more attention, acted sooner...”

“Mom, I’m okay now. That’s all that matters.”

“Okay now...” she repeated in a soft voice.

“Mom?”

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Yes. Everything is fine. I promise. Hey, I gotta go. I need to go get ready for my next class. I don’t want to miss another one.”

“Okay. Tommy, if something was wrong, you’d tell me, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Call me if you need me.”

“I will. I love you.”

“I love you too, Tommy.”

He hung up the phone and smiled down at it affectionately. He was damn lucky to have her. He couldn’t believe he’d already told her about Adam. They hadn’t even been boyfriends for two days and his mom already knew. _Boyfriends!_  That was what they were now. He reveled in the word for a minute, just enjoying the sound of it in his head. Adam was his boyfriend. What a difference a weekend could make.

He snapped himself out of it. He didn’t have time to stand around and daydream! He grabbed some clothes out of his dresser, and was halfway out the door when the phone rang again. He started to ignore it, but then he thought that it might be Adam. He ran across the room and snatched up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Uh, yeah, hi. Is Tommy there?” He didn’t recognize the girl's voice.

“This is Tommy.”

“Tommy! Hi!” Her voice brightened considerably.

“Um, who is this?”

“Oh, sorry. This is Dani, Adam’s friend.”

His heart stopped. “Is something wrong with Adam?”

“Huh? No. I mean, not that I know of. He was fine when I talked to him yesterday.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “So, uh, how did you get my number?” He couldn’t remember giving it to Adam, but then again, Adam had hunted down his dorm.

“Oh, I tried to get Adam to give it to me but he said he didn’t have it. Why he doesn’t have his boyfriend’s number, I don’t know. Anyway, he mentioned that you lived in the Palladium dorm, so I just called campus directory, called Palladium, and asked the girl who answered what your number was. She didn’t want to tell me at first, but when I told her who I was, she gave it to me right away. Oh yeah, and I was supposed to tell you that Megan says hi.”

He laughed. “I see. That was very, er, clever of you. So, to what do I owe the honor of this call?”

“Well, you know, I had to check you out - make sure you’re worthy of my friend.”

She sounded so serious that Tommy fought down the giggle her words prompted. “You don’t trust Adam to take care of himself?”

“Let’s just say he hasn’t had the greatest luck with guys in the past.”

“Yeah, he said something like that.”

“He’s been hurt pretty bad and I’d just hate to see him get hurt again.”

“I think that’s great that you look out for your friend like that. I can promise you that hurting Adam is the last thing in the world I’d ever want to do. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s just so sweet!”

Daniele giggled. “He said the same thing about you.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh.”

“So what else did he say about me?”

Another giggle. “Sorry, but there’s no way I’m going there. Adam would kill me.”

He laughed. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“Right. So, what’s going on with you and Adam?”

“What do you mean?”

“What are your intentions toward my friend?”

He stifled another laugh. He couldn’t help picturing a stern mother grilling his daughter’s prospective suitor. “Well, I guess I intend to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be.”

“Do you like him?”

“I wouldn’t be dating him if I didn’t like him.”

“Do you love him?”

He hesitated. “I think...I think it’s a little early to be talking about love, but...I think it’s safe to say I’m falling in love with your friend.”

“That’s exactly what I was hoping you’d say.” He heard the grin in her voice over the phone.

“Does that mean I passed?”

“I think so.”

“Great! Hey look, as much as I hate to do this, I really need to go. I overslept this morning and now I’m late for class.” He paused. “Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be in school?”

“I  _should_  be.” She snickered. “I guess you could say I played hooky today. I told mom I was sick so she let me stay home. I had to stay in bed and act like I felt bad until she finally left for work. I thought she’d never leave so I could call you.”

He laughed. “You are one hell of a friend, Dani. Now, I really do have to go. I hope you don’t get in trouble with your mom.”

“I won’t...as long as she doesn’t find out. Hint, hint.”

He laughed again. “She won’t hear it from me.”

“We’re all good, then?”

“We’re good. So...yeah. Feel free to call me anytime. Do you want my screen name? You can instant message me too.”

“Sure!”

They swapped information and said their goodbyes. He hung up and rushed to the shower before the phone could ring again. As he stood under the hot spray of water, he thought about Dani and what a cool friend she was. Adam was really lucky. He didn’t have that kind of relationship with his old friends back home.

His life had improved tremendously since he had moved to New York for school. He had met some really cool people. There was no one he could really complain about...well, except maybe Randall. Things weren’t great there, but they were better than they were. Randall was more of an annoyance than anything. The only nastiness lately had been that brief encounter with Debby in the Coop. Debby! Tommy had a sudden need to hear Adam’s voice. He shut off the water, hastily wrapped a towel around his waist, and charged back to his room.

He threw open the door and ran smack into Roy’s huge chest. He and Roy both yelped as they leaped apart, and somehow Tommy's towel flew off in the process. He dived after it, his face aflame, as Roy thoughtfully turned his back to give Tommy some semblance of privacy.

“Hey, Tommy,” he said as if they’d just met out on the quad.

“Hi, Roy. I, uh, didn’t expect you to be in here.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to scare you. But hey, it’s not like you’ve got anything to be ashamed of, you know?”

“Roy, I’m going to try very hard to forget you just said that, okay? Let’s never mention it again.”

“I’m just saying...”

“Roy. Never speak of it. Ever.”

“Okay.”

“What are you doing here anyway?” Tommy asked as he pulled on a pair of boxer briefs.

“I didn’t see you around this morning and then Adam ran out of class. I knew you guys spent the weekend together so I thought maybe you’d know why.”

“Adam left class?” Tommy stopped in the middle of pulling on a pair of jeans.

“Yep, right in the middle of class. He just jumped up and ran out.”

Tommy finished pulling on the pants and opened the drawer where he’d stashed Adam’s phone number.

“What are you doing?” Roy asked.

“I’m going to call and see if he’s home.” He dialed the number and listened to it ring several times with no answer.

“No answer?” Roy asked when he hung up. Tommy shook his head no. “He could be around school somewhere.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s nothing.” Tommy wasn’t sure though. Adam’s disappearing act had him a little worried. Was Adam sick? If so, what if it was serious - so serious that he couldn’t even answer the phone? “Maybe I should walk over to his apartment and check.”

“Don’t you have class?”

“Yeah, but I’ve already missed one this morning, what’s one more?”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No, that’s okay, Roy. You don’t have to miss class because of me. Is Adam in your next class too?” He nodded. “Then if he’s there, tell him to get in touch with me somehow. Okay?”

“Sure will, Tommy. You really like him, don't you?”

Tommy smiled, despite the gnawing feeling of worry growing in his stomach. “Yeah, I really do. I think I might even be falling in love with him.”

“Wow.” Roy’s face grew pensive. “Do you think someone could ever love me?”

Tommy stopped and just looked over at his large friend. It was easy to forget that Roy had feelings just like everyone else. “Yeah, I’m sure you’ll find the right girl someday, Roy. What about that girl we saw you with yesterday?”

“Jen?”

“Yeah.”

He shrugged. “She’s nice. I spent the night with her.” Tommy felt his eyes growing wide at that thought. “I don’t think she loves me, though.”

“Well, uh, it’s probably a little early for that yet. I mean, how long have you known her?”

“A few days?”

“Yeah, um, give it some time, see what develops.”

He nodded thoughtfully as if Tommy had just given him some deep piece of sage advice. “Thanks, Tommy. You’re a good friend.”

Tommy smiled affectionately at him. “I try, Roy. Remember, if you see Adam, tell him to call me.”

“I will. Later, Tommy.”

“See you later, Roy.”

He left and Tommy quickly finished dressing before following Roy out the door. He practically ran down the street to Adam’s apartment. He was at the top of the flight of stairs before the door closed all the way, plunging him into darkness. He knocked on Adam’s door, waited, then knocked again. There was no answer, not even any sound of movement from within. He tried knocking on Brad’s door too, but there was no answer there either. His heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest.  _Why are you so worried? They’re probably in class, where you should be!_

He stood in the stairwell for a few more minutes, before giving up. He decided to check the Morning Rush before heading back to campus. Max looked up as he pushed through the door and gave him a small smile and a weak wave. “Hi, Tommy.”

“Hi, Max. Have you seen Adam around today?”

“No,” she replied as she ambled to the coffee pots to start fresh cups. She placed a hand on her forehead as she walked. “He worked this morning, but I haven't seen him since then. Do I have a temperature? I think I'm sick, and that's the last thing I need.”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Tommy took a closer look at her. She did look a little pale. “Come here.” She walked slowly back to the counter and leaned against it. He pressed his palm to her forehead the way his mom used to do to him, but she grabbed his hand.

“Not like that,” she said. “With the other side.” She pressed the back of his hand to her head once again.

“You feel okay to me,” he reported.

“You feel great to me too, baby!”

He giggled and snatched his hand back.

She winked. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Adam you were feeling me up.”

“Are you here alone?”

“Yeah, but Mike should be coming in soon.”

He blushed at the mention of Mike and the scene they'd interrupted the day before. Max didn’t even seem to notice. She was definitely not herself. “Well if Adam should stop by, will you please tell him I’m looking for him?”

“No! You can’t leave me! What if I fall over? Who’ll come to my rescue?”

“Um, I’m kind of in a hurry. I need to find Adam...”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like all the other guys. You touch me then run off. Fine, go, but now I’m telling Adam you touched me.” She giggled, then gasped and pressed her hand to her stomach.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe I should stay until Mike gets here.” She really wasn’t looking all that great.

“Aw, you really do care! No, you go ahead. I was just kidding. I’m sure I’ll be fine. Mike will be here any minute. Go find Adam.”

“If you’re sure... I hope you feel better.”

She smiled. “Thanks, Tommy. You’re a good kid. Adam is one lucky boy.”

He left Max and walked back to campus. He grabbed some lunch, then forced himself to go to his afternoon classes. Sitting in his seat was the purest form of torture he’d ever experienced. It was a complete waste of time. He couldn’t tell you a single thing that was said in any class. He was simply going through the motions while his brain was focused only on Adam. Where was he?

As soon as his last class ended, he rushed back to his room to see if there was any message from Adam. Randall was in the room with his girlfriend. It was the first time Tommy had gotten a good look at her, at least while she was fully clothed. She looked about like what Tommy would expect Randall’s girlfriend to look like. She was thin to the point of anorexia, with a fake tan, bottle-blonde hair, and bright-red pouty lips. She was wearing tight jeans and a hot pink tummy shirt that boldly stated “White Trash”.  _There is truth in advertising after all_ , he thought.

“Hey, Tommy, this is my girl, Fawn.”

Damn, she even had a stripper name. “Hey, Randall. Hey, Fawn.”

“So this is Tommy,” Fawn rasped with a nasty little smile that revealed yellowed teeth. She looked and sounded like she was supporting a three-pack-a-day habit. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve seen a lot of you. Randall, has Adam called here for me since you’ve been in?”

“Nope. Adam’s his boyfriend,” he added to Fawn, who giggled.

“Right. Well, if he calls, tell him I’m looking for him. I’ll be back later.” Tommy let himself back out of the room with no small relief. 

He ran into Roy in the first-floor lobby. He was talking to Megan, who was on duty behind the desk. “Hey, Roy. Hey, Megan,” Tommy greeted them before focusing on Roy. “Was Adam in class?”

“Nope. Sorry, Tommy.” Jen entered the lobby just then, distracting Roy’s attention. He trotted over to her side, and they started talking.

“Don’t tell me you’ve lost your man already!” Megan joked as Tommy watched Roy with affectionate amusement.

His mood quickly turned dark again. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he told her. “Roy said he ran out of class this morning and I haven’t been able to find him since. I’ve checked his apartment and the coffee shop, and now apparently he didn’t go to classes this afternoon either.”

A little frown creased Megan’s forehead. “I’m sure it’s nothing to be worried about,” she said. He raised one eyebrow. “Okay, yeah, that does sound a little unusual, but don’t go overboard. Something could have come up. Just stay calm. He could be back at his apartment now.”

“That’s true. I didn’t even call when I was just up in my room.”

“You want to call from here?”

“I don’t have his number memorized and I definitely don’t want to go back up to my room right now. Randall and Fawn were probably getting it on before I had the door closed all the way.” He shuddered at the memory that thought brought up.

“Her name is really Fawn?” Megan asked in amazement.

“I didn’t ask to see her ID, but that’s what Randall said. I’ll just walk over to Adam’s apartment again. It’s not that far.”

“Okay,” she said with a smile. “If you need me for anything, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, Megan.” He gave her a quick hug and left.

He was halfway across campus when he heard a voice call out his name. He spun around to find Debby sauntering towards him with a self-satisfied smirk on her face. “I’ve been looking for you,” she said as she drew near.

“I don’t have time for this right now, Debby.”

“Oh, I think you’ll want to make time.”

“Not for you.” He turned and started walking away.

“After our conversation at the Coop the other night, I did a little research,” she called after him. He slowed a little but kept walking. “It’s amazing what you can learn from a simple online search.”

He stopped as a cold feeling began to wash over him. He listened as Debby’s heels clicked up behind him. She walked around to face him. “Does the name Jerry Mills ring a bell?”

He had a sudden urge to punch the smug expression off her face. He felt his hands balling into fists at his sides. She noticed and her smile grew a little more.

“I guess it does. I believe he was your former lover...or should I say, supplier. Or do you prefer pimp?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” He managed to say. His voice was strained. He sounded scared even to his own ears.

“Don’t I? I have the articles to back it all up, actual news articles I printed off the Internet. You can really find out anything about anyone on there. They don’t call it the information superhighway for nothing.”

“Fine, you know I have a past I’m not proud of - so what?”

“We’ve barely scratched the surface, Tommy Joe. There’s the whole issue of being charged with Mr. Mills’s murder...”

“I was cleared!”

“And the drug overdoses...”

“I’m clean now!”

“You were quite a bad boy, and I have all the dirty details.”

“What do you want?”

Her eyes suddenly narrowed and the smile vanished from her face. “I don’t want anything. I’ve already gotten what I want.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had a conversation with your boyfriend this morning.”

He felt his stomach drop. “You what?” he whispered.

“I told him everything I’d learned and gave him copies of all the articles. I thought it was only fair that he knew exactly who he was dating. You should have seen his face.”

“You bitch!”

The cruel smile returned. “Call me what you want. I said you’d be sorry. Now you are. Buh-bye, Tommy.” She turned on her heel and sashayed away, her hips swinging with every step. Part of him wanted to run after her and just beat the crap out of her. The larger part was in a complete panic, however. He had to find Adam. He had to explain to him, try to do damage control. He should have just been honest with Adam up front. He knew that now, but it was too late. Debby was right, he was sorry. Adam probably hated him now, and he had no one to blame but himself.

He broke into a full-out run towards Adam’s apartment. He ran as if his life depended on it, shoving people out of the way and vaulting over any obstacle that got in his way. Angry shouts and stares followed in his wake, but his only thought was that he had to get to Adam.

He exploded into Adam's building and took the stairs in giant leaps. He banged frantically on his door, calling Adam's name over and over. “Adam, if you’re in there, please open the door! I need to talk to you!”

Brad’s door swung open and he poked his head into the hall. “Tommy, dude, are you okay?” he asked with concern.

“Have you seen Adam?”

“No, I haven’t talked to him all day. I don’t think he’s in his room.”

“Fuck!”

“Tommy, what’s wrong?”

“Everything! I have to find Adam.” He ran back down the steps, leaving Brad calling after him to wait. He didn’t listen. Tears were blurring his vision now, but it didn’t slow him down. He had finally been given everything he’d thought he’d never have, and then he’d screwed it all up because he was afraid.

He ran to the Morning Rush, but the door was locked when he reached it. He pressed his face against the glass, but though the lights were still on, it was obviously deserted. Where could Adam be? He didn’t know where else to look. He stood on the sidewalk and felt like he was falling. It was all over. One perfect weekend was all they’d had. Adam had heard the truth and it was more than he could handle. Wherever he was, Adam was avoiding him. Adam didn’t want to see him.

He walked back to school in a numb haze. He knew his heart was breaking, but he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything. Megan looked up as he came through the door of the dorm.

“Tommy? You okay?”

He shook his head no. He opened his mouth to answer her but nothing came out at first. He took a deep breath and tried again. “It’s all over.”

Her face froze in horror. “What? No! It can’t be! I mean, you guys were so happy. What happened?”

He shook his head again. “He found out the truth.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. He took it badly?”

“I don’t know how he took it. I wasn’t there when he found out.”

“What? You didn’t tell him?”

“No.”

“Then how’d he find out?”

“Debby.”

“Debby? But...how’d she find out?”

“She did an online search and pulled up articles about the whole thing. Then she took it all to Adam.”

“Oh my God! Have you talked to him?”

“I can’t find him. He must be avoiding me. I...I’ve looked everywhere.”

“That doesn’t mean - ”

“Megan, stop. I can’t...” He stopped and took another deep breath. He quickly walked to the elevator and pushed the call button. The doors slid open, and he stepped inside.

Megan jumped out from behind the desk and ran to catch him. “Tommy, wait!”

“I’m going home,” He said as the door closed over her shocked expression.

The elevator doors slid open and he stumbled into the hallway feeling like a zombie. His feet had never felt heavier as he made his way to his room. The stairwell door at the end of the hall burst open just as he reached his door, and Megan came storming towards him.

“What the hell?” she demanded when she reached him. “What do you mean you’re going home?”

“I need to get away to think.”

“Why can’t you think here?”

He gave a derisive snort. “Right, like I’d be able to think knowing Adam is so close and yet avoiding me.”

“Don’t be stupid. You can’t just jump to conclusions. Adam is crazy about you. He would never avoid you.”

“Then where is he? Why hasn’t anyone seen him all day?”

“Who knows, Tommy?” She threw her hands in the air. “He had classes; maybe he went to the library to do research. Or he could have skipped and gone to the mall to buy sexy underwear for you, or gone grocery shopping... The point is you don't really know.”

“He’s avoiding me, Megan. Now that he knows what I used to be he’s disgusted by me.”

“You don’t even know if Debby really told him or not. You can’t trust that psycho bitch!”

“She did. I can feel it. It’s obvious that Adam is avoiding me because he doesn’t want to be with me. He’s disgusted by me. I have to go. I need to get away.”

“Okay. I guess I can understand how you might need to get away for a few days, but then you are coming back, right?”

He looked away. “Maybe.”

“Maybe? What do you mean maybe?”

“Maybe I won’t want to come back. I don’t think I could stand to look in his eyes and see hurt and disgust.” She opened her mouth but he cut her off. “Pity would be even worse. And I’d be running into him all the time. I just...I just don’t know if I can deal with that.”

Her eyes darkened. “Oh, for God’s sake! Don’t be such a drama queen!”

That wasn’t at all what he had been expecting. For a moment, he was shocked into silence, then anger flooded in, and his hand itched to slap her across the face. “Like you could understand,” he said through clenched teeth. “You’ve got a great guy who worships the ground you walk on. What have I ever had? Nothing! Oh, no, I’m sorry. How could I forget Jerry? A middle-aged pimp who pumped me full of drugs so he could fuck me.” Megan flinched, but he wasn’t finished. “And now, just when I start to believe I might find love, that there might be some happiness in my life, it’s all snatched away. Do you know what that feels like?”

“No. No, I don’t. And I’m sorry that happened to you, but what happened before doesn’t have anything to do with Adam.”

He threw his arms up. “It has everything to do with Adam. That’s why he’s disgusted by me.”

“You keep saying that! You don’t  _know_  he’s disgusted.”

“Yeah, maybe he’s thrilled that I used to be a drug-addicted whore.” he took a deep, shaky breath and rubbed his face wearily.  “Megan, I just need to get away, okay? Please try to understand that and don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

Her body sagged. “Tommy...”

“Megan, don’t.” He turned and inserted his key in the door. It swung open to reveal Randall and Fawn naked and tangled in his sheets. He walked in and shut the door behind him, leaving Megan in the hall.

Randall sat up and gave him a dirty look. “What the fuck?”

Tommy ignored him and walked over to the phone. He picked it up and dialed home. It rang twice before his mom answered.

“Tommy?”

“I need you to come get me.”

“I’m leaving now.”

He hung up and pulled his suitcases out of the closet. He had ten hours to pack and get ready to go home. There was nothing left for him here now.


	16. Chapter 16

**Adam**

His breath plumed out in front of him in the cold morning, and he stamped his feet on the sidewalk to keep his blood flowing. God, it was cold! No one ever told him it got that cold in New York. What would happen when winter actually arrived? Marla's car pulled into the small lot, and a moment later she turned the corner, smoking the last of her pre-work carcinogens.

“We can't talk about Max. I won't be able to stop laughing and we won't get any work done at all.” Marla stated flatly. They both burst into laughter as she unlocked the door and they stepped into the warmth of the shop. He started the coffee pots right away, knowing he'd need some really quickly. Marla put her coat away, and he followed suit once the pots were happily gurgling to themselves.

“So how are things with you and Mr. Cutie Patootie?”

“His name is Tommy, and things are so totally awesome.” he sighed.

“Oh ho!” Marla turned with a hand on her hip and a smile on her lips. “Dish the dirt. Is he a good kisser?”

“Well, he'll need some more practice before he's perfect at it. But I intend to give him all the practice he wants!” he laughed.

“Oh, that's so cute!” Marla laughed as she put the alarm code into the safe. “Did you guys spend the weekend together?”

“Pretty much, we went to the concert Friday and we danced.” He blushed and Marla broke into a big smile.

“Is he a good dancer?”

“I ... don't remember! I was so busy looking at him and enjoying how he felt next to me ... ” He trailed off as he remembered how it felt to have Tommy in his arms.

“Sounds like someone is falling hard,” she said as she filled the cash register with daily funds.

He shrugged. “Way past that. He owns me even if he doesn't know it yet.” She just laughed again, but as he finished getting the store ready and poured them both cups of coffee, he realized with a hint of fear that he wasn't lying or even exaggerating. If he thought he was scared before, he was terrified now.

His shift ended, and it was time for him to get to class, but Tommy hadn't been in for his morning coffee yet.  He made Marla promise to take good care of Tommy and headed off. On the way, he acquired an escort roughly the size of Manhattan.

“Morning, Roy,” he commented.

“Hi, Adam.”  
  
“How'd things go with you and Jen?” Adam turned to look at him.

“Oh, good! I don't have to talk much. She seems to like me okay. I was thinking maybe we could all go out sometime - or something?”

“Hmm, did you run that idea by Tommy yet?”

“No, he wasn't awake when I stopped by his room. Randall was still asleep too, but he had a class at eight so I guess he missed it.”

“Does he do that a lot?” Adam asked. He was secretly thinking that if Randall flunked out, he was applying to live in the dorms. He already had a room picked out!

“Yeah, I guess so. People think I'm dumb, but he's stupid.”

“It's been said ignorance can be educated, drunkenness sobered but stupid - ” Adam tried to clasp Roy's shoulder and settled for his upper arm. “ - stupid is forever.”

Roy rumbled a chuckle in reply. “So how are things going with Tommy?”

“Pretty good, I think. I just gotta quit being dumb about him.” Adam grimaced.

“Well, this good friend of mine said that dumb can be made smarter and stupid - no, drunk - no, wait ... ”

Adam just shook his head. They arrived at class, took their seats, and were quickly swept away in facts and pages of notes. He would have been more swept away except that Roy forgot his pen, and then he realized he had the wrong notebook, and could he have a few pieces of paper? Next thing he knew, they were like the world's goofiest Siamese twins as they looked on at the same textbook.

“How do you forget  _everything_  you need for a class?” Adam hissed at him.

“I grabbed her books this morning by mistake.”

“You ... her ... what?”

“I went to Jen's last night and stayed the night - ” Roy started but Adam cut him off.

“I don't want to know.”

“But - ”

“I don't want to know!” Adam insisted.

“But we didn't - ”

“No!”

“So is it okay if we share a book this morning?”

“As long as you don't share anything else about last night, sure!”

“But it was fun.”

“Roy ... ” Adam's voice took on a tone of warning.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“I. Don't. Want. To. Know,” Adam said through gritted teeth.

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“I don't know why you are so uptight about sex, Adam,” he whispered.

 _Argh!_  Would this class never end?

“Roy, do you picture Tommy and I having sex?”

“What? No! I'm not gay!”

“Well I am, and I don't want to picture you and Jen making the two backed beast!” Adam whispered fiercely.

“Doing what?”

“Screwing, fucking, doing the horizontal mambo!” Adam rolled his eyes and wondered what he had done exactly, to deserve this.

“Oh!” Roy said in a tone that revealed this had never occurred to him. “Sorry, Adam.”

“That's okay, as long as we understand each other.”

“We do.”

“Good.”

The professor droned and Adam's mind desperately tried to focus on the material. It wasn't easy to do, especially with Roy sitting next to him trying to read the same bits he was.

“Well, since you brought it up, are you guys doing it?”

Adam slammed his book shut and grabbed his notebook, taking only enough time to growl in frustration and shoot Roy as dirty a look as he could muster. Was nothing sacred?

* * *

  


He walked briskly across campus trying to get the image of Roy without any clothes on out of his head. Why, oh why, did Roy do that to him? At least Roy didn't get more descriptive, like leather or something. Argh! Roy in leather chaps could make Adam never have a single sexual thought again. And he'd done that to himself!

He stalked into the library, contemplating being a virgin for life, and not liking it very much. The fact that Tommy seemed to hesitate and run whenever they got within sight of the bedroom door wasn't helping either. Tommy had had sex before, Adam was sure of it. One doesn't go through life looking the way Tommy Joe Ratliff does and not get some play.

He picked a table near the windows and sat down with his books, figuring he'd read the chapter they were studying in class before Roy had told him all about - _Damn!_  He'd done it again! He'd thought he felt sorry for Tommy walking in on his roommate, but this was torture. He wondered if Roy would ever bang Tommy's roomie?  _Ugh!_  He smacked his head on the table top repeatedly to drive the image out. He was too twisted for his own good.

He put his notebook on the table and grabbed a pen before cracking open the text book. Being so prepared, he promptly looked out the window to daydream about Tommy. Tommy could be so sweet, and Adam still couldn't believe Tommy was interested in him, but what gave with the sex thing? Could Tommy be really bad at it?  _Yeah, right._  Okay, he had no freaking scars on his body. Well, his upper body. Maybe that was it.Tommy had scars on his legs or something and he was embarrassed. What else could it possibly be? Adam hadn't seen him in shorts, but if Tommy's legs look anything like the skin on his chest Adam would probably pass out anyway.

 Then it hit him.  _I am so stupid! It's not Tommy at all. It's me._

How could he be so dumb? He could see it clearly now. Tommy was just waiting to let him down easy. He wondered if it was difficult to do that, to break someone's heart. Now he felt like dog crap, but he knew that he would continue to see Tommy right up to when Tommy laughed at him and told him to go away until he had some sexual experience. He was screwed.

He sat brooding on the day outside. The weather couldn't decide if it wanted to be gloomy or bright, so it was doing both. Clouds would roll in, darken everything, and then the sun would break through and paint light on the earth. He waxed and waned like that too, wondering if he was right about Tommy wanting to let him down easy, and feeling a dread in the back of his mind that he'd stumbled across the truth.

The seat across from him was suddenly occupied by a petite girl with long dark hair. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place why.

“Hi, I feel a little silly asking you this, but ... are you Tommy Ratliff's boyfriend?”

“Uh, yeah.” He was completely shocked to be having this conversation. Who was that girl? How did she know he and Tommy were together?

“Good, I would have felt silly otherwise!” She giggled and gave him a cheerleader smile.  A memory was working its way forward from the back of his mind. She looked so familiar!

“I'm sorry, do I know you?” He asked.

“No, I don't think so. I guess I should get to the point.” She wrapped a few strands of her hair around a finger, playing with it as she spoke. “Well Tommy kind of had a thing for me a while ago, and I was dumb and played into it. He's a pretty guy. Who could blame me, right?”

He looked at her blankly. Was she out of her mind? 

“Well, things went bad pretty quickly, but I found out some stuff on Tommy. See, I did this Internet search to kind of help get me ready for doing research for school, and I found out some really freaky stuff.” She gave him a small, fake smile before she continued. “Has Tommy told you about the drugs and alcohol problems he had?”

“Of course,” He replied. If that was all she was talking about she was scaring him for nothing! 

“Oh, I am so relieved! At least he was honest with you about that part. That whole Jerry Mills thing just blew my mind!”

“Jerry Mills?”

“Yeah! You know, the guy that was giving him all the drugs and fucking him in trade? I don't think Tommy's even gay, he just goes where the money is.”

“Fu-what?”  _Tommy was a whore? He ... sold his body for drugs?_

“Oh! I'm sorry,” she put a hand over her small bow shaped mouth. “You said he told you, so I thought you knew. I mean, I had to find out after he dumped me. I thought it was me, but then I realized it was because he expected to be paid. If I were you I'd cut him loose fast, you might catch something. Here, take these and count yourself lucky.”

She pulled a manila folder from her backpack and slid it across the table to him. Adam recoiled from it as though it were a sack of slithering snakes. He hated snakes.

“It's all in there. He's a real whore, you know? Just like the ones you can hire in New York City. He did pretty well for himself, considering - ”

“Leave,” He choked out.

“I'm sorry, are you…?”

“I said  _leave!”_

She smiled and turned with a flip of her hair. He looked down at the folder with a sense of doom. Could it be true? Tommy was pretty enough to get whoever he wanted but would he actually want someone to pay for it? Maybe he was waiting for Adam to wake up and discuss prices before he took anything off.  _Oh my God._  He cradled his head in his hands, took a few deep breaths, and opened the folder.

The first page was from a newspaper article, posted online. There was a picture of an older, attractive man and under the picture was the caption ' **Jerry Mills’ estate under investigation on charges of drug trafficking and prostitution ring.** '

_Oh God, it's true. It's really true._

* * *

  


He spent the afternoon going over every sordid detail in the folder. His heart felt as though it was pumping his very life from his body, and he could see no way to stop the bleeding. He sat in a daze, unable to cope with the realization. He tucked the folder in his backpack and started walking back to his apartment. He needed to talk to his mom. He needed to hear her voice right now.

As he walked up Central Avenue, he was startled from his Mills thoughts by the pulsating bright lights of an ambulance in front of his store. He picked up his pace, hoping there was nothing serious going on. Well, of course it was serious. Otherwise the paramedics wouldn't be there. He stepped in the front door and took in the room. The paramedics were behind the counter and Marla stood off to one side with a worried hand placed on her forehead. He approached her and placed a hand on her arm. She jumped at his touch.

“Adam, you scared the hell out of me!” she said while throwing her arms around him. “I need a hug.” 

“What's going on?” He asked as he clumsily returned the hug, feeling grateful for the contact as well. 

“Max passed out. She didn't look good. I don't know what's going on. They're taking her to the hospital, but I can't go because we don't have anyone for the store until Mike gets here. He called and said he was having car trouble.” She looked at him with wide eyes. “Could you go with Max until I can get there?” 

“Um ... ” He felt trapped, what was he supposed to do? He couldn't leave Max alone like that - she'd been good to him. “Yeah, I guess so.” Marla gave him all of Max's things - ID, insurance cards, and so on. The stretcher was lifted into the ambulance and he was seated in the back for the ride to the hospital.

After the triage nurse had all the information she needed, he sat in the waiting room and fell immediately back to his earlier thoughts of Tommy. What was he going to do? If he took Tommy at face value, which was hard to do considering how many times he'd been screwed over by countless other guys, the pieces started to fall into place for him. All those times when Tommy would zone out, maybe he was remembering something unpleasant. That made sense if Tommy was embarrassed about his past. Adam thought about the times he remembered Tommy being there, but not there. The time on the bus to the mall was a perfect example. The 'sex issue' came up, and Tommy squeezed his hand so freakin' hard Adam thought his bones would grind together, but Tommy just stared into space.

Could that be the bottom of Tommy's fears? Could it be he really meant the things he had said and was just afraid? Adam thought on that for a moment. He'd never known anyone like Tommy, so it made a certain amount of sense that Tommy's background would be a completely alien to him as well. But this?

Tommy gave no hint of those demons in his past. He certainly didn't seem slutty. He didn't talk like he was from the gutter or anything. He didn't wear revealing clothing, and he sure wouldn't do anything with him. So what would have given away that he used to be a ... God! Adam couldn't even  _think_  it.  _Not Tommy. Not my Tommy._

“Have you heard anything yet?” Marla asked as she placed her hand on his shoulder, scaring the crap out of him.

“Marla!” He gasped.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Have they said anything about Max yet?” 

“No. No one's been out since they took her back. She looked kind of okay when they wheeled her away though. She had a little color back in her face.” 

“Oh, if something happens I'll kill her,” Marla grumbled while taking the seat next to him.

“She'll be okay.” 

“So, what had you in such deep thought?”

“Just ... stuff.” 

“Tommy, I'll bet.”

“I need to make a phone call,” He said suddenly. He was  _not_  telling anyone Tommy's past. Not entirely because he was ashamed of what Tommy had been, either. A part of it, a bigger part than the guilt, was out of loyalty and a protective feeling for Tommy because of what Tommy had given him the past week or two.

He got up and followed the signs to the bank of telephones with the thought of calling home. He needed to hear the voices that loved him. That would help him make sense of all this. He stood dumbly in front of the phones, wondering if he had lost his mind. His mother would, of course, tell him to get out of the relationship. If Neil answered, he'd give him to their mom. He still needed to hear them, even if he didn't tell them what was up.

He reached slowly for the phone with leaden arms. The need mixed with his doubts, his heart breaking for Tommy, and maybe a little for himself, too. His hand finally made contact, and his fingers dialed his calling card number from memory.

Busy. He couldn't believe it. It was like being trapped in some gay Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks flick. He leaned against the wall and waited. At least this was better than Marla interrogating him. He felt a tear welling as he thought of Tommy in someone else's arms, someone who only cared for what he was on the outside, someone who only saw the soft skin and the silken locks. 

Another tear dropped for himself, for the loss of any trace of innocence. After so many failed relationships, so many rainbows chased and no pots of gold to show for it, could he really be expected to take no more Tommy in his life?

He grabbed the phone again and dialed home. The line rang twice, and then Danielle's voice came through the handset. Adam would never tell her, but right then Neil sounded like a chorus of angels to his ears.

“Hello?”

“D...Dani? What are you doing at our house?”

“Babysitting your brother. What's wrong?”

“Nothing. Where's my mom?”

“Out on some meeting, I'm not sure. What's wrong?” 

Adam sighed deeply. “The train wreck that is my life just went off the tracks again.”

“Okay, so tell me what could be so bad?” 

“Oh Dani, I don't know how to say it ... I'm not sure I  _can_  say it.”

“Adam, just let the words come out and we'll sort it out together. Just like always.”

“I don't know if this one can be fixed. Tommy has ... well, he did some bad things -  things that I'm having trouble coping with.”

“What could be so bad? He sounded like a great guy to me.”

“I thought he was.” Adam sighed and leaned against the wall as he turned from another payphone patron. “Dani, he - oh God. He sold his body. For money. For ... for drugs.”

“Wow. He didn't sound like that kind of guy to me, but you know him, he must have had reasons.” Danielle's voice strengthened. “Are you going to dump him or give him a second chance?” 

“I don't know what to do!” He wailed into the phone. “He makes me so happy and I want to be near him all the time. He's so sweet, and I thought he really cared for me. But now I keep seeing the face of this guy on my Tommy - sweating and ... and ... Oh  _fuck me!”_

He heard a gasp, and half-turned to see an overweight woman grab the cross hanging from about her neck and glare at him. He frowned back at her and turned away.  _Who cares what she thinks?_

“I'm a girl, so not your type.” Danielle quipped. “But let's get back to this other stuff.”

“You're not funny, D. Now isn't the time.”

“Okay, so Tommy has a past. He's eighteen now, so that means he existed for seventeen years before you came into his life. He was bound to make a few mistakes.”

“A past is one thing, but this? Prostitution? This guy, this  _drug dealer_  got him high and then he - oh God, I can't say it.” Adam stared blankly at the wall, his tears coursing helplessly down his cheeks.

“Why can't you say it, Adam?” Danielle asked softly.

“Because I love him,” Adam whispered.

“After all that, you still love him?” 

Adam nodded to himself. “The thought of someone touching him so intimately, it makes me so mad, more pissed than I have ever felt about anything before. How can I face him?”

“How do you think he faced you all this time? What if he loves you, too, Adam? What then?”

 “You think I should act like this never happened?” Adam asked incredulously. “How can I just gloss this over?” 

“I'm not saying you forget. You never forget. But don't kick Tommy out of your life. He cares. He wants to be there for you. Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Don't you think Tommy deserves one too? It doesn't sound like he's had it easy. People turn to drugs sometimes when they are unhappy, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know. In my heart, I know. But it still hurts.”

 “I know. How did you even find out about this anyway?”

Adam related to her his conversation with the bitch who accosted him in the library and the materials she had given him.

“Sounds like she wanted revenge, she was out to hurt Tommy. Maybe he would have come clean eventually on his own, Adam. It's not something you bring up at dinner, you know.”

“I know all that. It's just thinking of Tommy with someone else ... I don't even know if this guy was pimping him out. Oh God, I never thought of that.” He closed his eyes against the sterile walls and the medicated smells of the hospital. 

“There's only one person who can answer that. I think you need to decide what you really want.” 

“I want ... Tommy. I just don't want ... all of that.”

“We don't always get to choose, Adam. You love Tommy because of who he is and how he makes you feel. He makes you feel like you're everything I already know you are. But you have to decide what you want, what you need.” 

“I need to see him. I have to try.”

“Attaboy, Adam. Go get him. He's an awesome guy, and I think he's the one for you.”

It suddenly occurred to him that Danielle was speaking with a lot of authority about someone she didn't even know. “How do you know so much about Tommy?”

“What do you mean?” 

“You knew his age, I never told you that. He never even told  _me_  that. What have you done, Dani?”

“I just made sure of his intentions, that's all.”

“Dani! You wait till I get home. You are  _so_  dead!”

“I didn't want you to get hurt again so I called him.” 

“Wait a minute! You called him? How did you get the number?  _I_  don't even have his number!” 

“I called the school. You don't have your boyfriend's number? What kind of boyfriend are you anyway?”

“Dani - ”

“So after talking to him, I'm convinced Tommy would never hurt you. He's not what he might have been once. Are you going to let Tommy be who he has become? Or trap him in his past?” 

He hated that she was right. “You had no business calling him. I  _will_  kick your ass for that. I have to go now. I need to talk to Tommy.” 

“You do that. I love you, Adam.”

“I love you too.”

“Send me my pictures of my brother in law.”

“Dani - ” He bit his lower lip.

“Don't worry. I won't breathe a word to anyone.”

* * *

  


After sitting in the waiting room for what felt like half the night, they finally allowed them in to see Max. All they would tell them was that they were going to keep her overnight for observation. Adam was relieved they let them go in. Marla was driving him absolutely bonkers between her questions and wondering what was wrong with Max. They rode the elevator, and found Max's semi-private room.

“Hi, guys,” Max smiled wanly from her bed.

“So what did the doctor say?” Marla asked without preamble. She dropped her things in the visitors’ chair while Adam moved to the foot of the bed.

“I haven't been eating very well, mostly because my stomach has felt so weird lately. I threw up a few times in the past few weeks when I tried to have breakfast. So he says I need to watch my diet and basically change my eating habits.” 

“That's all?” Marla asked.

“Basically. Apparently, I don't take in enough nutrients for two people,” Max said quietly.

It took a minute to sink in, then Adam's mouth dropped open and Marla squealed, “Max!” Later, she claimed that she didn't, but he knew what he heard and it was a squeal.

“So I have a lot of changes to make,” Max continued calmly. “I have to eat right and get some exercise a few times a week for as long as I can. Difficult pregnancies run in my family, so I'll probably be sentenced - I mean prescribed bed rest before the pregnancy is over.” She rolled her eyes. 

“So who's the father?” Adam asked

* * *

  


Marla gave him a ride home later on that evening. She didn't question him this time, mostly because she was preoccupied with the big news. Max wasn't telling who the father was, and that drove Marla nuts. Mike always looked like Max's favorite, but did she have a guy somewhere else? _Wow._  He didn't want to think about that too long.  He was pretty quiet about the whole revelation. His thoughts kept returning to Tommy and what he had to do. Confronting this wasn't going to be easy, but he hoped they'd come out of it stronger - and still together. 

He got home and all he could think about was Tommy. He stood in his apartment, the clock reporting that it was now a few minutes past midnight. There was a light rap at his door, and Brad poked his head in. 

“Adam, where you been, man?”

“Hospital,” he murmured.

“You okay?”

“No, not really.”

“What happened?”

He sprawled tiredly on the couch and Brad took a seat at the other end. “Max got sick at work. She's pregnant.”

“Pregnant? Wow! Who is the father?” 

“It looks like the Immaculate Conception. She's not telling who the father is - if she even knows.”

“Damn. That's freaky. Glad you're okay though. Did you see Tommy? He was looking for you earlier, seemed like it was important.”

“Tommy was here?”

“Yeah.”

“I have to go see him!” He leaped up from the couch and headed for the door.

“Hey! Wait! What's going on?”

Ignoring Brad's calls, Adam hurried down the stairs and ran up Central Avenue, which was deserted that time of night. His feet felt as though they had wings. His lungs burned as he thought of getting to Tommy and falling into his arms - anything to make that happen. He turned onto the brick pathways of the college, and bore down on the sullen brick building that was Palladium Hall. He burst through the door, taking in great gulps of air.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing? You know what time it is?”

He looked up to see Jen behind the RA desk. He was heaving and trying to catch his breath while his body hummed with the nervous energy of oxygen deprivation.

“Is that you, Adam?”

“Need ... Tommy ... ” He dashed by her and took the stairs, just in case she got to him before the elevator doors closed. He ran up the steps two at a time. He slowed down out of necessity by the third floor, and, since he heard no pursuit he figured he was safe. He was practically crawling by the time the stenciled five came into sight on the door to the fifth floor.

He took a moment to steady himself before heading down the hall to Tommy's room. That absurd star confronted him once again, and he paused. This was it, all the days of worrying were about to get settled, and maybe, just maybe he could get back to the business of falling in love. He rapped on the door. Nothing happened. He rapped again, more forcefully, and heard a groan and a crash. 

“Slug, you've got keys, man,” a groggy voice said. Slug?

Randall opened the door, naked as a jaybird, and Adam feared for his sanity. The more Randall revealed, the uglier he got! 

“Who is it?” A female voice drifted from the darkness as Randall squinted at Adam.

“It's Tommy's boyfriend. What the fuck do you want? I pulled my crank outta my woman to answer the door.”

“I need to see Tommy,” Adam stated.

“Well, you're shit outta luck. Tommy ain't here.”

“Liar. Let me see.”

“No fucking way! My girl is naked in here!” Randall tried to slam the door shut, but Adam reached out as quickly as possible and grabbed the only thing he could - his nuts.

“Let me in right now, you stupid pile of monkey shit, before I do the world a favor and make sure you never have children.” Adam squeezed his balls hard to show he meant business.

“Ow! Leggo of me you faggot! Fawn, cover up!” he groaned.  Adam twisted his nuts. This was not something for which he was proud. In fact, if he hadn't been so desperate to see Tommy, he might have thrown up at the thought of Randall's nuts in his hand. But he needed Tommy. 

“Let him go!” Fawn screeched. Adam fixed her with a glare as he flipped on the light switch and released Randall's claim to mediocrity. Tommy's side of the room was empty. His sheets were gone, his computer - everything. Unsteadily, he walked to Tommy's closet and placed his trembling hand on the handle. It slid open with a quiet hiss, and empty walls glared at him. What had happened? Where was he?

“Where's Tommy?”

“He went home, away from your crazy ass,” Fawn rasped. She had lit a cigarette and was blowing smoke out the window as she spoke. Randall glared at him, but said nothing.

“He went ... home? He said he wanted to get away ... from me?”

Fawn sighed, took a drag on her cigarette, and then stubbed it out. “No, he didn't say that. I just figure anyone who grabs another guy's balls has to be crazy.”

“He's a fag. Of course he touched my balls. Fags do that,” Randall mumbled.

“I have to go find him. How long ago did he leave?”

“Fuck if I know.” Randall shrugged. Clearly he was still pissed.

Fawn studied him for a second, then a smile slowly spread across her face that not only would have stopped a clock, it might have made it implode. “You really love him, don't you?”

Adam merely nodded, not trusting his tongue to say something about her unlovely face. It was like a Halloween mask come to life. 

“He called his mom up and said he needed to leave. He didn't sound like he was planning on coming back. Sorry.”

“I ... I have to go find him.”

“Good luck! You guys would look good together,” she called as he dashed from the room.

He had to find out where Tommy lived!  



	17. Chapter 17

**Tommy**

  
_Don’t cry._

He yanked open his dresser drawers and started throwing clothes into the suitcase.

“Man, what the fuck’s wrong with you?” Randall snarled from his bed. “Can’t you see I’m trying to have a little privacy with my girl?”

“You’ll have all the privacy you want in a few hours.”

“Yeah, well, we were in the middle of something.”

“Leave him alone, Randall,” Fawn spoke up. “Can’t you see he’s upset about something?”

“His queer boyfriend probably dumped him,” Tommy's ever-sensitive roommate grumbled. He fought down the growing urge to burst into tears and just kept packing.  _I will not cry in front of Randall. I will not give him that pleasure._

After a few minutes of heavy silence, Randall heaved a beleaguered sigh and jumped out of bed. “If you’re not leaving any time soon I might as well go take a piss.” He pulled on a pair of gray sweatpants and stomped out the door - or at least he tried to stomp. Barefoot stomping loses some of its effect.

“You okay?” Fawn asked after a few seconds.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Tommy restrained himself from adding “especially with you.”

“That’s cool. I was just trying to help.” She was quiet for a few more seconds, but it was like she was incapable of remaining that way for long. “I know what it’s like to get hurt by a boy.”

“Who said I got hurt by a boy?” He snapped impatiently.

“Trust me, I know the signs well.” She sat up - keeping the sheet carefully pulled over her large breasts - opened the window, and lit up a cigarette. She inhaled deeply, held it in for a few seconds, and then slowly released the smoke towards the window. Technically, they were not allowed to smoke in the dorms, but he wasn’t in the mood to make an issue if it. “You just got your heart broken.”  
He grabbed the first thing within reach - a coffee mug - and hurled it against the wall. The mug shattered into dozens of small pieces. “I don’t want to talk about it,” He managed to choke out through the tightness in his throat.  _I will not cry._

“Hey, I understand. You’re angry. I’ve been there. But you can’t run away.”

“Did I ask you? Besides, who said I’m running away?”

“I suppose you’re just packing for the fun of it?”

“I just need to get away.”

“You’re running away.”

“Fine, I’m running away. So what? How is that your business?”

“It’s not. I’m just saying...you can’t run away from it. You’re gonna hurt no matter where you are.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees, watching him while he busily kept packing. “You’ll get over him eventually. Then someone else will come along. Maybe someone better.”

“Like Randall?” He scoffed.

She laughed. “Randall’s just keeping me occupied while I wait for that someone better. He’s not the marrying type, if you know what I mean, but he’s great in bed. He’ll do things most guys won’t.”

“You know, I  _really_  don’t want to talk about  _that_.”

Just then, Randall returned, sparing Tommy from all the gory details of their sex life. He gave Tommy a dirty look. “Are you still here?”

“A few more hours, Randall, then I’ll be gone. Think you can wait that long?”

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“For good?”

“That remains to be seen.”

He shrugged. “Whatever. Come on, Fawn. Let’s go get something to eat.”

Fawn dropped her cigarette into a beer can where it died with a fizzle, then grabbed her clothes from the floor next to the bed. She dressed under the sheets, and then, finally, the lovely couple made their exit, leaving him gratefully alone.  Tommy's vow not to cry lasted all of thirty seconds before he was a sobbing heap on the floor. He’d pretty much cried himself out when he heard a key in the door. He cut off his tears with a hiccup and quickly wiped his teary face on his blanket. He was scrambling to his feet when Roy opened the door. A look of concern crossed his face as he took in Tommy's disheveled, red-eyed appearance.

“Tommy, what’s wrong?” He stood awkwardly by the door. Tommy shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. “Is it Adam?” He nodded. “What happened? Did you find him?” Another head shake. “Did you guys break up?” Much to his embarrassment, Tommy once again burst into tears.  “Oh jeez, Tommy. I’m sorry.” He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, then suddenly charged across the room towards Tommy. He involuntarily flinched as Roy reached him, but much to his amazement, Roy enveloped him in what had to be the gentlest hug he’d ever received.

He noticed the suitcase while Tommy's face was still pressed into his massive chest. “Why are you packing?” He released Tommy so abruptly he stumbled back a few steps. At least he’d stopped crying from the shock. “You’re not leaving, are you?” Roy sounded so horrified by the prospect that Tommy felt bad that he’d not even thought about letting him know he was going home.

“I...I need to get away, Roy. I need some time to think away from everybody - well, away from  _him_  at least.”

“But...but...”

“I might be back in a few days.”

“Then why are you packing everything?”

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead. Roy was not as dumb as most people thought. “I just need to get away, Roy. Please try to understand.”

“But you’re my only friend here.”

“That’s not true. You’re friends with Megan, and there’s Jen. Things are just getting started there. You don’t need me around for that. And then there’s always...Adam...”

“Megan’s your friend, not mine. And I do need you around for Jen. Who am I going to ask for advice? And Adam...well, he only put up with me because of you.” Now, he looked like  _he_  might cry at any minute. “You’re my best friend, Tommy. I don’t want you to go.”

Tommy dropped down on the bed next to the suitcase and thought about what Roy had said. He was Roy's best friend? He’d barely been a friend to him at all. He’d more tolerated Roy than anything. Suddenly, he felt terribly guilty at the way he’d taken Roy for granted. Roy was always there, listening to his problems and watching out for him - truly being a friend. And what had he given Roy in return? Not much, and yet, Roy still thought he was a great friend.

Tommy swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to sound cheery, not an easy prospect in his current state of mind. “Hey, no matter what happens, we’ll stay friends. Got it? You can call me anytime, email me, and even come visit me in California.”

“Really?” Roy still looked miserable, but not so much like he might cry. “I’ve never been to California.”

“You’ll love it. We’ve got great beaches. I can introduce you to my surfer friends. And who knows, maybe I will come back after I have some time to think things over.”

Roy gave him a little smile. “I hope so.”

For the first time since he’d found out that Debby had told Adam the truth about him, Tommy started to think that maybe he would come back. He’d made some great friends there: Megan, Roy, and Anoop. So what if things were over with Adam?

_Adam._

His heart broke all over again as he thought about being there without Adam. How could he go about his daily life - attend classes, eat meals,  _drink coffee_ \- knowing Adam was so close but he couldn’t see him or touch him? That would be the purest form of torture. He’d made the right decision. He had to go home.

“Can I help you pack or something?” Roy asked, startling Tommy out of his reverie. He’d practically forgotten Roy was even there.

“Sure. Thanks.”

 

* * *

His mom arrived next day. She must have broken some kind of land speed record. Tommy hadn’t been expecting her for another few hours considering she was traveling during the brunt of rush hour.

She called as she was pulling into the lot, and knocked on the door a few minutes later. He barely had the door open before she’d enveloped him in a tight hug. He struggled not to break down again. He was starting to get one of those crying headaches. His mom pulled away and held him at arm’s length, looking him over carefully. Her eyes seemed to search his, like she could read his mind. Then she nodded and turned towards Roy who was watching with large eyes. She inspected Roy the same way she had Tommy, then crossed the room and gave him a hug as well. The sight was almost enough to make Tommy laugh. The look on Roy’s face was priceless, but even better was the how small his petite mother looked in Roy’s embrace.

“Roy, this is my mom,” He said as his mom stepped away from a bewildered Roy. “Mom, this is Roy. He’s a good friend.”

“Hello, Roy.” She beamed warmly at him.

Roy looked down on the floor. “Nice to meet you, Ma'am,” he mumbled.

She reached out and touched his hand. “Tommy has told me about you. Thank you for looking out for my son.”

“He’s been a good friend.”

She smiled again. “Good.” She turned to Tommy. “Are you ready? We have a long drive back.”

“You don’t need to rest or anything?” Tommy knew if he’d just driven for that long, he wouldn’t be all that eager to jump back in a car right away.

“Nope, I’m running on a pot of coffee. There’ll be lots of pee breaks. I’m ready if you are.”

Tommy shrugged. “I guess I’m ready then.”

“I’ll help carry your stuff down, Tommy,” Roy offered.

“Thanks, Roy.”  
  
Even with Roy’s help - the boy was like a pack mule, they just kept piling it on him - it took them two trips to load everything into the car. Once the car was packed, Tommy went back inside to say good-bye to Megan, Roy trailing behind him like a lost puppy. She’d gathered the whole group together to send him off. Anoop, Toshi, Lil, and Alex were all there, wearing identical mournful expressions.  
  
“Guys, I’m just going home. This isn’t a funeral,” He joked. Anoop attempted a smile. No one else even bothered.  
  
“Will you be coming back?” Toshi asked. That seemed to be the question of the day. Tommy wished he had an answer.  
  
He shrugged. “We’ll see.”  
  
They all stood awkwardly for a few minutes. He was just hoping no one would start crying.  
  
“Group hug!” Megan suddenly yelled out, and everyone moved together as if that was all they’d been waiting for.  
  
“Tommy? You ready?” His mother stuck her head in the door and broke the moment.  
  
They broke apart and he quickly introduced everyone. They had a quick round of individual hugs and then Tommy and his mom walked out to the car, Roy still straggling along behind him. Tommy had a sudden mental image of Roy chasing the car down the road.  
  
She climbed into the driver’s seat, and Tommy turned to tell Roy good-bye one last time. He let out an “oof” as Roy crushed him against his chest in a bone-jarring bear hug.  
  
“Bye, Tommy,” he rumbled.  
  
Tommy grunted. He would have said more but Roy was squeezing him so hard he was afraid his lungs might collapse. Roy released him and Tommy gasped for air. Once he’d caught his breath, he patted Roy on the arm. “This isn’t good-bye, just see you later.”  
  
“Promise?”  
  
“I promise.”  
  
“I hope you come back, Tommy.”  
  
Roy was once again looking like he might cry so Tommy decided to keep things short and sweet. “We’ll stay in touch either way, Big Guy.”  
  
Roy nodded, and Tommy quickly jumped into the passenger seat. His mom started the car and pulled away. He glanced back, but Roy refrained from chasing them. He just stood there morosely watching them drive away.  
  
“Poor guy,” She said, glancing in the rear-view mirror. “He seems more broken-hearted than you. Do you think he has a crush on you?”  
  
“Mom, Roy is straight. He’s just never had a close friend.”  
  
“Ah. He’s really going to miss you.”  
  
A wave of guilt flowed over him. “I’ll miss him too.” As he said the words, he realized how true they were. He’d grown quite fond of the big lug - not to mention Megan, Anoop, and the rest.  
  
As if she’d read his mind, she turned to him and asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  
  
He hesitated a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. I need to get away to think, even if it just turns out to be for a few days.”  
  
“Right, because I have nothing better to do than drive you back and forth between New York and California.”  
  
He flushed. “I’m sorry, Mom. Thanks for driving all the way up here to get me. I really do appreciate it.”  
  
“I know you do, Kiddo.” She gave him smile. “I’m just giving you a hard time. So how about if you tell me what this is all about anyway? This morning you were insisting all was well.”  
  
“I thought it was. Then all hell broke loose.”  
  
“Tell me about it?”  
  
He turned his face away. “I don’t really feel like talking about it.”  
  
“Come on, spill it. You’ll feel better after you do.”  
  
“Mom...”  
  
“Okay. Later then?”  
  
“Later. I think I’ll just take a nap now. Wake me up if you get tired and I’ll drive a while.”  
  
She nodded, and he leaned his head against the window and shut his eyes. He wasn’t really tired and didn’t expect to fall asleep. He just wanted to avoid talking about Adam with his mother. He was more drained than he’d thought though, and at some point he really fell asleep.  
  
He awoke with a start when they pulled into a rest stop. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. “Where are we?”

“Somewhere in Utah. It’s time for another pee break. You slept through the first one.” 

“You left me in the car alone and asleep?” He was aghast.

She rolled her eyes. “You’re a little too big to kidnap, Tommy. I locked the doors. Now if you’ll excuse me, my bladder is about to burst.” She unbuckled her seat belt and slid out of the car. Tommy realized he had to go too, so he jumped out behind her.

Back in the car, she gave him a look. He knew he couldn’t put her off any longer. With a sigh, he resigned himself to reliving the whole story.

Sure enough, her first words were, “So what happened?”

“I screwed up.”

“Could you be a little more specific?”

“I didn’t tell Adam everything about...about my past. I told him I was an addict, but I left out the part about Jerry Mills.”

Her face darkened. The very mention of his name made her furious - both at him and herself for not intervening sooner. “And he found out somehow?”

“There’s this girl - “

“It’s always a girl,” She muttered under her breath.

“Her name is Debby. I met her before I’d met anybody else at school. She seemed really nice at first, but it didn’t take me long to realize she was only interested in bagging a boyfriend. So I told her I wasn’t interested because I was gay. She didn’t buy it. She freaked out. A few weeks later she saw me at the Coop with Megan and assumed she was my girlfriend. There was a big scene that ended with me saying some pretty nasty things to Debby.”

“So this is a case of a woman scorned?”

“Something like that. After you called this morning, I just had a feeling of dread. I tried to find Adam, but I couldn’t locate him anywhere. Then Roy told me he’d skipped out on his classes, so I went looking for him. I bumped into Debby on campus, although I doubt that was a coincidence. She wanted to gloat about how she’d found out about everything by doing an Internet search. Somehow, she’d found some articles that mentioned my involvement with Jerry. She gave them to Adam.”

“The bitch!”

“Stay in your lane,” He yelled as she started to drift towards a tractor-trailer on their left.

“Sorry. This just gets me so steamed! What did Adam say?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I couldn’t find him anywhere. No one has seen him all day. He’s avoiding me.”

She stared at him in disbelief until Tommy pointed frantically at the road. She was quiet for a few more moments before she let loose on him.

“Are you trying to tell me that I drove all the way up here from California and you don’t even know if he’s upset or not?”

“Mom, wouldn’t you be upset if you just learned that your boyfriend used to be a whore for drugs? And even worse, he kept that from you?”

“Tommy, you can’t project your feelings onto other people. You should have at least talked to him before you ran off.”

He turned towards the window and stared out at the lights of whatever town they were passing. “Maybe I didn’t want to talk to him.”

“Why on earth not?”

“I didn’t want to see the disgust in his eyes.”

“You don’t know that he’s disgusted.”

“I couldn’t stand it, Mom.”

She was quiet for a minute. “You really care about Adam, don’t you?”

“I...” A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. “I think I love him.”

“Then don’t you think you at least owe him the chance to work this out - assuming there even is anything to work out?”

He didn’t answer, but his mind was working overtime. She dropped the subject and they didn’t talk much for the rest of the drive. He dozed a bit, but mostly, he thought about what she’d said. When they got home, he went straight to his bedroom and dropped into bed. Mercifully, sleep claimed him quickly.

 

* * *

“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.” Someone dropped heavily onto the bed next to him.

Tommy blinked awake to find Eric staring down at him with a crooked little half-smile. Tommy frowned. “What are you doing here?” 

His eyebrows rose. “Is that any way to greet your best friend who you haven’t seen for a month?”

Tommy pushed himself into a sitting position and gave Eric a hug. Then he pushed away and studied Eric. “Mom called you, didn’t she?”

He grinned. “Yep. She said she had to go meet with an important client and she wanted someone to be here when you woke up.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “As if I need a babysitter. And, of course, you decided to wake me up.”

“Of course. So what are you doing home? Your mom wouldn’t tell me. She said you could fill me in.”

“Aha! That’s the real reason you woke me up. You just wanted to satisfy your curiosity.”

Eric shrugged, not even bothering to deny it. Like his father, Eric was notoriously inquisitive. “So tell me what happened. Have you been crying? Your eyes are all puffy.”

“I just woke up! Jeez. You really know how to make a boy feel special.”

“Oh, stop fishing for compliments. You know you’re hot as hell, even first thing in the morning when you’ve slept in your clothes. You stink, by the way.” Tommy stuck his tongue out at Eric. He tackled Tommy and started tickling. They wrestled around for a few minutes before Tommy let Eric pin him. “Just tell me what happened, already,” he panted.

Tommy sighed and gave in. They settled in next to each other on the bed, their backs propped up against the headboard and their legs crossed casually over one another’s. Since it had been a while since they’d talked, Tommy had to give Eric more background than his mom had needed. He started all the way back with meeting Adam for the first time and brought Eric up to the present, leaving nothing out. Telling it all took a while, especially since Eric asked so many questions. When he was finished Tommy felt like he needed a nap again. At least he’d gotten through it without crying this time.

Eric stared at him for a few seconds after he’d finished. “So, let me get this straight. You just ran off without even talking to him?”

“Argh!” Tommy shoved him away and crawled to the foot of the bed. “You sound like my mother.”

“Well, I mean, really, Tommy. Don’t you think you owed him that, at least?”

“I don’t know what I owe him. All I know is that I didn’t want to see him look at me with disgust.” Eric opened his mouth, but Tommy rushed on to cut him off before he could say it. “And yes, I know that I don’t know for sure he’d be disgusted, but even if he wasn’t, I kept the truth from him. He probably hates me now. At the very least, it’s probably over between us. Who would want to date someone who used to be a whore? He probably never wants to see me again.” He flopped back onto the bed and stared dejectedly up at the ceiling.

“Why don’t you let him speak for himself? I’ve never heard someone use the word ‘probably’ so many times in one self-pitying speech.”

Tommy sat up and stared at Eric with his mouth agape, feeling like Eric had slapped him.

“Don’t look at me like that. You’re acting like a little kid, running from these boogie monsters that only exist in your head instead of facing your problems head-on like an adult. And your mom is just as bad, rushing up there to rescue you. At least I can understand where she’s coming from. She feels all this guilt over not being there when you needed her so now she’s overcompensating. What’s your excuse?”

Tommy felt his face heating up with anger. “If all you’re going to do is sit there and judge me then you can leave,” he snapped.

“I’m not judging you. I’m trying to help you. I know you’ve been through a lot of shit, and I’m sorry, but you can’t keep using that as an excuse to avoid life. You’ve got to move on and start living, and that means letting someone - maybe Adam - love you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think you’re afraid to let him get close.”

“I am not!”

“Then why did you run away when he wanted to be intimate?”

“I...I didn’t run away.”

“You did. You told me yourself. And then you ran away again at the first sign of trouble, this time away from the whole school - heck, the whole state.”

“I...You don’t understand.”

“Don’t I? Maybe I understand too well. I’ve been there, Tommy. You’re afraid of getting hurt again so you avoid letting people get too close. You’re trying to put everything on Adam, but the truth is you’re using this as an excuse to get away. He was getting too close and you were feeling things for him that scared you. If it wasn’t this, it would have been something else.”

Tommy looked away. “Fine. Maybe you’re right. I am scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared. After all you’ve been through you’d be crazy not to be scared. You just can’t let it control you. Do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life?”

He shook his head no.

“Then sooner or later you’re going to have to take a risk and open up your heart to someone.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Do you love Adam?”

He nodded shakily.

“Say it.”

“Yes,” Tommy whispered.

“ _Say_  it.”

“Yes. I love Adam.”

“Then you have to take that chance. Every relationship is a risk, Tommy. Some work out and some don’t. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but you can’t be paralyzed by the fear of what might happen.”

“But what if …?”

“What if he’s your soul mate and you live happily ever after?”

Tommy thought about what his friend had said for a few minutes while Eric waited patiently. “So you think I should go back and hope he’ll give me another chance?” He asked finally.

“I think you should give your relationship another chance.”

“What if he doesn’t want to give me another chance?”

“Will you quit with the what-ifs already? You’re like Mr. Worst Case Scenario. Try looking on the bright side for a change.”

“I haven’t seen many bright sides in my life. I don’t know if I’d recognize one if it bit me on the ass.”

Eric’s eyes softened. “I know, sweetie. That’s why you have me, to point them out for you so you don’t miss them.”

Tommy gave him a small smile. “You know, you’re right.”

“I usually am,” Eric said with a grin. “What am I right about this time?”

“I was scared to...to be intimate with Adam, but not for the reason you think - or at least not totally.”

Eric looked surprised. “Then why were you scared?”

“Maybe it was partially what you said about not letting him get too close, but it was also because - ” Tommy took a deep breath. “I haven’t been with anyone since Jerry.”

Eric gave him a bewildered look. “I know. So?”

“So? That was two years ago.”

“I’d think that would make you want to do it more.”

“Of course I wanted to. It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just scared.”

“Scared of what, exactly?”

“I haven’t dated anyone since...well...ever really. You were the first guy I ever fell for, and as we both know, nothing came of that except our friendship. When I got into drugs, I had a lot of sex, but it was just physical. None of it meant anything. Then all those things happened with Jerry. After that, I was just concentrating on getting over my addictions. I didn’t feel much like sex. After everything I’ve been through, let’s just say anonymous sex had lost its allure. Since I wasn’t seeing anyone, it wasn’t really an issue until I met Adam. Then when things started happening...” He played with the sheets for a few seconds while Eric waited for him to go on. “I’ve never had sex with someone I genuinely cared about.”

Eric blinked in shock. “Oh wow. Tommy...I didn’t realize...”

“It’s not something you brag about, you know?”

“So, in a way, it’s almost like you’re a virgin too.”

He made a face. “I wish. I’m going into this with a lot of baggage.”

“Who doesn’t have baggage these days?”

“Adam.”

“Don’t you think you might be idealizing Adam a little? He sounds like he’s been through his share of crap, too.”

“Nothing like I have.”

“You can’t compare stuff like that. If he’s willing to take you as you are, with all your baggage, then what are you waiting for?”

“How do I know if he’s willing?”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

“Go back to school.”

“Bingo.”

He sighed. “Fine.”

“You’ll go back?”

“Yes, I’ll go back.”

“And you’ll give what you and Adam have another shot?”

He hesitated. “I’ll do my best.”

Eric pulled Tommy against him in a tight hug. “That’s all anyone can expect,” he whispered, then released Tommy. “It won’t be easy, but I know you can do it.”

“I wish I was as confident.”

“You - ” The doorbell cut him off.

Tommy looked down at his rumpled clothes. “Ugh. I’m not fit for public view. Can you get that? I’m going to take a shower.”

“Sure. No problem.”

 

Tommy scuttled into the bathroom, shut the door, then yanked it back open for one last instruction. “Oh, and if it’s for me, I’m not home.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Adam**

He stepped from the elevator to find Jen still at the RA’s desk. She fixed him with a steady gaze as he approached. The lobby was fairly quiet. Noise came only from a small TV mounted on the wall, probably installed to keep the RA’s from slipping into a coma. He stopped a foot short of her desk, meeting her gaze measure for measure.

“I have to speak to Megan.”

“Oh?” She quirked an eyebrow and gazed at him placidly.

“I know it’s late, but it’s an emergency.”

“What’s going on? Nobody called to complain, but you’re lucky I recognized you. Someone else might have called campus police. Might have thought you were on drugs or something.”

“Tommy’s gone.”

“What do you mean?”

“He went home, he left. I have to see him. Megan can help. I need to see him. I have to speak to Megan.” He tried to make his eyes as large and pitiable as he possibly could, willing her to feel for him.

“If she gets pissed, I’m beating your gorgeous ass,” Jen muttered and gave him quick directions to Megan’s room. Adam walked in, the lights of the dormitory glaring off the white, institutional tiles. At last he slowed to a door with the low buzz of voices humming on the other side. He knocked, and the voices stopped. When the door opened he was face to face with an obviously aggravated Megan.

“Adam?” Megan said as she recognized him.

“I need to know where Tommy is. I have to see him.” His voice held almost no inflection at all.

"Where've you been?!" Megan demanded, an angry edge to her voice.

“Where’ve I been? What’re you talking about?”

"We've been looking all over for you, and now you show up when it's too late."

"I was at the hospital. What am I too late for? Where is Tommy?" At this point she was starting to piss him off, and Adam wondered if going there had been the smartest thing to do.

"He went home."

Adam stared at her for a moment, unable to speak.  _He went home?_  "He just packed up and left me?"

"He thought you were avoiding him because you didn't want to be with him anymore."

"He what? That's stupid! Who told him that? Why would he...?" He trailed off as he realized what might make Tommy think such a thing. But that wasn't fair! Tommy didn't even talk to him!

"Debby told him that she'd told you everything. He panicked and went looking for you. When he couldn't find you, he decided to leave. His mom came and got him. Wait...why were you in the hospital?"

"Debby...? I wasn't there for me. I had to ride with Max in the ambulance - she got knocked up."

"Who's Max? No, never mind. That's not important. So you weren't avoiding Tommy, and you don't want to break up with him?"

"No, I don't want to break up with him, not that I should have to defend myself to you. I came here to find him, not play twenty questions!" He snapped. He would go to Brad, he decided, and get him to help.

"Wait! Adam!" she called, grabbing him by the arm. Her expression was remorseful. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to grill you. It's just that I was so angry - and not just at you. At Tommy for leaving, and Debby for being an interfering bitch...and you because I thought you'd hurt Tommy. If you really don't want to break up with Tommy - "

"I don't!"

"Good, then maybe we can help. Come on in." Megan placed a long arm on his shoulder and pulled Adam into the room. There was a small audience in the room. There was no way they hadn’t heard their exchange in the doorway. The Asian boy looked familiar, and Adam recognized Megan’s boyfriend, Anoop, but other than that, it was a group of strangers.

"Okay," Megan announced, taking charge. "Tommy has created a mess and it's up to us to sort it out. Adam, what can we do to help?"

“I need to know how to find him.”

“What would you do if you did find him?”

Adam thought for a moment, what would he do? A sudden anger welled up inside him, anger that threatened to blind all his thoughts save one. “I’d kick his ass for running away.”

Megan seemed to think on that for a moment before replying. “He might need that, but maybe I should reword my question. Why should I tell you where he lives?”

“Because he just left!” Adam stood up and began to walk unsteadily in circles. “He didn’t talk to me - he didn’t even give me a chance to deal with it. He didn’t even let me tell him that…that I love him.” He slowly sank to his knees, wracked with anger and losing hold of his emotions. He had taken hold of them firmly before speaking to Jen, only because she probably wouldn’t have helped him if he was raving at her. Now he felt that control slipping away.

Hands rubbed across his back, and he slowly lifted his tear-filled eyes as Megan whispered softly to him.

“Now that’s a good reason for me to break the rules. Now we need flesh out a plan. I can get the address from my friend, Diana, but there is the little problem of getting you to California. Problem is that Lisa, one of the other RA’s, went home for a family emergency so I can’t go with you. Anoop has a car, sort of, but it wouldn’t make it all the way to California. Sometimes I don’t think it’ll make it to the grocery store.”

The Asian guy raised his hand, looking guilty. "I, um, have a car - "

"Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars. You broke the rules?" A pretty girl said, giving the Asian guy a sly smile.

"Cool man, Toshi, the Vanquisher of Rules," a fellow leaning against the wall said. His eyes were all red and he looked like he wasn't entirely there. Adam assumed Toshi must be the Asian guy. Toshi blushed as Megan walked toward him, smiling.

"Toshi, if you want to help this little love affair along, I can forget you said that."

"Not that I don't want to help, but can't you just ask?"

"Toshi, can we borrow your car to get Adam and Tommy back together?" Megan asked sweetly.

“Only if I get invited to the wedding.”

Megan looked at Adam, and he nodded dumbly, finally breaking into a hopeful smile. Maybe he could get Tommy back.

"Now all we need is a driver. Any volunteers?" The room broke into a cacophony of sounds, but in the end it all boiled down to one thing: No. There were tests, projects, work, and just plain fear of being near an emotionally distraught couple. Adam had only one hope left.

* * *

  


“Adam, I know we’re in college, and we’re normally up late, but it’s two in the morning. What can’t wait until tomorrow?”

“Tommy. Me. I can’t wait.” His words jumbled together as his thoughts collided in his brain, thoroughly confusing his mouth.

“What?”

“Tommy left.”

“You better come in. I’ll make some coffee.”

Adam fidgeted in Brad’s apartment while he brewed something to make him coherent enough to deal with Adam. Brad placed a mug in front of Adam, along with cream and sugar.

“Now, where is Tommy, and why is he there?”

“Tommy - ” Adam was now confronted with what to say to Brad. Brad was closer to him than he was to Tommy. How would Tommy feel about Brad knowing? Adam shifted in his seat.

“Adam, look, I love you and all, but you’re pushing it.”

“He went home because - there’s been a misunderstanding, and he thinks I don’t want to be with him. I can’t tell you what happened. It’s private and that’s Tommy’s business. I need to go after him.”

“So, why are you going there if he ran away? Doesn’t seem real mature, Adam.”

“You know why, Brad.”

“I think I do, but I also want to hear you say it. Just once.”

Adam smiled at Brad, who had become such a close and trusted friend. “Because I love him, Brad. A whole lot.”

“Atta boy, Adam. What do you need me for then?”

“You have to drive with me to California.”

“Excuse you?”

“California. Toshi offered his car, Megan masterminded it, but no one can go. I need you, Brad. I can’t drive all that way myself.”

“Why?” Brad looked to the ceiling. “Why are all my friends crazy? Why can’t they be normal? Why can’t they live closer when they run home?”

"Is that a yes?”

“Go get ready. I need a LOT of coffee if we are going all the way to California. I'll come get you when I'm ready.”

Adam headed back to his room and called Megan to let her know Brad would do it. He climbed into the shower and thought about Tommy, alternating between the desire to kick his ass all the way back to campus and the desire to hold him until the hurt stopped. Definitely a lot of holding, Adam would tell him how he really felt. He'd tell Tommy that he was there to stay, no matter what happened in his past.

But first, the ass whipping of a lifetime.

He got dressed and sat on the couch, sure that he would go mad waiting for Brad. He wondered what Tommy was feeling? Did he feel the same aching loneliness that Adam felt, fear that this might be the end for them? That was a possibility. Tommy might reject him when he got there. He sat up straight in his seat. This thought had never occurred to him before.

What if Tommy didn’t want to try and work it out? Is that why he ran? Was he too afraid to even confront it? Would he even see Adam? He could have avoided Adam or broken it off there if he wanted to do that, though. What was in California? Well, his Mom, but Adam didn't think most guys go to their mom with boy trouble. He went to his mom, himself, but they had a really close relationship. Tommy seemed to love his mom, but he didn’t indicate they talked about stuff.

With a sudden sick lurch, one thought came to mind: Eric. His best friend, the guy he had a crush on, his first love. He ran to something safe, someone he knew he wouldn’t have to explain anything to.

Adam leaned back on the couch, feeling mental and physical exhaustion overtaking his body. He dreamed of Tommy.

* * *

  


“Please, be really careful, ok? I know it’s not a Cadillac or anything, but I can’t replace it. Okay?” Toshi had a worried edge to his voice.

“I’ll be careful, I promise,” Brad grumbled for what seemed like the thousandth time.

“Okay, so you got the directions from the internet. You have sandwiches and sodas that Alex and Lil made for you. Do you need anything else? Am I forgetting anything? Oh, wait, yes I am.” Megan reached into her backpack as they all stood next to Toshi’s middle-aged Mazda.

“I have no idea why Anoop has this. His car couldn’t break the speed of smell.” She handed Brad a radar detector. “Put it next to you, right on the dash. If you should get pulled over throw it under the seat or something.” She noticed Toshi’s pained expression before adding, “Not that you’ll need it since you’ll be doing the speed limit the whole way.”

Finally, they were off, with one stop at the ATM for the tolls. They got on the highway and headed west for California.

“How long is this trip supposed to take anyways?” Brad asked.

“According to the directions Megan found…forty-three hours.”

“Forty-Three! Forty-Three hours!? I gotta spend forty-three hours with you in the car?”

“Yep.”

“No way! You never said it was going to take this long.”

“Are you going to bitch the whole way?”

“You’re damn right I am! Who in their right mind is going to drive almost forty-three hours to see someone in  _California_?”

“Well, if it’s a good someone - ”

“I don’t care if it’s the fucking Queen of England wanting high tea! California?”

“Look, you got coffee, there’s food, and we have drinks! Why are you fighting with me  _now_?”

“What else are we going to do for forty-three hours?” He smirked.

“We could sing show tunes?”

“Oh, no, no way. If you want to be a big old gay stereotype, you can just swish there all by yourself.”

“Well, I  _did_  bring some music with me.”

“Adam.”

“What?”

“Don’t make me turn this car around.”

“Then will you quit bitching and let me think for a little bit?”

“No fucking way.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll wonder what Tommy is doing, then you’ll pout, and then you’ll cry, and then  _I’ll_  feel bad and be forced to console you, and I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I have to drive!”

“Well, do you think I’m doing the right thing?”

“Oh, that’s great. That’s just great, Adam.”

“What now?” He sighed in frustration.

“I thought we were friends. I thought you liked me. You wait until we are already on the road to ask what  _I_  think?”

Adam was in shock. He had totally done that. He didn’t even ask him what he thought before getting him in the car. But Brad came anyway.

“I’m sorry.”

“Adam, I’m kidding.”

“Now I feel like a bad friend.”

“Adam, don’t start.”

“No, I mean it.”

“God, I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t  _wait_  to get to California!”

“Why?”

“So I can give you to Tommy and get some damn peace!”

“Thanks, Brad, I needed the distraction. I don’t know what to do when I get there, and I had some pretty bad…ideas about why he went home.”

“Adam, you need to trust in what your heart tells you. I know Tommy is the guy for you. I don’t know why he ran away, but he must have had a reason. I can only think he’d feel so good that you came and got him. But Adam, you can’t always do that. Tommy needs to deal with whatever this is or you’ll be chasing him your whole life.”

“You go from bitchy to nice in under ten seconds?”

“Maybe I didn’t tell you I’m versatile?”

“I don’t want to know.”

“Steve says - ”

“I don’t want to know!”

“Adam, I thought you loved me, dude.”

Adam opened and closed his mouth several times before finally falling back on an old standby. He stuck his tongue out at Brad.

They stopped a couple of times, and Brad ogled guys openly. Adam felt so embarrassed. He practically ran back to the car while Brad sauntered in bright daylight, large as life and twice as queer.

“Why did you do that?” Adam hissed at him once his door closed.

“Hey, if they didn’t want to be looked at, they wouldn’t dress like that.”

Adam pretended to drift off to sleep, but it wasn’t until then that he realized the truth of Brad’s statement earlier. Without Brad's distracting chatter, he was dwelling on Tommy. That meant dwelling on why Tommy was home. That meant, had he gone back to Eric?

***

  


At last, they parked in front of Tommy's house. Adam's palms were sweating. He steeled himself and walked resolutely up the walk. Tommy was in there, and he was getting that ass whipping and hug that he so richly deserved. Adam grabbed the brass knocker on the front door and knocked before he lost his nerve. The sound echoed through the house, almost as if it were empty. He knocked again, impatiently.

If Tommy thought he’s hiding from him after he sat forty three hours in the car with Brad Bell, he had another thing coming. He backed up and yelled at the house.

“Tommy Joe Ratliff, you open this door! I am  _not_  going home without speaking to you! Don’t ignore me, I know you’re here!” He stood staring at the house defiantly, daring Tommy to remain mute while he raged on the front lawn.

“Hey, Einstein, he’s not there.” Brad called out from the car.

“How do you know that?” Adam asked, frustration clear in his voice.

“Because his house number is 972. You’re at 973. Didn’t you read the directions?” Adam glared at him malevolently while Brad sniggered. He should have driven himself.

Adam marched across the street, after a moment of looking around in confusion for the right house number. It was a modest house, with lots of flowers in the front yard and a small wooden trellis with ivy at the end of the sidewalk. He strode to the front door, rang the doorbell, and waited, shifting from foot to foot. He glanced at Brad who was leaning casually on the hood of the car, a smug look on his face. What he had to be pleased about, Adam would never know.

The door opened, and Adam turned back to address either Tommy or his mom, but instead he was shocked into silence. Standing in the doorway with an inquisitive expression was an attractive guy standing about Adam's height with blond hair and beautiful green eyes. Adam's worst fear had come true, for that could be none other than Eric at the door. Adam felt his heart shrink in his chest.

The guy was beautiful. No wonder Tommy had run back to him. Who wouldn’t? His green eyes contrasted with his skin, a light golden brown from a fading summer tan.

“Can I help you?” he asked with an amused look.

“No,” Adam swallowed hard. “I guess not.” He turned and headed back for the car.

“Oh, no, you don’t!” Brad yelled at him. Adam glared at Brad as he headed for the car.

“Adam?”

Adam stopped and looked back over his shoulder with surprise.

“You are Adam, right?”

Adam looked at him with curiosity. The guy smiled, a warm smile, an inviting smile.

“You look just like Tommy described you. He was pretty descriptive, not to mention accurate. I hope you aren’t leaving already?”

“I-I came for Tommy.”

“Good. Somebody needs to.”

“But I thought - He came back to - You aren’t?” Adam had trouble forming the words. No problem with nasty thoughts, but words, now that was different. Saying them out loud gave them meaning, truth - power even.

“Aren’t what?” he asked curiously.

“You’re Eric, aren’t you?”

“Yes, that’s me. Tommy mentioned me, huh?” That smile again.

“He said you were his first love. I thought he...came back to you.”

“Oh, no, you’ve got the wrong - ”

“Hi! I’m Brad, Adam’s friend.” Brad was suddenly in front of Adam, extending his hand to shake Eric’s. For his part, Eric extended a bemused hand toward the hyper Brad.

“Brad,” Adam said in a tone of warning.

“Boy, what a drive! We’re worn out, aren’t we, Adam? Are those contacts, ‘cause they’re a real cool shade of green.”

“Brad!” Adam barked at him. Brad jumped and turned to him with a guilty look. “I’ll meet you in the car.”

“But it’s hot and - ”

“Brad, get-in-the-car.”

“Fine, don’t get your panties in a wad.” He turned back to Eric as he walked away. “Well, it was nice to have met you. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime?”

“Brad!”

“Okay, I’m going. You know you’re a lot grouchier without Tommy.”

He turned and faced Eric again. “Sorry about him.” Adam muttered.

“It’s okay. Why don’t you come in?”

Adam stepped into the small house. The living room was strategically arranged to provide the most space, though it was cluttered - not dirty, but cluttered. Eric waved him to a chair as he took a seat on the couch across from Adam.

"Just to clear things up, there's nothing between Tommy and me. There almost was once, but that was a long time ago. We're just friends now."

“When he talks about you, it sounds like he’s still in love.” Adam's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I'm sure he does love me - and I love him - but we're not in love. There's a big difference. I'm pretty sure someone else has the market cornered where his heart is concerned." He gave Adam a warm smile.

“Is he - is Tommy all right?”

“I think he’ll live, especially now that you’re here.”

“I need to see him.”

“I know.” Eric cocked his head to one side as a door opened down the hall, and then another opened and closed. Eric fixed him in his green eyes, and Adam felt comforted by his gaze. “He’s just getting out of the shower. His bedroom is the last door on the left. Why don’t you go see how he is for yourself. It’s why you came here, right?”

Adam stood slowly, on legs that were not as strong as they had been walking up to the front door. As he walked down the hall, the scene took on a surreal quality for him. Bits of steam wafted from the bathroom door, and the scent of a just finished shower clung in the air as he passed. When he reached the last door, there were no stars with the names _Tommy Joe_ and _Randall_ written on them. It was just a plain wooden door, identical to the rest of the doors in the hallway.

He reached for the well-used handle, and then stopped. Should he knock? Would Tommy be mad if he barged in? Fearing he’d die of indecision, he turned the knob and opened the door.

“Who was it?” Tommy asked. He was standing in his boxer briefs, a tee shirt over his head as he hadn’t finished dressing. Tommy had his back turned to him, and Adam's heart broke all over again for the indignities Tommy’d suffered, and to those he inflicted upon himself. Tommy wasn’t close enough to touch, but he was close enough to bring Adam to the brink of tears.

“It was me,” he said softly. Tommy’s head popped through the top of the shirt suddenly as he spun around.

“Adam?”

“Yeah. Surprise.” Adam gave him a wan smile and tucked his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He wanted to speak. He had so much to say. But all his words, his recriminations, his heartfelt words of love failed him. The truth was he basked in Tommy's presence. He felt more at peace in that uneasy situation than he had since he found out about Tommy's past.

“I’m - How did you…? ”

“Megan. She, uh, helped. Brad too. He’s in the car.”

“You drove all the way down here? I guess you must have something you need to say.” Tommy's eyes broke away from Adam's and looked down on his bed. His arms dangled at his sides, his left hand toying with the end of his shirt nervously.

“I have a lot to say. I have a lot I need to say.” Adam chewed on his lower lip. “There’s questions I have, things I need to hear.”

“What things?” Tommy said so softly Adam almost imagined he hadn’t spoken. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

“I’m hurt, Tommy. You hurt me.”

“Adam, I couldn’t tell you. I just couldn’t.” Tommy’s chest began to heave, small tremors that were the prelude to a coming storm.

“Tommy,” Adam stepped away from the door and towards Tommy. He crossed the space between them and took Tommy's right hand in his own. His heart beat faster just at the touch of Tommy's hand, and he felt encouraged when Tommy gripped his. He stroked the back of Tommy's hand with his thumb. “I’m hurt you didn’t give me a chance. You didn’t even talk to me.”

Tears fell from Tommy's eyes, shimmering pools that overflowed with emotions. "I was so afraid... I couldn't take it if you looked at me with disgust. I wouldn't blame you, but I couldn't take it either." Tommy sniffed loudly as large tears rolled down his face. Adam ran a finger across his cheeks, wiping his tears away.

“I told you I wouldn’t hurt you. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me. When I found out you were gone, the only thing I wanted to do was beat your ass.”

Tommy barked a laugh between his tears, a rough sound.

“Tommy, I was horrified at what I found out. I admit that.” Tommy’s hand pulled away from Adam's as he wrapped himself up in his arms.

“You don’t want me anymore, do you? Why’d you drive all this way just to break up with me?”

“Tommy, let me finish,” Adam replied as calmly as he could. He pried one of Tommy's hands back into his own and stared at Tommy's beautiful eyes until he stopped, dropping his gaze.

“I was horrified that someone could see you for so much less than you really are. I was horrified that they could only appreciate your beautiful body and not care about your equally beautiful soul. I was hurting, but I was also jealous.”

“Jealous of what?”

“That people touched you without caring, and I couldn’t touch you in love.”

“But - what about…?”

“Nothing else matters to me, Tommy. You aren’t who you were.” Adam took Tommy's other hand, and drew them both to his chest. “I’m here to get you back, Tommy. I drove all this way to tell you I love you. I want to go on loving you, but I need you to be with me now. Here and now.”

“You...you love me?”


	19. Chapter 19

**Tommy**

_He loves me._

His head was spinning. He still hadn’t quite caught up, everything had happened so quickly. He came out of the shower and Adam showed up in his bedroom to tell him he loved him. Adam had driven all the way down there from New York to tell Tommy that. Adam didn’t hate him. Adam wasn’t disgusted. Adam loved him.

_Adam Lambert loves me._

He snapped back to reality to find Adam watching him expectantly, hopefully. It was his turn. “I...I love you, too.”

A huge grin spread across Adam’s face. Tommy couldn’t believe this was really happening. He expected to wake up and discover it was all a dream. Adam drew him into a tight hug, and Tommy never wanted him to let go. He wrapped his arms around Adam and held him just as tightly. He hadn’t dared allow himself to believe this could happen. Now that it had, he was afraid to trust it. The other shoe had to drop eventually.

Adam pulled back slightly to see Tommy better, his eyes serious. “So,” he said softly. “I guess that means we’re in love with each other.” He stopped and waited for a response. Tommy nodded slowly, unsure of where Adam was taking this. “So that means that from now on we have to be completely honest with each other. No more secrets, no more running away instead of talking, no more making decisions without the other person being involved. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Good.” Adam stepped back, then suddenly punched him in the arm. Tommy stumbled back and grabbed his arm in shocked disbelief.

“What was that for?”

“That was for leaving without talking to me and making me drive forty-three hours trapped in a car with Brad.” He moved closer to Tommy and trailed a finger down Tommy's cheek. “And this is for being you, and making my life so much better just by being a part of it.” He leaned in and softly pressed his lips against Tommy's.

At first, Tommy was too shocked by the punch to respond, but once Adam's words registered, he quickly melted into Adam's embrace, and soon they were kissing like they’d never stop. As they made out, Adam slowly pushed Tommy back until Tommy felt the bed behind his knees. Adam pushed him down, their lips never losing contact, and lowered himself onto Tommy. His hands slid under Tommy's shirt, grazing gently across his skin and causing chills to ripple through his body. Tommy hadn’t felt like that in a long time. His mind flashed to the last person who had touched him like this and he almost panicked. He tried desperately to steer his mind away from those thoughts and focus solely on the man he loved, who was currently trailing his finger lightly around his nipple.

Adam broke their kiss long enough to murmur, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

His hand brushed across Tommy's stomach and slid under the waistband of his boxers. Tommy sat up so abruptly he almost knocked Adam off the bed. He pushed himself up the bed until his back hit the headboard, and drew his knees to his chest. Adam stared at him as if he’d lost his mind.

“Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?” Concern and confusion filled his expression.

Tommy shook his head no.

“Then what is it? Why won’t you let me touch you? Is it because I don’t know what I’m doing?”

“It’s not that. Adam, please believe me. I do want to be with you.”

“Then be with me. Stop pulling away.” Adam slowly inched towards Tommy, as if he was afraid to make any sudden moves.

“It’s just...I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I-” Tommy stopped and took a deep breath. No more secrets. Total honesty. “I’ve never been with someone I loved. All my memories of sex are with people who didn’t really care about me. They were just using me. Whenever we start...getting intimate, all those negative feelings start up and it scares me. I don’t want to have those feelings with you. It makes what we’re doing feel...soiled, somehow.” He looked away, unable to look Adam in the face as he admitted this.

By now, Adam had reached his side, where he propped himself on his elbow. He reached over, gently turned Tommy's face back towards him, and looked deeply into Tommy's eyes. “Then don’t you think it’s time you started replacing those bad memories with some good ones?”

“I want to, but-”

“I’m not all those other guys, Tommy. I’m Adam. I love you. If we’re going to be a couple, then you can’t live in your past. You have to let go, forgive yourself, and move on - hopefully with me.”

Tommy knew Adam was right. More than anything, he just wanted Adam take him in his arms and pick up where they’d left off, but he was still scared.

Seeing Tommy's indecision, Adam gave him a warm smile. “Hey, we’re both virgins in a way. You’ve never done it with someone you care about, and I’ve never done it at all, so it’s a first for both of us. We’ll be going through it together.” Tommy relaxed a little, stretching his legs out. Adam snuggled in next to him and laid his head on Tommy's chest. “We don’t even have to do anything if you don’t want. I’m just happy being close to you.”

“I do want to,” Tommy whispered. Adam looked up at him, and Tommy kissed him softly on the lips. “Maybe if we just take things slowly, that might help.”

Adam nodded. “Slow works.” They kissed again, deeper this time. Adam pulled away and a mischievous smile lit up his face making Tommy's heart skip a beat. “So how slow is slow? And where do we start?”

Tommy laughed. “We start here, just like we are now. I don’t know where we go from there. I guess maybe we should just take it one thing at a time. You know, work our way up.”

Adam giggled. “You know, I’ve never done anything before. You have a lot to teach me, and I intend to be a very attentive student.” He rolled on top of Tommy and brushed his lips with Tommy's. “Let’s start with my first lesson.”

“What would your first lesson be?”

Adam though a minute, then said, “Kissing.”

“Oh, trust me, you’ve mastered that.” A whole swarm of butterflies fluttered in Tommy's stomach, but it was time to start replacing the old memories with new. “I think you’re ready for the next level.”

“You think?” Tommy nodded, trying to hide how nervous he was. Adam gave him a trusting smile and rubbed his nose against Tommy's. “Then if my teacher is ready, let the class begin.”

Tommy quickly realized that this whole business of making new memories could turn out to be a lot of fun.

 

* * *

  
After the lesson - which Adam passed with flying colors - they talked for a while. Adam told him everything that had happened with Debby, about his trip to the hospital with Max, and then coming back to discover he had left. Then Tommy told him about his mom’s phone call, running into Debby, and his panicked search for Adam. Eventually, they talked themselves out and Adam suddenly remembered that he’d left Brad in the car. They rushed out of Tommy's bedroom to find Eric had taken the situation in hand, and he and Brad were in the living room having a lively discussion about their favorite gay movie. Eric was arguing for  _Beautiful Thing_  while Brad advocated  _The Broken Hearts Club_.

“It’s the gay  _Steel Magnolias_ ,” Brad was insisting as they walked into the room. He broke off and looked them over with a smug smile. “It’s about damn time,” he said with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows. Tommy tried to stop the blush he felt creeping up his cheeks, but it was hopeless. Tommy was at least comforted to see that Adam was red too. Eric just gave him a wink.

“Thanks for driving Adam down here,” he said to Brad.

“Yeah, yeah. You both owe me big time. Now, since you guys have obviously worked everything out, when do we head back?”

“Head back?” Adam asked. “Already?” He slipped his hand possessively into Tommy's. “But we just got here.”

“We have classes, Adam.”

“That’s a lot of driving,” Eric chipped in. Tommy gave him a grateful look.

“Why don’t you guys spend the night and head back in the morning?” Tommy suggested. “I mean, are any of your classes something you can’t miss?”

He shrugged. “I guess I can miss them, but where are we going to stay. Here?”

“Uh, no offense or anything,” Adam inserted, “but I don’t know if I’m ready to meet your mom.”

“You can stay at the bed and breakfast my mom runs,” Eric offered. “I’m sure she won’t mind letting you guys have a room. They’re not booked right now.”

“Are you sure?” Tommy asked. “I hate to impose.”

Eric waved away his concern. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Let me call and check.” He pulled out his cell phone and walked into the kitchen to talk.

“So when do you think you’ll be back at school?” Brad asked Tommy.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. As soon as possible I guess.”

“You want to drive back with us tomorrow?”

Adam gave him puppy dog eyes and Tommy giggled. “I’ll have to talk to Mom first, but maybe.”

“And maybe you can stay with us tonight?” Adam added hopefully.

“Hey now, don’t forget we’re sharing a room,” Brad quickly jumped in.

Adam rolled his eyes. “I think we can behave for one night, Brad.”

Brad leered at them. “I didn’t say anything about behaving. Just be sure I’m included.”

“Hey! You have Steve.”

Brad pretended to pout. “Doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun now and then.”

“It does to me,” Adam said with finality.

“Every couple is different, you know. Everyone has to decide for themselves what they’re comfortable with.”

“So you and Steve have an open relationship?” Tommy asked, curious.

Brad shrugged. “I wouldn’t say open, maybe just semi-open.”

“What does that mean?” Adam asked, but before Brad could answer, Eric rejoined them.

“She said any friends of Tommy’s are more than welcome, and if you want separate rooms, it’s not a problem. This isn’t a busy time of year.”

“We want separate rooms,” Adam said quickly, then added to Tommy, “You will stay with me tonight, right?”

“We’ll see. I need to talk to Mom about all this before I start making plans.”

He nodded, trying to hide a pout. “I understand.”

Tommy sighed. It was obvious Adam didn’t understand.

Brad stood up. “So, are we ready then?”

Adam looked to Tommy. “I guess so,” Tommy said. “Let me leave a note for Mom and I’ll drive over with you - that is, if Eric can bring me back later.” Eric nodded, and Tommy scribbled a few quick lines to his mom, then they filed out of the house.

“Whose car did you bring?” Tommy asked when he saw the older-model Mazda Brad was headed for.

“Toshi’s,” Adam said.

“Toshi has a car? But he’s a freshman!”

“Shh!” Adam giggled.

“You guys can just follow me,” Eric said.

Adam and Tommy tumbled into the back seat of the car, still giggling and holding hands. “Why do I feel like a chauffeur on prom night?” Brad grumbled as he slid behind the wheel.

“Home, Jeeves,” Adam snorted.

“I could make you walk, you know.” He followed Eric’s car as they drove into the country. Adam and Tommy were busy staring into each other’s eyes, but after a few minutes, Brad interrupted. “So what are you doing around here for fun?”

“Not much, really. Mainly going to the beach”

Brad’s eyes lit up. “Beach? Maybe we should stay an extra day or two.”

“I thought you were worried about classes,” Adam said. “Besides, isn’t it a little chilly for the beach?”

“I guess,” Brad conceded with a sigh.

“You can come back this summer,” Tommy suggested.

“Me too?” Adam asked.

“You’d better.” Tommy leaned over and kissed him.

“Hey! There’ll be none of that in my car,” Brad yelled.

“It’s not your car,” Adam reminded him.

“Don’t make me pull this car over!”

They all busted up laughing. A few minutes later, they arrived at the bed and breakfast. They followed Eric inside, where they found Eric's mom, a tall, dark-haired woman in her mid-forties, talking to an older man with a large hooked nose. When she noticed them, she said something to him and quickly walked towards them. The man stared after her for a second, then went up the stairs.

“Thanks, guys,” She said after glancing over her shoulder to make sure he was gone. “You saved my butt. All he’s done is complain since he got here.” She rolled her eyes and they chuckled. “Hi, Tommy. It’s good to see you.”

“Hi, Martha. This is my friend, Brad and my boyfriend, Adam.” Adam blushed at his introduction, but shook Martha’s hand with a proud smile.

They made small talk for a few more minutes, then she showed them up to the rooms. Brad’s room was decorated in dark blues with cream highlights and antique golden oak furniture; Adam’s room was layered in rich burgundy velvet with complimentary walnut furnishings. Adam’s eyes grew wide as he took in his room and she smiled at his reaction.

“Are all the rooms this nice?” Adam asked in awe.

“I like to think so. We tried to make them all special.”

“You succeeded with this room anyway.”

“At least someone is satisfied.” She laughed and left them alone in the room. Brad went back to his room, and soon after Eric excused himself, saying he was going to make sure Brad didn’t need anything, but it was obvious he was just trying to give Adam and Tommy time alone. Not that they minded.

Adam wrapped his arms around Tommy in a hug as soon as they were alone. “You have to stay here with me tonight,” he said, his voice muffled by Tommy's hair. “Look how big that bed is.”

Tommy laughed and squeezed him tight. “I’ll do my best.”

“No, you have to stay here. This old place is probably haunted.”

“There _is_ a famous story about that.”

Adam pulled away and gave Tommy a wary look, as if he wasn’t sure Tommy was kidding him or not. “Are you joking?”

“Nope.”

“Okay. That settles it. You’re spending the night.” He pulled Tommy close again and held on as if he had no plans to let go again.

“I can tell you the whole story if you want.”

“Not now. Maybe later tonight, after we’re settled in bed, under the covers.”

Tommy laughed again. “You’re so cute.”

“Yeah, yeah. You won’t think I’m so cute if I have to hit you again.”

“Hey, that hurt!” Tommy stepped away and pretended to pout.

“Good, it was supposed to. Just be glad I didn’t kick your ass like I’d planned.”

“Oh, you think you could kick my ass, huh?” Tommy teased.

“As mad as I was earlier, I know I could have.”

“Oh really?”

Adam leaped forward and grabbed Tommy around the waist, hoisting him into the air over his shoulder. Tommy squealed and beat his fists against Adam's back between giggles.

Someone knocked at the door and they froze. Adam quickly set Tommy down on his feet and pulled open the door to find a frowning Brad.

“I hope you two won’t be that noisy all night,” he said, then broke into a wide grin. “‘Cause if you are I might come a-knocking again.”

“Try earplugs,” Tommy said dryly as he walked over and shut the door in his face, then collapsed into a fit of giggles. There was another knock on the door. “Don’t answer it,” he gasped. “It’s probably just Brad again.”

Adam opened the door anyway and found Eric this time. “Hey, I hate to rush you, but I just got a call from my boss. Is it okay if I drive you home now?”

Out of the corner of his eye Tommy saw Adam’s face fall. “Yeah, sure,” he said to Eric, then turned to Adam. “I’ll be back after I talk to Mom.”

“Promise?” he asked plaintively.

“Promise.” Tommy gave Adam a quick kiss, hoping he would be able to keep that promise. Then he followed Eric downstairs and out to his car.

“You guys seem to have worked out your problems pretty quickly,” he said as Tommy buckled his seatbelt.

He shrugged. “I’m sure we still have a lot to work out, but we’re making progress.” Tommy felt a smile spread across his face. “I can’t even begin to tell you how great it feels not to have any secrets between us now. He knows everything about me and he  _still_ loves me.”

Eric laughed. “Of course he does. You’re quite loveable.”

Tommy's grin grew even wider. “As long as he thinks so, that’s all that matters. I still can’t believe he came all the way down here after me.”

“That’s so romantic. Of course, it would have been easier on Brad and your Mom if you could have just waited to talk to him before you ran off.”

Tommy's grin faded as he thought about his mom. Would she be mad or relieved that he wanted to go back to school already?

Eric glanced over at him. “What are you thinking about?”

“Mom.”

“What about her?”

“What if she’s pissed that I want to go back with Brad and Adam tomorrow?”

“Pissed that you’ve decided to go back to college and you’re sparing her a forty-three hour drive? I think she’ll be thrilled.”

“Yeah, but she did just drive all the way up there to get me then all the way home.”

“True. I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Soon, they arrived back at Tommy's house, where his mom’s car sat in the driveway.

Eric turned to him and caught his wrist as Tommy moved to open the door. “Tommy, one more thing. Obviously I don’t know Adam very well, but it’s equally obvious that you guys really love each other. Do yourself a favor and stop living behind a mask.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been hurt so many times that you’ve been afraid to let him see the real you. You’ve worn a mask, but you’ve taken it off for now. Just be sure you don’t slip back into it. isn't love supposed to make us shed our masks after all?" 

Tommy smiled and leaned forward to give Eric a hug. “Don’t worry. That mask was broken into a million pieces. It’s never going back on.” He sat back. “Thanks for always being there for me. I feel like I owe you so much.”

“You don’t owe me anything. Just...be happy with Adam.”

“I plan on it.”

They hugged once more, then Tommy got out of the car. He turned, blew Eric a kiss, and shut the door. It was time to face his mother. “Wish me luck,” he mumbled under his breath as he stalked towards the door.

“Mom?” He called as he stepped inside.

“I’m in the kitchen,” she replied.

He walked into the kitchen and was surprised to find his mom sweating over the stove. She was a good cook when she got around to it, which wasn’t often. “Hey. What’re you making?”

She looked up and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, leaving a smudge of tomato sauce. “Stuffed peppers. Will Adam and his friend be joining us for dinner?”

“Um, no. They’re at the B&B.”

She frowned. “Why didn’t they just stay here?”

“Well, uh...”

She smiled suddenly. “Adam isn’t quite ready to meet the boyfriend’s crazy mother?”

He laughed. “He doesn’t think you’re crazy. He’s just nervous. We haven’t even been dating that long and we just had a pretty messy episode.”

“Had? As in past tense? I take it you boys worked things out?”

“Yeah. More or less. We talked for a while this afternoon.”

“He must care a lot about you to chase you all the way down here.”

He practically glowed at her words. “Yeah. He told me he loves me.”

She smiled approvingly and turned back to dinner. “Great. So I guess you’ll be returning to school soon.”

“Brad offered to drive me back up with them tomorrow morning,” he offered tentatively.

She nodded briskly. “Fantastic. That will save me a trip.”

“You don’t mind? Even though you just drove up there to get me?”

She looked up at him again, and her expression turned serious. “No. I don’t mind. What happened was what had to happen. I think you both needed this to realize what you mean to each other. Now that you know, you can get back to school and stop wasting all that money I’m paying for tuition.” She winked to show him she was just teasing with that last part.

He walked over and gave her a hug from behind. “Thanks, Mom. You’re the greatest.”

“I know,” she said lightly. “Now what else do you have to ask me?”

He rolled his eyes and released her. “Adam wants me to stay with him at the B&B tonight.”

She scrunched up her face and pretended to think about it, then shook her head sadly. “Fine, go ahead and desert your dear old mother and sister on your one night home. And just after you said I was the greatest too!”

“Mom!”

She broke into a grin. “Of course you can go. Just have dinner with me first. Can you give me that at least?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss your stuffed peppers anyway. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Sure is. Check those peppers to see if they’re tender yet.”

 

* * *

  


After dinner, Tommy's mom drove him over to the B&B. He only took enough clothes for the night. They’d have to stop back by the house to get all his stuff when they left in the morning. 

“Now remember,” he said before getting out of the car, “You promised you won’t be home when I come to get my stuff in the morning. No hiding in the closet or anything.”

“Yes, yes. I get it. You’re embarrassed by your mother.”

“I am not! You know that’s not it.”

She laughed. “I know, kiddo. Don’t worry. I’ll respect Adam’s wishes until he’s worked up the nerve to meet me.”

He laughed too. “Thanks, Mom.”

When they walked into the B&B there was no one around. He went up to Adam’s room and knocked on the door, but there was no answer. It was the same thing at Brad’s room. He wandered back downstairs and into the kitchen, where he finally found Martha. She was sitting at a small table in the corner of the room, a messy pile of paperwork spread out in front of her.

“Hey, Tommy,” she said, looking up from her work. “I didn’t hear you. I guess I was too caught up in my accounting.” She made a sour face and he chuckled.

“Hey, Martha. That’s okay. I just got back. Do you know where Adam and Brad went?

“I think they took a walk around the yard. You might try out back.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Oh, and Tommy?” He turned back. “Adam is adorable.”

He blushed and grinned. “Yeah, I think so too.”

“He seems like a really nice boy too. I think you’ve chosen wisely. Hang on to him.”

His grin grew wider. “Don’t worry. I don’t intend to let him get away.”

Martha winked at him, then turned back to her work.

He walked outside, thinking about Adam and how glad he was that Adam’d come after him. Now that he knew Adam loved him and that Adam wanted to be with him despite his past, he couldn’t imagine living without him. How had he ever thought he could just walk away from him?

He heard voices out in the small copse of trees in the backyard and headed in that direction. He found Brad and Adam in the small park-like area Martha and his husband had created. They sat on the stone bench, Adam's arms wrapped around his body in an effort to keep himself warm in the cool fall air.

“Hey. ”

“Hey,” Adam said, jumping up off the bench and running to meet him. “I didn’t expect you back so soon.”

“Mom and I had dinner, then she brought me over. Martha told me you guys were back here.” He gave Adam a quick kiss.

"What's with the statue?" Brad pointed to the angel statue nearby.

Tommy slipped his arms around Adam. “They say a woman was buried there decades ago."

"That's really freaky," Adam said, "I'm not sure I want to stay here anymore."

"I’ll be here to protect you - not that you’ll need protection. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Maybe her ghost is still around. Let's hold a séance.” Brad sounded quite eager.

“No way,” Adam said firmly. “Let’s go back up to the house. It’s creepy out here now that it’s getting dark.”

“Oh come on,” Brad begged. “It would be fun!”

“I agree with Adam. No séance.”

He slid his hand into Adam’s and they started walking back towards the house, Brad trailing along behind them, pouting.

They went to Brad’s room for a while, just talking and hanging out. Brad tried to talk them into a séance again, but once more, they shot him down. Finally, Tommy suggested they get some sleep since they had to get up fairly early in the morning to pack all his stuff into Toshi’s car and drive all the way back to New York.

Adam and Tommy went to his room, but once there, a sudden awkwardness came over them. That would be the first time they’d ever spent the night together, and neither of them was sure what the other expected. After a few seconds of silence, they both started speaking at the same time.

“Look, Tommy - ”

“Adam, I - ”

They giggled.

“Go ahead,” Adam said.

“No, you go first.”

Adam sighed. “Fine. I was just going to say that I know we’re taking it slow, so if you don’t want to do anything but sleep tonight, I’m cool with that.”

Tommy thought about it for a few seconds, then gave Adam a shy smile. “Let’s just let whatever happens happen, okay? I’m not promising I won’t freak out if something does happen, but...let’s not worry about that.”

Adam came over and gave Tommy a hug, then they silently undressed and slipped into the bed. They cuddled together without saying a word. Tommy thought Adam could feel the nervous tension in his body, because Adam didn’t try to do anything. They just lay in each other's arms for a while, Adam’s hands softly moving up and down Tommy's back sending tingles across his skin.

“Thank you for coming after me,” Tommy said finally.

It was too dark to distinguish Adam's face, but Tommy could sense his smile even if he couldn’t see it. “It was my pleasure. Just holding you like this - it was worth the forty-three hours in the car with Brad.”

Tommy laughed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Adam moved closer and pressed his lips against Tommy's. Tommy pulled him close and soon they were making out.

 

***

  
Tommy woke up abruptly the next morning to the sound of someone pounding at the door. “Wake up,” Brad called. 

“Be quiet,” Tommy barked back. “You’ll wake up the whole house.”

The banging stopped and Tommy turned his head to find Adam staring back at him, a contented smile on his face. “Can I wake up like this every morning for the rest of my life?” he asked softly.

“With Brad beating your door down?”

“No, with you by my side.”

Tommy's heart melted as he leaned in for a good morning kiss - screw morning breath.

Brad didn’t give them long, however, before he was back knocking at the door again.

“We might as well get up,” Tommy said with a sigh.

“I already am,” Adam said with a giggled. Tommy burst out laughing as an adorable blush crept up Adam's cheeks.

Tommy left Adam under the covers and went to the door to assure Brad that they were awake and they’d be out shortly. Then they took turns taking quick showers, got dressed, and joined Brad downstairs for a continental breakfast courtesy of Martha.

Once they’d all had something to eat, they drove over to Tommy's house. True to her word, his mom’s car was gone. Tommy let them in the house using his key, and the three of them loaded up Toshi’s car. Once they were finished, they realized that there was only room for one person in the backseat. Adam and Tommy stared at each other in horror as they realized that they’d be separated for the duration of the trip.

“Oh, for God’s sake. Give me a break,” Brad groaned. “You too are so sickeningly sweet I’m getting a cavity. Move some stuff up front and you two can both sit in the back seat.

“Or I could drive and you could sit in the back,” Tommy offered.

Brad pondered that for half a second. “No way. We’d never make it back to school with you two making moony faces at each other. You’d crash the car. Move your shit up front. I’m driving and that’s final.”

They shifted the stuff around, climbed in, and they were off. The trip itself wasn’t that bad. In fact, it seemed to fly by. Then again, Adam and Tommy were pretty caught up in each other, cuddling and kissing for pretty much the whole trip. Brad kept threatening to barf all over them if they didn’t stop, but it was out of their control.

 

***

  
They rolled onto campus in the early afternoon. Seeing the school again made Tommy's stomach clench up a little. He knew he’d have to deal with Debby at some point, a prospect he was not looking forward to. He was, however, looking forward to seeing all his friends again. He was surprised to realize how much he had missed Megan, Roy, Anoop, Toshi, and Lil.

The car had barely stopped rolling when Megan burst out of the dorm, vaulted over a bench, and skidded to a stop next to the vehicle.

“You could have called somebody,” she accused indignantly as they got out. Then, before Tommy could answer, she threw her arms around his neck and whispered fiercely, “Welcome back.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Tommy**

Word spread quickly. In a shockingly short time, the whole gang had assembled, forming an impromptu welcoming party outside the dorm. Roy was the last to arrive; racing across the courtyard at a pace Tommy hadn’t known his bulk capable of attaining. Roy slammed into him full-force, and Tommy was pretty certain Roy had cracked a few ribs and possibly knocked some teeth loose. He swept Tommy off his feet and swung him around in a grip that finished off the few ribs Tommy had left intact. Roy dropped him to his feet with a toothy grin and ruffled his hair affectionately.

“Welcome home, Tommy,” he said merrily.

“Thanks, Roy. After that greeting, I may need to go to the hospital for some x-rays.”

Roy gave him a concerned look. “Why? Did I squeeze you too hard?”

Tommy laughed and hugged him. It was good to be back. 

“How ‘bout if we get all my crap out of Toshi’s car so he can spirit it away to its hiding place,” Tommy suggested, and everyone quickly fell into unloading the car and carting Tommy’s belongings upstairs to his room. Tommy ran ahead to open the door, which was where his big welcome back celebration ended.  

When he opened the door, Randall glared at him in indignant disbelief. “I thought you left,” he said accusingly.

“I did. Now I’m back.”

“Fuck!”

“Yeah, I missed you too.”

Tommy looked around and saw Randall had already spread his junk all over his half of the room. He frowned. “You need to move your stuff.”

“You move it,” he growled just as Roy came up behind carrying a large box.

“No, you move it,” Roy rumbled threateningly.

Randall’s head snapped up. His expression darkened, but he got up off his bed and resentfully cleared his stuff from Tommy’s side. Apparently, he remembered his last run-in with Roy - or more specifically, Roy’s fist. Roy sat his load down on Tommy’s bed and left to get another load. Tommy followed after him, but they met a caravan of friends carrying the rest of the stuff coming up as they started down. They piled everything on Tommy’s side of the room, and Tommy eyed it with dread as his stomach grumbled.

“I’ll unpack it all later,” he announced. “I’m too hungry right now.”

“Let’s all head down to the Coop,” Megan suggested.

“We can make it a welcome home party,” Lil added brightly.

“I’m always up for a party,” Alex said with a contented smile.

As they walked across campus to the Coop, everyone chattered excitedly. Their delight in having Tommy back was palpable, wrapping around him like a hug. He felt a warm glow inside his chest that, for a moment, he thought might overflow into tears. A hand slipped into his and he looked over to find Adam watching him with a huge smile.

“What?”

Adam leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Thank you for coming after me.”

“My pleasure,” he said with a wink.

Tommy squeezed his hand then released it. “Hang on a sec. There’s someone else I need to thank.” He hurried to catch up with Toshi. “Hey.”

Toshi looked over and gave him a shy grin. “It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back. I guess I have you to thank for that.”

He made a face. “I think Adam gets some of the credit.”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, but he couldn’t have done it without your car. Thanks for letting him and Brad use it.”

“You’re welcome. I really am glad you came back. You guys make a great couple.”

“Thanks.” Tommy felt a warm glow at those words.

“Now, if only I could find somebody. You’ve got Adam, Brad has Steve, Megan has Anoop, and even Roy has been talking to that girl, Jen.” He threw an arm across his eyes dramatically. “I’m all alone in the world.”

Lil, who had been walking in front of them, stopped and turned around. “Hey, I’m single too. Maybe we should date, Toshi.” Everyone else stopped to catch Toshi’s response.

Toshi made a show of looking her up and down. “Sorry, babe, but you’re just not my type.”

Lil cocked a hip and raised an eyebrow. “What? You’re not down with the brown?”

“I don’t give a damn about the color of your skin,” he said with a grin, “you’ve just got the wrong equipment.”

“Obviously you’ve never heard of a strap-on,” Lil said with a suggestive leer. Everyone burst into laughter at Toshi’s startled expression.

Adam sidled up next to Tommy, and his hand found its way into Tommy’s once again. They walked into the Coop, still hand-in-hand. Everyone piled in around them as they looked for a couple of empty tables they could move together to accommodate their sizeable group. As Tommy scanned the room, his eyes fell on someone he would be happy to never see again. Debby sat at a booth facing the doors. The expression on her face was pure hate as she stared at him and Adam. Tommy’s hand tightened on Adam’s and he quickly followed Tommy’s gaze.

“Ignore her,” he said softly.

“She almost broke us up.”

“But she didn’t, so forget about her.”

Tommy nodded. Adam was right. Tommy broke their eye contact just as Anoop said, “There’s a couple of tables.” He, Brad, and Roy quickly moved across the room to the corner where the two tables had just opened up.

“I’ll go put an order in for a couple pizzas,” Toshi said and headed for the counter.

Tommy turned to go to the table Roy, Brad and Anoop were preparing and found himself face to face with Debby. She was going to make ignoring her as difficult as possible.

Adam’s hand gripped Tommy’s tightly as he moved to step around her. She placed a hand in Tommy’s chest.

“Don’t touch me,” Tommy said through clenched teeth.

She ran a finger down his chest and Tommy smacked her hand away. Her eyes flashed.

“Your little plan to break us up didn’t work,” Adam said evenly. “So why don’t you just get lost and leave us alone.”

Debby’s eyes never left Tommy’s. “It’s just a matter of time,” she said loudly. Several people sitting nearby turned to see what was going on as she continued. “Everyone knows faggots can’t stay together. Besides, he was a whore, and once a whore always a whore.”

Tommy’s hand itched to smack the smug expression off her face, but he restrained himself with great effort. He tried to think of a suitable comeback, but his brain was completely blank. The hammering of his heart drowned out coherent thoughts.

“You don’t know anything about Tommy,” Adam said, coming to his defense. Tommy was amazed at how calm he was.

“I know he’s a dirty little faggot, just like you - and I know faggots burn in hell. I hope you both die of AIDS.”

Tommy’s hand flew up of its own accord to strike the bitch, but Adam tugged him sharply aside. “She’s not worth it,” he said and started pulling Tommy towards the corner where everyone was watching them with horrified shock. Pretty much the entire place was now watching the drama unfolding before them like a live soap opera.

Tommy couldn’t resist looking back at Debby, and saw her start to follow them, but Megan and Lil quickly stepped in front of her. Tommy yanked Adam to a stop. This was one showdown he had to see.

“You’ve said and done enough,” Megan said in a dangerously low voice. “Get lost and stay away from them.”

“Or what?” Debby spat. “You think I’m afraid of you? You’re just a pathetic, ugly fag hag who can’t get her own man so she has to hang out with faggots.”

Anoop made a move towards his girlfriend, but then thought better of it. They all knew Megan was more than capable of taking care of herself.

“For your information,” Lil chimed in, “She has a man, which is more than your skanky ass can say. You’re the pathetic one, chasing after someone who obviously isn’t interested in you and then attacking them for no reason when they find someone else to be happy with.”

“Who asked you?”

Megan raised her hand to hit Debby, but Lil caught her wrist. “You’re an RA. You can’t hit her.” She released Megan, then quickly backhanded Debby across the face. “But I can,” she added with satisfaction as Debby’s head snapped back.

“You fucking cunt!” Debby seethed.

“Look, you little twat tassel, you can call me whatever you want,” Lil shot back and several people giggled, “but the truth is everybody here knows exactly what you are - a no-good piece of trash that somehow thinks the world owes you because you’re rich and pretty. Well guess what, honey? The real you shines through quite clearly, and no matter what you look like on the outside, you’re ugly.”

Debby reared back and spat in Lil’s face, but before Lil could react, Megan pulled back her fist and plowed it right into Debby’s nose. Debby stumbled back with an enraged scream and both hands over her nose. She pulled her hands away to find blood.

“I’m going to press charges,” she screeched. “I’ll have you removed as an RA. I’ll have you kicked out of the whole damn school.”

“I didn’t touch you,” Megan replied calmly.

Debby actually stopped screaming and stared at Megan in surprise. “I have a room full of witnesses. You can’t deny it!”

Megan turned to Alex who was staring at Debby as if trying to figure out why she was bleeding all over the floor. “Did you see anything?” she asked.

“Nope. What happened?” Alex said.

“I didn’t see anything either,” someone piped up from a nearby table.

“Me either,” someone else said.

“I think she ran into the door,” Tommy heard Anoop say from behind him. “Clumsy bitch.”

“Did anyone see anything?” Lil asked, wiping the last of Debby’s spittle from her face with a napkin someone had handed her.

“No,” everyone in the room roared in unison.

Megan faced Debby with a look of grim satisfaction. “You should really be more careful,” she said warningly. Her words obviously carried a double meaning. “Stay away from my friends.”

Debby sputtered for a few more seconds, then turned suddenly on her heel and ran from the room. A round of applause rippled through the room.

“No, really,” Alex said after a few moments of silence. “What happened?”

Everyone in the room started laughing and the mood was broken. Megan turned to Adam and Tommy with a grin. “Well, we provided the evening’s entertainment. Dinner is on you two.”

They finally sat down around the two tables the boys had pushed together, Tommy sitting in Adam’s lap.

“Damn, babe,” Anoop said with a note of awe in his voice. “I knew you could take care of yourself, but that was some punch.”

Megan rubbed her fist. “Growing up with a brother had some advantages.”

“Yeah, you just had to show me up,” Lil said. “I only backhanded her, you had to go and throw a punch. And I’m the one who has to go and get shots now. The bitch spat on me!”

“I’m really sorry, guys,” Tommy said suddenly.

Everyone spun to look at him. “Sorry for what?” Roy asked.

“That all of you got dragged into this. This was between me and Debby and it ended up involving everyone I care about.”

“Oh please,” Lil said dismissively.

“Tommy, we’re your friends,” Megan said. “We didn’t get dragged into anything. We got involved because we love you and friends look out for each other. Trust me, it was my pleasure. I’ve wanted to hit her for a long time now.”

Tommy looked around the table, making eye contact with each and every person. Each looked steadily back and nodded in agreement with what Megan had said. He felt tears pricking behind his eyes. These were his true friends. They really did care about him. Enough to stand up for him, enough to drive across the country to bring him back.

He snuggled into Adam, reminding himself of his best friend of all. He still couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to have someone like Adam love him. After all they’d been through he knew they’d be able to face anything together.

He felt the tears spill over as Adam squeezed him tight and bent his head to give him a soft kiss. Tommy looked up to find everyone watching them with contented smiles.

“Thanks guys. Thanks for everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over. I think I'll miss these boys a little already. Thank you all so much for your wonderful and encouraging comments. You made this journey a fun one for me. Oh, and I'm sorry for the lack of explicit content. I tried but I just couldn't make these boys to cooperate! ^_^
> 
> I still haven't decided what my next project is going to be. Let me know which WIP work you like me to finish first.


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